“I was out for a jog in the park when my heart started beating faster than normal. I thought the monitor was broken but then I felt this pain in my chest, like someone had jabbed a large needle into it. It only occurred for less than a minute though. I didn’t really think much of it so I went home and kinda forgot to mention the incident to my parents. It was when we had dinner that I started feeling the pain in my chest again. I couldn’t breathe and I couldn’t stop shaking. It was horrible.

We went straight to the hospital that night. The doctors examined my body and noticed the abnormal condition of my heart. It’s quite a shock to us because my heart has been doing well for 12 years now. They said that I would need to be hospitalized so they could take a closer look on my condition. It is possible that the heart rejection is acting up again. They have the best heart specialist here in Ulsan so we came here.”

Himchan his thumb over the back of Yongguk’s hand, leaning his forehead against Yongguk’s shoulder.

“Oh Yongguk…”

“I admit that I got scared,” Yongguk smiled slightly with a shake of his head. “That’s why I texted you so that we can meet up the next day.”

“And I messed up at the wrong time,” Himchan said in a guilty whisper. Yongguk shushed him softly, refusing to let Himchan blame himself anymore.

“Actually I changed my mind at the last minute when I realized that you won’t be coming that morning.” Yongguk said. Himchan lifted his head from Yongguk’s shoulder and raised his brows at him. “I figured that it’s better if you don’t know about it. I don’t want you to worry anyway.”

“Yongguk, you can’t keep it a secret from me,” Himchan frowned. “Why would you do that?”

“I just don’t want to put the burden on you.” Yongguk shrugged. “Although there’s another reason to it besides that…”

“What is it?”

“I started having feelings for you, Himchan. When I found out about how serious my condition has become, I got scared that it would turn worse. I don’t want to drag you into my mess. I don’t want you to see me like this,” Yongguk looked down at the hospital gown he was wearing. “I guess I hate looking at myself as a weak person, let alone letting other people see me like this.”

“Well you can’t really keep it away from me. You know I’ll come find you,” Himchan said. “And it’s too late to run away because I came to like you. You can’t undo that, Yongguk.”

“I guess so,” Yongguk smiled as he looked at Himchan. “I’m glad you came, Himchan. I’m really happy that you’re here. I can’t believe you came all the way here for me. Anyway…I’m sorry for missing your Christmas Play. How was it?”

“It went well.” Himchan nodded a few times. “We received a standing ovation from the audience.”

“Well, that’s great news.” Yongguk replied. He then looked at Himchan’s backpack and raised a brow at him. “Are you planning to go back home after this?”

“Actually I’m not really sure…” Himchan scratched at his head and chuckled softly. “I came here in a rush. I didn’t really think it through.”

“It’s already late. You should stay here with me.”

“Can I though? This is a hospital.” Himchan said as he looked at the surrounding. The hallway was empty. The other patients might be sleeping already.

“My room is big enough for the two of us. The hospital’s quite different than a normal one. It feels homely here. You should see the room. It’s like someone’s bedroom.” Yongguk said.

“What about your parents?”

“They’re staying at the hotel. They’ll come here next morning.” Yongguk stood up from the bench where they were sitting and tugged at Himchan’s wrist, smiling at him. “Come on now.”

Himchan gladly followed Yongguk to his room. When they stepped inside, Himchan looked around in awe. Indeed, the room looked cosy, just as Yongguk had described. There was a window seat and a bookshelf next to it. The bed wasn’t a typical hospital bed that one would find at a hospital. It was a bed with a thick mattress and the bed sheet was a cerulean shade, decorated with miniscule silvery stars. Himchan wondered how much the hospital bill would cost Yongguk’s parents. Clearly the hospital was a private one.

“Are you hungry?” Yongguk asked after he’d put Himchan’s backpack on a chair near the window.

“Not really. I ate in the bus. Just a little bit tired, that’s all.” Himchan smiled.

“Then you should get some rest. Come here,” Yongguk patted on the bed.

Himchan walked up to him and sat beside him. Yongguk then pulled him down with him and let him rest his head on his arm. Himchan curled his body and scooted closer to Yongguk. He stared into Yongguk’s eyes and couldn’t help but smile when Yongguk did.

“I still can’t believe you’re here.” Yongguk whispered, fingers brushing at Himchan’s dark locks. “God, I’m so happy to see you. I missed you so much.”

“Me too,” Himchan said. He pursed his lips and thought for a moment before he spoke up. “Yongguk, are you gonna be okay?”

Yongguk stopped his hair and let his hand rest on Himchan’s upper arm, patting it slowly as one would do when coaxing a baby to sleep. It was comforting in a way. It made Himchan feel calm.

“I hope so,” he replied. “We still don’t know what the problem is. Tomorrow the doctor wants to perform an MRI*. I’m a little bit nervous, to be honest.”

“Can I stay there and wait for you?”

“Of course I would want you to be there with me, Himchan.” Yongguk smiled. “I wanna see your face when I come out of that room tomorrow.”

