“I have to go now.”

Hong Ki looked over at Min with a blank face. She pulled on her coat and stood up from the couch.

“What do I do now?” he asked and also stood from the couch.

He had spent the night on the couch while Min slept on his bed. She refused to go home and he refused to let her go.  

“You could wait for me…like you said you would” she replied.

Hong Ki smiled just a little.

“I could…but I grow impatient. Will I have to wait long?”

Min made her way towards the door and Hong Ki followed her.

“Give me a couple of days” she voiced as she opened the door and stepped out into the hallway.

Hong Ki leaned up against the door and looked at Min one last time and then grabbed her, placing a kiss on her forehead.

“I’ll give you one day to decide.”

He let her go and then closed his door. Min couldn’t help but smile. She sighed as she stuffed her hands in her coat pockets and made her way down the hallway.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The first thing Joon noticed when he opened his eyes was that it was now morning. He rubbed his tired eyes and then looked around the room. He stared in surprise at how the room was trashed and the sudden memories of last night flooded his mind. He instantly felt empty, guilty and hurt. The way he treated Hyosung was too much for him to handle. Joon heard a sound from outside and instantly became alert. He stood from his bed, his head hurting at his sudden movement. He walked out of his room and into the living room, stopping as he saw Hyuna kneeling on the floor. She looked up and smiled at him.

“You’re awake. I left you some aspirin on the night stand.”

“What are you doing here?” he asked in a whisper.

Hyuna ignored him. Joon looked around and noticed the full trash bags and the clean room.

“Did you clean all of this by yourself?” he asked.

Hyuna stood up from her position and Joon noticed she had a dustpan full of glass. He tried to stop her but she avoided him and made her way towards a trash bag in the corner. He watched her for a brief moment. She finally stopped her activity and sighed as she looked over to Joon.

“She came home and told me to come to you.”

She knew him all too well. She could tell he wanted to ask about Hyosung but she could not simply allow him to bring Hyosung up. Even though she didn’t want to, she knew she couldn’t stop Joon. She turned away from Joon.

“She’s home right now.”

She tossed her key onto the coffee table. Joon looked at the key and then to her. She didn’t turn to face him, choosing to stare out the window instead. It was raining but soon enough it would become snow.

“I can’t stop you, even though I want to but what do you expect to happen when you see her?”

Her question stunned him. Honestly, he didn’t know what he was expecting. He slowly picked up the key and cast one last look at Hyuna.

“I just want to see her, I’m sorry.”

