"Whoa where did you go for like 4 weeks did you DIE"

Yes. Yes I did.

Hoseok had spent the night restlessly flipping in his bed like a sunny side up egg. Except he was not very sunny, he was now an extremely burned egg because he’d been scorched by the heat of love for the current crisis in his life, Lee Youngmi.

Okay, maybe it was a little too early stage for love.

But his classmates surely thought otherwise.

“Jung Hoseok, you son of a !” came a heart clap on the back from Park Jaebum, one of his classmates whom he’d never talked with before. “I never knew you had it in you.”

“Huh?” was Hoseok’s confused reply.

“How was she?” Jaebum-ssi wiggled his eyebrows salaciously, his teeth in exaggeration. “Was she… good?”

“What are you talking about?” Hoseok asked, completely in the dark about what he meant.

“I’m talking about our personal tiger warrior, !” Jaebum-ssi slapped him on the shoulder jokingly. “Didn’t you… do that with her last night?”

“What?! No!” Hoseok replied, horrified. “Who told you that? I didn’t do anything with her!”

“Then why did you pick her up yesterday at her classroom, and then not answer your phone at all? The entire class Kakaochat was exploding! We all knew you were getting some action,” Jaebum-ssi explained to Hoseok’s slowly gaining horror. “Didn’t know you were into though. She’s probably into it, right?”

“Dude, there’s nothing going on here,” Hoseok tried to explain, but Jaebum-ssi barrelled on.

“I can’t believe it man, Jung Hoseok having hardcore with Lee Youngmi! It’s ing hilarious!” he guffawed loudly, attracting the attention of Namjoon.

“Jaebum-ssi, class is about to start, please return to your seat,” Namjoon walked over and said pleasantly, before steeling his voice. “Now.”

“Geez, fine fine, Mr Class Rep,” Jaebum-ssi held his hands up in defence before ruffling Hoseok on the head. “Good job, Seok. I’m ing proud of you man.”

Hoseok could only watch the boy gambol away as he turned his eyes towards Namjoon, eyes wide with cold realisation.

“You knew?”

Namjoon nodded his head slowly.

“They think I was sleeping with her?”

Namjoon again nodded his head slowly.

“Why didn’t you tell me about it?!”

“Dude, you weren’t answering your phone, I called you a million times. I finally got them to shut up about it after like five hours.”

“My phone was dead so I left it turned off to charge!” Hoseok wailed. “Oh my god, how the did this explode up like this?!”

“Why the would you go and pick her up from the classroom if it wasn’t going to be a date then?” Namjoon shrugged. “Dude, you completely set off all the red flags. And now the girls are scared to talk to you because they think Lee Youngmi is going to burn their face off if they even come close.”

Hoseok groaned, slumping into his chair and over his table, his head falling listlessly onto his arms.

If he was having it bad, then how was Youngmi coping?

---

I could hardly ing care less who the schoolmates thought I was ing, seeing as I had to deal with Jungkook, and immediately.

“Youngmi, they’re saying all sorts of about you, please, please let me do something about it,” Mirae begged as we walked through the hallway but I waved her off, eyes automatically drawn towards Jungkook’s seat.

There he was again, reading his damned manga.

I shoved through the throngs of classmates, Mirae trailing behind.

“We need to talk.”

He slowly removed one earbud, staring up at me with dead eyes.

“Why?”

“Just shut up and follow me,” I grabbed his hand and dragged him to my cosy spot, ignoring Mirae’s pleas.

---

Jungkook hadn’t felt this enraged in ages. It felt almost foreign to feel something aside from fear and terror, but now he was angry.

He was angry with Lee Youngmi for accepting the date and for telling her secret to Hoseok-hyung.

He was angry with Hoseok-hyung for asking her out in the first place and having the gall to like her too.

But most of all, he was angry with himself.

Why hadn’t he asked her out first?

Why hadn’t he had the guts to do anything about her except hold her freaking hand like some pre-schooler?

