"Rumors have been going around school since I've been gone performing. They're not bad rumors, at least not as bad as I thought. I'm sure Daesul started them since he returned from being sick. He was probably thinking that the best time to make my social life miserable was when I wasn't there. 

And he was right. 

Miso-noona told me that people thought we were dating. I liked the idea of us dating—I still do—, but from the way she presented it to me, I don't think the feeling was mutual. AT ALL.

That .

So for the past few days, we've been trying to explain to the whole damn school that we weren't dating. The girls at school now completely hate me. They're really stubborn and they refuse to believe that we weren't dating. I didn't think of Miso-noona much when I thought of the girls, but then I realized that her friends started to ostracize her. But they're not true friends anyway, if they were to hate her for loving me.

She had no one to go to—except me. Was this their goddamn plan? If Miso-noona came to me whenever everyone shunned her for our 'dating rumor' as we continued to try and show that we aren't dating, people wouldn't believe us because we would always be together. (Does that make sense in my ty writing?) So maybe it's obvious what happens next, but it wasn't for me.

We met in the courtyard after school that day. She said we needed to talk. That's always a bad sign. I saw her sitting on a bench in the corner of the courtyard with her head down. She had a red rose in her hands and was simply staring at it. I still felt suspicious, though. She was wearing a white button down, navy skirt, navy sweater, and navy tie today. She rarely ever wears navy or any dark color. She loves bright red and lighter colors. I immediately got a pessimistic vibe from just what she was wearing. Then her pastel-dyed hair was all pulled back into a messy ponytail. Another bad feeling.

'Good morning, noona,' I timidly greeted her.
'Good morning, Jungkook-ah,' she said.
'What did you want to talk to me about?'

She looked up at me as if I was a stranger. Maybe I said something wrong? She remained silent and her jaw began to shake as she struggled to think of words. I was truly scared of what she was about to say.

'Jungkook-ah...I don't know how to tell you this without it coming out harshly, so I guess I'm just going to get to the point,' she started. 'I don't want to see you anymore.'

Why was it so painful to hear that? We weren't even dating. Hell, we were barely friends! I knew damn well we weren't dating. I just stood there locking up all of my emotions. I bit my lip and quickly looked away from her. I could hear her softly sigh and turn her head away from me. We couldn't even stand to even look at each other.

'O-okay...,' I quietly said.
'Jungkook-ah...don't hate me,' she muttered.
'I could never, noona.'

I turned my head back toward her and noticed that she didn't even look up at me. She just began to pick at the rose. Her fingers ran over the soft petals and began to pluck them. One-by-one, they fell to the ground.

'Um...can you please leave? I just can't bear to see you anymore.'
'Alright, but before I leave, can you please tell me why?'
'The rumors...my friends...my father.'
'Your father?'
'I told him about the rumors and how I was losing friends. He noticed how upset I've become and he doesn't think I should see you anymore. He never really liked you—but we both knew that already. He thinks I would be happier if you just never met me. And...I don't really have a choice anymore. And if you stay...he'll do something to you. I don't know what, but...it's always bad. You have to leave; I have to leave.'

Noona told me about her family—mainly about her parents. She told me she had a sibling, but nothing more. We're similar in a way. Her mother died when she was younger, about six or so. Ever since then, her father has changed and became more callous and strict. Miso-noona knows that he's just trying to cope and he's not trying to hurt her or her sibling. He's never abused them. 

As for me, my parents always seemed to be working and my brother always seemed to be studying. Since I'm the younger one, I've always had a little more time on my hands for games and free time. Mostly for games. My parents and I grew really distant, so maybe that's why I have this huge urge to not disappoint them. The only friend and person I really talked to as a kid was my brother and my one friend from elementary school, Kim Taekji. (Taekji-ah moved away and then a few more years later, I moved here, Seoul, for training. I've had no contact with him since about fourth grade.)

I don't know much about her sibling, but it seems like she didn't have a good relationship like I do with my brother. But I've kind of gone off track from what was happening. I knew I had to leave her if she was ever going to be truly happy again. So I forced myself to respond.

'Oh...well...I'm sorry for all the trouble I caused you, noona. I'll leave now.'

I left really fast. Faster than I thought. I was embarrassed and upset and angry. My cheeks were crimson and my palms were sweaty as I hid them in the pockets of my pants. I walked hastily to the art studio. No one was in there; usually, no one is after school. I didn't know what to do. All of these conflicting emotions were raging inside of me, but I kept them locked up inside of me.

