Twelve.

August, 1981.

Yixing shifted uncomfortably on his small stool, next to the hospital bed, to settle himself down, observing the girl, who was sitting on the bed with her back against the pillows, once in a while. He bit his lips slightly before flashing a small smile in her direction which the girl seemed to mirror, but then they both turned away and Yixing continued his awkward shuffling. They had both professed their love for each other and even spoken about a prospective marriage, but now he simply didn’t know what to do. His mind couldn’t seem to formulate the right words to say.

The girl seemed to feel the same; when Yixing had been the secretary that trailed behind her all day, she could have at least barked orders at him or muttered whatever came to mind. But now, she wasn’t certain. She didn’t wish to come across as silly or foolish in front of him; she found herself becoming seemingly conscious about all of her actions. She had even fixed her hair, a dozen times, in the past minute.

‘Why did it have to be so awkward?’ they both wondered at the same time.

 Perhaps this was what happened if you fell in love too soon, Yixing thought. He definitely didn’t regret it. Michelle made him feel things he had never felt before; he could sit in silence with her and still enjoy her company, but he wondered if the girl felt the same.

Michelle, on the other hand, thought they could simply sit in silence and she’d admire his magnetic features, but she wondered if Yixing would feel uncomfortable. She hadn’t really known when she had fallen in love with him; perhaps it was the time he tended to her bruised knee or maybe it was when he gave her the bracelet she cherished so much for her birthday. It could have been his earnest proposal with words that had enthralled her or maybe it was simply he himself, his entire being that he didn’t have to do much to make her fall in love.

She had been foolish, she thought. She had been so blind, she had been so adamant on finding happiness with Luhan that she’d missed out on Yixing. If she hadn’t been so stubborn, she could have found her happiness earlier. And perhaps, Luhan would have found his too, without her constant interruption.

“Where’s your mother?” she asked, hoping to put him at ease by breaking the awkward silence that persisted.

“She thought we needed some time alone,” he answered, chuckling softly.

“Oh.” Michelle grew flustered; his mother had been extremely delighted to see the ornate ring on Michelle’s fourth finger. She fidgeted with the ring slightly as she thought of the older woman’s delight; it was as if she had found a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. Both Yixing and she had been amused at his mother’s behavior; she had even started rambling about the wedding preparations, until Yixing tried to calm her down, citing that Michelle needed to rest.

“She’s extremely thrilled,” Yixing said, grabbing her hand to caress her ringed finger softly, “about this.”

“I’m thrilled too,” Michelle replied pragmatically, smiling widely at him. He nodded his head in return, flashing his charming dimple before leaning forward to peck her lips. However, Michelle clutched on to him tightly when he tried to pull away, caressing his soft hair while she gazed into his soft brown eyes. He claimed her lips again, this time more intimately as they delved into each other.

“My lips are chapped,” Michelle breathed when he pulled apart, resting his warm forehead against hers.

“I hadn’t noticed.” He chuckled, before placing a chaste kiss on her temple.

A knock on the door caused him to move back reflexively, and the doctor walked in with a never-ceasing smile on his face.

“And who might this be?” he asked inquisitively, looking at Michelle.

“This is Yixing, the man I’m going to marry.” Her own words seemed to make her heart beat faster. She was going to marry Yixing and that was everything she could ask for.

“How delightful,” the doctor smiled at Yixing, “perhaps you’d like to accompany her for her next session?”

“Most certainly.”

“Very well then, I hope you can get her to talk.”

“Yixing,” Michelle turned towards him unsurely after the old man left, “you don’t have to…”

“But I want to, Michelle. And I expect you to cooperate; they’re all here to help you.”

Michelle frowned, she hated her therapy sessions. It was as if they had been constantly probing her to label her as psychotic. And if Yixing came along, it would be worse. She didn’t want him to know what she had gone through. She wanted to start over, she wanted a new beginning with him, but how was she supposed to do that if her past kept haunting her.

Yixing seemed to have understood her concerns. He held her hand reassuringly. “Don’t worry, my love,” he said softly, causing the girl to blush at his new term of endearment, “my opinions about you wouldn’t change. I’ve promised to love you forever and I intend to keep my promises.”

The girl seemed to blush more. Had he always been like this? She didn’t know why he seemed more attractive to her, all of a sudden. He always seemed to say the right words, the only words she wished to hear. It was as if Yixing drove away all of her insecurities with his mere words. She smiled widely, trying her best to mask her flushed cheeks. She felt happy and that was something she hadn’t felt in a very long time.

Yixing clutched on to her palm gently as they sat in front of her therapist. Michelle grew more nervous with Yixing beside her, she knew she could simply stay mum like she always did, but she didn’t wish to disappoint Yixing. He had expected her to talk and cooperate with her therapist and she decided to do so, unwillingly, only to obey her fiancé’s words.

“Where should I begin?” she asked softly, averting her eyes from both Yixing and the therapist. She had her eyes trained of the carpeted floor of the therapist’s office; she didn’t know why they seemed to soothe her. Or perhaps, it had been because of Nana. The caretaker would always refuse to sleep on her bed. “I’m not allowed to do so, my child,” she would say, taking a place on the floor whenever Michelle took her afternoon nap, as the girl would insist that the older lady napped at the