Sungyeol hated himself. What the hell was wrong with him? The hell! What was he doing kissing back Myungsoo? The very man that had hurt him more than anything. The person that broke his heart in a way that no one had ever done before. The reason why he hadn't been able to be with his family when the attack happen. Sungyeol knew he was being a blaming Myungsoo for that time, but he just couldn't help but think that if back then, Myungsoo hadn't given him so much hope, he wouldn't have taken him out and would've stayed with his family back then. Then again, could he really blame the man for having had such a hold on Sungyeol? No, after all, Sungyeol was the one who allowed Myungsoo to engrave himself so deeply in him. Looking back on it, Myungsoo had only been stronger than him. This time whatsoever, Sungyeol couldn't let himself be wavered. If so, why was he still feeling this warm at the touch of Myungsoo? Why did he still want to kiss him again and again? To feel those lying lips continuously on his own?

Damn it, he had to get a grip of himself. He wasn't a child anymore. There were many things about him that kept him away from being a good partner for just about anyone. Though he was , he wasn't jerk enough to play with Myungsoo. Or give him fake hopes. No matter, the love or the desire to give it a chance, Sungyeol had already chosen his path. And unfortunately, it was one he'll have walk alone. Sungyeol wasn't angry with Myungsoo anymore. Honestly, even though he still wished things had been different between them, he was long past the grudge. Right now, he only cared about what he was going to do to repay his father. The revenge wasn't just a revenge anymore. It was more than that. He didn't want to drag anyone into it. Especially not Myungsoo who had only the bad luck to have met Sungyeol. Just like Sungyeol had the bad luck to have fallen for the latter.

"I'm sorry."

Sungyeol finally said after pulling away from Myungsoo and getting back up on his feet. With a sigh, though with a softer expression, he turned his gaze to the still sitting Myungsoo and continued

"I shouldn't have done that."

"Oh."

Myungsoo said in response, and it didn't take a genius for Sungyeol to know that he was hurt but Sungyeol remained stern whatsoever. He was conscious that he was being way too obsessive with his revenge and he'll probably regret it one of these days for not giving in to what he was feeling this very moment looking at Myungsoo but he came too far to stop now. He was that kind of stupid.

"I see. Don't apologize then, I’m the one who kissed you first. So i should be the one to apologize. But i won't though. I know I’m being selfish but i kissed you because i... Anyway, I know you hate me. And i know after what i did to you I’m probably the last person on earth you ever want to be with romantically. So instead, let me thank you."

With a straight face, Sungyeol repeated incredulous

"Thank me?"

"Yeah. Do remember when you once asked me if i regretted what i did to you and i said no? Well, it was because it was by trying to destroy you that i fell in love with you. Every time i would try to hurt you, you would do something that'll make me do the complete opposite. In the end you're the one who destroyed me. By being kind to me. By teaching me how to be good. By helping me find my path as a photographer. For making me laugh, cry and just feel any other feelings i thought I’ll never feel. But I’m sorry whatsoever for having been a coward and taken the exit door in such a pathetic way. I won't try to excuse myself. But just know, that everything I’ve said wasn't true. To me you weren't just a bet i had to win. You were more than that and you still are but i won't be selfish anymore. I know now that i can't win. So thank you, hyung. I guess it's a little unfair since i might be the worst thing that has ever happened to you but to me, you're the best thing that has ever happened to me. And i hope that you won't remember only the bad memories. Anyway, I won't bother you with that anymore but know that you can count on me for anything. I owe you a lot after all. Oh and one last thing. You might think that you're not the same but i think you still are. No actually i know you still are. You're still the same considerate guy i used to know. But hyung, being considerate can hurt more than anything else."

