Eight.

I adored my elder sister growing up. I simply adored her. I wanted to be just like her. I would follow her day in and day out, trying to pick up the little gestures she did or how she spoke. She was my hero, I looked up to her. I would do anything she would ask me to, because all I ever wanted was to be accepted by her. I wanted to seem worthy and exciting in her eyes.

She had more than a handful of friends; I suppose that was given with the way she was loved by everyone around her. She was effortlessly beautiful and outspoken, something I had never managed to be. I had always been that clumsy, awkward child who was never good enough in her parents’ eyes.

I wanted my parents to appreciate me like they did her. I thought if I behaved exactly like her, maybe my parents would love me too. I would hide myself outside her room, as I wasn’t allowed anywhere near it, especially when her friends were around. And I would watch each and every thing they did, be it the way they played with the doll house or how they braided each others’ hair. I only wanted to be included.

One day, my sister caught me standing behind her room’s door.

“Michelle,” she called me and I had no choice but to reveal myself.

I could see her friends glaring at me as I slowly made my way towards them.

“Why were you standing there?” she asked. I remained mum, scared of what she’d say.

“Do you want to play with us?” she asked sweetly. I remember how excited I had been, I was finally going to get a chance to play with my sister. I nodded vehemently, hoping she’d let me play too.

“Would you do anything I ask you to?”

I nodded again. All I cared about was pleasing my beloved sister.

“Fine, I want you to cut your hair. Go do it now,” she smirked while her friends giggled. I had been so caught up in the moment that I had rushed to the kitchen to grab a pair of sharp scissors. I wasn’t adept with my hands; I had managed to chop my long hair along with a chunk of my skin.

I remember how horrified Nana had been when she had found me the next day, hair cut short and huge gash on my neck. I had lost the hair that had taken so long to grow, but that hadn’t bothered me. When I had gone back to my sister’s room, they had simply laughed and slammed the door to my face. She had never intended to include me and until now we’ve remained mere strangers.

The Yangs wanted nothing less than a momentous extravaganza for their elder daughter, Peiyun’s wedding. The entire household seemed occupied with the approaching occasion and the merriment that ensued with it. Michelle, on the other hand, had taken solace in the dusty carpets of her room and the crystalline white powder that never betrayed her. The days and the nights seemed the same; she would fall asleep at odd times and wake up almost disoriented. Yixing hadn’t dropped in ever since the day she answered to the tacit confession of his feelings with a stinging slap.

Michelle was flabbergasted, as if an indirect rejection from Luhan wasn’t enough; Yixing had kissed her out of nowhere. What had he been thinking? It couldn’t possibly have meant something to him. It certainly couldn’t. She failed to understand his actions. Did he see her exactly how Luhan perceived her as- the undemanding girl who would succumb to any physical advances? It had to be the only explanation. He couldn’t have wanted anything more; falling in love with her was a far cry.

Why would he? She had no appeal, neither was she sensible. She definitely didn’t have Liling’s elegance, nor was she kind. She was a reckless girl, who hadn’t had any sense of direction to her life. She was the girl that whiled away time trying to garner her parents’ attention by being nothing but a nuisance. It hadn't worked out nevertheless, her parents would be infuriated for a mere second, but then they’d go back to ignoring her existence. Her sister had been the same.

So, the mere possibility of Yixing falling in love with her seemed unconceivable. She should have known- she should have known from the very beginning that Luhan would have never returned her feelings. She should have tried to be reasonable; it had been quite evident from the beginning that Luhan merely cared for her as a friend and nothing else. But, she had overlooked the fact and expected him to love her back. How could she have not known that their relationship was nothing but corporal? She couldn’t blame him, after all it was her that had trapped him and tempted him into this illicit relationship.

Everything had been her fault. She had been so distressed with Liling and Luhan’s growing intimacy that she had lured him, hoping that would make him forget about the other girl. But she had been so wrong. How could she have expected him to fall in love with her? She had made it seem like she was alright with it. Perhaps, her mannerisms had painted her as an easy girl who was anything but moral; her scantily clad body might have come across as an open invitation for anyone, let alone Luhan, to taint her. And Yixing was the same, she could tell, he was like any other man after all.

“Young Miss!” She heard her maid’s calls from the other side of the door. She had been laying comfortably on one of the corners of the room, right beside the dusty grand piano that she had once forced Yixing to play. She had been high and he had played a soothing melody, which he had made up on the spot, and that had comforted her, the notes were still etched in her mind. She had found herself thinking that day- maybe she could spend her entire lifetime doing this.

She could make imaginary snow angels on the dusty carpet while Yixing played the piano, laughing time to time whenever she uttered something dim-witted. And she could bask in her high, listening to his contagious laughter that interspersed with the soft tunes of the piano, forgetting about the rest of the world. However, that thought hadn’t lasted long as she sobered up a few minutes later to realize that she had been dreaming foolishly.

“Young Miss, please open the door,” the maid cried, while Michelle chose to ignore her yet again. She didn’t wish to go. She would be out-of-place and invisible