25/12

I woke up the next morning with a throbbing headache. It was snowing outside. I spotted a bottle of alcohol on the table, next to my christmas present for him and remembered how I ruined everything last night. 

"Sunbae, that's too expensive, I can't keep it." I held my hands up. I didn't want sunbae to keep spending money on me. What I bought him couldn't be compared to this beautiful necklace in front of me. 

"Call me Joonmyun, Hana." Sunbae smiled, "It's more comfortable that way." 

"Joonmyun- I-" I blushed immediately after saying his birth name. 

"I've been wanting to tell you this for a long time and I was never brave enough to admit it. We've known each other for a few years and I've always seen you as the little sister that I've never had. It was only the start of this year I started viewing you differently - not as a little girl anymore but as a woman. I started missing your laughter and smiles and found myself always looking for you on and off campus. I thought of you more often than I noticed. I wouldn't forgive myself if I didn't confess today. Hana, I like you." 

A gulf of emotions overwhelmed me and I was at a loss of words. Half of me couldn't believe what I was hearing. I had just realised my feelings for him and this happened. This was too good to be true. Another half of me was yelling at me, trying to get me to say "yes, and I like you too" at the top of my lungs. My mind was in a mess. So I chose the easy way out. I left the room. 

I ruined it. 

I ruined my chance with sunbae. 

How hard could it be to say yes? I liked sunbae back. I guess it was the fact that I was insecure that made me leave. I opened the mini fridge by the side of the bed and took out a can of beer. Who cares about underage drinking? I just wanted to get my mind off and forget whatever happened today. 

I took out my phone and stared at sunbae's contact. Should I call him? Should I look for him in his room? Maybe I should text? 

I opened a new message and started crafting. 

Sunbae I'm so sorry for leaving like 

No, that didn't sound right.

In fact, I like you.

No, that was too direct. 

I'm sorry for leaving last night I was confused and afraid. I like you too. 

I was about to make an edit when I accidentally pressed send. My eyes widened. Oh no oh no oh no. This couldn't be happening. How am I supposed to face him now? 

Seconds later, the message was marked as read. 

"He's read it. What am I supposed to do?" I grabbed my hair and paced around the room anxiously. I was still wearing last night's clothes and my breath smelled like beer. 

The bell sounded and my head darted to the door. He was there. He was standing there!

I ran to the door and peeked through the hole. Sunbae stood there, hair slightly messed up and clothes untidy. He ruffled his hair and pressed the bell again. I placed a hand on my chest and took a deep breath. I had to face him sooner or later. Might as well do it now. 

Opening the door, I poked my head out and smiled bashfully, "Sunbae, I-"

He pushed the door open with his left hand, then used his right hand to pull me into the room. He rested his forehead against mine, while his body push