“The worst part of holding the memories is not the pain. It's the loneliness of it. Memories need to be shared.” 
― Lois Lowry, The Giver

The list Himchan and Yongguk made for their dates had filled up the entire paper Himchan had torn off from a notebook. They’d been writing them down since last night. Some of the activities they came up with were a bit ridiculous but Yongguk had assured him that they would definitely do it. Himchan could only agree with a shrug. Yongguk always seemed to know what he was doing. It wouldn’t hurt if he followed him.

Since weekend was a day away, Himchan figured that he should focus on his work at the café for the moment. He came in early that morning to wipe the windows clean. He even made sure that the tables and chairs were in good condition, searching for any defect. At eight in the morning, people started bustling in to catch up with their morning tea and coffee. Himchan served them with bright smiles and friendly chats. The day was quite nice. It was like nothing could go wrong. Somehow Himchan felt calm being in the café.

Yongguk was staying home for the time being. He’d stopped working at the orphanage since his condition had worsened. Every day, he was required to visit the hospital to have a check-up. Dr Gong had transferred to the hospital from Seoul to Ulsan because he wanted to be the one who treated Yongguk. He started working with other doctors to come up with medicine that could help Yongguk fight off the cancer. Every Friday night the three of them would always have dinner together. Having routines to keep himself busy from worrying about Yongguk really helped Himchan a lot. It was easier that way, he figured.

When his shift ended, Himchan went straight home. Since he knew that Yongguk would still be at the hospital at this time, he planned to cook something special for him. He took out every ingredient that was needed to make chicken stew and started preparing for the dish, making sure that he would get to finish it before Yongguk came back.

By the time he filled the bowl with the stew, he heard the front door open.

“I’m home,” came Yongguk’s voice.

“In the kitchen,” Himchan said as he served dinner on the dining table.  

“What did you make?”

“Your favourite, of course. Come, sit down.” Himchan ushered Yongguk towards the table and handed him the spoon before he settled himself across Yongguk, elbows perched on the table in anticipation at Yongguk’s opinion on his chicken stew.

Yongguk took a sip of the stew and blinked a few times before he flashed Himchan a wide grin. “This is perfect. It’s really delicious.”

“Really?”

“Uh-huh.”

“That’s a relief,” Himchan smiled. “I thought I’d put too much salt.”

“Nah, it’s good. Really. You should eat too. Stop watching me.” Yongguk said. Both of them started eating then. “Hey, I was hoping that we could go back to Seoul this weekend.”

Himchan looked at Yongguk and raised a brow. “Why?”

“It’s been long since we last visited Joon. I wanna see him. We can stop by at our parents’ house too.”

“Seems like a good idea to me,” Himchan smiled. “I’ll make sure to buy them gifts.”

“Now where’s that list we made last night,” Yongguk left the table to look for the list. He found it on the table by the living room and brought it back. He then fetched a pen and crossed one of the activities they listed down. It was the ‘Visit Seoul’.

“We haven’t even gone there yet. You can’t just cross it off the list.” Himchan scolded.

“We’re going there tomorrow. Same thing,” Yongguk shrugged.

Himchan squinted at him and shook his head slowly. Yongguk only replied with a chuckle.

-

Both of them departed to Seoul early in the morning. By the time they reached there, they took the taxi and went straight to the hospital to see Joon. Upon seeing the couple, the boy had cheered and gave them a tight hug. They found out that Joon had undergone another surgery a week before. The doctors managed to get rid of the cancer completely. It wasn’t long before the boy could be discharged from the hospital.

Upon receiving the good news, they decided to celebrate it together with the other kids whom Yongguk used to take care of. Yongguk bought a chocolate cake for the kids and played with them the whole day. Himchan stayed aside, watching as Yongguk interacted with the kids. The smile he had on his face was wide and his eyes were sparkling. Himchan figured that Yongguk was truly happy when he was with the kids. No one could make him laugh that loud except the children from the hospital. It brought a smile to Himchan’s lips too as he observed them. Yongguk seemed so bright. It was as if he’d gotten rid of his sickness. The gaunt look on his face was gone. His hands weren’t shaking anymore.

At that moment Himchan thought to himself—what if Yongguk could get well again? Was it possible for miracle to happen that when Yongguk wakes up the next day, his heart would function normally and that the cancer would be gone permanently?

He could hope. There was always hope, he told himself.

-

After the hospital visit, both of them went to Yongguk’s house. Since it was already late, they figured that they should pay Himchan’s parents a visit tomorrow morning. For now, they would stay at Yongguk’s house and spend the night there.

It was the first time for Himchan to enter his house. Of course, he’d gone there before—back when he wanted to apologize to Yongguk for their stupid fight—but he’d never stepped inside. The house was the same size as Himchan’s. Even the interior wasn’t that much different except that Himchan noticed throw pillows on the couch, the covers hand knitted. Mrs Bang once told him that she loved knitting. There was no doubt that all of the laces decorating the furniture was done by her.

