Happy new year everyone! Hope you all made some nice New Year's resolutions! I resolved to get stronger emotionally this year, so that I can face challenges better :) Let's all aim high! I hope that everyone gets what they wish for and that we will all manage to improve ourselves over this new year!

Hope you enjoy this chapter!

I breathed a sigh of relief as the door closed, the sound of clicking heels fading soon afterwards. Without a word, my father stalked back to his room as I went to curl up in the sofa, mentally and emotionally exhausted.

It was due day again. Every month, Father’s publisher would come knocking on our doors to take a look at his newest manuscript. Without fail, it was always on the second Sunday of the month, and it was also the day that we had to act like a normal family. I always hated this day. It felt like a mockery of my life. My dad wore a tie and pants, I had to be dressed adequately, we had to eat together with the publisher and talk civilly…

Somehow, he always wanted to make a show of how wonderful a father he was to me, giving me a hefty allowance while the publisher was still there. Perhaps he wanted the publisher to think “hey this family is awesome let me continue to throw money at this person to reward them”! Or maybe… he didn’t want them to find out about our true sordid nature, that we were two truly terrible people.

Sometimes I wondered why he bothered keeping up the façade. If he hated me, then why wouldn’t he just throw me out of the house? 

But honestly, I knew the answer. I cooked, cleaned, kept the house in order, bought the groceries using my tuition money, was his punching bag… Father would not be able to survive without me.

And sometimes, I wondered if I couldn't survive without him too.

---

24^th September, Saturday

---

Jungkook’s eyes ran over the pages, absorbing the images of the figures fighting each other, but his attention wasn’t on that. He was focusing all of his power to not freak out about the competition tomorrow. There would be people watching him sing and dance. Could he do it? Could he dig up some semblance of the old him and bring his group to success?

They’d grown especially close to each other with each gruelling practice session and he didn’t want to let them down. Jungkook was center for some reason, and they always lauded praise onto him, even if it was a little undeserving in his perspective. They seemed to think he was a Golden Maknae, which really scared the piss out of him.

All that pressure… What if he couldn’t do it?

 “Jungkookie-ah,” a sugary sweet voice cooed to him, interrupting his reverie.

He felt a familiar chill run up his spine.

A finger traced up from the bottom of his neck over his Adam’s apple to the tip of his chin, where it stayed, holding it in place so that his eyes were forced to look into Lee Youngmi’s.

Her lips were twisted into a cruel sneer, the glint of evil twinkling in her eyes. Jungkook gulped. Her eyes followed the ripple of his swallow down to his chest and she her lips predatorily.

“What should I do with you?” she pouted, finger still holding up his head. “Have I not been nice enough to you?”

Jungkook couldn’t answer; his heart was in his mouth.

“When you first came to school, I welcomed you,” she thankfully removed her finger, bringing it to start counting on the fingers of her other hand. “I protected you from all those people. I gave you a place to belong to. And yet… you go around gallivanting with that person.”

Jungkook’s ears pricked. Which person? Did she mean Hoseok-hyung?

“Haven’t I told you that you are mine and mine alone?” she cocked her head.

It would have been cute, if not for the demonic grin that stretched from cheek to cheek.

Jungkook could barely notice that there was pin drop silence all around him, everyone’s attention focused on the two of them.

With a lightning quick strike, she grabbed a fistful of his hair and slammed his head onto the table.

His forehead exploded with white-hot bursts of pain. Tears sprung to his eyes, blurring his vision.

“You are my toy,” she leaned in to whisper, her breath caressing his ear.

Jungkook withheld a shiver of revulsion, his throat tightening up.

She released his chunk of hair, letting him fall against the wall as she strode back to her own seat. Jungkook immediately reached for his trusty paper bag, the blurring of his vision getting worse. In the corner of his eye, the girl smiled widely.

He hated this. He hated that he was weak. He hated that he couldn’t stand up for himself, and tell the girl, no, I am myself and I do not belong to anyone.

“Oh, and before I forget,” a wad of money was thrown onto his desk, the notes scattering like dead leaves. “I don’t owe you anymore.”

Was he expected to pick that up from the floor? How much did she have to humiliate him until he broke?

Images of his past flew across his memory as he clenched his fist. How much longer did he have to suffer this constant abuse?

The straw of the money broke his back.

“No.”

His voice was frail and subdued, but she heard it alright. Her head whipped back, eyes glaring challengingly into his.

“No. I am my own.” Jungkook could hear his mouth moving by itself, almost robotically. “I belong to no one.”

With that, he stumbled out of the classroom, tears threatening to choke his vision.

He hated talking to girls.

Especially girls like her.

---

Hoseok dashed through the streets like Santa Claus dashed through the snow, in a one-horse open sleigh… Except this time Santa Claus woke up well into the first period of gift-giving and the sleigh had driven off without him, his reindeer (Jiwoo-noona) cackling maniacally about how he would ”finally be taught a lesson about punctuality”.

He growled and whacked his head a few times in punishment, tyres screeching straight to a stop in front of a frail old lady being dragged around by a Chihuahua.