What on earth did she think of him now, now that she’d had a taste of Hoseok-hyung?

Oh he heard the rumours alright. That they were fuc… that they were sleeping together. And he couldn’t help but believe them. After all, she’d liked him enough to tell him her deepest secret, one that she’d neglected to tell Jungkook.

But when she’d grabbed his hand, he felt the familiar spark in his heart and the tremors shaking his body like a leaf, but they were good tremors, like the kind you felt on the roller coaster.

Why couldn’t he just forget about her?

But all he wanted was to bury his nose into her chestnut hair and wrap his arms around her and call her his.

And then she brought him to the place he’d been yesterday, when he’d tailed her.

But this time, she unlocked the door and pulled him in.

It was a mossy garden, mostly overrun by weeds and vegetation, but there was a stone table with two stools and a cardboard box placed on it.

A bird cawed and landed on Lee Youngmi’s shoulder, nibbling at her ear affectionately.

She gave a hint of a smile and scratched the bird on the back before turning her frigid eyes back to him.

“I don’t bring people here often,” she stated.

“Who?” he couldn’t help but interrupt.

“What? What does that matter?” she asked in confusion. “Just Superhero-sunbaenim, that’s all.”

Jungkook felt envy erupt in his chest.

“Just Superhero-sunbaenim,” he repeated emotionlessly, before letting out a short bitter chuckle.

“What? Look, I don’t care what your beef is with him. I just need to know, how much do you-”

“Superhero-sunbaenim. Is that a nickname or something?” Jungkook laughed bitterly, unable to control his mouth. “A term of endearment maybe?”

She flushed.

“I-it’s none of your business.”

“Oh? None of my business? So is it none of my business that the two of you are sleeping together too?”

“What the Jungkook? Where did that come from?”

But he wasn’t done.

“Is it none of my business that you went on a date with him yesterday and then slept with him afterwards and then-”

“Why the do you care so much?!” she exploded.

And then he exploded too.

“Because he can do this and I can’t!”

And then he grabbed her head and met her in a rough kiss.

For a moment, all he felt was stars. The pent up anger in his body melted away as he leaned into the kiss, his hands tangled up in her hair. He felt the hurt and the fear exude from his pores as he held her tight, breathing in her scent and holding her face in his arms.

Her skin was really smooth.

She stood there unmoving, as if frozen in time, but her hands were placed against his chest.

And then reality returned.

His body shuddered horribly as he collapsed onto the ground, gasping for breath like a dying goldfish. His throat seized up; he couldn’t breathe at all. His hands went automatically to his throat, the edges of his vision blurring.

His last thought was that he really, really (excuse me) ing hated his gynophobia.

---

“Do you want to tell me what happened?”

I shook my head roughly as I clenched my fists on my lap. There were tears in my eyes, but I refused to let them fall.

He sighed and leaned back into his seat, hands tucked into his pockets.

“If you don’t tell me, I can’t help you.”

“I don’t want any help,” my voice was quiet and meek, like a mouse’s squeaking.

Superhero-sunbaenim shifted to lean his weight onto his knees, looking at me earnestly.

“You look like you want to tell me though.”

“What am I supposed to say?” I asked, my feelings snowballing into rage. That Jeon Jungkook ing kissed me, and then he collapsed onto me because of it?

I hardly wanted Superhero-sunbaenim of all people to know that Jungkook kissed me.

“Okay I won’t press any further,” he finally relented and we fell into an awkward silence, the thoughts tumbling in my head.

I had to organise my thoughts before I freaked out.

Okay.

1. I went to approach Jungkook to ask him if he had been listening in on our conversation two days ago.
2. Somehow he started talking about how Superhero-sunbaenim and I were apparently ing, like it mattered to him?
3. He said “Because he can do this and I can’t!”
4. He kissed me.
5. He out.

 Was this somehow my fault? Had I done anything to Jungkook to make him so angry at me suddenly?

