Chapter 7

"My mouth cannot translate the things my heart says." - Anonymous

**

Ryeowook finished playing the piano for Jinsun when his phone rang. It was a text message coming from Kyuhyun asking where he is. Smiling, he typed the number of the room and slipped back the phone in his pocket hoping that he would arrive soon.

"Are you sure you don't want to practice anymore? I can play one more time for you," Ryeowook asked Jinsun.

"Its okay, I think I'm ready for Friday... its you who needs to practice more," he replied drinking from his water bottle.

"Don't worry about me, I've got it all managed,"

"You gonna let me hear the full song before the recital or not?"

Ryeowook pursed his lips in hesitation. Nobody had heard him sing the whole song yet or play the melody on the piano. He has been practicing his recital performance alone and so far he didn’t have any problems with it. “You will hear it on the day of the performance itself, okay?” he grinned.

“Fine. I love surprises and you might want that person to hear it first before anyone else,”

“Who are you talking about?”

Jinsun rolled his eyes. Ryeowook acts innocent again and this time he is not fooled by it. He knows his friend too much to believe it. “The one the song was dedicated to or should I say the person who inspired the song.”

Ryeowook forced himself not to smile too much but his eyes gave in. He kept his silence or else his friend would continue to .

“Speaking of that person…” Jinsun winked at Ryeowook and signaled him to look at the door. There he is, Kyuhyun standing beside the door smiling at the two of them but mostly at the smaller person whom he adores so much.

“Kyu!” he greeted, his cheeks slightly pink. He turned in which Kyuhyun walked towards him.

“Are guys done with practice?”

“I’m done but I don’t know about hi---” Ryeowook put his hands on Jinsun’s mouth to stop him from talking. These days, his friend usually says things to embarrass or in front of Kyuhyun.

“We are done and I’m going home so let’s go Kyu,” he said grabbing Kyuhyun’s arm and leading him towards the door. He looked back at Jinsun who stuck his tongue out and laughed soundlessly.

Kyuhyun didn’t question Ryeowook about what Jinsun was saying because he was eager to tell him about the things that happened today to him. Kyuhyun would go on telling Ryeowook everything as if narrating the whole day to him. For others it would look boring but for Ryeowook he appreciates the fact that Kyuhyun wants him to know simple things like this. He too would tell Kyuhyun things like how bored he was while listening to World Literature class or informing him that their professor would be absent tomorrow due to an important meeting. He even told him the story about how Jinsun slipped on the stairs in which he unfortunately fell in front of the young lady professor that he likes.

Such small exchange of things like that keep their friendship alive even though they spent most of the days apart due to their own commitments in school. Kyuhyun had insist that he would walk him home or to his dorm everyday just to see him if they weren’t able to meet during lunch. Of course Ryeowook loved the fact that he will be seeing him at least everyday. Its enough for him to complete his day.

“Hey Kyu, are you busy on Friday?” Ryeowook asked. They were on their way home to his dorm.

“No, I don’t think so… why are you asking?”

“Its my recital this coming Friday, I thought I haven’t mentioned this to you before…”

“Oh I remember… Jinsun told me,” Kyuhyun remembered the time where Jinsun asked him to help Ryeowook since he was having trouble writing his song. “Are you asking me to come and watch it?”

“If you want to see me you can come…,” he only said but deep inside Ryeowook wants him to be there.

“Of course I would want to! I wouldn’t miss the chance to see your performance,”

Ryeowook is pleasured to hear that he is coming to see him. He is the most special person among the crowd on Friday and he can't wait to see his reaction when he hears him.

"It will be held in music hall right?"

"Yes. Three o'clock. Come on time so that you get the best seats. I can't reserve one for you because I'll be busy the whole day,"

"Its okay... i'll always find time to see you," he winked.

**

Kyuhyun ran his hands on his hair in frustration. His professor just announced that the qualifying exams will be moved a day earlier which is on Friday. The worst thing is that it coincides with Ryeowook's recital. He had already confirmed his attendance to it and he doesn't know how to tell him about this sudden news.

"You should just tell him about it. Ryeowook will understand it for sure," Minhyun comforted him after the professor left the class.

"How? He is so happy that I will come... I can't take away his excitement like that," Kyuhyun frowned.

"But I assume Ryeowook also wants you to do well on your exams. He will be fine trust me,"

"But.... "

"Its better to be honest to him than take up a lie... That would make him mad if he discovers it. Come on, he is your best friend for God's sake!"

Kyuhyun looked hesitantly before he dialed Ryeowook's number. Just one ring and a cheerful voice answered immediately. His heart skipped a beat and he fell speechless.

