It has been a while since the last time I got to be this close to another human being. It reminded me of my school years. Especially my crushes. I remeber how much they meant for me at the time. 

Yes, I liked them very much. The three of them. The first one, which was the captain of the basketball team in my middle school, he had dimples on both of his cheeks. Whenever he smiled, it would be as if Heaven knocked at my door. Obviously, I was not the only girl who had a huge crush on him. Many of my close friends back then had a crush on him. I guess that's why we were friends. We had the same goal. Anyways,he would always have love letters in his locker and also girls waiting for him after school to confess. I never wrote him any letter. It was a one-sided crush. Yet, it was slighlty different for me. I was responsible of managing the team, which means I talked to him on a daily-basis. I was always nervous, but I pretended that I did not care whether if we were in the same room. I liked to look at him, into his eyes when he talked. I just seemed passionate about managing the team. He was enthusiastic. Ball is life. That's what he would always say. Nevertheless, he was nice to me, well he was nice to everyone. I thought this was gonna stay a crush, but at the end, I confessed to him. The team just won their final game. They were to graduate in the next month, after all the exams. I didn't know better, and I thought it would be a good idea to confess that day, because everything was cheerful. The sun was about set, and the sky displayed a warm orange, but like a ceasing fire red. I noticed that he was always the one to leave last after everyone has changed, so I waited for him outside. 

As he got out, he saw me and gave me a hug, thanking me for being their as their manager to support the team. I was silent, and he knew I was up to something, so he finally asked me what's wrong. I told him. 

"I like you."

but he only replied

"I don't have the slightest feeling for you though." 

I swear, at that moment he revealed a smirk, but yet it seemed like those eyes contained so much sadness. He left afterwards. That was when began my nickname, Solar. Part of me felt so sad about being rejected, I had converted those feelings into energy, concentration and focus on school. I did extremely well on my finals that year, and the year after, I dedicated myself at school. I became class president, and got very good grades, I was within the TOP10 of the honor students. I also quit being manager of the basketball team. They suffered a great loss, and didn't have excellent members like the year before. 

My second crush, I met him through my best friend back then, in which she is not my best friend anymore. Well there, the story is simpler. I liked him because he paid a lot of attention to me, and I thought he liked me, this is why I slowly developped feelings for him. Turned out he had feelings for my best friend and for the longest time ever, we were stuck in a triangle love, where no one moved forward nor. We stayed best friends, until the time they both went out for a drinking and happened. I was alright, because I did know that he liked her, and that my best friend had feelings but kept rejecting him because her social status was inferior. Nevertheless, I cut my ties with them, although they invited me to their wedding. 

The last crush I had, his name was Simon. He was a senior of mine during University. We always flirted with each other, and kept a close relation for two years. He was almost my best friend then, but I did not want to call him my best friend, because if so, I would not be able to become his girlfriend. We were very close. I would go to him whenever I had problems. We spent nights under the stars, while I was in his arms. He would always comfort me by making me laugh. I rarely cried in front of anyone, but to him, I could cry it out. He had very warm and soft hands. The reason why I drifted away from him was because... he had a girlfriend. 

I never got to know about it, maybe he hid it from me during those two years, but never once had I seen him chat with his girlfriend nor got to meet her, until that very day. I had asked him to hang out with me on that day, to the amusement park. We had a lot of fun, then at night, there were the fireworks. That was when I decided to confess my crush to him. I stared at him and I told him.

"I love you."

and he stared back at with a warm smile he replied.

"I love you too."

I then gave him a hug and was about to kiss his cheek, but then he received a call and walked away while he motionned to be back. I waited for about ten minutes and the biggest surprised came. Yes, he brought his girlfriend.

"This is Solar, you know she is the little sister I always mentionned." He winked to his girlfriend

I was so sad, but I kept on and greeted her. They had fun that night, and I went home crying alone. 

After that, I just stopped talking to him, and whenever I would cross him on the street, I would tell him how busy I am with the job that I got through my internship.

It has been a few years since I have loved anyone again, but I hardly loved anyone except my family members anyways. I just hope my love history won't be remembered as a sad story. This is what built me up. Without these experience, I would not be Solar and during all this time, my parents were there for me. I was a happy daughter and my dogs showed me a lot of support too!