Yongguk’s family had welcomed Himchan warmly and they had a short supper before Mrs Bang deemed that it was already late and that Himchan and Yongguk should go to sleep judging by the tired look on their faces. Both of them certainly were exhausted after the long ride from Ulsan and the visit at the hospital so they retreated to Yongguk’s room for the night.

When Himchan entered Yongguk’s room, he could see posters of legendary musicians decorating the wall. He could identify a few of them which were; The Beatles, Frank Sinatra, Queen and David Bowie. He couldn’t recognize the others. He wasn’t really familiar with the music industry.

“You have a gramophone?” Himchan asked when he spotted one by the bedside table.

Yongguk nodded and sat down on his bed before he started fiddling with his record collection. “Do you wanna listen to my favourite music?”

“Sure, why not.” Himchan sat down next to him and watched as Yongguk placed the record on the turntable and started the music. Soft tune from a piano filled the entire room, jazz music floating in the air. Himchan hummed and swayed his head lightly as he listened to the music. “What is this song called?”

“Waltz for Debby.” Yongguk replied before he leaned back until his head touched the pillow. Himchan followed suit. He then rolled his head to the side to watch Yongguk nodding along to the song, eyes closed.

“I like it,” Himchan commented.

“Yeah?”

“Uh-huh,” Himchan turned his gaze to the posters on the wall and noticed that there were quotes written in small letters at each bottom of the posters. “You sure are a big fan of classics, aren’t you?” 

“When I first got admitted into the hospital all I could do was listen to music. I wasn’t allowed to play outside that much. I spent most of my time in bed with my laptop, searching for songs to listen to. And then I stumbled upon The Beatles. Their songs amazed me. The next thing I knew, I started listening to old songs. Old songs are always better, I guess, compared to new ones. They hold more memories if that makes any sense.”

“This is my first time learning about your childhood. You’re quite an interesting kid,” Himchan chuckled.

“You think so?” Yongguk raised his brows at him.

Himchan nodded. “What else did you do when you were little?”

“There’s this place where I used to visit. It’s not that far from here, actually.” Yongguk sat up and smiled at Himchan. “Hey, how about I bring you there?”

“Right now?”

“Yeah. Come,” Yongguk got up from the bed and reached for Himchan’s hand before he led them outside the room.

Since it was in the middle of the night, everyone in the house was already asleep. Both of them tiptoed their way out of the house and walked down the road that led to a neighbourhood kindergarten. Himchan could see a playground at the backyard, deserted for the night. When morning comes, there would surely be a lot of kids playing there, he thought.

“I used to go here,” Yongguk pointed at the kindergarten building.

“Did you make a lot of friends back then?”

“Yeah. I used to cause trouble and end up involving my friends. We got punished by the teacher a lot of times.” Yongguk chuckled at the memory.

The night breeze did the talking for the rest of their journey towards Yongguk’s favourite place. They ascended a hill that was located at the back of the kindergarten. The higher they were, the clearer the view of the city became. Himchan could see the buildings sparkling in the night, mimicking the stars.

“Here we are,” Yongguk spread his arms and turned to Himchan, grinning.

“This is such a nice place.” Himchan approached the wooden railing by the hill and stared up at the night sky. “What did you do whenever you come here?”

“I bury things.” Yongguk answered.

Confused, Himchan raised his brows at him. Yongguk smiled and beckoned him to crouch under a tall tree that was standing proud a few feet away from them. He then started digging until Himchan could see a lid of a brown metal box. Yongguk took the box out and gave it to Himchan after he’d gotten rid of the dirt covering the lid.

“What is this?” Himchan flashed him a smile although he was still confused.

“Open it.” Yongguk said as he wiped the dirt off his hands.

Himchan opened the box and stared inside. There were toys and small pieces of folded paper. He took one of the paper and unfolded it to read the content.

“Here’s to a long life,” he read. He glanced at Yongguk briefly before he took another one. “The greatest world traveller.” He let out a soft chuckle and nudged at Yongguk’s knee. “What are these?”

“I call them my small wishes. There are 23 of them. I used to write them down whenever I came back from the hospital. My mother taught me about it. She says that by doing so I would get stronger each day. I guess she was right.” Yongguk fiddled with the papers and sat crossed legged on the ground.

“There are only 22 papers here,” Himchan said after he’d counted the wishes. “Where’s the last one?”

“Ah, that’s a secret.” Yongguk wriggled his eyebrows at him. Himchan rolled his eyes at that.

“Did you really travel though?” Himchan looked at the second paper he’d read.

“Nope. Never got to travel. I kinda forgot about that after I recovered from my surgery.” Yongguk shrugged. “And you do need to work hard to raise money. I spent the money I earned from my part time job to treat my parents a big meal and bought presents for the kids at the hospital so yeah, that explains why I didn’t have the money to travel.”

Himchan thought for a moment before he nodded to himself. “Maybe we can travel together later. Let’s add it in our list.”

He fished out the list from his pocket and wrote it down. He then handed the list to Yongguk. “These are our small wishes.”

“Perfect,” Yongguk nodded. “Travelling together is the perfect date for us, huh?”

“I’d like to travel too. I’ve been dreaming of it since I was a kid,” Himchan admitted.

