08th March 2013

They finally will be getting married, after graduating and having a stable career. Jongdae is the most happiest man alive at the moment, he felt like he hit two birds with one stone. His trademark crooked smile never faded off his face. His manly hand kept on holding his future wife's hand, telling her how happy he is, although his bride-to-be did not look pleased at all. Jongdae kept rambling about how much he was blessed, how much their life would change after this, too happy to even noticing  his bride-to-be was not pleased by the current situation. A heavy sigh escaped her plump lips as she let go of Jongdae's hand and settled herself on the seat near to the clinic. Jongdae furrowed his eyebrows, now noticing his bride-to-be did not look pleased. He approached her and settled himself next to her.

"What's wrong?" 

He asked, looking concern at the sudden moody behaviour of his future bride. She did not know if she has to feel happy about this sudden news, like their wedding day is 14 days away, and this unexpected news was making her uncomfortable. She looked up to meet Jongdae's eyes. 

"Jongdae." 

She started. Jongdae nodded, telling her  she can tell him anything. Assuring her everything is going to be fine. Although Jongdae did not know what was bothering his bride-to-be, but still, he wants her to feel safe. To feel like Jongdae can be trusted with anything. 

"Please don't be mad at me, but.." 

Her eyes was getting teary, it scared her too much. It terrified her by just imagining it. 

"I won't." He caressed her long hair. "Tell me."

Eyes soften as he looked into her teary eyes.

"I.. I don't want this child." 

Tears flowing down her cheeks even more, she swore she did not have any intention to abort her baby, but the thought of having a baby when both of them are not even 30 years old  scared her. She did not know why but it was terrifying her; to raise a kid. 

Jongdae sighs. He did not expect things would turn out like this. He thought she will happy, like him. But it was the other way round. 

"But why? I thought you will be happy." 

"I am, but it scared me." She said, trembling.

"What do you mean?"

Tears did not stop flowing down her cheek, she sniffed. She did not want to hurt Jongdae, but this unexpected news scared her and she needs to - no - she has to tell Jongdae about it.

"I'm sorry. I'm so scared if you will leave me one day with this kid, and I can't take care of the baby. I will be very busy with this baby and won't have time for you, what if you left me for another gorgeous, prettier girl than me? What if you get tired of my messy look because, honestly Jongdae, looking after a baby is not  easy. And..and we are still young to have a baby. Let's just-"

Jongdae shut her up with a kiss on her lips - the only way to prevent her from talking bull. Jongdae pulled away after a moment, staying close as he looked into her eyes. 

"Listen, babe. I won't leave you. We will take care of this baby, together."

His eyes looked serious, he really meant it. She did not stop crying as Jongdae uttered all those words. Jongdae flashed his sweet smile as he wiped her tears.

"Don't think aborting this baby because we will look after the baby together. I will take care of you and I won't leave you. So, don't worry. Okay?" 

Her voice cracked. "You promise? You won't leave me and this baby?"

Jongdae once again flashed his sweet smile, nodded. He caressed her long hair and placed a kiss on her forehead for a good few seconds, assuring her  his feeling is genuine and sincere,  what he just said is true and not a lie.

"I promise."

He promised.

21th March 2013

The hotel they booked few months ago was now packed with their relatives and friends. The empty hall few months ago was now full with wedding decoration, chairs and tables, beautiful flowers placed perfectly in the middle of each of the table, light pink ribbons were tied at each chairs, red carpet was spread from the door hall up to the stage where Jongdae and his fiancé will stand, facing the priest. Everything was just perfectly arranged.

Jongdae was now waiting for his bride-to-be in one of the room in the hotel with his friends. Each second passed made him even more nervous, he could not wait to see his beautiful fiancé, dressed up in a beautiful white gown they chose a month ago, dolled up for their wedding day. Jongdae was trying to send a text to his fiancé but his phone was snatched away from him.

"Hey!"

Jongdae frowned as his friends burst into laughter. Jongdae deadpanned, obviously not happy getting his phone snatched from him. One of his friends, Baekhyun shook his head. 

"Bro, there's 15 minutes more before your wedding. Chill, you can see her soon!"

"Byun Baekhyun, you can't see me pleased at all don't you?" Jongdae scoffed playfully, finally settled himself around his friends. 

