Apology 3

The next day, Taeyeon washed up a bit at Sunny’s before asking her to bring her home. The petite blonde was nervous about meeting her ex-girlfriend, they basically lived together, but she braced herself. To her dismay, the house was swept clean from all traces of the Jung. She checked their rooms and the whole house. Nothing. The girl chuckled bitterly and plopped herself on the couch.

 

 

 

“What did I expect? Of course she’d be gone. She hates me and never wants to see me again anyway. Dammit why is this so hard? I feel like calling her and tell her everything but I don’t want her to be with me just because she pities my condition and I’m only gonna be a drag for her….*sighs* I miss you already Sica-yah..”

 

 

 

 

A few days has passed and Taeyeon was still rooted to her medium-sized couch. The girl was in a deep depression that she started drinking a little too much despite her heart condition. Not only that, she barely gets up if it’s not to go to the bathroom. Meals were long forgotten. She even can’t remember her last shower. Probably the day before they broke up. She doesn’t know if she’s had some sleep – maybe some nap, or just a few seconds of shut eye. Because she couldn’t get rid of her moments with Jessica in the house. The internal pain in her heart aka her feelings was what mattered the most that moment.

 

 

She did order some takeouts for two days straight – mainly chicken and beer, but only the drinks were touched. The chicken were still intact, though. She tried to open some and eat but couldn’t bring herself to it without puking. Taeyeon felt like her bladder was about to burst from all of the drinking so she struggled to stand up and go to the bathroom. Sitting around for days without any solid movements really made her muscles ache and sore. The blonde managed to wobble to the bathroom but did her ‘business’ in a painfully slow motion.

 

 

 

After she was done, she went through the same difficulties to move back into the living room only this time she was forced to place her hands on the wall for support. The girl could barely open her eyes, maybe due to the lack of sleep so she didn’t realize that she has reached the end of the wall, causing her to fall down. Her weak body couldn’t support her anymore as she collapsed and fainted.

 

 

 

 

 

Two days later

 

 

Taeyeon’s POV

 

 

I felt a searing pain shot up my head as I tried to lift my eyelids. For some reason, they felt heavier. But not as heavy as my chest. It’s as if I had to sprint for a hundred meters just to breathe in normally. I moved my right hand slowly to massage my temple. I opened my eyes and saw what I figured was tubes connected to my arms and an oxygen mask on. A blurry, tear-stained Sunny appeared in my vision, cupping and quickly pressed a button on my headrest. A few moments later, a few people who were Yoona and two nurses rushed in and began doing whatever they did. The doctor flashed a bright light in my eyes and did a few tests to check my condition.

 

 

“How is she, Yoona-yah?”

 

 

 

Yoona appeared to be relief. “Unnie, it was lucky that you found her earlier. If you didn’t….I don’t know what would happen to her. Taeyeon-unnie seems fine, maybe a bit dizzy and has a few non-dangerous side effects after the dose we injected, but other than that she’s stable. I expect you to tell her the news?”

 

 

 

Sunny looked like she has escaped death itself. I wonder why? She pursed her lips before nodding. “Yes, I’ll tell her that myself. Thank you so much, Yoona.” They hugged each other before Yoona left for her job. I was curious about the “news” but Sunny told me to rest first and I complied because after that I felt sleepy again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author’s POV

 

 

 

A few hours after Taeyeon fell asleep, she woke up again, this time feeling better than before. The girl tried sitting up but was surprised when she felt the bed rising to suit her comfortable seating posture.

 

 

 

“Aish, try asking for help, will ya?” The blonde looked at her best friend with weary eyes, but still gave her a sincere smile. She was glad that Sunny let her off the hook for her drinking incident. She knew the latter would usually burst out about things like that because it’s not good for her heart. Maybe Sunny understood her pain and didn’t want to bring it up again as it will hurt her more.

 

 

 

“Thanks, Soonkyu-ah.”

 

 

 

“You know I don’t like my Korean name yet you still call me that. Tsk, so much for being sick.” Sunny tried to glare at the sick girl, but both ended up laughing together.

 

 

 

Suddenly the mood got serious because Sunny stared at her as if to deliver something important. “What is it, Sunny-ah? Oh yeah, what was the news that Yoona talked about just now? I wasn’t dreaming about it right?”

