“But like so many unfortunate events in life, just because you don't understand it doesn't mean it isn't so.” - Lemony Snicket, The Bad Beginning

The next few weeks went fairly well for Yongguk. He had undergone a total number of five biopsies to make sure that the tumour hadn’t spread. Since his drug dosage was lowered quite rapidly for the past week, his heart had acted abnormally one night, causing a cardiac arrest but with the help from the doctors, he managed to regain his heartbeat in a matter of minutes. Afraid that something wrong was going to happen in the future, the doctors had replaced his heart monitor with a new one. They even made Yongguk take new medicine which they had claimed would stabilize his heart.

Things were looking better for the two of them. Himchan was glad that he could be by Yongguk’s side to help him go through all of it. He was also happy that they settled down with each other faster than he hoped for. Being with Yongguk was certainly comfortable and easy to do since the said man was always welcoming in nature. He even treated Himchan better than anyone he’d met. He treasured Himchan as if he was the most important person in his life—which might be true anyway.

In the end, Yongguk got discharged from the hospital. But he wasn’t allowed to move back to Seoul. He was required to stay in Ulsan because he still needed to have check-ups every once in a while. Both he and Himchan had discussed the matter together and eventually they decided to rent an apartment near the hospital. Yongguk’s parents had nothing to disagree about. In fact, they were very supportive at the idea of Yongguk and Himchan living together. Himchan had bonded with Yongguk’s parents for the period of time he spent in Ulsan. It was like he had become a part of Yongguk’s family. It was certainly weird because he’d never imagined for someone like him to spend his time settling down with another person instead of searching for jobs after graduating. That was his original plan anyway. Find a job, buy himself an apartment, work hard, and only then he would find someone he could spend the rest of his life with. If he had known that he would be skipping the steps to be with Yongguk four years earlier, he would’ve shaken his head with disbelief and waved the matter dismissively. It sounded ridiculous, like too good to be true.

But now, as he lay down beside Yongguk in their brand new bed, inside the apartment they rented together, he felt like his heart could burst at the overwhelming feeling washing through him. Forget about finding jobs and working hard towards the unknown future. He got Yongguk and that was more than enough.

Despite feeling happy that they could live together in their own world, Himchan couldn’t put aside the fact that his father wasn’t pleased about the idea of him dropping everything just to be with Yongguk. He knew it was sudden but he had thought a lot about it. He could only hope that his father wouldn’t be upset for too long. He needed his father to understand that he could handle things by himself—that he was already grown up. He knew his family wanted the best for him. He was the youngest in the family so of course they were afraid that he would get hurt in the process of figuring out life but it was the risk that he was willing to take if it meant that he could be with Yongguk.

Where else could he find someone like Yongguk anyway?

It was a miracle that they met each other that day. He was glad that he pushed that button in the elevator to welcome Yongguk in his life. It was a memory that he would cherish forever in his heart. He would play that moment over and over in his head and he would never get bored of it. He wouldn’t trade it for anything. Yongguk worth more than anything in this world to him. He wouldn’t change that.     

“There you go again with that serious look on your face,” Yongguk’s amused voice woke him up from his deep thought.

Himchan blinked and rolled his head to the side to stare at the person lying next to him. He then smiled. Yongguk slid closer until their noses touched, one hand holding onto Himchan’s wrist and the other used to prop his own head up.

“I feel left out whenever you do that,” Yongguk said as he traced his fingers across Himchan’s wrist.

“Do what?” Himchan ran his eyes over Yongguk’s serene face. He still wasn’t used to looking at Yongguk like this every morning, waking up together. It was like a dream.

“Deep thinking. You do that a lot. The more you think, the deeper your frown is.” Yongguk ran a finger across Himchan’s lips to get rid of the frown he had on his face.

“Can’t help it,” Himchan shrugged. “It’s a habit.”

Yongguk hummed and squinted his eyes at him.

“Then I’m getting rid of it right now. It’s a bad habit.”

Himchan laughed at that, eyes turning into two crescents.

“Okay that did it. Now you’re smiling.” Yongguk nodded proudly.

“That’s because you’re so serious in stopping me from frowning. It’s kinda cute and amusing to watch.” Himchan said.

“Do you know what amuses me?” Yongguk raised a brow at him. Himchan could sense a hint of mischievousness glinting in his eyes as he slid his arm around Himchan’s waist to tug him closer.  

“No?” he answered in a clueless tone although he was clearly aware of Yongguk’s intention.

Yongguk nuzzled at his nose and grinned. “Do you want to find out?”

Himchan closed his eyes and hummed. Yongguk’s fingers were drumming against his skin. It sent a spark of excitement to his entire body. “Hmm, maybe.”

“Guess I’ll have to show you then.”

Yongguk nibbled on his ear and threw his leg around him, caging him with his body. Himchan laughed and wrapped his arms around his neck when their lips met for a slow kiss. The moment was perfect. Everything was perfect. Having Yongguk in his arms was a dream come true. Himchan could do nothing but sigh happily about it.

