Luhan had decided to settle a few things in his new office before he took the subsequent weeks off for his upcoming wedding ceremony. He had grown accustomed to the way things worked at his father’s business empire only recently. Though the work wasn’t something he enjoyed a lot, it was still work and he’d do it to earn a livelihood and support his family in the future.

He had always confided in Michelle about wanting to do something different with his life, perhaps travel the world, learn a new language or an instrument to play, but he had never been able to.

The girl had advised him to listen to his heart and do whatever he wanted to. She didn’t believe in blindly following what the rest of the people did, but they both had been rendered helpless. They had no choice but follow their parents’ orders, although he did believe that Michelle was still acting on her own will. She lived a carefree life, she was free to do anything she wished and there was nobody to bother her. It made him envy her at times; he wished he could have been in her place. But that was only momentarily, he had witnessed Michelle’s misery and anguish too. And that wasn’t something he had wanted to experience.

He was happy with the way things were progressing in his life, he may not have gotten everything he had wanted but getting married to Liling seemed like a step in right direction. He would simply have to learn to adjust to his tedious and lackluster job. But once in a while, he did wish for Michelle’s presence in his life. She had been his best-friend after all; they had spent years of their childhood together. It wasn’t easy to grow accustomed to her absence; he missed her from time to time. He missed her quirky antics, jovial nature and her blithe spirit. It had been a long time since he had last seen her smiling or being carefree like she used to be around him, and a part of him blamed him for it. Even after being well aware of her desolation, he had chosen to be selfish. The thoughts of running away with her did come to his mind occasionally, but he’d have to give up everything for that. And he wasn’t ready to do so.

He wondered if things would have turned out the other way. What if Michelle had never changed? Would they be the ones getting married? He had been extremely fond of Liling, but he could never bring himself to consider those feelings as love. He convinced himself that it would happen eventually- that one day he wouldn’t hesitate to tell Liling that he loved her. He’d wait desperately for that day to come. But with Michelle, he never bore an inch of doubt. He loved her, he had always loved her but somehow that wasn’t enough. His love for her hadn’t urged him to leave everything behind to be with her. He didn’t wish to disappoint his parents; he had been their obedient, filial son after all.

He hoped his feelings would fade gradually, he hoped he’d be able to forgive himself for letting Michelle go. It wasn’t easy for him; his love for Michelle wasn’t simply physical attraction. It was something that had nurtured and bloomed over the years, right from the beginning when she had smiled at him warmly to the time he had made love to her. He had been careful enough to hide his true feelings, no one knew about it- not even Michelle, let alone Liling or his parents.

It hurt him to see Michelle with the other man, her father’s secretary. Yixing could freely do whatever he wished to, while he had been forced to do nothing but watch as he made her laugh. He vividly remembered the way her huge smile had turned into a frown when she bumped into him, it made his heart ache. It was supposed to be him splashing water on the girl, it was supposed to be him that made her smile, but he had been replaced. And he had lost his rights to say anything.

Liling seemed convinced that Michelle had been in love with Yixing and that didn’t please him at all. He knew Michelle would eventually move on from him and find someone else, but he hadn’t expected it to be so soon, especially since he himself was struggling to get rid of his unfathomable feelings for her. He had always been an indecisive person; perhaps it was his parents’ fault for being so overly protective. Maybe if he could act impulsively for once, he would have gone over to Michelle’s place, dragged her along and eloped. But he couldn’t, he reminded himself to think about his future. Being with Michelle would do nothing good for him.

He was about to get back to his work when the door to his office opened, revealing the girl who had occupied all of his thoughts. His eyes widened as he noticed her sickly figure, her bright, gleaming eyes that had always captivated him were nothing but soulless now, yet she still seemed beautiful in his eyes. This was Michelle, the girl he had always been in love with, she would manage to enthrall him in her weakest and worst state.

 She took slow steps towards him; he hadn’t expected to see her. Didn’t she hate him now? He thought she wanted nothing to do with him.

However, Liling’s words came to his mind, she had been certain that Michelle would do anything to sabotage their wedding. He had promised his bride-to-be that he wouldn’t let her do so, but that was only because he believed Michelle had given up. But she had dropped in unexpectedly. What did she want? Did she have another trick up her sleeve? Over the past few years Michelle had turned so vicious that he could never tell what was on her mind. As much as he wanted to believe that the sweet, amiable little girl who had been his best-friend still existed inside her, he couldn’t.