My heart was shattered. She's my one and only crush and she just admitted that she doesn't want to see me anymore. I want to cry, but I just couldn't. I want to write about how I feel, but I don't know how I feel. Everything's just becoming a mess inside of my ing mind.

I spent 30 minutes alone in the art room contemplating everything, questioning my life, mentally disintegrating, and drying my tears. But, I controlled myself and I made two new rules for 2014:

1) School doesn't matter.
I'm only there for a few hours before going back to rehearse with Bangtan. It'll only last for a few more years and I won't even be there most of the time because of Bangtan. Plus, I don't want to be disappointed in myself anymore. I want disappointment to completely vanish from my career, so school is definitely not important anymore.

2) Bangtan is life!
My life revolves around Bangtan. I wouldn't be in Seoul without Bangtan. I wouldn't be who I am without Bangtan. So it makes perfect sense for me to focus on Bangtan more than anything else.

Following these rules, I returned to the dorms and dressed for practice. (There was no afternoon practice, but I decided to do a personal one.) Luckily, no one questioned me. Jimin-hyung and Hobie-hyung practiced with me, but they left around 1 AM to go to sleep. As for me, I continued to practice.

But maybe I took it too far.

I woke up today in the practice room staring up at the lights. Damn those lights; I woke up blinded. Blinded and with a headache and sore body lying on the ground. But everything seemed normal around me.

What the happened? 

Aigoo, I still don't know. I'm assuming that I overworked myself. No dinner, no water, but hours of excessive practicing. The last time I looked at a clock last night was around 2:30 AM. I guess it's safe to assume that I passed out. Oh well...I don't really care much. I was practicing and improving.

I just checked the time and realized it was only 6 AM. We wouldn't have to go to work until 8 to work on our upcoming album. So I decided to go back to the dorms and sleep for another hour before having to wake up, wash my face, and start all over again," Rap Monster read.

They were all shocked by Jungkook's writing. Suicide didn't seem like the result of unrequited love. This was nothing compared to what it could've been.

"What the ?" Suga blatantly mumbled. "Something's not right. Jungkookie wouldn't do this over something as trivial as love!"
"You never know!" Jin disagreed. "Love sometimes!"
"Yeah, like you said earlier," V spoke to Suga, "'We don't know about Jungkook.' Anything could happen."
"Aigoo, this kid...," J-Hope sighed.

Jimin sat with an inquisitive face. He listened closely to what they said and took note of everything.

"This doesn't make sense," Jimin said. "There's obviously something missing in this story. It's gotta be more than Park Miso."
"What makes you say that?" V asked. "If you haven't noticed Jungkook can be fragile! And from the experience we had with that Park Miso , it's obvious that she really hurt him!"
"Listen, that was one experience! This story isn't that simple; there has to be more! Yeah, Jungkook can be a little fragile, but he's bulletproof...just like us."

Jimin and V harshly stared at each other. They haven't fought like this. Ever. They were the one of the closest friends in Bangtan; they were the '95erz—the only '95erz. But there was tension.

"Wouldn't it make more sense for Jungkook to commit suicide at the end of 2013 rather than the end of 2016? What could've possibly happened after 2013 that's worse?" V argued.
"Anything," Jimin replied.

V's eyebrows furrowed and his hands curled into fists. He suddenly stood up in outrage.

"What kind of ty excuse is that?" he yelled.
"Hey! What are you—" Jimin jumped to his feet.
"Woah!" Jin intervened.
"Calm down!" Suga commanded. "Listen, I don't know what's gotten into you two, but just calm down, alright?"
"Yeah, we've got enough problems to deal with," J-Hope agreed.

They boys all sat back down. J-Hope and V exchanged looks of suspicion. There was something wrong between the three of them: Jimin, V, and Jungkook.

"Okay...so there's only two entries left and they're both really short," Rap Monster said. "Who wants to read?"
"I will!" V and Jimin both immediately shouted.

Rap Monster remained silent and looked to his hyungs for advice.

"Maybe...—" Rap Monster started.
"You know what? I'm tired of you two bickering. I'll read," Jin suddenly outburst. "Suga, do you want to read the last entry?"
"Sure."
"Alright. It's settled."

Rap Monster gave the book to Jin and they all sat down to listen. Rap Monster checked his phone. However, it wasn't his and someone's phone vibrated again. But not just once, but twice. And multiple times after that. It wasn't a text message notification. It was a call. And it was from Jungkook's phone.

.