“Himchan,” Yongguk breathed out his name with full affection. That was another thing that Himchan thought he wouldn’t get used to. The way Yongguk called his name was ethereal.  

Himchan opened his eyes and stared up at him, lips curled up into a smile. He hummed in reply. There was a short pause before Yongguk let the words out.

“I love you.”

Himchan could feel his own eyes dilating at those three words that he thought he would only hear from movies. He shushed Yongguk with a finger on his lips before the latter could speak up. He could sense that Yongguk was panicking when he didn’t answer him. He was silly to feel that way though. He should’ve known Himchan’s answer in a heartbeat.

“Shh, just…just wait for a moment.” Himchan said in a whisper.

Yongguk furrowed his brows at him but the corners of his lips lifted up into a smile. He stared down at Himchan and at his cheek wonderingly. The curtains swayed gently against the morning breeze. The weather was beautiful. The moment between them was beyond beautiful.

“What is it?”

“I want to remember this exact moment and keep it in my head for the rest of my life.” Himchan said. He reached out a hand and traced his fingers over Yongguk’s amused face. He then brought Yongguk’s forehead to his and whispered, “I want to carve the way you look right now in my mind and just treasure it all in my heart so I can put it on replay whenever I want to.”

Yongguk’s shoulders trembled as he let out a mirthful chuckle. He then poked his fingers on Himchan’s ribs, eyebrows raised in anticipation. Himchan caught on right away, laughing as he rolled their bodies off the bed, both of them landing on the carpeted floor with a soft thud. There was no pain though. Only happiness.

“I love you too.”

-

The café residing next to the ocean was a great place to work. Himchan found it easy to familiarize himself to this kind of surrounding. He’d taken up the job after a week of settling down at their new apartment. He figured that he shouldn’t depend on his parents’ money so he decided to search for a job and ended up discovering this little café that was located only a few blocks away from the apartment. The owner was an old couple and they were friendly when they first met for the walk in interview. They had a long talk during the interview and it ended with Himchan getting the job that would be 12 hours long. It was the perfect job because Yongguk himself got off work at the same time. Yongguk too had recently found a job at the orphanage close to the hospital. Their salary might not satisfy their needs completely but it was enough to create a decent living out of it.

Himchan could still remember that his father wanted him to find a proper job but he figured that it could wait. He’d only graduated anyway. He could take his time walking down the career path. For now he just wanted to spend time with Yongguk in their newly built utopia.

“Let’s see, what else are we missing?” Himchan pondered as he walked along the aisle in the supermarket. Yongguk was walking beside him, pushing the cart that was filled with their daily necessities.

“Oh, I know!” Yongguk grinned with his gums visible and excitedly tugged at Himchan’s arm before he led them towards another aisle. He then grabbed every packet of instant noodles he could manage to fit in the crook of his arms off the rack.

“Are you serious Bang Yongguk?” Himchan gave him a look.

“What?” Yongguk shook his head and feigned innocence.

“You’re gonna buy all of that?” Himchan narrowed his eyes at him.

“They’re delicious. Ramyeons are god’s greatest gift to humanity.” Yongguk made a show by lifting the packet of instant noodle in the air and waving it about for people around them to watch.

“God-Yongguk,” Himchan held onto Yongguk’s wrist and stopped him from fooling around. He couldn’t help but laugh though. The other shoppers were already looking at them as if they were a couple of crazy kids. “People are staring at us! Gosh, you’re embarrassing me.”

“They need to know how delicious these ramyeons are,” Yongguk insisted. When Himchan groaned out of embarrassment and slapped at his arm, he finally lowered his hand and threw the instant noodles in the cart. He was still laughing at the silly situation he’d created a minute ago.

“Are you having fun embarrassing the both of us?” Himchan shook his head and snatched the cart from his boyfriend.

“Nope, not yet.” Yongguk grinned at him.

Himchan turned to him and blinked. “What are you planning?”

Yongguk raised his brows at him as if asking Himchan himself what he was thinking of. When Himchan merely stared back at him, Yongguk chuckled and stood behind him, hands coming to rest on the back of Himchan’s that were resting on top of the handle bar.

“Get on the cart.” He said.

“What?” Himchan snapped his head back to shoot Yongguk an incredulous look.

“Just put your legs on the metal bar.” Yongguk ushered.  

Himchan wasn’t really in the right state to argue since he was confused as to what Yongguk was planning to do but when he did as he was told, Yongguk started pushing the cart in high speed, passing through the aisles until all Himchan could see were blurry faces staring at them.

“Oh my god!” Himchan gasped as his hands tightened on the handle. “Yongguk, you’re crazy!”

Yongguk only laughed at him. He skidded to a sudden halt when they reached the end and before Himchan could stumble forward, he pulled him back against his chest. Himchan could feel Yongguk’s deep laugh reverberating against his spine. The adrenaline rushing through his system overwhelmed him and he couldn’t stop himself from smiling. The next thing he knew, he too started laughing until tears came to his eyes.

They didn’t care about the other shoppers who were throwing confused glances their way.

