A little late, sorry!

Time felt like quicksand as I lay in the bed, mind in a whirl.

What on earth had just happened?

Had Jungkook really broken up with me?

I wanted to laugh at the insanity of the situation, but somehow I couldn’t find the humour.

Did I really not love him? But how was that possible? I’d spent almost 3 months with him as my boyfriend, at least something had to develop, right? Sure I hadn’t looked at him romantically before we started dating, but it was different now.

I had to love him, or these 3 months would have been a waste.

Suddenly I was regretting sending Superhero-sunbaenim away. I really needed to just let my feelings out, and he was the one I always confided in after all.

And then I remembered that he may or may not have feelings for me, which caused me to break out into a flush again.

I groaned in despair. If I talked to him about Jungkook, I’ll end up hurting him, but if I kept holding it in, I didn’t know what I’d do.

And right on cue, a knock sounded at the door.

“Yo Stumpy,” Yoongi-sunbaenim strolled in, before taking a good look at my face. “Good lord, are you crying?”

“N-no,” I hastily rubbed my cheeks free of tears as the man made his way to the bed, an incredulous grin on his face.

“You know, Namjoon used to tell me all sorts of rumours about the infamous Lee Youngmi in his school,” he scoffed, eyeing me critically. “He didn’t tell me she cried like a girl though.”

“I’m not crying!” I huffed irritably, wiping the telltale streaks away. “You’re being annoying, sunbaenim.”

“So what made the terrifying Lee Youngmi act like a human for once?” he asked, staring at me with bored eyes.

“Why do you care?” I sniffed, glaring at the wall. “It’s none of your business.”

“Well my girlfriend just lectured me on being mean to little girls like you, so I have to pretend to care about you,” he sighed dramatically. “Spill before I strangle it out of Hoseok. Or Jungkook. Whichever one of your boy toys, anyway.”

My absence of an answer and the flush on my cheeks seemed to answer him.

“Oh, so it has to do with them?” he asked, leaning closer. “Which one?”

I stubbornly refused to answer as he hmm-ed loudly.

“Must be both. Let me guess, he confessed to you?” he asked.

“What? No!” I snapped, turning a few degrees hotter. “No one confessed anything, okay. I’m just- he- they- Jungkook- ARGH!”

“Chill kid,” he held his hands out in a pacifying manner. “What’s the deal with Jungkook? Let’s start with him first.”

“He… he broke up with me,” I muttered, shamefaced.

“So he finally did it,” he let out a low whistle.

“What?” I snapped my head to him in confusion.

“Well, all of us kinda knew you would break up someday,” he shrugged nonchalantly. “Honestly, you’re cute and all, but we all knew you were Hoseok’s property from the start.”

I flushed an angry red.

“I’m no one’s property,” I seethed as the man let out a bark of laughter.

“Girl, you’ve been lying to yourself this whole time, and all of us except Jungkook and Hoseok could see through it,” he said, hiding a chuckle. “It was just a matter of time before everything imploded. The truth is, Stumpy, you’ve never loved him, not like a man at least.”

“Feelings can change. I can learn to love him romantically,” I said obstinately. “Love is just a bunch of neurotransmitters jumping from one neuron to the other, it should be easily manipulable, especially if I just continue to associate him with positive things that I like, like ice cream-”

“Don’t be an idiot Stumpy,” he snorted, cutting me off mid-sentence. “Love doesn’t work that way. You can’t force it.”

 “Then how am I supposed to not hurt him?” I snapped. “He’s going to break because of me! Have you seen how far he’s gone after he started dating me? I need him to be okay! I need him… to be okay…”

“Jungkook doesn’t need people to sugarcoat things for him,” he said. “He needs honest people in his life who are willing to tell him the truth. You love him yeah, but not in the way that he wants you to. Love isn’t just romantic, you know. There’s familial love, parental love, siblings’ love, friendly love… Just because you don’t love him like a man doesn’t mean it invalidates how you feel towards him. It’s okay to love him like you do now.”

I felt his words drill into my head as I finally came to accept the truth.

He was right.

Jungkook and I would never be a romantic couple.

He made me smile and want to protect him, but that wasn’t romantic. I loved him like I would love a little brother, or a close friend… not like a man.

But it didn’t make it any easier.

“If you want to keep him by your side, you need to let him go,” he said seriously. “Jungkook’s already realised how you feel towards him. And now it’s your job to be honest with him. If you don’t, he’s going to be hurt even more.”