"As expected." Chanyeol swung his arms around Baekhyun's shoulder, making the shorter blush. "It's Byun Baekhyun." 

"Idiot."

Jongdae chuckled. They all had a good conversation before Jongdae ends his bachelor life, joking around as always. 15 minutes had passed and Jongdae was now getting ready to walk into the wedding hall, with nervous feelings. The guests applauded when they saw Jongdae walked on the red carpet up way until the stage where the priest was waiting for him and his fiancé. His parents were there, looking happy as their only son finally getting married at the age of 22. His fiancé's mother was there as well, looking at him with a look of hope, hoping he can take care of her daughter very well after this. There was a trace of sadness in her look. Jongdae smiled and nodded, assuring her  he will take a good care of her daughter. 

Then, Jongdae saw his beautiful bride walking on the red carpet, linking her arms with her father's. Jongdae looked at each of them who looked sad as today she will part away from her family, leaving with him. As they walked near him, her father with teary eyes unlinked their arms and Jongdae took place beside his fiancé, smile never faded.

They finally faced the priest after years dating each other, today is going to be a memorable day for them. The day when they finally getting married. The day when the foetus inside his fiancé's tummy listen to each promises they will utters in front of the priest, the day when Jongdae will take full responsibility on his fiancé.

The wedding ceremony started with the priest saying beautiful words to them, which both of them and even the guests inside the hall listened to quietly. Minutes passed and the most awaiting scene will happen.

"Do you, Kim Jongdae, accept Kim Chaeyeon as your wife?"

"I do."

The priest looked at his fiancé. "Do you, Kim Chaeyeon accept Kim Jongdae as your husband?"

She nodded, smiles curve on her plump lips. "I do."

"I, now, announce you as a wife and husband. You may kiss the bride."

He said 'I do'.

06th May 2013

She threw up for the nth time  morning. Jongdae was so worried  he immediately called his mother to ask why his wife threw up too much. He worried for nothing, his mother said it happened to all pregnant women - morning sickness. His wife did not only had morning sickness, but also a ridiculous crave for food and sudden change of behaviour. From an angel to a scary... Jongdae did not want to continue his word.

Jongdae took a week of leave to take care of his wife when he realized  his wife's morning sickness was pretty bad. Jongdae massaged her neck slowly when she kept throwing up non-stop for seconds. Jongdae did some research about morning sickness  his wife had experienced since first month. To his surprise, morning sickness is supposed to stop after 12 weeks,  but it was not the case for his wife since it was already 4 months of her pregnancy this month.

"Jongdae." 

She breathed hard, vomiting out for a few times in the morning made her even more sick. Tears suddenly rolled down on her cheeks  made Jongdae flustered as why his wife suddenly cried. Jongdae, in panic, sat next to her as he her back gently. 

"Jongdae, it hurt so much." 

Jongdae's expression turned sad as he looked at his wife who did not stop crying. They are 22 years old, to which his wife thought  they were too young to have a baby. She wanted to abort the baby since day one they found out  she was pregnant, but of course Jongdae would not agree to . 

Jongdae handed her a glass of water which she took and gulped the water down. was hurt like hell; her back was aching so much. She did not had any idea  pregnancy would be so hard like this. 

"I know. Bear with it for a while.” He said, almost whispering.

His hand kept her back gently, as if his touch can calm her down, can make the pain disappear. Feeling weak, his wife leaned on his chest as he wrapped his arms around her shoulder. Morning can be pretty painful for his wife, especially with this non-stop morning sickness.

"I will take care of you, I promise." 

He said he will take good care of me,

and

he promised.

15th June 2013

Jongdae was so happy and excited at the thought of becoming a father for another few months. He ended up buying everything for his unborn baby and decorated his baby’s room, next to his and his wife’s room. Jongdae decorated the room with a baby blue colour as the background, simply because blue suits boys and girls, whereas pink only suits girls. Jongdae prepared everything for his unborn baby, from the smallest thing to the biggest thing he can think for his unborn baby.

Jongdae set up a small bed for his unborn baby, with little toys hanging above it, so when his baby lay on the bed, he or she can play with the toys. Jongdae, getting excited to see his baby growing up, ended up buying a horse toy which he or she can ride when he or she is big enough. On one corner, Jongdae set up a big closet for his unborn baby which, of course, full with baby’s clothes, socks, baby’s beanies and all things  Jongdae thought are for babies.