 

 

 

The shorter girl shooked her head before inhaling a deep breath. “You weren’t. In fact, I have a good news and also a bad news to tell you, Taeng.” Taeyeon nodded her head and signaled her to continue.

 

 

 

“So umm, the good news is that we found a donor for your heart transplant.”

 

 

 

“Wow, that’s, that’s great…I thought I’ve lost all hope of even recovering….And the bad news?” Sunny bit her lips nervously before continuing her sentence.

 

 

 

“The bad news is that….the success rate of the surgery is below 40 percent…Yoona said the doctor could try his best but we can’t just ignore the fact that you might…not survive the operation..Taeng-ah..” The sparkle of hope in Taeyeon’s eyes vanished almost immediately. ‘Is God playing tricks on me? Tsk just when I thought….sigh.’

 

 

 

 

“Soonkyu-ah. Give…give me some time to think…I’ll let you know later, alright?” Sunny just smiled sadly at her friend and nodded. She stood up to go, wanting to give Taeyeon some time alone.

 

 

 

 

“Okay Taeng. But you have to let me know fast, because there might be other people in the waiting list. I’ll go first, see you tomorrow Taeyeon-ah.” Sunny kissed the top of Taeyeon’s head before she walked out of the room. After she saw Sunny had gone, she lied down and tried to not overthink about the surgery but she couldn’t. She spent the whole night with all the what ifs in her head and only fall asleep when she’s too tired to even blink an eye.

 

 

 

 

The next morning

 

 

 

 

“Taeyeon-ah wake up. I brought some porridge for you. Careful it’s still hot.” Taeyeon groggily rubbed her swollen eyes and muttered a thanks to Sunny. She stirred the porridge a little with her metal spoon before blowing some air to cool it down and ate the meal. She repeated it a few more times before gulping down some mineral water and wiped with a napkin.

 

 

 

 

“Soonkyu-ah, I’ll do it.”

 

 

 

 

“Do what?”

 

 

 

 

“The surgery.” Taeyeon looked up to meet Sunny’s eyes. “I’ll do it.”

 

 

 

“A-are you sure? You still have time until tomorrow, Taeng. No need to rush.”

 

 

 

 

“Ani ani, you yourself said there are others waiting too right? I don’t wanna waste any more time. I’m positive about this.”

 

 

 

 

“What made you do that decision? I m-mean, Taeng, if this operation goes wrong….we could lose you…And I couldn’t bear that fact alone…”

 

 

 

 

Taeyeon rubbed the back of her friend gently, coaxing her. “Soonkyu-ah. I’ve thought about this quite a lot last night...and I thought to myself, why not? I mean, I’m going to die anyway, sooner or later-“

 

 

 

 

“Yah! Don’t speak like that!”

 

 

 

“Aish, arasseo. So like I said, my heart isn’t fit to last long. If I do it, I might have a chance to live. And if I don’t, well…. as we expected, it’s only a matter of time, isn’t it? I know it’s risky, but might as well take a shot at it.” Taeyeon smiled sadly. Sunny was already in tears, thinking about all of the possibilities which were only two actually – whether Taeyeon lives or not.

 

 

“*sighs heavily* O-okay then. You know I love you right, buddy? I’ll be with you all the way, no matter what your decision is.”

 

 

 

“Thanks a lot Soonkyu-ah. I really appreciate it.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Three months later

 

 

 

Jessica entered the same café she caught Taeyeon in the act with Yoona around a month ago. She had the most miserable days of her life when they broke up, and she spent weeks bawling in her sister’s spare room, not being able to digest anything except for water and some bread which her dongsaeng, Krystal forced her to chew on. Her body weight dropped a lot, her already thin waist grew smaller, if that was even possible. She lost some fats around her cheeks too, making her cheekbones more protruding. Not to mention her terrible eye bags which made her whole face look like a panda. Regardless, she was still beautiful, just looking unhealthy or sick at certain times. Jessica is trying to live her life normally again, so she got out of her room, thinking that it’s a waste to cry over some jerk who cheated on her and started working again. Taecyeon was there for her, but he decided to back down and give space for Jessica who seemed robotic after the incident.