He couldn’t help but think the worst things; maybe Liling’s paranoia about Michelle taking revenge had infiltrated his brain as well. He couldn’t quite grasp why Liling seemed so convinced about Michelle’s vile nature, hadn’t she been her friend? How could she readily accuse her of doing something contemptible? But he guessed she could be right, they had hurt her with their selfishness after all.

Michelle gaze was soft, she seemed rather weak. He wanted to rush to her side and hold her but he stayed rooted to his spot. He wanted to keep his promise to Liling; he wasn’t going to fall prey to anything Michelle would do. But before he could confront her, Michelle spoke softly, whispering the unexpected, shocking words.

“I’m pregnant,” she muttered, looking at him blankly. Her face bore no signs of anger or happiness.

He was stunned, she could have been telling the truth after all. But what if she wasn’t? What if she had stooped low enough to resort to this? An unplanned pregnancy would be the perfect recipe to ruining their marriage. And Michelle always seemed clever enough whenever she wished to scheme against anyone who had managed to hurt her. He wasn’t certain about her feelings; he didn’t know how much she loved him. Did she love him enough to lie about a pregnancy, so she could stop his marriage? He didn’t know.

“I don’t believe you,” he retorted, trying not to let her frail state affect him. She could have been doing it on purpose for all he knew.

“Is that what you think of me, Luhan?” her breath hitched. She pursed her lips tightly to stop herself from crying, she wasn’t going to let him see her weak, miserable state anymore. She had expected him to worry about her, instead of accusing her of lying. Everything seemed to sink in finally; Luhan didn’t care about her anymore. She had to move on. It had been a mistake to barge in to his office. What had she been thinking? That he’d give up everything and take her into his arms?  How could she have been so delusional? She simply didn’t matter to him anymore and she had to learn to accept it.

She hadn’t expected to witness a day where Luhan, the person she trusted and cared for the most, would stop believing in her. She had lost his trust too; perhaps she was to blame for all of it. Had she not been so resolute on finding happiness, none of this would have happened. In the end, her greed for a ‘happy-ending’ had cost her everything- her precious caretaker Nana and her two best-friends and maybe Yixing too.

She didn’t know where to go from now on. Raising a child on her own wasn’t something she could do. And perhaps her father would disown her once he found out; she would have no one to turn to if that happened. She would have nowhere to go, yet she didn’t wish to fight for Luhan. If he thought she had been lying, then she would let it be, because she was tired. She was tired of everything- of people accusing her of being thoughtless and irresponsible, of calling her despicable and loathsome, of telling her that they would never love her, she was simply tired. She couldn’t carry this on any longer; she could no longer keep her strong, detached façade because she was broken inside and she couldn’t take it anymore. It was as if she had reached her limit, she felt as if she deserved nothing but the deprivation of a normal, happy life.

“You were right, Luhan. I was lying. I’m sorry; I will leave you alone from now on,” she said earnestly. “I wish you all the happiness in life,” she smiled sadly, bowing to him before turning back, as if he were a stranger. Perhaps that’s all they could be from now on- mere strangers who wouldn’t cross paths anymore. And she’d learn to live with that.

Luhan could have read her like an open book when they were younger, but now he wasn’t sure. He didn’t know what the truth was. What if Michelle had actually been pregnant? What would happen then? Would it give him an excuse to be with her? But if she wasn’t then he’d fail Liling by not keeping his promise. He watched longingly as Michelle walked away, he wanted to stop her. He wanted to take her with him, away from everyone they had known, but he couldn’t.

He would always remain the cowardly, weak man who couldn’t fight for his love. So, he let her go, hoping she would find happiness. However, Michelle Yang would always have a special place in his heart.

∻∻∻

Yixing’s mother looked at him with utter bemusement as the words slipped from his mouth. They lived in a populous town where it was common for people to share names. But what were the odds of someone being named the same as Michelle Yang?

She gasped softly as she thought of the little girl she once used to take care of. She had devoted all of her time taking care of the young girl, by sacrificing her duties as a mother. She had believed that the little girl needed her more, she had no one. It hadn’t taken her long to figure out the odd dynamics within her family, although Michelle had been fairly young to understand any of it. She ha