I felt my cheeks burn in shame as I recalled his lips on mine.

It was my first kiss.

And it felt horrible.

Why hadn’t he asked me before he kissed me? I wouldn’t have said yes, but wasn’t it rude to do something like that without asking?

I felt violated, like my private space had been invaded.

Why would anyone want a kiss like that? I didn’t want to be kissed like that.

I wasn’t a romantic, but this wasn’t how I imagined it would play out. Wasn’t it supposed to be consensual?

But I couldn’t argue with the tugging feeling in my stomach towards him when he’d kissed me. And I couldn’t argue with my hands when they had lost all resolve to fight against Jungkook. They’d originally been on his chest to push him away but somehow they just didn’t want to fight anymore.

Did I want to kiss Jungkook or did I not?

I stared at him lying in the bed guiltily. This was the second time I’d sent him to the infirmary.

To be honest, I hadn’t wanted to call Superhero-sunbaenim over, after Jungkook’s explosion about him. But I couldn’t exactly carry a 1.8m tall guy all by myself, could I? I’m barely 1.6m!

And honestly, I didn’t even know why, but he was the first person on my mind when Jungkook collapsed. In fact, my hands had moved automatically to dial him, which was… weird.

I knew we were friends now, but not to that extent.

So yeah, I called him.

And now that he and Jungkook were in the same room, the stupid damned memories of all the semi-romantic things that had happened between them and me were playing in my head, like when Jungkook held my hand the other night and when I… hugged Superhero-sunbaenim…

Wait, I was getting sidetracked. I just got ing kissed by Jeon Jungkook barely 10 minutes ago and already I was thinking of another guy?!

And what on earth did Superhero-sunbaenim matter about romance? We were friends.

Definitely.

What on earth was I going to do about Jungkook? He’d made it pretty darn clear that he had feelings for me, and I wasn’t sure I could reciprocate. Like, I was a pretty badly damaged girl, and he was a pretty damaged boy.

If you put us together, there would surely be chaos.

The man of the hour stirred, waking from his slumber.

Jungkook blinked slowly, turning to face the both of us.

When his eyes met mine he immediately flushed, looking away awkwardly. I did the same too, hiding my face behind my hair so no one could see my burning cheeks.

“Dude, what happened?” Superhero-sunbaenim asked.

“I… I… Nothing,” Jungkook trailed off tiredly, still avoiding my gaze.

I shifted in my seat uncomfortably.

“The both of you are no help,” Superhero-sunbaenim blew at his bangs in annoyance. “What on earth is going on here?”

The silence was palpable as the seconds passed by slowly.

“Okay forget it,” Superhero-sunbaenim stood up suddenly. “I’m way too old to be dealing with some childish cold war here. You two are going to solve your issues, or I’m not going to let you out!”

“-” I tumbled out of my seat but I was too late.

The boy had run out of the door and locked both Jungkook and I in the room.

“Let me out you !” I pounded on the door with my fists, yelling incoherently.

“Not until the two of you fix whatever this is!” he retaliated as I jiggled the doorknob angrily, trying to somehow force myself out of the nurse’s office.

“Youngmi.”

“ing , open up the door before I ing twist your-”

“Youngmi!” Jungkook yelled this time.

I turned in surprise. Jungkook called me Youngmi? That was the first time he’d ever called me that.

We stared at each other for a few uncomfortable seconds.

“Let’s talk,” he said quietly.

I gave him a stiff nod before slapping my onto the chair, glaring at my fists and arguing with the feelings in my heart.

I didn’t know how I felt for Jungkook. On one hand, that kiss had been overpowering, and in a bad way. I didn’t like how the tables had turned, how he’d rendered me unable to resist him with just one kiss. I was supposed to be the dominant one, and for someone, especially Jungkook, to have done that… it didn’t rest well in my heart at all.

But on the other hand, it had been… an interesting experience. It was my first kiss after all.

It hadn’t been that bad, I suppose. His lips were soft, but there had been a pressing urgency behind it, almost as if he had been holding it in for a while.

