Michelle walked in to the bathroom attached to her room aimlessly. She hadn’t exactly been her best in the past few days. There were sleepless nights, sometimes coupled with nightmares while the mornings were simply spent heaving the limited amount of food she had managed to ingest. Her decreased appetite added on to her sickly state, her head seemed heavy and it ached constantly. She had fought the urge to take in more crystalline substances to make her feel better. But what good did it do? It made her feel good momentarily and the next minute she was back to being paranoid.

 

Her scrawny body was covered in sweat, the ends of her frayed hair stuck to her forehead; her lips were a lifeless shade of purple while her nails were ice blue. She hadn’t left the walls of her room in days; she had no exchange with the outside world. The maids had dropped in occasionally with food, sometimes simply to make sure she was alive. Some seemed empathetic towards her, while the others were simply judgmental. She didn’t care; they could form innumerable opinions about her if they wished to. The only thing that mattered was the brown paper bag her maid had dropped off on request.

 

She retrieved the synthetic, white object from the bag, clutching on it shakily. The bathroom tile felt cold against her frail skin; her mind was numb. She had a fair intuition of what the result would be, she had all the signs and she dreaded it more than anything.

 

She leaned closer to the bath-tub to support her feeble body, every second seemed like a lifetime, until her eyes caught sight of the two miniature lines that appeared on to the white article she held so securely. She didn’t have to look at the instruction sheet, she already knew the result- Positive. Her instincts were right, she was indeed pregnant.

 

With tears that fogged her vision yet again, she took trembling steps towards the bathroom door. She was overwhelmed. Her mind wasn’t in the right state; she was still trying to cope up with everything. It had been a very inopportune pregnancy. Did it give her a purpose to live now? She didn’t know.

 

What would she do now?

 

She had made up her mind to let him go, although it wasn’t what her heart had wanted. Her heart had wanted her to latch on to him and keep him by her side, for he was her only hope, her only hope to lead a less miserable life. He would have been the only one to help her find the ‘happy-ending’ she deserved.

 

He would be wedded to the love of his life in a few hours, but not if she were to reveal the news she had just learnt; the vital piece of information which would change everything in their lives.

 

A week ago, she would have jumped at this chance. She knew this was a fool-proof thing; things would certainly work in her favor if Luhan knew about this, for he was never the type of person to run away from responsibilities, even if it meant cancelling his wedding.

 

Then why was she faltering? Why didn’t she want to tell him right away? She could save everyone from the now futile wedding preparations. Yet she felt uneasy, she was the bad guy. She was the antagonist that everyone hated; she was the heartless sinner who tried to snatch away people’s merriment. If she told Luhan about it, she would completely ruin the happiness of two people who mattered to her the most. But did they feel the same way about her? They definitely didn’t, they were in their own happy bubble. Liling had even found the nerve to pass on the invitation to her. Was this everything it would come down to?

 

She had always been a sincere friend to the both of them; she had always given them whatever they wanted. However, instead of repaying her with gratitude, they had done nothing but hurt her. It wasn’t worth it, she thought. Investing her time and effort in making people happy was never worthwhile. And she had learnt her lesson the hard way.

 

She wished someone would guide her but when had anyone ever been there for her, to give her advices, to guide her to the right path? She was made for solitude, she had never brought anything but misery in people’s lives, and she deserved this.

 

She closed her eyes, they felt heavy; it was time for her to make a decision. Would she let him know? Or would she keep it a secret? She was certain that her caring side was almost non-existent now. Liling had only cared about herself, so had Luhan, then why should she be selfless?

 

 She blinked her eyes open again, she knew what to do.

 

 

*The story is set in the 80s-90s period.

Warning: Mentions of substance abuse, child abuse, self-harm and personality disorders but nothing too explicit.  

An earnest request towards all the readers:

If you've read the foreword you'd have a fair idea of what the story will be like.

It's exactly what it looks like- it's a cliched love-triangle, with slight changes in the characters. 

Also, this is the best my writing is ever going to get. I'm not very creative when it comes to developing a plot. 

(And I'm biased towards Yixing, that'll definitely reflect in my story!)

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