After discussing, Dr. Mun left and Yunji quickly fell asleep, exhausted from her panic attack. The Bangtan Boys had tension growing among the members. Jimin and V constantly shot each other suspicious glares. Jin refuses to speak to Suga. Suga was trying to let everything roll off his back, but everyone can tell that he's still holding onto it. Rap Monster and J-Hope were the only remaining members without some sort of escalating antagonism.

"Why don't we start reading the next entry?" Rap Monster suggested.

Everyone nodded and a few shrugged out of reluctance.

"Listen, I know it's depressing, but it's necessary. We promised Jungkook's parents that we would figure out what happened," Rap Monster continued. "Anyone want to read?"
"I'll read," J-Hope answered.

J-Hope grabbed the journal from the table and opened it to the next entry, which surprised him. He began to wonder if he missed an entry, but he was correct. The next entry was more than a month after the last: March 23, 2014.

"School is out! I'm so happy; I can't express my feelings into words. I can finally focus solely on Bangtan and my music and I don't have to worry about Daesul anymore! It's been great anyway. The last few days of school, were pretty quick and painless.

By the way, my parents texted me about my cousin, Yunji. She's a year younger than me and they said that she'll be coming to SOPA to take a tour and audition soon. I really hope she gets in! She's my only cousin and a great friend. So maybe next year, I'll have someone to talk to when things get bad. She's American, so I bet she'll attract a lot of attention the first day of school. Her English name is 'Yvonne'. (Really hard for me to pronounce!) It sounds pretty when she says it, though.

Besides all of that, Bangtan will be going to...Los Angeles, America!!! Yunji lives on the west coast somewhere, but I don't think we'll be able to see her. We were busy rehearsing one day when Bang-nim walked in and told us the news! I'm really excited, but that means I won't be able to write at all since most of the time we'll be working.

I went to Los Angeles during my trainee years for some dance lessons and it was really cool. Ever since we found out, I've told my hyungs about all of my experiences and opinions. They're excited too! This makes Jimin-hyung jealous, though, but it's fun to mess around with him. But, I regret to admit that I'm still not completely over the Jimin-Daesul thing. It's stupid and petty, I know that, but...it's like engraved in my head; I can't get it out. Aigoo! I just wish I had never met Daesul.

And all of this thinking about Daesul has got me thinking about Miso and I can't get either of them out of my head! Miso is so beautiful in my mind. Oh, ! Now that I realize that we're going to L.A., I remember that she wants to go there after college to work as an actress... Why does life have to be so cruel? I wish I could just go to sleep...

I'm not good at articulating these thoughts. They just stay bottled up inside of me, waiting to explode. But when? I don't know. I think by the time I find out it'll be too late. I need something to get rid of these emotions; something to kind of numb the pain... But what?

—

It's been four hours since I've last written and I've realized that I've finally reached my goal weight!  It took a while because of celebrations and parties, but I finally did it. Last time I wrote down my weight, I had lost 7 kg. But since then, I've lost 3 more and it was hard. But I did it! And I, feel great! Let me write it down so I can see it easily:

Starting Weight (SW): 62 kg
Goal Weight (GW): 52 kg
Current Weight (CW): 52 kg

When I saw the number, I smiled. I finally felt like I was doing something right. Maybe because I was. But instead of seeing mutual feelings in my manager and hyungs' faces, all I saw was downright fear and...maybe sadness? I couldn't really make it out. The manager never said a thing, but I think something's up. I don't think he was satisfied. But after the manager left, my hyungs started to...attack me.

'Jungkook-ah, what the hell did you do to yourself?' Suga asked me.

He seemed angry. I thought what I was doing was good. So I just shrugged in response; I tried to stay innocent.

'Jungkook, this isn't good,' Jin looked at me. 'This isn't healthy anymore. Listen, we all know you wanted to lose a little bit of weight, but...too much like this isn't good.'
'What do you mean?' I asked. 

I was so confused. Isn't this good? Isn't this what the company wants to see? They've been forcing Rap Mon-hyung into dieting since the day of our debut. They want us to lose weight; to lose all that disgusting fat! Why do they want me to stop NOW? I'm doing so well too! I don't even have to try; it just falls off!

