When you’re twenty time passes in a strange way. Your whole life is ahead of you, and yet, you feel like you have to experience everything as soon as possible. When you’re twenty you’re allowed to be selfish, that is your time to grow and learn. And yet, you feel the weight of the world on your shoulders, because you know you’ll have to be an adult someday.

I had just turned twenty when I met Jiwon.

He was a celebrity in our major, something I knew before I even started school. At the department party he was the kind of guy who everyone turned to when he entered the room. Hanna told me he was ugly but charming. He was. Everything about him made you want to look at him.

The room settled as Jiwon made his way to sit across from Hanna and me. As an underclassman, I poured him a drink and he smiled. That was it. Just one smile and I had to know him.

“Why are you staring at me?” He asked after a while, causing Hanna to nearly spit her drink in laughter.

I looked at him wide-eyed, not realizing I had even been doing it.

“There’s something on your face.”

“There is?” He wiped at his chin in curiosity, looking at his phone reflection. “What is it?”

“Handsomeness.” I answered solemnly, looking away to sip my beer.

And then, he laughed. It was one of those laughs that was probably obnoxious but it still made you want to laugh with him anyway. A full body laugh. He threw his head back, hit the table, and slapped his knee, tears in his eyes.

The streetlights glowed brightly as we walked together with wobbly legs and childish grins.

Hanna’s hand held onto mine, her skin soft and warm. Jiwon walked behind us, listening as we talked and laughing when we said something funny. He called out when he saw a car or bike and caught onto our shoulders when one of us teetered.

“Don’t go home.” He told me when I tried to say goodbye.

I stared at him like a deer in head lights, confused. And happy.

“Just sleep at my place.” Hanna added, and all I could do was nod.

Hanna fumbled with the key to her apartment and we walked in. I fell onto to the couch and Jiwon sat next to me, his narrow eyes heavy lidded. Hanna brought out some beers and we drank and laughed and talked. She told me she was happy to have another girl in the department, since there weren’t that many of us. Jiwon told me who to stay away from and what professors were the best and worst.

We talked for a long time. About anything, everything.

“I’m going to bed.” Hanna said suddenly before she stumbled off to her room.

I watched her with sad eyes, not ready for this evening to be over. I hadn’t had fun like this when I was in high school. I’d never spent all night with my friends just drinking and talking. I wasn’t ready for it to be over.

“I’ll go back to my apartment after this beer.” Jiwon told me, his head leaning on mine as we slumped against each other.

Our fingers brushed against each other. Our faces touched. His legs tangled with mine, his warmth radiated onto my skin, through my clothes. We were too drunk to be embarrassed, and too drunk to move.

What did we talk about? I don’t remember.

He smelled like spearmint, cologne, and alcohol. I remember watching the way his lashes cast short shadows on his cheeks. The way he laughed, deep and controlled. Then, boyish and crazed. I remember his freckles, lightly splattered across his face like constellations on a blue sky. Barely visible, but there.

The way my whole body tingled. Electrified.

What did we talk about? It didn’t matter.

I woke up in the morning sprawled across his long body. He walked me home and I ran up the stairs to my small studio apartment, hangover raging. I slumped against the door and screamed into my hands, cheeks bright red.

He was a year ahead of me, which meant we didn’t have very many classes together. Still, I saw him in a few of my core courses. He mostly sat with his friends. I would stare at the back of his head, hoping he wouldn