“When it is dark enough, you can see the stars.” ― Charles A. Beard

When Himchan reached home, his mother had greeted him with a warm hug and made him sit down at the dining table to have dinner together with the others. His sister was there too. She’d taken the day off to spend her time with their father to look for a boat. Nowadays their father had taken interest in owning a boat. He told them that he wanted to try fishing.  They made a promise to go fishing together in the future after he bought the boat. For now they needed to learn how to fish first. The rest of the night consisted of their conversation on fishing.

After dinner, Himchan retreated to his room and laid himself on the bed. He closed his eyes and listened to the humming of the heater for a while. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. He then texted Yongguk to ask him about the biopsy. He waited for five minutes before he received a reply from Yongguk.

“Lymphoma confirmed. But it’s still in stage one. We’re gonna try shrinking the tumour for now and lower the dosage for my drugs. Don’t worry. :)”

Himchan frowned. Well he hadn’t expected bad news to arrive that fast.

“How can I not worry? I’m so far away. I wanna be there for you.”

“I’m starting to miss you too. You’ll come this weekend though?”

“Yes, definitely.”

“Then stop worrying for now, okay? I want you to have a goodnight sleep. If you keep on worrying about me, I’ll never be able to sleep. ):”

“I’ll try.”

Himchan leaned back against the headboard and perched his phone on his knees, staring at the screen with a deep frown adorning his lips. Of course Yongguk wouldn’t want him to worry but it was hard to do so. Himchan had never experienced something like this before. It was his first time being this close to someone like Yongguk. He wasn’t sure whether he could control his emotion.   

The thought of seeing Yongguk in a bad state was unsettling. It was so not Yongguk. This was because he was so used to seeing Yongguk appear healthy and energetic. What would happen when he comes to visit him this weekend? Would Yongguk change? Would he be able to notice how sick Yongguk was when he sees him? Himchan went over the possibility the whole night and only was able to stop himself from thinking too much when he started feeling sleepy.

It was a restless sleep but it was better than not sleeping.

-

“Good morning honey,” Mrs Kim greeted her son that morning as she served breakfast on the table.

Himchan replied with a slight groan and plopped himself on one of the chairs. His father and sister were already sipping on their morning teas. It reminded Himchan of his childhood days to spend his time with his family like this. His father would be reading the newspaper while his mother cooked breakfast and his sister would play with her phone or read a book, barely touching her breakfast as she was always on a diet. It brought a small smile to his lips as he watched his family members go through their daily routines.

“So I was thinking of going to Ulsan this weekend,” Himchan voiced out after all of them had settled down at the dining table. “And I was wondering whether I could stay there for the time being.”

His father put down the newspaper and looked at him through his glasses. His sister had stopped texting the person on the phone and his mother stared at him curiously.

“I thought you were going to look for a part time job here.” His father said.

“Well, I changed my mind. I think I’m gonna stay in Ulsan with Yongguk.” Himchan replied hesitantly. He looked at his father in the eye and nodded, convincing himself that he had made his final decision.

“Oh, Yongguk.” His mother muttered. Her face morphed into a worried look when she thought about the boy. “How is he?”

Himchan looked down at his plate of pancakes and prodded at the surface with the fork in his hand. His appetite was long gone after he voiced out his decision.

“He’s fine…” he started. “But the doctor found a tumour in his body. I think it’s called lymphoma.”

“Are you dating this boy?” his father asked. When he nodded in reply, his sister leaned forward in her seat and blinked at Himchan. This was his first time admitting his relationship with Yongguk in public. He wasn’t sure whether his family was taking the news well. His father merely cleared his throat. “Was he the one who came to our house last time?”

“Yeah. I’m sure you remember him.” Himchan said, accompanied by a nervous smile.

“Are his parents with him at the hospital?”

“Yes.”

“Then you should let them take care of him.” his father said in a relatively monotonous tone. “There’s no need to stay there with him. You should be focusing on your future right now. ”

Himchan opened his mouth to argue but then his mother placed a hand on his father’s shoulder, a soft smile adorning her lips as she shook her head and stared at her husband meaningfully.  She then turned to her son and reached out her other hand to put it on top of his.

“If you think that you should be with Yongguk at this moment then you should go.”

Himchan moved his gaze to his father who was now holding up the newspaper again. He didn’t think his father would say anything. It made him feel slightly uncomfortable to have his father disagree with him but with his mother’s permission, he thought it was enough.

“Thank you,” Himchan uttered.

After breakfast, Himchan went out of the house to take a walk. He needed to recollect his thoughts after what he told his family. He had only taken a few steps outside when he heard his sister calling out for him. He turned around and smiled at her when she caught up.

“It’s weird seeing you like this,” his sister commented as they walked down the road that would lead them to the park.

Himchan raised a brow and pursed his lips. “What’s weird?”

“You being attached to someone. I heard about that Yongguk guy. Mom told me about him when I got back home. I wish I could meet him.”

“Yeah, he wanted to meet you too but you were out of town at the time. And now he’s in the hospital so…” Himchan shrugged.

“This is the first time I see you being so serious about someone. I mean when was the last time you dated someone? In high school right?” his sister looked down at their feet that were moving in sync. Himchan smiled at the sight.

“Yeah…and it didn’t even work out between us.” Himchan said with a shake of his head. “I tend to get really serious when I’m in a relationship. I think I freaked my ex-boyfriend out when I told him that the two of us should move in together when we get into college.”