I felt myself nodding my head in reluctant acceptance, as he cracked a grin at me.

“Man, now that you finally faced up to the truth, I feel like I like you a bit more,” he teased as I glared at him.

“So all this time, you've been treating me like because of Jungkook?" my eyes widened a fraction.

“You were so self-delusional, it was annoying,” he shot back. “At least now I can respect you and your ability to face up to the hard truth.”

I sighed deeply, feeling the troubled feelings stir again. I was about to tell him about Superhero-sunbaenim when someone at the door knocked, signalling that they wanted to come in.

“Let’s talk next time,” he clapped me on the back. “Glad to help you get your all sorted out.”

I stared at him forlornly as the door opened, Superhero-sunbaenim peering in cautiously.

I motioned for him to come in as Yoongi-sunbaenim clapped him on the back and nodded to someone behind Superhero-sunbaenim, before leaving the room.

Hesitantly, Superhero-sunbaenim made his way into the room, followed by none other than Jungkook.

My ex.

I in a deep breath, willing myself not to cry as I made eye contact with the boy.

“I’ll leave you two to it then,” Superhero-sunbaenim motioned and made his way out of the room.

Jungkook wordlessly took a seat, his resolute eyes staring at the floor. I felt my own eyes being directed towards the blanket covering my lap.

“Are you okay?” he asked quietly, still staring at the floor.

“Not really,” I whispered. “Are you?”

He shook his head dully. I felt a lump form in my throat at the finality of this moment.

“I’m going to miss this,” he said nostalgically, wrapping my hand up in his.

I felt my heart break at the pain in his tone, tears threatening to spill out of my eyes. I couldn’t trust myself to speak, but I nodded my head once, the lump in my throat growing more painful by the second.

“You know I’ll always love you, right?” he smiled through his tears, finally looking at me in the eye.

I couldn’t help but feel the barrier break open, the tears flowing as I nodded my head.

“I'm sorry it had to end this way,” he was crying now, the both of us hiccupping through our sobs.  “I-I’m sorry, Youngmi.”

I held my arms open and he slid into them, his tears soaking the shoulder of my hospital gown. My own tears were seeping into the sleeve of his shirt, but neither of us cared at that point.

I felt my heart break at the times we’d spent together, walking to Yoongi-sunbaenim’s house with our fingers barely interlocked, but my heart was racing and there was a genuine smile on my face. I thought of the fights we’d had, which all seemed so distant and stupid now. I thought of the smile on his face when he looked at me when he thought I wasn’t watching. I remembered the feelings I felt when he finally came out of his shell, and was willing to open up to me about himself.

It hurt so ing much.

“I will always love you too, okay?” I mumbled into his now soggy shoulder. “Even if it’s not…”

“I know,” his warm voice vibrated in my ear as I hugged him even tighter, the tears still flowing.

Finally, after what seemed like eternity, our sobs quietened into sniffles and we finally let go of each other.

Jungkook looked like a complete mess, and I suppose I didn’t look too well otherwise either, but there was a genuine smile on his face, despite it being tinged with sadness.

He leaned in and placed one last farewell kiss on the top of my head.

I felt the contact of his lips vibrate a little as he shivered at our closeness. Obviously this close contact with me was getting to him, and he was probably way out of his comfort zone now.

But I couldn’t help but do one more thing.

I reached out and grabbed his hand, squeezing it tightly.

“Thanks for all the memories,” I smiled, wiping my tears away with my free hand. “I’ll see you in the future.”

“Yeah,” he smiled too, wiping my face with his other hand. “I’ll miss you.”

I nodded my head, trying not to cry again as he finally released my hand, the space between my fingers already missing his warmth.

He steadily and slowly walked to the exit of the room as I willed myself to stay strong.

I watched silently as his body slipped out the door and out of my life.

It wasn’t until his entire presence had left that I finally broke down again.

A warm presence enveloped me, his arms caging around my presence as I dug my face into his chest, sobbing for all eternity.

---

Namjoon held the chessboard in one hand as he raised a hand to knock, before he took a good look at the interior of the room.

His chess partner was sleeping fitfully, a frown on her face as tear trails ran down the sides of her cheeks. She was nestled into the groove of Hoseok’s body, his chin resting protectively on her forehead. Hoseok was playing a game on his phone, but his other arm was held protectively around the girl’s body.

They looked like two puzzle pieces glued together.

Namjoon gestured towards the boy, catching his attention before he made his way into the room, being careful not to wake the girl.