It was only the two of them and their little world.

-

Himchan was aware that happiness couldn’t last long in one’s life. He also knew that there were times when things wouldn’t go his way but as someone who always preferred to look at the bright side, he thought a few storms here and there wouldn’t really affect his life. Maybe because he hadn’t faced anything more serious other than getting his bicycle stolen when he was in high school. He had always lived a rather monotonous life; avoiding dramas and other things that would require too much human contact. Even his break up with his previous boyfriend was uneventful. They broke up just like that because apparently his boyfriend felt like they couldn’t connect that well with each other anymore while Himchan on the other hand figured that he should focus on his study instead of being tied up in a relationship. Everything was relatively dull in his life. He wouldn’t say it was extremely boring because he himself had chosen to live like that. He was more than grateful that he managed to live a drama free life so far.

But the older he became, the more challenges came raining down on him. He learned what it felt like to be stressed out completely to the extent of giving up when he was in his first year in the university. He found out that having a circle of friends was important to keep up with everything around him. And most of all, he discovered that in the end he would have to settle down with someone, that he needed a partner in his life to make the loneliness inside him disappear.

When all of those things dawned on him, he told himself that he would be able to manage everything. He figured that he would be okay as long as he kept his head up. Nothing would go wrong if he looked on the bright side. He always thought that way—it was a pretty innocent notion.

Well, not until he met Bang Yongguk.

“Yongguk, where did you put the sauce? I thought it was in the cupboard,” Himchan asked as he rummaged through the cupboards, standing on his toes.

“Really? It’s not there?” Yongguk yelled from the bedroom. Himchan had no idea what he was doing in the room. They’d woken up early that day to watch the sunrise together at the beach but then they got lazy and cancelled their plan. In the end they stayed in bed for hours until Himchan’s stomach decided that it was time to eat breakfast.     

“It’s not here.” Himchan crossed his arms and huffed. “Yongguk can you find it for me? You were the one who put the groceries away yesterday.”

“I’m coming,” Yongguk replied.

After receiving the confirmation from Yongguk, Himchan went back to slicing the tomatoes that were to be mixed with the pasta he was planning to make that day. He hummed softly to a tune he picked up from the radio and moved around the kitchen with supple steps. This kind of day had always been his favourite. Weekends, to be exact. It was the time when he and Yongguk didn’t have to bother with work and could spend their time together doing anything they desired. Usually they would laze around the house the entire day and use another day to walk around the town but today Himchan figured that they should change their schedule a bit. Today he was planning to take Yongguk out for a boat ride. He’d gotten the tickets from his boss last Wednesday when his boss told him that he and his wife had changed their mind on going on the boat ride. Himchan found no reason to decline the tickets.

After he had cooked the pasta, Himchan divided it into portions for him and Yongguk and served it on the table. He then grabbed the cutleries and organized them neatly beside the plates. He wiped his hand using the towel by the sink and looked around for the sauce. He frowned when he realized that Yongguk hadn’t come out from the room since he asked him to look for the sauce.

“Yongguk?” he called out. When he got no answer, he walked over to their room and pushed the door open. He could see that the light from the bathroom was switched on. He approached the door and knocked on it twice. “Yongguk?”

Something dropped on the floor in the bathroom. And then Himchan could hear Yongguk’s pained gasp. With nerves clenching at his heart, Himchan turned the knob and opened the door to find Yongguk sitting on the floor with his back against the wall. His face was scrunched up in pain and the pills he used to take every day were scattered on the tiled floor. Himchan immediately knelt down beside him and held his face in his hands.

“Y-Yongguk? What happened?” he asked, his eyes wide in fear.

Yongguk shook his head and shut his eyes. “I can’t feel my leg.”

Himchan rolled up his pants and looked down at them. His right leg was swollen.

“We need to get you to the hospital.” Himchan attempted to stand up but then Yongguk tugged at his wrist and made him sit down again.

“No need. I’ll be fine in a minute.”

“You’re not okay, Yongguk!” Himchan reasoned. “Your leg is swollen. How long did you hide this from me? You shouldn’t have done that.”

Yongguk shook his head again but Himchan was not taking any excuse from him. He pulled out his phone from his pocket and dialled the ambulance. It took the paramedics ten minutes to get to their house. By then Yongguk had started sweating profusely and he looked paler than normal. He seemed weak and was on the verge of passing out. Himchan quickly led him to the ambulance and held onto his hand throughout their journey to the hospital.

The moment they reached the hospital, the nurses put Yongguk on a gurney and brought him to the ER. They made Himchan wait in the hallway. With much reluctance, Himchan let go of Yongguk’s hand and sat down on the steel bench. He stared at the double door swinging close after Yongguk had been wheeled through. He had his eyes fixed on the door for so long that he hadn’t realized he’d been holding his breath.

When he looked down at his hands, he could see them trembling. He held onto them desperately with his fingers tangled together, telling himself that everything was going to be okay.

He exhaled shakily and closed his eyes as he leaned against the wall, waiting for Yongguk to come back to him.