 

 

 

Jessica pushed the glass door of the café and scanned the area, spotting the one who summoned her. She placed her handbag on the table and seated herself.

 

 

 

 

 Jessica folded her arms, looking uninterested and spoke coldly. “What do you want?”

 

 

 

 

 

“Hey Sica, it’s been so long since the last time we met. Ooh you look skinnier than before. Did you go on a diet?”

 

 

 

 

 

“Cut off the chase, Sunny. What do you need? If it’s about Taeyeon, then I’ll take my leave first.” Jessica was about to stand up when Sunny grabbed her hand, preventing her from leaving.

 

 

 

 

“W-wait. Follow me.” Sunny left the café, walking towards her car. The brunette sighed frustratedly, not wanting to comply with the latter’s request, but instinct told her that something wasn’t right and that she should just go with it.

 

 

 

 

The journey inside the car was silent. Neither of them opened their mouth to talk. Jessica wanted to speak, be angry, get mad at her ex’s best friend about Taeyeon’s behavior but she knew when Sunny is serious, she keeps quiet so she let it go. They have been friends for a while too, courtesy of being with Taeyeon. They stopped at a nearby park and Sunny motioned her to get off.

 

 

 

 

“Sit down.” She said to Jessica.

 

 

 

 

“What are we doing here?”

 

 

 

Sunny reached into her coat pocket and pulled out a brown-looking envelope. “Here, it’s something Taeyeon wanted you to have.” Being the curious girl she is, Jessica gently took the mysterious envelope and looked weirdly at Sunny.

 

 

 

 

“Go on, open it. I’ll be inside my car.” On the envelope, it read, “To Sooyeon.” Jessica wasn’t sure if Taeyeon had sprayed her perfume on it because it has her vanilla scent that she missed so much but she shook her head off those thoughts. She tore off the seal and took out the content inside, which was a soft pink colored folded letter. Her heart was pounding before she even read it. She slowly flipped open the letter and read it to herself.

 

 

 

 

‘Dear Sooyeon,

 

 

 

          Hahaha I’ve always wanted to call you that. May I? Well it’s too late for you to scold me now anyway *merong*~~

 

 

 

 

       Sooyeon-ah, remember our first date? I accidentally ordered a dish with cucumber slices in it and you threw a huge fit, making us got blacklisted from the restaurant xD And the time when I accidentally tripped on a small stone at the amusement park, causing my ice cream to land on the bald guy’s head? Thank God we managed to run and hide before he noticed us lol. Oh oh and also remember when you tried giving me a free show at the changing room but failed when the worker suddenly appeared behind us? Hahahahah luckily she was a girl, so I didn’t have to beat the crap out of her xD Ahh, I missed those times.

 

 

 

 

      

 Sooyeon-ah,

 

 

         Let me go straight to the point. I…...I lied. I didn’t stop loving you. I never did. Not a single day went by where this heart of mine stopped beating at the thought you. You must be confused, right? The truth is…the day you found me at the café with Yoona..we didn’t kiss. At all. And we’re not dating, too.’

 

 

 

 

Jessica paused for a while, her mind trying to process the real truth presented to her after months living in lies. Then…then why did you do that, Taeyeon-ah? The brunette hurriedly read the continuation, eager to know the reason behind all those lies.

 

 

 

 

‘Yoona is actually my doctor.’      What doctor?    Her eyes grew wide with every word she reads.

 

 

‘I…I am actually sick. I was diagnosed with a heart failure a while back. I was lucky enough to have lived the years with you. But unfortunately, it wasn’t meant to last long. I started having breathing difficulties and painful chest constrictions. I badly wanted to tell you, Sooyeon, but I don’t want to see you cry. It hurts me more than….this. The times I went out with Sunny, it was actually for my regular check up. I didn’t want to worry you because at that time, I haven’t found a donor for my heart yet. And the times when I ignored you and acted cold towards you…it was to refrain myself from telling you and hurting you. I thought I’d keep this secret to my grave but I think it’s best for me to give you a proper closure.’

