Hesitation, a terrible feeling, especially when speaking your thoughts out. Either way, it brings disappointment. While, we are hesitant to perform a certain act time passes by, world changes. Naeun was hesitant in the past too which resulted to this; her feelings were all over the place. Her confidence faded. Somehow, she was guilty of her own feelings. She hated herself for her own thoughts because the pain of breakup isn’t hurting her but the pain of pushing kai away was pricking her heart. Her guilt didn't let her live realising she thought of dating a man half heartedly, or probably just to fulfill her loneliness “What did i become?” she thought watching herself in the mirror.

Apink were together at one night, the members were depressed watching naeun being always lost in thoughts. They decided to do something for her. Eunji suggested “Ah….Enough of boys, love…..argh….let’s have a girl’s night out” she declared. They gathered together for drinking. Naeun accepted the offer. She wanted to forget everything, mainly her guilt. The girls drank their hearts out. They started talking about random things. The girls were high and passed out. Naeun was so high that she started laughing. Hayoung who was sober thought simultaneously grabbing naeun’s phone “Let’s take a video and later”.  At the same time the door bell rang disturbing her thought and she left to see who it was. Until she was back eunji turned into a kissing demon “Eww…” said hayoung watching her and rushed to help them to their rooms.

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A person tends to act as a pessimist even before trying something. The fear in the heart stops him or her from going further but through confidence he can overcome that fear irrespective of the outcome. Kai was going through the same thing. He was indecisive. Should he visit her? Comfort her? But with what status he should do that? A friend? A friend of man who probably hurt her? Or a man who is still in love with her? Regardless he decided to lend his shoulder to her. He went straight to naeun’s dorm. He wanted to see himself how she was doing only then he will be at peace. Standing in front of the door his confidence began shrinking. Somehow he encouraged himself to ring the bell. He was impatient and continuously rang the bell.

Namjoo frowned from the living room “Argh, who is that?” she mumbled hearing the bell ringing continuously and opened the door “Kai nim?” she raised her brow looking at the man before her anxiously peeking inside. Chorong jumped out of the couch on hearing that and landed in front of the door “Why did you come here? Oh are you here to support your so called friend for what he did?” she questioned without a break. Kai ignored her and barged in. They were surprised “Hey, how dare you?” chorong yelled but he cared less. Bomi who was in the room yelled “What happened?”. She came out of the room after hearing the commotion and in front of her was kai “Whoa??” she said widening her eyes. Her attention directed towards chorong who was fuming and namjoo trying her best to control her. Bomi calmed her down “Relax” she whispered something in her ear. Kai barged into naeun’s room, it was just his instinct, he can find her anywhere. He locked the door as he didn’t want any disturbance. The girls gathered outside the room biting their nails in tension.

He saw her sitting beside the window looking at the sky. She didn’t even realize he was near. He teared up watching her “Naeun” he spoke calmly. Naeun heard him and shut her ears with her palms thinking she was hallucinating “Don’t think of him. Don’t….Why are you thinking of him? I deserved this since i hurt him. I am sorry jongin” she thought crying. She snapped when he called her again “Naeun?”. Naeun widened her eyes “Jongin??” she mumbled and turned around only to find him few steps away. He stood at the door with tears filled in his eyes “Naeun…” he called her once again weakly. Her eyes welled up as soon as she spotted him. She ran to him, perhaps would landed in his arms but stopped an inch away. "I am sorry" he reasoned. She burst out crying “Why are you saying that jongin? Why? When i should be the one saying that?” she wanted to tell him these sentences but she couldn’t utter a word and could only cry. He wanted to hug her tightly but he couldn't “I am here for you. I will always be with you. Don’t cry” he said her hair.

“I am sure it is a misunderstanding, taemin would never do that” he explained taking his friends stance. Naeun froze when she heard taemin’s name. She pushed him gently. “Jongin….there was and is nothing between us so please i beg of you don’t increase my pain”. Kai explained “Naeun, you believe in me right?”. Naeun covered her face in her palms “Please go jongin” she said weeping. He was going to speak but she opened the door and pushed him outside the room “Please go….Go!!” she yelled. She slammed door on his face before he could come in. He kept hitting the door “Naeun, open the door. Why are you hurting yourself? You know if you are hurt i will be hurt too”. She slid down the door and hugged her knees crying “I am sorry jongin….i am sorry…..i can’t anymore…..not anymore”.

“Jongin, if you think of me as a true friend never meet me again….please…..forget that i even existed in your life….please understand me….please leave me alone” she said sobbing. He slid down the door sobbing “Why are you doing this? Why are you pushing me away?” he yelled. The girls outside were shocked too after listening to their conversation. They sighed as naeun was not being honest with her feelings but didn’t want her to be burdened too. She definitely needs some alone time, a personal space to find herself. Kai was furious thinking she never depends on others specially him “Fine!!!” he yelled. Naeun was attentive. He yelled from the door “Fine naeun, you…..if this is what you want…if this brings you peace…you want me forget about you right? I will forget about you….from today there was and there is no girl named naeun in my life….….but i guarantee you i will never let you forget about me. Whenever you think that the memories of me are fading in your heart i will reappear and dig deep into your heart…..You can never forget me…I will never let you..i promise….Goodbye” he said and stormed out of their dorm. Tears welled up in her eyes when she heard his words. It pained her heart but she stopped herself from running after him. She thought she cannot choose him after she chose his friend over him. She felt guilty and her conscience stopped her desire to express her love for him. At last she thought it is better to let him to go so that he could find a better girl who will love him confidently, who will be better at expressing her love to him. Though her heart hurt in this process and his did too but for their future this was the best decision.

Regardless of her decision she never thought what kai wanted, what he wished. Without a second thought she closed her heart’s door forever. Probably she knows this heart of hers will not be opened to any other guy either. Kai was hurt than being angry. Rather than her he blamed himself. He wished if only he was confident in the past, if only he expressed his love, today would be different. Again they both encountered the word ‘if only’. The same word which cannot change anything, neither their past, the present nor their future.

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It’s been days after the incident, kai diverted his attention to his career rather than his personal life, he was being stubborn. Exo sat together watching TV in their dorm when Apink appeared on the screen. As soon as naeun showed up on screen he got up a