“Hello!” he skidded to a stop and ran back to the dog, waving.

The dog in return growled menacingly at him, threatening to snap at his ankles. Hoseok danced around its sharp little jaws, trying to avoid being bitten.

Goddamn Chihuahuas, with their yappy sense of false bravado. He was just trying to say hello!

Hoseok wrinkled his nose, unimpressed by the dog’s unfriendlinesss and sped off again, blatantly ignoring the apologies from the lady.

It was the fourth time he was late this semester! Hoseok groaned, knowing he was in for it this time. Not even Class President Namjoon could get his out of the detention that was surely awaiting him. School already ended at 7pm… Now detention was going to make it worse.

Jiwoo-noona was the worst! Of all days she decided that he had to “grow up” and “be a man” and “wake up by yourself you lazy pig I’m not going to be around forever to pull your damn out of bed”!

Hm, now that he phrased it this way, it did seem like it was his fault. But his inner child refused to relent to owning up to staying up late to watch Naruto, instead choosing to blame the alarm clock he broke every week, or the late night practices they had, preparing for the final day… tomorrow.

Hoseok felt his heart go a million times faster and his fingertips get all trembly. The competition was tomorrow! He couldn’t wait to get out there and show his moves! If the group won this award, maybe Umma would finally allow him to join the dance academy, and let him choose his own path!

He skidded into the hallway, rubber soles squeaking deafeningly against the polished floors, and promptly tripped over a lump in his way.

He knocked his head against the floor. Groaning in pain, he peeled himself off the floor (it tasted like dirt and the delicious tears of dying students) and glanced at the lump at fault.

The ball was jet black with blue accents and seemed to be made of… feathers? The “ball” uncurled itself, raising its head to stare at him languidly.

Oh, it was a bird.

The bird chittered at him.

“Shoo,” Hoseok motioned with his hands, but the bird refused to move.

Hoseok frowned and moved closer. The bird attempted to fly away, but it only managed a semi-roll. He moved to take a closer look.

The bird was hobbling on one leg, the other one hanging loose from its body. Hoseok withheld a hiss of pain when he saw the leg.

“Come here birdy,” Hoseok opened his hands wide and smiled gently.

In response, the bird coughed up a glob of spit and launched it at his face, missing narrowly.

Hoseok recoiled in disgust as the bird seemed to caw triumphantly, before trying to roll away from Hoseok.

“Hey Mr. Birdy, you’re injured,” Hoseok frowned, and made a grab for the bird.

It merely rolled away, emitting a sound akin to ‘kekeke’.

Hoseok growled. Was this bird laughing at him?

He attempted another grab as the bird rolled into a bush, still “kekeke”-ing.

Stupid bird! He didn’t know what was best for him, and Hoseok was best for him!

With a roll of his eyes, he proceeded to class, readying to get his whacked again by Mr. Choi.

---

Jungkookie huddled into himself mutely, not looking up as concerned glances were directed his way. I glared at the concerned parties, telling them silently to off.

They complied meekly, running out of the classroom.

He’d come back in right in the middle of third period, tail tucked between his legs.

I was actually flabbergasted by what he’d said to me. Since when did Jungkookie grow a set of balls? I was so shocked by the turn of events that I didn’t bother punishing him for rebelling against me, or for forcing me to pick up the money and bundle it neatly for him before putting it in his bag.

No, this one had to be observed.

Something didn’t seem right at all. My gut was all twisted and I felt nauseous.

Did I actually… feel kind of bad for doing that to him?

It definitely didn’t feel good. Somehow, doing that to him made me feel like… a .

Why was I feeling this way? Just a few weeks ago with Minho, I felt like a king. But now, I just felt dirty. Was it because of how innocent-looking Jungkookie was?

My mind flashed back to all the times I’d interacted with Jungkook. He’d thanked me, twice. He’d saved me from getting my kicked by the old man when I fainted at home. He even paid for my hospital bill and my taxi fare.

But still… he had rebelled against me not once, but twice, fraternizing with those two knuckleheads (along with one who had clearly insulted me behind my back!) and walking out of the classroom when I wasn’t done with him yet.

Why was I feeling like such a piece of if Jungkook did deserve it?

I strode out of my seat, heading towards the courtyard with a desperate urge to rant to Hinsaek.

---

Hinsaek wasn’t there.

“Hinsaek?” I called, searching high and low for him.

No response.

“Hinsaek?” I called again, this time more urgently.

Still no reply.

“Hinsaek, where are you?” I felt true panic rise to my throat.

A flutter of wings sounded behind me.

I whipped my head back.

It was just another unassuming pigeon.

Where was he?

My vision went blurry as my throat seized up, eyes watering.

I ran blindly about the courtyard, searching every nook and cranny, but to no avail.

I tripped over my feet and landed on my knees hard, scraping them. Blood welled from my wounds as tears welled up from my eyes.

First, I feel terrible about Jungkook. And now, I’ve even lost my only true friend.

With a heavy heart, I moved back to the classroom, not bothering to wipe my tears.