 

 

 

 

Jessica’s face was already drenched with tears and her heart was pounding so loud, afraid of what’s going to appear next in the letter. Her mind was already a mess replaying about all the times Taeyeon made excuses to escape their dates, or how many times she had gone to her checkups alone and how hard was it for her to endure it all by herself without her girlfriend by her side.

 

 

 

 

‘Sooyeon, Sica-ah…I’m so sorry. By the time this letter reaches your hand, I might be already gone, far away from this world, far from you because the surgery had failed. I thought I just might have a chance with you again, so I took the risk. But it’s okay. I didn’t regret it the decision I made, because rather than suffer and wait till my death without you around, I actually went through it with the thought of getting you back in mind. So I’m happy for that. I… just want to say that, I’m sorry for abandoning you…. I’m sorry for lying to you…. I’m sorry for keeping this a secret from you...I’m sorry for not being able to protect you anymore. I’m sorry for being too weak to be with you… Even though it hurts, I hope you will forget me. The promise we made to be together forever….I’m sorry I couldn’t fulfil it... I hope you live a better life without me, Sica-yah. Find someone else, a person that could make you happier than I do. A person that could be with you during hard times. A person that won’t make you cry. And a person that is strong enough to live with you until your old days.

 

 

 

I just have one more thing to say to you, Jessica Jung Sooyeon….I love you. I’ve never stopped, and never will. My love for you will stay forever, regardless what happens. But don’t make it a reason not to move on. My love will still be the same even though you’re with another person. Also, thank you for being patient with my attitude towards you. Don’t cry, Sica-yah. You will hurt me by doing that. Take care, alright?

 

 

 

 

 

Always loving you,

Kim Taeyeon.’

 

 

 

 

 

Jessica cupped tightly because it hurts. So much. All these while she had been accusing Taeyeon of nonsense and never took the liberty to investigate why. Her almond eyes were spilling tears like waterfall, some wetting the letter in the process. She felt like someone just stabbed her in the chest. She felt betrayed. Lied to. And what hurts the most was Taeyeon leaving her, alone. Without goodbye. Without her being able to see her for the last time. Without being able to kiss those thin, pink lips anymore. Without being able to hug her so tight she won’t be able to go. Her thoughts were a whirlwind. She didn’t know what to do anymore except for bawling her eyes out.

 

 

 

 

Sunny was watching the Jung reading the letter from the car. She didn’t know what the content was, all she knew was Taeyeon had asked her to give it to Jessica if she passed away. The sick girl won’t even let her peep in the contents, so she had stayed put. But this time around, she won’t let Taeyeon order her what to do anymore.

 

 

 

The shorter girl walked to the bench where Jessica was seating and tapped on her shoulder. She wasn’t surprised when Jessica gave her a murderous glare.

 

 

 

“Y-you! You kept this away from me! I’m her girlfriend why did you do this to me! Why….” What started as an attack on Sunny’s body crumbled into a crying mess. Sunny pulled the girl up into a hug.

 

 

 

 

“Y-yah. Shhh. *sighs* I have to bring you somewhere.” She grabbed Jessica’s hand and seated her in the car, driving to the hospital.

 

 

 

 

 

Seoul Hospital

 

 

 

Jessica’s hand trembled against the cold, metal door. She bit her lips and nervously peeked through the small transparent pane. Her heart was about to burst out of her ribcage trying to catch a glimpse of the patient inside.

 

 

 

Flashback during the car ride

 

 

 

“Sica stop crying.” Jessica looked at Sunny with disgust.

 

 

 

“How can I not when the most important person in my life, is dead?!?! And you played a huge role in tricking me too, traitor!”

 

 

 

“No, she’s not.” Jessica blinked her eyes a couple of times, not believing what the bob-haired midget was saying.

 

 

 

“W-what?”

 

 

 

Sunny heaved a sigh and kept talking, but her eyes were still on the road. “Like I said, Taeyeon, is still alive. It’s just that….she’s been in a coma for a month now. I couldn’t possibly wait for her to die only then I tell you, isn’t it?”

 

 

 

Flashback ends

 

 

 

 

 

Sunny had told her everything, about the success rate of the surgery and how Taeyeon survived despite the low chances but was stuck in comatose. And all there’s left was hope.