One thing for sure, Jongdae had it set up few months before his wife supposed to deliver the baby. The room was completed to welcome the baby anytime soon.

Jongdae was too happy.

Too excited.

25th July 2013

Jongdae fell on the floor, jaw dropped as he tried to process what his mother had said to him. He could not believe it - no - he refused to believe it. All the things he prepared, do not tell him  it is going to be wasted just like . All those painful morning he gone through with his wife, do not tell him  he cannot see his baby fills his house with baby's laughter and cry. 

"Jongdae, she's still in the delivery room."

His mom knelt down, reaching his son who looked so lost and in pain, but things happened the way God wanted it to happen. Jongdae could not turn it back. Jongdae did not have the urge to ask what happened when he was gone. 

"She fell down on the floor, her tummy on the floor. Jongdae, listen-"

"No!" 

Jongdae stood up immediately, refusing to listen anymore. If only she was careful when he was not there with her, his baby will be alive. If only she was careful, this thing will not happened.

"Kim Jongdae, listen!" His mom pulled him to face her. "This is not anyone's fault. Pull yourself together! She's hurt too, you're not the only one who hurts. Stop acting like a baby and-"

"No, mom! You don't understand ! She did it on her own ! She did not want the baby from the start!"

Slap!

"Kim Jongdae,  that was very offensive. You can't say that to your wife who's still in the delivery room!"

He did not care. He would not care anymore.

He walked away from his mom, from the delivery room where his wife was still going to have go through all the birth process to remove the baby using the D&E method. Jongdae did not give a single about it anymore. He knew it. He should knew it when she said she did not want the baby. He should knew it when she complained too much about her morning sickness and severe back pain. He should knew it that his wife did not want the baby from the beginning. He should knew it. 

But instead, he trusted her. He trusted his wife even after she suggested to abort the baby. He trusted his wife even after she said could not take care of the baby. 

But she broke the trust, into pieces.

2nd August 2013

"I was hurt too, Jongdae!"

She shouted, tears rolled down her cheeks but Jongdae just sat there across his wife, without doing anything. Without comforting his wife, without hugging his wife like he usually did before they lost their baby. Jongdae felt like he just lost half of his life.

"If you take care of yourself, things won't turn this way." 

Jongdae said, his eyes never left the floor. He refused to look at his wife anymore. His wife was so shocked because; firstly, this was the first time Jongdae talked to her after the incident they lost their baby and secondly, Jongdae's words were like a knife stabbing her heart, which already bled by the sudden stillbirth happened to her. It never crossed her mind that Jongdae will blame her for what had happened. She expected Jongdae to comfort her, to shower her with his kind words, with his hugs, with his never ending 'it's going to be fine' because she was the most affected one here, not Jongdae.

"What are you talking about?" 

She said almost whispering, could not believe what she heard after a few days Jongdae did not talk to her. She was still hurt, hurt from losing her baby, hurt from the birth process she have had to go through to remove her dead baby. But what did she get at the end? 

Jongdae was blaming her. 

Jongdae looked up to meet his wife's eyes. The eyes, the look on his eyes was not the same as it used to be. 

"You did it on your own, right? You didn't accidentally fell from the chair right because damn hell what the hell did you even do on the chair?!" 

He shouted. He never shouts, he never yells at her. He never get this mad at her. His eyes were never full with disappointment, mad, disgust when he looked at her. It was always one full with love, sincerity, honesty and trust. But what happened now?

"Are you blaming me now, Jongdae?" She swallowed hard, choking on her own saliva, trying her best to not cry, trying her best to fight the urge to hug Jongdae and beg him to not blame her even though he was still hurting now. Her body was aching, her heart was in pain. 

"What the hell did you do on the chair?!" 

He shouted again, demanding an answer. 

"I WAS TRYING TO GET A STUFF ON THE CLOSET OKAY!" 

She could not help but to be mad at Jongdae, who recklessly blaming her for the loss of their baby. Jongdae scoffed in annoyance. 

"You can wait until I'm home, why the hell you climb on a chair? WHY THE HELL DO YOU DID ?!"