Himchan closed his eyes and hummed when Yongguk threw his arm around him.

That night, he slept soundly with his head lying on Yongguk’s arm.

-

Himchan sat on a bench in the hallway with his hands clasped together in his lap. Yongguk had gone into the MRI room to be examined. His parents were also inside, monitoring him along with the doctor. Figuring that it was a private moment for Yongguk and his family, Himchan had decided to wait outside instead of joining his parents.

His mother had called in that morning, asking on his whereabouts and Himchan had told her that he’d gone to find Yongguk. His mother was surprised that he went to Ulsan without telling her and Himchan was quick to apologize, explaining to her about Yongguk’s situation. He felt bad that he made his mother worry but judging by the sigh of relief he heard from the other line, he realized that his mother was happy that he’d reconciled with Yongguk. Himchan promised her that he would come home later that night. His mother gave him the permission and told him that she would prepare him a warm meal when he comes home. Himchan had smiled at that, grateful that he was showered with so much love by his family.

As he sat there alone, he heard the door from the MRI room open. When he turned around, he saw Mrs Bang looking at him with a small smile gracing her face. He stood up and greeted her with a bow.

“So you’re Kim Himchan.”

“Yes,” Himchan nodded.

“Yongguk talks about you quite often,” she quirked an eyebrow teasingly at Himchan. Himchan could only chuckle out of embarrassment. “Do you mind if we sit and talk, Himchan-goon?”

“Ah, sure.” Himchan said as he gestured towards the bench but then Mrs Bang shook her head and beckoned him towards the cafeteria instead.

“The MRI might take long.” She said. She then led Himchan towards the cafeteria.

At the cafeteria, she ordered two cups of tea for both of them. They sat down facing each other and Mrs Bang took her time before she spoke up.

“Yongguk has always been upfront when it comes to his feelings. Whenever he’s troubled; he would tell us and we would work it out together to solve the problem.” Mrs Bang perched her chin on her palm and stared out the glass window that overlooked the garden outside. She then let out a soft sigh and smiled. “But as he grows up into an adult, he becomes more independent. He doesn’t come to us to talk about his problem anymore. He has learned to obscure his weakness from other people. He’d rather people look at him as a strong individual. It’s not really a bad thing for him to turn out like that but I guess as a mother, I tend to wonder about what my son feels and goes through in his everyday life.”

“Yongguk leads his life in an optimistic way. He likes seeing the brighter side of life and he has this sense of responsibility to take care of people around him, including their feelings.” Himchan said.

Mrs Bang fixed her gaze on him and clasped her hands together, the wrinkles at the corner of visible as she smiled.

“You understand Yongguk more than I expected.” She nodded slowly. There was a hint of satisfaction donning her features. “So you’ve been spending your time a lot with Yongguk since you two met?”

“Yeah,” Himchan nodded in reply.

“Have Yongguk mentioned to you about his medical history before?”

“He did. He told me that he had a heart transplant when he was thirteen years old.”

Mrs Bang hummed and took a sip of her tea before she set the cup down gently and looked at Himchan with a calculating demeanour.  

“Then did he tell you that there might be a chance that his heart would not function properly when the time comes?”

Himchan stiffened and stared at Yongguk’s mother with a surprised look. He then shook his head slowly.

“I thought so.” Mrs Bang muttered. She pushed the saucer with Himchan’s tea towards him and urged him to drink. Himchan did as he was told and nervously traced his fingers over the floral patterns on the cup as he waited for Mrs Bang to continue.

“You see, after undergoing a heart transplant, it is not guaranteed that you would be able to live a normal life like others. You still have to put full commitment on hospital visits and taking medicine to make sure that your heart is functioning properly. You’ll undergo biopsy a lot of times and the doctors will still have to monitor your health to detect any sign of rejection by the body towards the transplanted heart.

There’s this drug called immunosuppressant* that helps to fight the rejection and you have to take it often to avoid complications. But this drug has its side effects too. There’s a high possibility that you’ll be exposed to infections depending on how high the dose of immunosuppressant you take. The higher the dose, the higher the risk of infection.”

Himchan nodded understandingly and stared down at his tea. He hadn’t realized that he’d finished the tea already. He was so absorbed in the conversation that he forgot about his surroundings. Mrs Bang reached out a hand and brushed it over the back of Himchan’s, her lips curled up in a familiar, gentle smile. Now Himchan knew where Yongguk got his smile.

“You must be wondering why I’m rambling about these medical terms to you.” She let out a chuckle. Himchan could only smile and shake his head in return. “From what I heard from Yongguk, you play quite an important part in his life. I’m sure you know that, don’t you?”

“I guess so.” Himchan answered with a shrug.

“You do,” Mrs Bang assured. “Yongguk never talks about a person as quite often as he talks about you. I could sense that he has feelings for you when he plans to bring you over for a dinner—which is unfortunate since he’s suddenly hospitalized right now. Anyway, my son likes you a lot. He seems serious about it too. My question to you is whether you feel the same way about him.”

