Nine.

If anyone asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up, I’d answer that I wanted to be happy. They would laugh at me for not comprehending their words, but I didn’t see anything wrong in my answer. I wanted to be happy, just like I was when I spent time with Nana or my two best-friends. Those were the moments I hoped would last forever.

Nana narrating stories at bed-time or building a blanket fort with Luhan and Liling- these were the trivial things that made me happy. But people didn’t seem to count that as happiness, they said happiness lay in being successful, accumulating wealth and leading a secure life. If that was the truth, then when wasn’t my father happy? Why did he intoxicate himself out of his sense every night? Why did my parents always pick up a fight? That couldn’t have been happiness.

I felt happy in the blanket fort; I could lay there for hours with my two best-friends and do nothing. I’d listen as Liling spoke about the things she wanted to achieve in future, just like her parents had planned while Luhan made fun of her for being so obedient. The poor girl would then get flustered and turn sideways to not face us and I’d have to plead to Luhan to make him apologize. But once he did, they’d go back to being friends again.

Liling would always say that I was the ‘glue’ that stuck the three of us together and they’d fall apart without me. I wished I hadn’t believed her words.

Shanghai, June 1981

“Look at you, my dear,” Liling’s mother cooed, cupping her daughter’s face, “you look beautiful!”

Liling smiled happily in response as she checked out her reflection in the mirror. The pearl-white gown embraced every curve of her petite frame. She had always been blessed with good looks and the dress made her look ethereal. Liling felt ecstatic, trying on the wedding gown made it more real. She was going to be married and that too, to the man she loved. It was everything she had hoped for.

She had fallen in love with him over the period of their adolescence; she had been a naïve, young girl who knew nothing about love. She’d anticipate their meetings, although his entire attention was always on Michelle. She’d try to join in on their conversation, but somehow she could never fit in. Luhan and Michelle were always in their own world. They fought from time to time, but made up almost immediately.

Luhan only cared about Michelle; she seemed to be the only thing on his mind. He’d try to coax her with her favorite chocolates every time they fought, he’d tickle her if she refused to laugh at his lame puns. He’d rush to her aid if Michelle hurt herself, even if it was a minimal scratch. He’d do the girl’s homework every time she felt lazy or try his best to cheer her up every time she felt sad. Everything he did revolved around Michelle, she was his entire world. While Liling, on the other hand, was merely an onlooker who witnessed their strong bond. Michelle would try from time to time to include Liling in everything they did, but that mostly ended up with Luhan making fun of her for being so sincere and boring.

She’d go back home and cry, why couldn’t he see her for once? She wanted to be just like Michelle, the girl who had managed to capture his attention effortlessly; the lively girl who could brighten up anyone’s day. She could never hate Michelle, no matter how envious she was of her. Michelle had been a wonderful friend to her. She knew she wasn’t as outspoken as the other girls of her age; she had always been shy and timid. But Michelle never let that come in between their friendship; the girl would try her best to make her feel at ease. Michelle had managed to make her more confident with the things she did in life. In a way, she was grateful to the girl.

However, things changed, Michelle changed. And Luhan was forced to do nothing but stand aside and watch helplessly as Michelle turned into a gruesome, cold-hearted girl, who wrecked up relationships and family ties. Liling, on the other hand, was torn. She felt disheartened to see her best-friend changing for the worse, but at the same time she felt happy that Luhan had turned to her. It made her feel guilty; she was taking away the one person Michelle valued the most.

It started out with Luhan being miserable at Michelle’s gradual transformation, he’d confide in her all the time, about how he hoped to stop his best-friend. Liling would listen as he verbalized whatever was on my mind. She would console him every time he got teary as he spoke about the way Michelle was slipping away from him. He’d smile softly in gratitude, but leave almost immediately to go be with Michelle again. But then he’d come back the next day; it was a vicious cycle and Liling knew how to be patient.

Her patience did pay off, Michelle had been sent abroad by her father and Luhan had turned to her completely. However, this time he gave her a chance to speak instead. She had hesitantly spoken about what she wanted to do with her life, secretly hoping that the guy wouldn’t make fun of her. He hadn’t, instead he had looked at her with the utmost admiration and said, “I wish I could be more like you, you’re perfect.”

Liling’s joy knew no bounds when Luhan showered her with more compliments as the days went by. She was aware that she was betraying Michelle by spending time with him; the other girl was in love with him after all. But what about herself? Hadn’t she looked on helplessly through all these years when Luhan hadn’t even cared about her existence? Could she always be this selfless? She had given Michelle plenty of opportunities to tell Luhan about her true feelings, but the girl had refused. She had nothing to feel guilty about.

If anyone was to blame for Michelle’s misery, it was Michelle herself.

“Don’t you think she looks wonderful, Mrs. Lu?” She heard her mother ask the other lady, who peeked in curiously from the next door.

“Ah, yes, of course, she does. She’s perfect, she’s going to be my daughter-in-law after all,” the other lady chuckled as she caressed the girl’s hair.

“Thank you, mother-in-law, you’re too kind,” Liling replied shyly. She got along well with her fiancé’s mother; the lady seemed to have taken a liking to her immediately.  

“I’m just stating the truth, sweet-heart,” the lady smiled. “I’m glad it’s you who’s marrying my son, I’d have been dreaded if it were that wretched, uncouth girl.”

Liling bit her lips gently as she thought about Michelle yet again. How had the girl taken it? Had she been doing well? Luhan had told her that she was fine, but he didn’t seem convinced himself. It bothered her too, Michelle had no one to lean on to and they had done nothing but abandon her. She prayed Yixing would look after her, because she was certain that Michelle would never forgive the both of them. They had been bad friends to her, but weren’t they simply looking out for their own future?

It wasn’t the only thing that was bothering her. She somehow refused to believe that Michelle had let him go, she felt as if the girl would come up with a revenge of some sort. She knew Michelle very well to know that she never gave up easily; she had witnessed Michelle’s wrath at her own sister, she knew she could expect the same treatment from the girl.

Being lost in her thoughts, she hadn’t noticed the pair of arms that had s around her waist, holding her gently.

“You look beautiful,” Luhan exclaimed, pecking her cheeks gently as he looked at her through the reflection in the mirror.

“You aren’t supposed to see me in my wedding dress, it is bad luck,” Liling gasped, turning around to face him.