'It's just...unhealthy. Don't you want to grow taller and be stronger?' Jin asked.

I simply nodded my head, but I was still extremely skeptical.

'Well, with the lack of nutrients you stunt your growth and you won't be as tall as you want. It makes you tired and grumpy. We just want the best for you, so let's eat, okay?'
'Okay, hyung.'

I will eat if asked to, but it feels wrong. Not wrong to the point where I won't eat, but just...wrong. Skipping one meal a day isn't that big of a deal. Plus, I am still eating, I never completely stopped. Well, in October, I barely ate, but I'm better now and I'm just trying to maintain that weight. 

Besides, 52 kg on me doesn't even look like I've lost any weight. I know I should probably weigh more than 52 kg, but...this really does feel right to me. I've never heard anything bad about losing weight, so this can't possibly hurt me, right? Plus, I know when I should stop. I'm skipping a few meals here and there, but when it's time. I'll just stop; it won't be that hard.

—

It's been two hours since I've last written, and I promise, I'll make it short so I can get a good night's rest. I felt so uncomfortable at dinner tonight. I felt too many eyes on me when I was eating. I mean, I can eat. I'll eat if I want to. I can eat when I'm hungry, eat good food, and stop when I'm full. But tonight it felt different. I'm sure my hyungs didn't intend for me to feel so uncomfortable, but I did. I felt like a little specimen under a microscope for them to study. I can't eat when they're all staring at me like that.

'Jungkook-ah,' Jimin looked at me, 'aren't you going to eat? Jin-hyung did a good job cooking, didn't he?'
'Of course,' I answered. 'He always does. I just can't eat with all of you staring at me. Let's talk.'

Everyone stared at me some more. Rap Mon-hyung was at a loss for words, but I could tell he was trying to start a conversation. I glanced down at the food. It was some pork with a little kimchi and a small bowl of rice. I picked up my chopsticks and began to grab some kimchi.

'Listen, I'll eat. But there has to be a lot of talking,' I told them as I set my chopsticks down, releasing the kimchi onto my plate. 'Tell me anything. Say anything. Let's talk for a long time'—I began to try and cut my pork into smaller pieces—'Then, ask questions. As much as possible to keep things going. Okay?'
'Um...yeah. Okay... Anything to help you, Kookie,' Hobie-hyung looked at me.
'V-hyung,' I said before putting a bite of pork into my mouth, 'where did you say you lost your headphones? I may have seen them.'
'Um...I think somewhere in the practice room,' he replied.

Dinner continued on from that point on. But, as I write now, I realize that I'm hungry. And now that I look back on what happened, I remember that I actually did not have any food at all. I just kept dividing the food into smaller pieces and always stopped my hand directly before the food was in my mouth. Why did I do that? I don't know. But now I'm really starving," J-Hope read.

"This is it," Jin suddenly said. "This is the last day that he was himself."
"You think so?" Jimin looked at Jin.
"I know so. Well, the night before was really his last day. But it's kind of strange. This little 'method' he uses to not eat. How did we not notice him sooner?"
"He's really good at distracting us," V said. "He's got tons of spare energy, no wonder he made it this far without us knowing!"
"Yeah, but there's six of us," Jimin told him. "That's a lot of people to distract all at once—especially for one person. At least one of us was bound to notice!"
"Yeah...Suga...," Jin glared at his dongsaeng.
"Listen, hyung, I don't know what you want me to do," Suga yelled. "I apologized and everything; what else do you want?"

They glared at each other, hearts burning in anger. Everyone's hearts burning in anger. Jimin and V's. Jin and Suga's. J-Hope's. Rap Monster's.

왜 그래요? (Why are you like this?)
Unknown Caller — Friday, September 31, 2016

—

A/N: OMG I am so sorry for not updating! I had finals that I had to study for and a lot of crazy things were happening. (Plus, I was working on my upcoming novel. *hint* *hint*) I haven't written the next chapter yet, so I'm afraid that the next update won't be for a while.

Sorry, but I wanted to thank all my readers by helping this book reach over 1500 reads and 50 subscribers! Thanks so much, I will try and update soon.