---

Jungkook willed himself to tune out, but the cacophony of voices was too loud to ignore, as were the pitying glances sent his way.

If he looked up, he would see the group of girls just barely restraining themselves from walking over and checking on him. He would also see the boys huddling in one corner, snickering at him. He hated being the center of attention. Thankfully, they left the classroom soon after.

He downed a Xanax, chugging on his water bottle.

Hoseok-hyung and Namjoon-hyung would be worried about him... They were supposed to practise the song one last time before the final practice this evening and the competition was tomorrow. It was already 30 minutes past the first bell for lunch and he was stuck here with Lee Youngmi and her lackey.

Except, Lee Youngmi wasn’t even here. She’d disappeared when the lunchbell went. Only Hwang Mirae was left here with him, and Jungkook wasn’t about to take his chances. He didn’t know if Hwang Mirae had as mean a right hook as Lee Youngmi, after all.

He felt his legs itch to move. Oh if only Hobi-hyung could be here! He would do something to Lee Youngmi and maybe he’d be allowed to leave!

And as if God had been listening, the classroom doors burst open.

“Jun Jungkook!” Hoseok-hyung’s loud voice sounded from the hallway, before his beaming face popped into the classroom. “There you are!”

But before he could say another word, he was slammed out of the way.

Lee Youngmi headed purposefully into the classroom, wiping her eyes with her fists.

“Hey, watch it!” Hoseok-hyung yelled angrily and stomped over to their seats, Namjoon-hyung trying vainly to hold him back.

He stopped in his tracks suddenly, looking… confused? Afraid? Hungry? Jungkook couldn’t tell.

“Hey,” Hoseok-hyung’s voice was noticeably softer. “Are you… are you crying?”

And then a full wave of panic hit Jungkook in the face.

“They’re lucky they survived…”

“It was brutal… killed immediately upon impact… What a shame…”

“He was such a rising star too…”

“I saw it on the news… It was horrific… Seven car pileup…”

“To lose one is hard enough, but two is just…”

“I heard they were on the way to his performance…”

Jungkook is dressed in a stiff black tuxedo, with a black bowtie. His nose is red as a reindeer’s and rubbed raw. The wooden boxes in the front are surrounded by floral wreaths stacked on easels taller than Jungkook.

Jungkook can’t cry. He is 10, too old to cry.

He cannot cry. Mummy would not want him to cry.

His hands are empty, devoid of warmth. He’s clutching his fists so hard that the fingernails break the skin, causing blood to ooze out slowly, staining his attire.

He wants to reach out but he can’t. She stands near the boxes, her once warm and bubbly figure now cold as winter.

She turns around and for that one split second, their eyes meet. Her eyes are flooded with emotions: grief, sadness… accusation. They glare daggers, piercing his soul.

And suddenly the dam breaks open. A raw guttural cry escapes his mouth, but the tears just won’t come; they’re building up inside and overflowing and-

“I need you to breathe with me,” someone was instructing him calmly. “One, two, one, two…”

Jungkook felt his breaths slowly syncing with the person instructing him. He felt someone gripping his shoulders firmly, bringing him slowly back into reality.

The tingling in his feet and hands slowly eased off and Jungkook managed to crack his eyes open. He heaved for breath, wiggling about as feeling slowly returned.

“You gave us quite the scare, young man,” Hoseok-hyung’s voice was bubbly, but his eyes were dark with worry. “You were out for like, 15 minutes.”

Jungkook raised himself to seating position slowly, feeling the blood rush to his head. He glanced about the room. He was in the nurse’s office… again.

Hoseok-hyung was seated next to the bed Jungkook was lying on. Beside Hoseok-hyung, Lee Youngmi was staring at him with an expression of… guilt? Jungkook looked away, not wanting to face her after she slammed his face into the table. He’d thought she could be a human, but after what she did to him… Jungkook wasn’t so sure.

“Jungkook, can you call your parents?” Hoseok-hyung asked. “I think you should go home.”

Jungkook nodded mutely, still refusing to meet anyone’s eyes. How could he have out in front of so many people? Lee Youngmi might use this to her advantage and torture him or something!

He pressed the speed-dial button for his adoptive father. The phone trilled once, twice, three times before the call was picked up.

“Hello?” the man rumbled in concern.

Hoseok-hyung motioned to him to pass the phone. Jungkook handed over the phone, failing to prevent himself from looking up to meet Lee Youngmi’s eyes once again. If possible, she seemed even more guilt stricken. She looked positively sick.

Jungkook could hardly believe what he was seeing, Lee Youngmi actually showing remorse for her actions. As if that was possible.

She was a monster, wasn't she?

After hushed conversation, Hoseok-hyung handed his phone back to him.

“Your dad's coming in half an hour,” he said. “How about you get some rest?”

Jungkook nodded and closed his eyes, not particularly feeling like correcting his hyung. Exhaustion flooded over him as the world faded back into black.

I'M SORRY I BEAT HIM BLACK AND BLUE I SWEAR I WILL BEHAVE BETTER NEXT TIME

btw next chapter is my favourite of them all :-)