“I feel the same way, Mrs Bang. I do.” Himchan replied confidently. “Or else I wouldn’t have come here in the middle of the night…without even bringing anything with me.”

Both of them chuckled and Himchan felt the squeeze on his hand as Mrs Bang smiled at him in what he could identify as a grateful smile. He clasped a hand over hers and leaned forward slightly.

“I want to be by Yongguk’s side from now on, if you would give me the permission.”

“Oh, you don’t have to ask me, Himchan.” Mrs Bang shook her head. “If Yongguk wants you to be by his side then I’m definitely fine with that. In fact, I’d be extremely grateful. Yongguk does need a little romance in his life. He’s 25 years old, for heaven’s sake.”  

Mrs Bang tightened her grip on Himchan’s hand and pursed her lips as she stared into Himchan’s eyes.

“I have to warn you though, Himchan-goon.”

“What is it?”

“It’s not gonna be easy from now on. The road is not as smooth as it was before. There’ll be a lot of constructions and road blocks coming your way. You’ll have to be patient and strong to walk down the path. “

-

Yongguk stepped out of the MRI room with his father half an hour later. As soon as he saw Himchan standing there, waiting for him, he smiled and came over to him to give him a hug. Himchan returned the hug affectionately and breathed a sigh of relief. When he noticed that Yongguk’s father was looking at him, he blushed and pulled away from Yongguk before he greeted the old man.

“Nice meeting you Kim Himchan,” Mr Bang held out his hand.

“Uh, nice meeting you too, Mr Bang.” Himchan shook his hand.

Before Mr Bang could say a word, Mrs Bang reached out for his arm and steered him away from the couple.

“We’re gonna take a walk outside. We’ll see you later,” she smiled at Himchan and then waved at her son.

Yongguk turned to Himchan and raised his brows at him. Himchan could only shake his head and chuckle.

“So how did it go?” Himchan asked as they made their way back to Yongguk’s room.

“Umm, okay I guess.” Yongguk answered nonchalantly.

Himchan tugged at his wrist and stopped him from walking further.

“Yongguk, tell me. I need to know what’s going on with you in details.”

Yongguk stared at him with a tentative gaze and Himchan stared back pleadingly. With a soft hum, Yongguk brought Himchan to his room and sat down on the bed. He didn’t speak up straightaway when they sat down. He only played with the linen on the bed sheet and at his dry lips. Himchan placed his hand on Yongguk’s to stop him from moving it about, silently telling him to start speaking. Yongguk took a deep breath and looked at Himchan.

“During the MRI scan the doctor found a tumour in my body.”

“Tumour?’ Himchan tightened his grip on Yongguk’s hand unconsciously. Yongguk slipped his hand away and held onto Himchan’s shoulder.

“We’re still not sure what it is but the doctor said that it might be lymphoma*. I need to undergo a biopsy in order to know whether it’s true or not.”

“When?”

“This afternoon.”

Himchan’s shoulders slumped and he frowned at the answer. “But I’m going back home after this.”

“Hey, it’s okay. I’ll be fine,” Yongguk smiled as he gave Himchan’s shoulder a squeeze. “Just go home, okay? You can come here again on weekend. Your parents might worry about you.”

“Okay,” Himchan sighed. He gnawed at his bottom lip and held onto Yongguk’s hand, noting how bony his fingers were compared to his.  They were warm though. Every tip sent a spark of warmth to Himchan’s skin. Himchan pressed his lips to Yongguk’s knuckles and flashed a smile. “We’re gonna get through this together, okay?”

Yongguk clasped their hands together and nodded confidently.

“Okay.”

A/N:

I feel the need to explain the medical terms used in this story so here it is:

*Magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) is a technique that uses a magnetic field and radio waves to create detailed images of the organs and tissues within your body.

*Immunosuppressant are drugs or medicines that lower the body's ability to reject a transplanted organ. Another term for these drugs is anti-rejection drugs.

*Lymphoma is a cancer that starts in cells that are part of the body’s immune system.

Lymphoma can occur after a person undergoes solid organ transplant (SOT), whether it is kidney, heart or liver transplant. This is because when taking immunosuppressant, it may weaken one's immune system. Patients who've undergone SOT are required to take this drug regularly so that their body would stop rejecting the transplanted organ. Human body functions that way whenever it detects foreign object. That is why it is important to take the drug although it could lead to other consequence, which is the lymphoma. Based on my research, I think there's a lot of risk when doing heart transplant. I can't list down everything here so I've only explained it simply (you can google if you're passionate enough. haha). It's really complicated and the situation differs to different patients. I hope I didn't mess up with the terms or anything. I have this tendency to write a character with serious medical condition :( I am not even a medical student. the heck.

Do point out any mistake that I made. Thank you.  

And oh, brace yourself for ty angst. ;D