There was no answer from her. She was sure everything will be alright. She was just going to climb on the chair and get the stuff on the closet and get down on the floor safely without harming her baby. Who knew the chair will lose its balance and fell on the floor, resulting her falling with her tummy on the floor. God knew how much pain she endured for the sake of calling anyone to help her. It was too hurt. 

"I should know it when you said you wanted to abort the baby. You don't want the baby from the start, don't you? 's why you plotted this whole situation so  you can lost the baby!!!" 

"THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE, JONGDAE!"

"No! It does make a sense to me! All those complaints about your morning sickness and severe back pain, you were telling me you don't want the baby. You were telling me you wanted to abort it! If only I knew, I would stick with you so you can't even do such a dumb thing." 

It hurts. She swore it hurts so much hearing Jongdae talking like this, hearing Jongdae accusing her like this. Hearing Jongdae throwing hurtful words to her. And she lost again. She was crying like there was no tomorrow. Explaining things to Jongdae would not give any good to her. Jongdae did not see her as his wife anymore. He saw her as someone who killed his baby.

"You..you are so..stupid, Jongdae."

Jongdae walked away from his room, leaving his wife crying alone. Leaving his wife bearing the hurt alone. Jongdae did not care anymore.

01st October 2013

She was so sure  everything is going to be fine. She was so sure  everything will become like it used to be. But she was wrong. She was wrong the moment Jongdae came home and casually threw a file on the dining table when she set up the table for them to eat, although Jongdae did not actually eat with her anymore. Jongdae never smiles anymore, Jongdae never laughs anymore, Jongdae did not love her anymore.

Tears threatened to roll on her cheeks again when she saw the content inside the file. 

A divorce letter. 

She could not believe it. She plopped down on the chair weakly, staring at the divorce letter which already have Jongdae's sign on it. She did everything she can to have their old life back, the cheerful life they used to have, before they lost their baby. None of it worked, Jongdae did not want to live with her anymore. She stood up, with the paper in her hand and walked towards Jongdae's room and just barged into his room. She saw Jongdae sat on the bed with his laptop in front of him. Ever since the lost of their baby, Jongdae slept in a different room and kept himself busy with his work. 

"You want to divorce?" 

She asked, calmly. Jongdae just nodded as an answer, eyes still focused on the keyboard and screen. She did not want to divorce, not when she still loves him and she knew  this broken relationship can be fix.

"Jongdae, we can fix this. We can fix this broken relationship."

"How?" he asked, sarcastically.

"Look, if you want a baby, I can give you a baby. I want a baby too, but you-"

"And what?" He cut off. His eyes finally looked up at his wife who stood up beside the bed. "You're gonna kill the baby again?"

She could not believe what she just heard. She accidentally fell on the floor and it cause for her stillbirth incident occurred. How could she killed her own baby?! She was affected by it too, but Jongdae thought she was not.

"Jongdae, you-"

"The thing is-" He stared at his wife. "I don't trust you anymore. Without trust, I can't live with you anymore."

Slowly, her tears made its way back on her cheeks. She cried again, with Jongdae looking at her but did not do anything to comfort her.

"You said you love me."

Silence.

"You promised me."

Silence.

"You said you are going to take care of me."

Silence hit them, but then, it was broken by Jongdae's hurtful words.

"But you killed our baby."

14th Ocotber 2013

She realized  she do not have any place in his heart anymore after she lost their baby. She realized  there were no use to keep on hanging to someone who completely throw you out from his life. She realized  how hard she tried to fix the broken relationship, it would not work. Because Jongdae did not want to. If she say it was not hurt to end his marriage this sooner, she was lying.

She signed the paper, and she officially divorced with Jongdae now.

All Jongdae's promises were broken into pieces. His sweet talks were nothing. The remaining memory of him was Jongdae's hurtful words, Jongdae's cold stares, Jongdae's cold behaviour around her. 

He did not want her anymore, and she will not beg for him anymore.

She tried, but Jongdae did not want to try. 

No one can describe how disappointed she was with Jongdae, how mad she was with jongdae, how broken her heart was. She thought Jongdae will really keep his promises. But what happened was the other way around. 

She will not mourn over it. 

She put an end to it.

Farewell, Kim Jongdae. 

This is supposed to be a oneshot fics, 

But I have another idea to keep this story going.

This isn't angst enough, but I tried okay? XD

Thanks to my bish shineandhowl for proof-reading this chapter <3

And have a nice day everyone !