“So we have like the same wish.” Yongguk smiled at him. “What a coincidence.”

“I think everyone dreams of travelling, Yongguk.” Himchan laughed.

Yongguk stretched his arms out and yawned.

“Are you tired?” Himchan asked.

“Nah, just a little bit sleepy.” Yongguk adjusted his red beanie and then got to his feet as he dusted off his clothes. “Do you have anything you wanna do before we head back?”

Himchan let out a long hum as he looked around him. He then recalled the playground they walked past on their way to the hill.

“Let’s go to the playground.”

“But the gate’s locked.” Yongguk said. He then scoffed and shook his head. “Wait, screw that. We can climb. Let’s go.”

When both of them reached the playground, Yongguk hoisted Himchan up the fence and climbed over by himself. He was still as nimble as Himchan remembered. He chuckled at the memory of Yongguk climbing up his window. That was so long ago.

“Come here.” Yongguk waved a hand as he stood by the swing. Himchan walked over and sat down on it before Yongguk started pushing him gently. He swayed back and forth with the wind whistling in the air.

“Did you use to play on this swing too when you were little?” Himchan asked after a moment of silence.

“Yeah. I always looked up at the sky when I played the swing.”

Himchan did what little Yongguk used to do, fixing his gaze on the stars.

“It makes you feel lighter that way, like you’re flying.” Yongguk said to him. “The world seems bigger than it is too.”

The swing went back and when Yongguk gave another push, Himchan went forward and high up. The sky moved along with him. No, it felt like the whole world was shifting as he reached the peak. Himchan smiled at the view before him. So this was what Yongguk saw when he played the swing. This was what he felt when he looked up at the sky.

“It’s beautiful,” Himchan said.

All of the sudden, Yongguk stopped the swing from moving and walked around to face Himchan. He then crouched before him and smiled.

“Have I ever thanked you for being with me this whole time?”

Himchan snorted at that. “You don’t need to thank me. We’re both grateful that we met each other.”

“You know how important you are to me, right?”

“I know.” Himchan nodded. He then pulled out the necklace that Yongguk had given him long time ago from under his shirt. Yongguk chuckled when he saw the silver wings. “I never took it off after you gave it to me. It was the first time that you told me that I am important to you.”

“For real? You never took it off?”

“I swear.” Himchan whispered before he gave Yongguk’s forehead a gentle flick. “Look at us, so cheesy that it makes me wanna throw up.”

Yongguk reached out his hands to cup Himchan’s face in his palms, a sly grin playing on his lips. He then whispered, “Shh, you’re gonna ruin the cheesy moment.”

“Ah, such a déjà vu moment.” Himchan giggled.

Yongguk leaned close until their noses touched. His eyes turned into two crescents when the smile on his lips widened. There was nothing Himchan wanted to see but the view before his eyes right now. He wanted to remember this moment so he closed the distance between them and sealed their lips together in a soft kiss.

How simple it was to just bask himself in love and forget about the troubles hovering above his head like grey clouds. If only there was a special place that would only bring happiness to its visitors Himchan would gladly travel there with Yongguk and live there forever. But he wasn’t going to be ignorant towards reality anymore. He knew that was what life was all about, his father had taught him that. So all he could do now was to cherish all the memories and remember all the little things that happened in this life that he shared with Yongguk. He wanted to spend every second with the man he loved. 

“Who’s there?” someone called out, interrupting the intimate moment.

“Whoa,” Yongguk pulled back and looked over kindergarten building. “It’s the security guard.”

“W-what?” Himchan didn’t have the time to react because Yongguk had dragged him away from the swing and led him back to the fence.

“Hey! Stop right there!” the security guard exclaimed.

“Hurry,” Yongguk boosted Himchan’s leg and helped him climb over. When it was his turn to climb, the security guard had come closer, shouting at Yongguk for trespassing.

Himchan quickly yanked at Yongguk’s hand to pull him over the fence. Both of them tumbled down the ground and fled the scene before the security guard could call for backup.

After making sure that no one was chasing after them, they slowed down their pace and finally settled down at the nearest bus stop. It took Himchan a while to regain his breathing. When he looked over at Yongguk, the latter was heaving but there was a wide smile plastered on his face. He was happy. He was laughing. Himchan took out his handkerchief and wiped at the sweat that had formed on Yongguk’s forehead, laughing along with him. It was then that he noticed Yongguk’s beanie had a small tear at the middle part.

“You ruined your beanie,” Himchan took it off his head and dusted it off.

“Aww that was my favourite.” Yongguk pouted.

“It’s okay, I can fix it.” Himchan assured. “Leave the sewing part to me. I’ve sewn more than ten costumes while I was in the theatre club.”

“I’m trusting you to take care of it.” Yongguk narrowed his eyes at him. Himchan chuckled and promised that he would return it in once he’d fixed it.

“Thank you.”

“For what?” Yongguk quirked his brows at him.

“I enjoyed this date a lot.” Himchan smiled.

“You did?” Yongguk’s eyes sparkled, just like the stars. He looked younger, energetic.

At that moment Himchan really thought he had managed to reach the stars.

“It was perfect.”