“Didn’t expect to see you here,” he whispered. “Or see this, for that matter.”

Hoseok cracked him a crooked grin as he carefully shifted away from the girl.

“They broke up,” he whispered.

Namjoon made an ‘oh’ face, getting the message. So the boy finally realised it, eh. Didn’t this mean that Hoseok could…

The girl stirred.

She blinked sleepily, staring at Namjoon until her eyes widened in recognition. She bowed her head in acknowledgment as Namjoon took a seat.

“I don’t think you’re in any shape to play our regular chess game, are you?” he cracked a weak grin.

She shook her head, smiling tiredly back at him.

“What happened?” he asked quietly, taking in her dishevelled appearance.

“W-we…” her lip trembled as Hoseok shot him a glare and placed a hand on hers, trying to comfort her.

She buried her face into his arms, her thin frame shaking slightly. Namjoon felt an embarrassed flush as he realised that now probably wasn’t a great time to discuss her breakup with Jungkook.

“Sorry sunbaenim,” she lifted her face from Hoseok’s sleeve, taking in a deep breath. “Not in really good shape today.”

“It’s cool, it’s cool,” he waved his hands dismissively. “You still up for chess?”

“Not really,” she mumbled. “Honestly, I’d much rather just go to sleep now.”

“Okay, okay,” Namjoon stood up, taking his chessboard with him. “You get some rest kid. I’ll come back another day.”

“Okay,” she smiled tiredly, though the light didn’t quite reach her eyes.

“Come on Hoseok, it’s time for practice,” Namjoon beckoned as Hoseok shot a stricken look at the girl.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be fine,” she almost pushed the boy off the bed. “Go have fun.”

“Okay, I’ll come back tomorrow,” he said quietly as she shot a thankful not-quite smile at him.

With that, the two of them left the room.

--

“So when are you going to tell her?” he asked quietly, as the door closed.

Hoseok froze. The seconds ticked by as emotions flitted by his face.

Finally he sighed.

“I don’t think I can.”

Namjoon almost hit him.

“What do you mean you can’t?” he hissed angrily. “She’s single now, you’re single now, the time is ripe! Don’t be a complete , please.”

“She’s got lots of in her life, okay?” Hoseok replied defensively. “I don’t think having a boyfriend is going to be good for her now. Not until she gets out of her home life. Besides, I don’t want to be a rebound.”

“You’re a ing idiot,” Namjoon groaned. “You have the mother of all chances now, and you don’t seize it. You’re so stupid, if I could hit you right now I would.”

“Shut up,” he sniffed derisively. “Look, I just don’t want her to get hurt again, okay?”

“… Just tell her,” Namjoon sighed. “Let her decide if it’s the right time for her to date or not. She doesn’t need you making that decision for her.”

Hoseok had the decency to look offended as Namjoon hastily backtracked his words.

“What I mean is that she knows herself better than you do,” he explained. “Let her make that decision. I don’t think she appreciates it if you just jump in and expect to know what’s best for her.”

Hoseok just gave a huge sigh and walked off as Namjoon wondered why on earth the boy was torturing himself so much.

---

“You look terrible,” Nurse Jeonmi remarked, collecting my uneaten plate of food. “Did anything happen?”

“Remember the boyfriend I told you about?” I stared listlessly at the bed. “He’s no longer my boyfriend anymore.”

There was a slight pause in the conversation as I marinated in my words sadly.

“Oh no, honey. What happened?” she asked quietly, sitting down in the seat next to the bed.

“He found out about me getting beaten up and… we just kinda realised that we don’t look at each other romantically,” I sighed, holding in the tears. “Or rather, I didn’t look at him romantically. It was always protective in nature.”

“I’ve never had the chance to say this to my daughter,” she sat down quietly in the seat next to the bed. “True love is selfless, and I am very sure you do love him truly. Let him go, and he will come back to you when you’re both ready to move on.”

She gave me a tight hug and I breathed in her familiar scent of rose, which seemed nostalgic and made me remember the past when I actually had a mother. I felt a lump rise in my throat as I recalled my mum, who used to give me hugs just like these.

“He loves you dearly too, but some relationships are written in the stars and sometimes those stars don’t spell out a romantic future,” she whispered, her brunette hair brushing against my face. “It’s okay to hurt now, but I’ll be here with you, no matter what.”

And that was when I started crying.

We stayed there the whole night, she whispering soft nothings to me as I cried my heart out into her sleeve, missing Jungkook, missing my family and missing the mother I never had.