 

 

 

The brunette slowly pushed the metal door just big enough for her body to fit in. Every step she took felt heavy, and dreadful. She couldn’t contain her tears from falling once more when she saw the condition the love of her life was in.

 

 

 

Jessica let out a choked sob and shakily approached Taeyeon. Taeyeon was – Taeyeon, just a lot skinnier and looked really pale. Her blonde locks had grown longer, too. and nose was covered with an oxygen mask with her hands connected with dizzy looking wire tubes. However, just like her name, Taeyeon looked calm and at peace despite having to go through many obstacles. Jessica sat on a plastic chair provided and sat close to her body. She brushed a few strands of Taeyeon’s hair that was covering her face. With trembling lips, Jessica leaned forward and kissed Taeyeon’s forehead with all the love she has. Her lips stayed there for a good few minutes, enough to wet the patient’s face with her crystal tears.

 

 

“Taeyeon-ah. Taengoo. I-I’m here.”

 

 

 

 

Jessica spent the whole week talking to the living corpse as if she could really listen to her. Sunny said she has tried that for a whole month, but Taeyeon just won’t wake up. Jessica just shrugged of Sunny’s words and continued to stay beside Taeyeon every day without a miss, praying for her conciousness. She even applied an emergency leave from her work just to see Taeyeon in case she moves a finger. Like every other night since last week, Jessica used her hands as a pillow and tilted her head to find a comfortable position to sleep. Her body ached alright, but she was too stubborn to sleep on the couch even though it is quite near because she’s scared Taeyeon will be awake at any time.

 

 

 

 

 

Perhaps she is tired from staying up, taking care of Taeyeon for a whole week without stop, so she sleeps a little more than she used to, until the afternoon. She was unaware that a certain pair of eyes has been watching her quietly since an hour ago. The latter groggily stretched her arms to rub her eyes and yawned a bit before going to the bathroom to wash her face. After she was done, she returned to the chair and massaged Taeyeon’s arms.

 

 

 

“Aigoo uri Taengoo, so skinny. Ppalli wake up, alright? I’ll cook you some delicious meals. Hehe.” Jessica paused her words before continuing. But this time, her voice croaked a bit.

 

 

 

 

“T-Taengoo. Wake up, please? For me?” Jessica bowed down her head, unable to contain her tears which fell onto Taeyeon’s arms.

 

 

“S-Sooyeon-ah, didn’t I tell you not to cry? It pains me, you know.”     That voice. It can’t be….  Jessica’s head immediately jerked up when she heard that all too familiar voice.

 

 

 

 

 

“T-Taeng…..Taengoo…!” Taeyeon didn’t have the time to react when she was engulfed by a bone-crashing hug by Jessica. The girl sobbed louder on her shoulder and Taeyeon smiled too, with happy tears running down her face. She used her free arm to reciprocate the hug and softly rubbed the back of the brunette.

 

 

 

 

“Shhh Sica-yah. I’m here, alive. I assume it was Soonkyu who told you? Did you get my letter?” She felt a few nods on her shoulder because Jessica wasn’t planning on letting her go anytime sooner.

 

 

 

“Aish, thought so. The girl could barely keep a secret.”

 

 

 

 

“You jerk! How could you leave me out in the dark all these while! I’m your girlfriend for God’s sake!” Taeyeon was surprised by the outburst but kept quiet as she knew she deserved it. The rage soon turned into relieved sobs.

 

 

“But thank God….you made it. Never ever keep a secret away from me, Taengoo….I thought I was going to die without you….” Taeyeon motioned her to come closer. She cupped Jessica’s face and pressed their foreheads together.

 

 

 

“I’m so sorry Sica-yah. I really am. I love you. So much. This heart, whether it functions or not, will always beat for you.” She pointed at her left chest.

 

 

 

 

“I know. I love you too, Taengoo.” Both closed their eyes as Taeyeon pressed the back of Jessica’s head towards her and dived in for a sweet kiss.

 

 

 

 

 

A/N : How was this?!?! happy ending just like you guys asked for! Hahahaha damn I thought I’d die writing the ending lol. It’s so hardddd T.T Oh btw, I've been here since 2012 already but idk what's the use of karma points? Lol somebody tell me please xD also, some of the letter contents is a part of ikon's apology translated lyrics hehe