Myungsoo warmly said, looking like he was about to tear up but he didn't. Instead, he held a smile that painfully clenched Sungyeol's chest. Sungyeol tried to remain calm though and trying to decipher why he was saying that him being considerate was painful, Myungsoo stood up and pulling out his phone from his back pocket, he exchanged a few words with a man and finally turning to the still pondering older man, he said

"Let's go?" Just when Sungyeol was about to nod, his eyes caught something far behind Myungsoo or more like someone. What bothered Sungyeol was the fact that he seemed to be taking picture of them and if it happened that he took pictures of him and Myungsoo that could be quite a problem. Not only for him but also Myungsoo. He wasn't ashamed of his ual orientation, not after his conversation with Samchon but it could not be the same with Myungsoo. He was after all a much known photographer. And the society wasn't known for being very understanding unfortunately. With a shake Myungsoo's to, he said

"It's ok. I'll have someone pick me up. You can go first." Myungsoo looked hesitant for a brief second, but only a second. With a nod, he then walked away but not after bowing politely to Sungyeol and in a tone Sungyeol wasn't used of, he said

"Ok. I'll see you at work then, boss." With that last short sentence, he walked away, leaving behind a remorseful Sungyeol yet determined at the same time. When Myungsoo was far enough from a distance, Sungyeol picked up his pace and running towards the suspicious man, he tackled him on the ground and taking the camera away from the man, who weirdly seemed like an amateur, Sungyeol asked

"So you like peeping?"

"No, sir, it's..." The masked man began and from the voice, Sungyeol couldn't help but frown at the familiarity. And familiar, it was. Pulling down the mask he was using to cover half of his face, Sungyeol demanded angrily

"What are you doing here, manager Bang?" The question sounded ridiculous even to his own ears. After all, if Yeona's manager was out here taking photo there was only one explanation on why he was doing it. His thoughts immediately went back to what Myungsoo had told him a few minutes ago. About him being considerate. Could it be that when he kissed him, he thought he was only going amount with him because he had allowed Yeona to kiss him back then too?

"Damn it. As if i need this type of right now." Sungyeol whispered before taking the camera's SD card. With a menacing tone, he got back on his feet, dusted his pants and looking straight into the manager's eyes, he said

"Don't ever follow me again. Tell Yeona that if she gets someone to follow me again, it's not only the person hired that will be in trouble. She will too." He said sharply. With a nervous nod, the manager quickly grabbed his camera then scurried off under Sungyeol's cold stare. Sungyeol couldn't believe that Yeona had him followed. But even more for not realizing it until now. Sighing, he clenched his fist, about to crash the chip in his hand when weirdly he unclenched his fist and stared at it for who knows what reason. In the end, he slip the chip in his pocket before calling a taxi to pick him up.

It didn't take him long to return to his room and even less to get back to Seoul.

Sungyeol had to stay focused. He couldn’t look away now. Not when he was only beginning to understand some things. But it didn’t make it any easier even knowing that.

He doesn’t get to see Myungsoo after their conversation at the beach. Neither did he try to get close to him again. Sungyeol was not jerk enough to play with him now that he knew about Myungsoo’s feelings. Whether they were true or not, Sungyeol preferred not make it any harder for either of them. He might be seeking out for revenge but he wasn’t a total . Myungsoo and he has had many ups and down. But it the end, their time has ended a long time ago. Sungyeol wasn’t being stubborn. He was just realistic. At this point of his life, Sungyeol wouldn’t be a good lover for anyone at all. He was not the Sungyeol of the past. The one who ran around town painting on walls or believing in the world’s goodness. He has grown since then. Whether it was for the better or for the worse, only time would tell.

“Hey, it’s me. Are you home right now? There’s something I’d like to ask you. Do you mind if I swing by? You haven’t changed your address right?” Sungyeol asks, his phone glued to his ear and his back against the head of his bed or at least the bed he was currently using at the resort. After hearing an affirmative answer from the other man on the line, he hangs up, pushes himself to his feet and after a shower he leaves with his belonging, making sure to pay off the room since he didn’t think he’ll be coming back soon. His tiny excursion was done anyway. Oblivious to the pair of eyes that followed him when he exits the hotel or the rain that had begun to fall, he gets into his car and finally drives off.

Sungyeol had always thought he’ll be happy at some point of his life. It might be but he was ok with it. It was better than the bitter reality he had. Which is why he had learn to appreciate those sweet moments. But now, sitting behind the wheel as he drives to a destination he wasn’t familiar with, he was sure of one thing. He wasn’t happy at all. Not with the truth Samchon gave him or his conversation with Myungsoo or even his very being. He has always kind of question his existence. Question, the purpose of his very being. If he had one to begin with. Even before the massacre, he hadn’t be sure as to why he was born. Love he had known it. At least before his father went in mode strengthening him up. Even his first love had been mutual. Short maybe but he had lived in to the fullest with Hye mi. So how come someone like him who had been once surrounded by love be so foreign by the notion. How can he not remember what it feels like to simply feel something other than pain?