His sister let out a soft chuckle. “True that. You’re always known to be serious, Chan. Heck, even your nickname was Serious Chan back then. Remember our neighbour who called you that?”

Himchan snorted at the memory and his hands into the pockets of his coat when the cold wind blew past them. His sister narrowed her eyes at him and nudged at his elbow.

“See? You have that deep frown on your face. You can’t seem to smile that much don’t you?”

“I can’t help it,” Himchan shrugged as he chuckled. “It’s just the way I look, okay?”

Both of them walked until they reached the park. It was then that his sister stopped him and turned him around to face her.

“Hey, I hope Yongguk will get better soon.”

“I hope so too.” Himchan nodded.

His sister flashed him a smile and wrapped her arms around him, chin digging on his left shoulder.

“Don’t let him see you frown, Chan-ah. If you feel like talking to someone, just know that I’ll be there to answer your call, okay?”

“Thanks, sis.” Himchan patted her on the back and smiled.

-

Himchan got off the bus and looked around the bus station past the crowd in front of him to spot Yongguk standing under a street light as he waved his hand at him. It was easy to look for him since he was the only one who wore a beanie on his head at the time. He smiled and quickened his steps before he opened his arms and pressed his nose to Yongguk’s shoulder, taking a whiff of the other’s scent. Yongguk wrapped his arms around his shoulders in a tight hug and kissed the side of his head before pulling away.

“Hey there, cat eyes.”

“Hey.”

Both of them chuckled. Yongguk took the duffel bag Himchan was carrying with him and led him to the taxi that was waiting for them at the side of the road. When they’d settled in the vehicle, Himchan turned to Yongguk and tugged at his sleeve.

“Are you sure I can stay with you at the hospital?” he frowned, worrying at his lower lip.

“Yeah. It’s fine.” Yongguk nodded. “I told them that I want you there with me so they said yes. It’s not like I’ll lie in bed the entire time. I just have to run a few tests and maybe then I’ll be able to get discharged in no time.”

“How are you doing?”

“I’m okay, Himchan. Stop worrying now.” Yongguk chuckled. “When we get there, we’re going to plan a date.”

Himchan leaned back slightly to have a clear look of Yongguk’s face. “A date?”

“Yeah,” Yongguk shrugged. “A date. We haven’t officialised our relationship yet. We need to do that.”

“I can’t believe you could be that cheesy.” Himchan snorted.

Yongguk merely gave him a playful glare.

-

The beach was extremely cold. Himchan could listen to the chattering of his teeth clearly in his head. He was currently sitting on a bench that was facing the sea. Yongguk had gone to the nearest shop to buy drinks for them. When he returned, he had smiled at Himchan and handed him the soda he wanted. Both of them leaned back against the bench and watched the seagulls fly up in the cloudless sky.

“Is it okay that our first date is spent here instead of a fancy and cosy restaurant?” Yongguk finally asked after a moment of basking in comfortable silence. He sounded nervous and it made Himchan chuckle inwardly.

Himchan looked at him and shook his head, smiling softly. “I wouldn’t want to have my first date eating lunch at a restaurant. That’s too cheesy. I think I like this better. It’s simple.”

Yongguk nodded and then stared down at his cup of coffee. Now he looked more relaxed. Himchan remembered him telling him that he had never dated anyone before. It was understandable that Yongguk would feel uneasy and a bit unsure of what to do.

“You know, I have something to tell you but I think it’s embarrassing.” Yongguk said with a low chuckle.

Himchan blinked and narrowed his eyes at him. “What is it?” When Yongguk merely shook his head, as if he was changing his mind and decided to keep his thoughts to himself, Himchan nudged at his elbow. “Hey, you started it. You should tell me. Now.”

Yongguk stared at him and chuckled once again. Himchan could see him fumbling with his thumbs and the way his face suddenly turned red was amusing to watch. He never thought Yongguk could be shy. Now he had this dire need to know what he was keeping to himself. He poked at Yongguk’s arm relentlessly, forcing him to confess what he was trying to say to him.

“Okay, Okay,” Yongguk raised his hands in surrender. When Himchan tried poking him again, he held onto his wrists and grinned. “To be honest, I wrote down a list of things I wanna do with you since we started dating.”

Himchan went silent. It was only for a few seconds though because the next thing he knew, he had started laughing. Yongguk pouted and feigned an offended look.

“That’s extremely cheesy. Gosh you’re so cheesy I don’t know what to do.” Himchan wiped at the tears at the corners of his eyes. “First you gave me that necklace and told me to keep it because I am important to you. The next thing you’re telling me that you want to officialise our relationship by going on our first date. And now you made us a list?”

 Yongguk was still pouting at him. A wide smile spread across his face though when he saw the amused look Himchan was throwing at him. He punched at Himchan’s arm lightly.

“Shut up, Himchan. You’re the cheesiest one here. You rode a bus for five hours in the middle of the night just to find me. Now who’s the cheesy one?”

Both of them laughed at that.

“I guess both of us are cheesy then,” Himchan nodded in acknowledgement.

He shook his head with disbelief and leaned closer to Yongguk, intertwining their fingers together at the surface of the wooden bench. He then whispered under his breath, quiet enough only for Yongguk to listen to him.

It was the words that he wanted Yongguk to remember.

“But I wouldn’t mind going through the list with you. I think you’re worth it.”