With those words, he left her alone. She continued to look out the window and eventually saw his back running down the street. She felt like she wanted to cry but she decided she couldn’t. Joon and Hyosung needed to settle things once and for all and even though she didn’t know what happened, she knew Hyosung wouldn’t have hurt Joon for just any reason. She knew Hyosung had changed but she didn’t know why. As Joon finally disappeared, Hyuna went back to cleaning. She was going to stay and wait for Joon to return.

~~~~~~~~~~~

As Min opened the door, she was face to face with Kikwang. They didn’t say anything to each other and it was obvious that neither one of them wanted to speak first. There was too much to say but not enough courage to say it. Min closed the door behind her and cleared however, Kikwang finally spoke first.

“Where did you go?” he asked.

Min felt as though she owed him an explanation but then she realized that he already knew.

“I was with Hong Ki, of course.”

He didn’t seem too bothered but she could tell that he felt slightly uncomfortable. Her confession was followed by another moment of silence. She avoided his eyes because she just wasn’t ready to voice anything else.

“Well I’m glad you’re okay” he said and made his way into the bed room.

She watched him leave, feeling sadness. He was trying to avoid her and if this was any other day, she might have been grateful for the distance, but not today.

“That’s it? You’re not going to say anything else?” she asked, raising her voice.

She waited for him to come out but instead heard his voice.

“I can’t seem to say anything else to you.”

Min suddenly barged into the room and found him sitting on the edge of the bed. He looked up and then avoided her eyes.

“Just say something” she said.

Kikwang covered his face with his hands, took a deep breath and then looked back at her.

“I loved you, at least I think I loved you. You drove me wild and I liked having you in my arms. I lived just to see you look at me, to hold me and to kiss me but then things just seemed to fade. I can’t look at you anymore. The guilt is too much.”

Min felt the tears slip down her face as she listened to Kikwang.

“You jerk…why is it that everything was working so well…and then suddenly ripped from underneath us?” she asked.

She wasn’t really looking for an answer. She knew she had grown to love him but his constant struggle with his emotions had taken a toll on her. While he struggled to keep his love for her, she struggled to remind herself that she loved him.

“What does she have…that I didn’t?” she asked.

Kikwang almost smiled.

“The same thing that Hong Ki does. It has to be something special in order for you to look at him with bright eyes. I noticed it right away when he stepped through the door. You had never looked at me in that way.”

Min almost laughed because it seemed to be true. Though she didn’t know Hong Ki that well, she wanted to know everything about him because everything about him fascinated her. She stayed silent for a moment and then decided to speak.

“Did I make you happy, Kikwang-ah?”

He didn’t hesitate to nod his head and that made her smile.

“I think we should break up” she said.

They weren’t surprised but none the less, they were still hurt by those words.

“Where will you go?” he asked.

“I called my old landlord… my apartment is still available. I can move back tonight.”

Kikwang stood from the bed and looked at her with an unreadable expression.

“I’m sorry” was all he said before he reached to grab her.

She let him pull her into a small hug. It was going to be the last time she would be able to hug him like this. She felt her heart sink when she felt a tear drop hit her head. He was crying for her. She suddenly felt very comforted.

“I enjoyed being with you…my love that was never meant to be.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Hyosung opened the door, she wasn’t expecting to see Joon standing on the other side.

She didn’t say anything and when he saw her face, his words died in his throat. She looked broken and that only served to make him feel worse.

“Come in” she whispered and moved aside.

Joon hesitated a little but eventually walked into the apartment and turned to look at her. She turned to look at him, her hand automatically covering her cheek. Joon stepped up to her and she almost flinched. He gently grabbed her wrist and removed her hand from her cheek. She avoided looking into his eyes as he looked at her face.

“I’m so sorry” he whispered.

“You didn’t do this” she replied.

“Yes I did. If it wasn’t because of me, you wouldn’t have this on your face and these on your wrists.”

He lifted her hand and looked at her wrists. They had turned purple from bruising. Hyosung finally looked into his eyes and started crying.

“I’m so sorry Joonie.”

Joon let go of her wrist and watched her as she continued to cry. He wanted to hate her for showing up in his life and for being so beautiful and for invading his heart. However, he knew he could never hate her, no matter how hard he tried.

“You know…I never felt as though you belonged to me. It felt like I was holding on to you and you just stayed because it gave me comfort.”

Hyosung wiped her tears and looked at him.

“I’m sorry I made you feel like I wasn’t yours but I was. You had me in the palm of your hand. I ended up loving you so much after you took me in.

Joon sadly smiled.

“If only I could ask you to start over” he said.

Hyosung covered her face with her hands. She couldn’t look at him. He has such sad eyes. Joon felt relieved as she covered her face. He couldn’t see her face and that made him feel less guilty. He had harmed her intently while she tried to spare him from getting hurt.

“Would you have left me for him?” he asked suddenly.

Hyosung automatically shook her head.

“I didn’t want to leave you because you mean too much to me. I wanted to forget him and never think of him again but I couldn’t do it” she replied.

She finally removed her hands from her face and looked at him.

“Please forgive me Joonie…I never wanted to hurt you.”

Joon shook his head at her and placed his hands on her shoulders.

“I want you to be happy with me but I can’t force you to be with me.”

He stopped talking as he felt his throat get tight. His eyes began to burn and he tried to blink away the sensation.  They both knew what was coming.

