These days people ask me: how could you have loved two people at once? But I think we are always in love with two people. We love the person who sets our heart on fire and then we love ourselves.

At that time in my life, I did not love myself so I needed someone to take my place.

---

“We never gave you a housewarming party, did we?” Hanna asked one day over breakfast.

I had easily gotten out of my lease and moved into Hanna’s. Jiwon borrowed his cousin’s truck and we moved everything within a day. It was strange to have him so close by. If I wanted to, I could see him within minutes.

It was like a magic spell. All I had to do was say a few words and he would be there with me.

“A party?”

Hanna invited all of our friends from the department, and a few from when we were in high school. I was reminded that we kept a small circle, small enough to fit comfortably into our living room.

I stuck close to Hanna throughout the night, realizing that even though we lived together it was getting rarer for us to spend time together.

“You didn’t want to invite that biology major?” Hanna confronted me in the kitchen after a few drinks.

“No, why would I?” I sipped my beer carefully. “I thought we were just inviting mutual friends.”

I had other reasons, too.

If I invited Hyejin, she would want to bring Jiho. And maybe Jiho would want to bring Jaewon.

I didn’t want to take the risk, but I wouldn’t tell Hanna that.

“Why not? Isn’t she your best friend now?” Hanna pouted, leaning against the counter for support. “Didn’t you replace me with her?”

“Hanna, I didn’t replace you.” I felt guilty, but it couldn’t have just been me contributing to the distance between us. “You’ve been spending time with June, too. You even went on that trip together without even telling me.”

That seemed to silence her. She found a chair and slid into it, looking thoughtful.

“I was having a hard time.” She began to explain, barely above a whisper. “He was the only one who understood, but it hasn’t been the same. I miss my best friend.”

“Hanna…” I could feel my heart break as I wrapped my arms around her small body. “I’m so sorry, Hanna. I’ll try to be better, I miss you, too.”

“So you’re just gonna ignore your party guests, huh?” Jiwon asked from the doorway, a smirk pulling at the corner of his lips.

“Jiwon.” I sighed happily.

“Are you okay, Hanna?” Another voice asked. June.

I watched him move past Jiwon, quickly filling the space I had occupied a moment before. He carefully brushed Hanna’s hair back from her face. She looked up at him like a doll, her body relaxing as he fussed with the collar of her shirt.

The way they looked at one another was incredibly gentle, like nothing I had never seen before. June treated her like a robin’s egg, and Hanna reacted to him like the slow lulling of the tides.

It was beautiful, and devastating. There was no happiness in their eyes.

Jiwon pulled me into the hallway, his eyes distant. I noticed he barely acknowledged June or Hanna, he only took me away. He was probably giving them time to themselves, something I hadn’t even thought to do.

He hadn’t mentioned Jaewon after that day and we hadn’t fought since then. Ignoring his existence completely seemed to be working out for us.

“I feel bad about neglecting Hanna.” I cooed, leaning against the wall.

“I agree, but it’s good she’s been spending time with June.”

“What do you mean?”

“He can help her in ways we might not be able to.”

I got the feeling that Jiwon knew something that I did not, but I didn't say anything.

He rested his chin on my shoulder, his eyes heavy like a little kid up past his bedtime. His arms circled around my waist, making sure his pillow stayed put.

“You smell good.” He murmured into my neck.

I squirmed as I felt his hot breath tickle my skin, followed by the warm pressure of his lips. My worries started to melt away, my mind filling only with thoughts of Jiwon’s mouth.

His hands travelled lower, I could feel his thumbs kneading into the soft flesh of my thighs. His lips moved to my collarbone, his nose burrowing into the hollow of my throat.

“We’re in the hallway.” I whispered, my voice coming out raspy and weak as I leaned into his touch.