I didn’t feel turned off by it anymore... I felt intrigued. I wanted to know more about his feelings for me. I wanted to explore this side of Jungkook I had never seen before.

Was this… like? Did I like him?

We languished in silence, him still staring into his blanket as I leaned back into the chair, shifting uncomfortably. Now that I had nothing else to think about, the silence was getting stuffy.

“Look, I’m not angry or anything,” I finally relented when the silence got too much to handle. “I’ve just got two things to clear up with you. One, why did you do that, and two, how did you know about me and Superhero-sunbaenim yesterday?”

“I overheard,” was his answer.

I groaned inwardly. Why hadn’t I checked the doors that day? I should have known something was up.

 “How much?”

“Everything.”

“That was really disrespectful of you, to invade my privacy like that,” I said stonily. “I have never told anyone that secret.”

“I told you one of mine too,” he looked at me with a plaintive expression, but he was starting to look a little guilty. “But you didn’t trust me enough to tell me yours.”

“Jungkook, trust doesn’t come easily to me,” I explained patiently, even though my brain was about to explode. “Superhero-sunbaenim and I have been friends longer than you and I have, and it took a lot out of me to tell him all of that. You need to understand that I’ve been hurt many times, especially by my family, and it’s not something I’m comfortable with sharing.”

Jungkook deflated even further.

“Just because I don’t tell you at that point of time doesn’t mean that I won’t tell you forever,” I said. “We’re friends, Jungkook.”

“I want to be more,” he said quietly.

And there he went, making the atmosphere all awkward again. Great. I felt a red hot blush rise to my face as his words drove into my head.

“Youngmi,” he used my name again, which made the temperature rise 10 more degrees, “I like you. A lot. I’m really sorry I did that just now, but the feelings behind it are true. I really like you.”

How the was I supposed to answer that?

Sorry Jungkook, I think I maybe kinda like you too but I’m just way too broken to deal with this now and honestly I’ve got enough in my life already, I don’t need another burden?

“Just give me a try,” he pleaded.

I felt tears threatening to fall as I looked up from my hands into his eyes.

They were a soft espresso, hiding waves of emotion beneath that stare of his. His bottom lip was trembling slightly, adding to his beseeching look. He looked like a puppy who had been neglected.

How could I say no to such a face?

“Fine,” I sighed defeatedly, looking away. “I’ll try.”

I glanced up at him, and the ecstasy on his face was almost contagious. His smile was shy, but the sparkles in his eyes were like cheerful white diamonds.

“Trust me more, Youngmi. I trust you,” he said. “I know I’ve done wrong but I promise, it’s safe with me. I will never tell anyone.”

“… Okay. I’ll trust you.” I felt a heavy bag of weight lift off my shoulders. “I forgive you, Jungkook.”

He reached out for my hand gingerly, almost as if he was afraid he would lose me.

“I really like you,” he repeated, a flaming blush adorning his cheeks as he clasped my smaller hand in his. “Really, really.”

I flushed pink.

“M-me too,” I coughed, ears burning hot.

He didn’t respond, but somehow I knew he was smiling.

---

Hoseok coughed away the lump in his throat as the conversation flowed through the thin plywood of the infirmary’s door.

This was great.

Youngmi would be happy. Jungkook would be ecstatic.

Jungkook’s healing process would be as fast as lightning! And then they could perform on stage again and Hoseok could achieve his dreams! And Jungkook was good for Youngmi too, he helped her to cool off and be a nicer person!

Everyone benefited, no one lost anything.

No one except your heart, an annoying voice tugged in his brain, but Hoseok waved it away. He was fine. He’d always be fine.

He’d just put a smile on his face, channel the energy into practice and then things would be alright!

It worked for Aya, so why wouldn’t it work for Youngmi?

This was for the best.

Definitely.

NO DON'T CRY MY POOR BBY HOSEOK LET PEANUT LOVE YOU