“I’ve always been standing by your side and I hated myself for not making you feel my love earlier.”

The tears he was so desperately trying to hold in were now slipping out. He choked on his words but continued none the less.

“Let’s end it about now.”

She looked at him.

“I need to let you go…so please let me go too.”

She cried at those words because it was now officially over. She didn’t know what to do. She wanted to hold him and beg for forgiveness but she knew she couldn’t do that to him because unlike her, he only liked her.

He wanted to hold her close but he knew if he held her right now, he was not going to let go. He stepped back and looked at her with the love he had for her.

“I won’t hold resentment towards you or Kikwang-ah. I could never hate you. You made me feel alive and you brought me happiness. You gave me smiles when I needed them. You made my heart go crazy and you let me have happiness with you. I would never forget those times. I love you Jun Hyosung and I will always love you because you mean the world to me.”

“Lee Joon…you will always be my first love, no matter what. That is the most special love of all.” She replied.

Joon smiled through his tears and she managed to do the same.

“This is goodbye…for now Hyosung-ah.”

He placed one last kiss on her lips before he walked past her and out of the apartment. He ran down the street in the freezing rain and cried. He had just left the woman that he loved and the pain was too much. He continued to run and soon enough the rain was no longer rain but instead it was snow. He slipped and stumbled as he struggled to run home. He couldn’t fall, not yet. If he fell, he would never get back up and move on. He ran all the way home and finally managed to enter his apartment. He found the place clean. He was breathing heavily as he made his way further into his apartment and when he was about to reach his room, a hand stopped him. He looked down and saw Hyuna. She looked him up and down before she led him to his bathroom. He didn’t say a word and she pushed him in.

“You’ll get sick if you don’t shower. I’ll have dinner ready when you come out. I put your clothes on the sink.”

She was about to close the door but Joon grabbed it.

“Aren’t you going to ask me what happened?” he asked in a hushed voice.

Hyuna looked at him. She saw his red eyes and his tired face. She could see right through him. He didn’t want to talk about it.

“You’ll tell me when you’re ready. I’ll turn the music up, so you can be as loud as you want. If you’re not out in half an hour, I’ll force my way in to pull you out.”

She shut the door and seconds later, Joon could hear music. He smiled at that. Back when she had just started living with him and Hyosung, she would always cry in the shower because she thought no one could hear her. Then one day, he told her he would play music so that she wouldn’t have to silence herself.

Joon turned the water on and finally stepped in.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Are you sure you don’t want me to walk you home?”

Min smiled at Kikwang.

“Of course not” she replied.

He was about to reply but she cut him off.

“If were keep trying to be nice, then we will never leave each other.”

Kikwang nodded in understanding.

“Do you hate me?” he asked.

“No, not at all” she replied.

He smiled a little.

“I’ll send some movers tomorrow to get my things….and I’ll see you around.”

Min turned to walk out away but Kikwang reached out and grabbed her arm.

“I’ll be here if you ever need me.”

Min smiled.

“I hope I don’t…not in a way that exceeds friendship. I wish you luck Kikwang-ah.”

With those words, she left him.

She made her way down the street and halfway home, she pulled out her phone. She remembered what Hong Ki had told her. She searched for his number and sent him a message.

‘I decided…I choose you.’

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Joon sighed with satisfaction as he stepped out of the bathroom. The music was still playing and he made his way towards the kitchen. He turned off the radio and looked at the food.

“Hyuna-yah?”

There was no response. He looked down at the plate of food and picked it up. He ate it very quickly. He hadn’t eaten since last night. Once he was finished he made his way out into the living room, stopping as he saw Hyuna on the couch. She was spread out on the couch, sleeping. He smiled a little as she snored. He shook his head and made his way over to her. He bent down to pick her up but she suddenly woke up. She looked at him in surprise and then glanced at the clock.

“It’s late” she whispered to herself.

She looked up at Joon and sighed.

“Aren’t you tired? Go to sleep” she said.

Joon raised his eyebrow at her.

“Shouldn’t I be telling you that?” he asked.

Hyuna rolled her eyes.

“Joon-oppa, I know you better than you know yourself. You’re tired.”

Joon knew she was providing him with an excuse to go to bed and sulk. He finally nodded in defeat.

“Okay, okay. I’ll go to sleep. You can sleep on my bed. I’ll sleep out here.”

Hyuna sighed in frustration and finally pulled Joon down onto the couch. She ran out the room and returned with blankets and pillows. She draped the blanket over him and gave him a pillow. He looked at her as she continued to try and make him more comfortable. It was then that he noticed the numerous small cuts on her hands and legs. She had been picking up his mess and she was the one who ended up hurt.

“I’m sorry Hyuna-yah…and thankful at the same time.”

Hyuna didn’t respond and instead kneeled down in front of him. He was about to speak again but she motioned to him to keep quiet. She sat on the floor with her back to him.

“I’ll wait until you go to sleep…just to make sure you’re going to be okay.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO YOU ALL!!!!! I am not going to lie….I cried while writing this chapter!! But I am also happy that everyone has come to terms with their feelings and the consequences/outcomes of everything. Now I can move full speed towards Kisung!! Can’t wait!!! And oh my bojangles!!! My story had over 1500 views!! WOOT WOOT!!

********Chapter song inspiration time!!! Okay…seriously, this song made me cry and still makes me cry every time I listen to it! GAAAH! I took some of the lyrics and used then in the chapter because they just went with the situation. I love this song so much <3 even though it breaks my heart every time.