Pushing back those thoughts from his head and angrily pressing on the speed, he barely gives much thought to the excessive speed. A little bit of speed was really the last of his worries right now.

By the time he arrives at his destination, the rain had stop and the sun was far up the sky. Sungyeol doesn’t bother with frugality and walks toward the doorbell, in which he was about to push but before he could a voice comes from the interphone saying with a slight buzz of the door unlocking.

“Just come in.” The house was just as he remembered. Not too big but clean, cozy and just familiar. The type of familiar that puts Sungyeol immediately at ease. They were few places he actually feel comfortable. At Woohyun hyung, Samchon and of course here. People he considered home. With a soft smile, he smiles softly at the old man smiling back at him and with a courteous bow

“It’s good to see you again, Arabeoji.” He told him.

“It’s good to see you too young master.”

With a cute pout, Sungyeol retorts

“Since when you call me young master. What happened to little punk?”

“I don’t remember ever calling you that.”

“Oh is your memory already failing you?”

“Ya you little punk…” The older man begins, widening further Sungyeol’s smile at the familiar pet name. It really has been a while since he’s heard that. Was he masochist to think that?

“Oh dear, I really was trying hard to be the bigger person here.”

“Drop the act Arabeoji you know it doesn’t work on me. So how you’ve been?” Sungyeol asks the man. How he knew the man was pretty normal? At least for someone for his rank. Jonghan Arabeoji used to be their gardener back at their villa. He did it all. To gardening to maintaining the house plumber, he did it all. Basically, Sungyeol had grown up with him in their backyard. At least, at their backyard back in the countryside. Place he had gotten more than one time the chance to know since his mother would bring him and Daeyol countless time to acquaint them with nature she used to say. Sungyeol had met Arabeoji that way.

“Not getting any younger that’s for sure. Gosh how long has it been since I’ve last seen you? The last time I’ve seen you, you were a toddler.”

“I was 15 Arabeoji.” Sungyeol rolls his eyes with a smile.

“Exactly my point. By the way, I heard about what happened to your family. I’m so sorry. I wanted to pay my respect as soon as i heard but you were gone by then and well, no one really knew where you were.”

“Yeah, I went abroad.” Sungyeol answers tersely, his expression looking a bit somber and his smile a bit more constrained. Jonghan must’ve noticed for he asks in a lighter tone

“But tell me why did you suddenly decide to come and see me? I mean I’m really happy to see you but I’m sure you’re not really here to exchange simple pleasantries right?”

“Right. Actually I wanted to ask you if you know anything about the inhabitants of the villa that had stayed there in the summer of 2009. There was a pregnant woman and a nurse.” Arabeoji frowns for a bit, gently masses his chin and with a shake of his head, he answers

“I’m sorry son but I don’t think I’ve seen them. I mean I heard your father tell me about some inhabitants coming but I haven’t really seen them.”

“How come?”

“Your father told me to swing by the villa only when there’s an emergency. Besides that, I wasn’t needed. He still gave me my normal salary though regardless of my non activity which was lovely by the way.” He answers and Sungyeol would lie if he hadn’t already expected his father to make it difficult for him to solve the puzzle. It was something he knew his father excelled in. Making his life impossible in brief. At the thought, he dryly scoffs at in response. Shaking softly his head at the questioning look Arabeoji gives him, he asks

“But would you happen to know where they went after they left? I don’t know. Overheard anything about them?”

“I’m sorry. Your father was very discreet about them and well, it wasn’t really for me to know whom he offers the villa to or why.”

Sungyeol won’t lie. He was disappointed by the answer. He had hope to at least have a name or just something he could actually start his research with but so far he had nothing. So yes, Sungyeol was disappointed. He doesn’t let it show however. With a smile, he said

“I see. It’s ok. Actually there is something else I would like to ask you.”

With that being said, he pulled out the manila folder he had gotten from Myriong ssi and sliding the folder over the glass table he explains carefully

“These are a couple of images and documents of a certain organization I’m after. People whom I believe are behind my family’s’ death. Those pictures of my father were taken three days before he died. All of them while he was meeting with this man (points a man who had his back turn and was too blurry to even be recognizable) in the suit. I’ve never seen him before and considering the Gucci shoes he’s wearing he’s not just anyone. The thing is, father wasn’t exactly the type of person to meet a client at a restaurant and especially not one that’s located in the outskirt of Seoul so I doubt this man was one of his client. So…”

“Wait, wait, wait, wait. Where did you get these? Hang on just a second, these… these are the pictures I took.”

“What?”

Arabeoji explains a bit flustered but overall confident

“Ah, this is embarrassing. So you see, your mother was… Well, she thought your father were cheating her. And well, because she needed someone that wouldn’t be a threat to her reputation, she hired me to tail your father. Like I told you, I’m the discreet type. Obviously, I thought she was just being a bit paranoid like every housewives were when their husband were too busy to give them attention. After all, I knew your father. I watched him grow up. You know your grandfather was a nature lover thus they spend every weekend at villa. Every time they were free from their daily occupation, they would return to the villa. So yeah, I practically raised him. So it goes without saying that I was more than confident your father wasn’t cheating. He was too decent for that. But your mother wanted some reassurance so I figured why not. If that could give her peace of mind, who was I to judge? So one day I followed him. But every time, he would meet this man. I don’t know who this man is personally but I know his the right hand of some super powerful Chinese chairman. A man that goes by the name of Mr X. Apparently, he’s running multimillion company that sells house equipment. At least that’s what I found when I typed in Hawk company in Google.”

“Hawk company?”

“Yeah. There’s nothing very detailed about the people who runs the company. Actually no one has ever even seen the CEO. I’ve tried to get some information by pretending to want to buy some house furniture from the company but each time I tried, they would never answer anything that isn’t related to the equipment they’re selling. Besides their sales and income, no one really knows anything about the people behind the scenes.”

“I know. I’ve read the report about the man. Nothing about this man is clear. Even his name is fake. I don’t know. It just doesn’t sit right with me. Thus I was hoping if you know the man or if he ever came by the house or something.”

Arabeoji nods.

“I see. I’m sorry but no. I don’t know anything else than what I’ve told you. But wait. How did you get these pictures to begin with?”

Sungyeol debated briefly whether or not he should tell him. Eventually, he gives in and confesses

“Myriong ssi.” “

Riong ah?”

Somehow the little nickname sort of makes Sungyeol sick to the stomach. Perhaps because he knows what that familiarity means.

“You know him too.” Sungyeol said more like a statement than an actual question. Missing the sour look Sungyeol tries hard to bury far within, Arabeoji answers vividly

“If I know him? He was your father’s inseparable half. Never one without the other. Honestly, I’ve never seen a friendship more strong than theirs.”

“Yeah I know. They had quite THE special bond.” Sungyeol sarcastically said although it went unnoticed to Jonghan who continues brightly

“Riong ah was more the quiet one. The one who sort of needed protection and well your father, being the brave heart he was, always defended Riong ah. No one picked on his little Riong ah without getting a severe beating in return. Honestly they were just so cute. But then, your father has gotten married and suddenly Riong ah just didn’t come so often anymore. At first I thought they were having just one of their fights in which they’ll come to term with eventually after a while but as weeks turned to months and months to years, I realized they were over. That their friendship were done. Your father had never been the same since then. I guess, he kind felt like he had to be more mature now that Riong ah was gone. Honestly I never thought I’ll see Riong ah again. Until, well, a month after that awful night. You know, when before your father passed away he had said the villa in which he carried his most precious memory would be given to his descendants, meaning you and…Well, anyway, he had paid me a lifetime service to keep the house clean for you. For you to have a home to return to even when he’s gone.”

Sungyeol gulps. “Anyway, as I was saying Riong ah came by a month after the funerals. He said he wanted to look around one more time. I guess that’s when he took the pictures from the safe.”

“You let him in?” Sungyeol can’t help but ask although deep down the answer to that question was pretty obvious.

“Yeah. There was another person after you to whom I was asked to never go against and to always comply with his every wishes.”

That fool, Sungyeol can’t help but think yet he doesn’t find it in him to be angry about it. Did he even have the right to be angry? At least now he got closer to know who his father really was as a person, besides the bully Sungyeol portrays his father to be. He was unbelievably stupid when it comes to matters regarding the heart. Like father like son, Sungyeol would say.