"Kyukyu! Why did you call?"

"I... uhh I... I just want to say hi..." he stuttered. Minhyun snorts and laughs at the red faced Kyuhyun beside him.

"....Are you still inside the campus?" It took a few seconds before Ryeowook spoke again.

"Uhh actually yes... Can we meet up today? I have something to tell you in person..." Kyuhyun said.

"Sure, I'm heading downstairs already. We can meet up at the benches near the gate?"

"Okay, I'll see you there,"

"Bye, Kyu,"

He hung up and Minhyun stops laughing to straighten his face. "Why are you so scared? You two had never fought before right?"

"Not yet and this will not cause a fight but I heard that he is scary when mad,"

"Cho Kyuhyun is afraid oh my god! This needs to be documented!" Minhyun .

"Shut up. He will not get mad but disappointed because his best friend will not be there..."

"Okay we're going in circles here. Why don't you just go and meet him? Surely he is eager to meet you now since you said you have something important to tell," Minhyun pushed him towards the door motioning him to go away.

Frowning with worry, Kyuhyun walked towards the said place and when he saw Ryeowook's back sitting at the bench he considered running away. Maybe he could fake a lie later and say that professor asked him to do some stuff. But lying to your best friend seems so wrong so he braced himself and walked nearer to the small figure.

Ryeowook felt a gentle tap on his shoulders. He turned and saw Kyuhyun smiling lightly at him. "Ready to go home?"

"Let's go," Kyuhyun offered his hand and the other gladly held to it. Holding hands is actually one of their habits that Jinsun and even Minhyun stressed that aren't friendly gestures. Well, they can't help it because it comes naturally.

They walked in silence at first before Ryeowook spoke again. "How's your preparation for your exams?"

"Trying to stock everything in my mind. I thought Math was the hardest subject, I was so wrong,"

Ryeowook giggled but squeezed his hands. "You'll pass it for sure. I believe in you."

Kyuhyun felt warm upon hearing Ryeowook's encouragement. Its as if he is now inspired to take up the whole nights ahead to bury his head on the law books he have been keeping on his bed. "Thanks a lot," he replied.

"By the way... you have something to tell me right?" Ryeowook looked at him again.

Kyuhyun averted his eyes and walked slowly which Ryeowook noticed. "Is there something wrong Kyu?" he asked now beginning to worry.

The taller male sighed and squeezed the hands of the other one. "I think you will get mad at me for what I am going to tell you,"

"I won't get mad at you, I promise. Whatever it is I will understand, I'm your friend remember?"

"I may not be able to watch your recital Ryeonggu..." he said looking at the sidewalk. Kyuhyun felt the hand he was holding loosened. "Our exams coincides with it..."

Ryeowook fell silent for awhile but he looked up to Kyuhyun and tried his best to smile. "I'm not mad, how could you think that? Your exam is more important Kyu,"

"But yours is also important,"

"Its okay... there will be next time. I'm sure of that,"

"But I really want to see your performance! I've never heard you practice the song and I want to hear it for the first time there.. "

"I can just sing it to you personally if you want," Despite his disappointment, Ryeowook can't help but be amused at Kyuhyun's silly behavior. When did Kyuhyun became so attached to him? Even his parents weren't so supportive like this.

"No more buts Kyu. Just focus on your exam. You need to pass for me okay?" he tugged his hands but Kyuhyun was still frowning.

"Kyuuuuu... "

"Don't think about it anymore please."

Kyuhyun's mood isn't going to be good anytime soon and Ryeowook finds it ironic. He should be the one sulking but Kyuhyun is good at it. He pulls his sulking friend to a place where he goes when he is in a bad mood.

"What are we doing here?" Kyuhyun asked when they went inside a cafe.

Ryeowook went over to the counter to order mostly sweets that surely was Kyuhyun's favorites. "I'm trying to cheer you up. I wouldn't let you go home with that sad face of yours. Your mom might get worried too."

They stared at each other before Kyuhyun eventually grins, relieved that Ryeowook was not mad. "I should sulk if you will always treat me like this," he teased.

"You should be the one making up for me!" he pat his arms jokingly.

Kyuhyun chuckled and they went to sit on the empty chairs inside the cafe. The sun was setting but the two did not care about the time and just keep chatting endlessly.

**

Friday is an eventful day for everyone in the university. Music majors were all busy for their own commitments. For freshmen students like Ryeowook they gathered up at the music hall early in the morning for rehearsals. Everyone was busy taking turns on playing their own respective music piece.

Ryeowook positioned himself at the back of the hall away from the other students. Everybody looks busy and it makes him nervous although it not his first time to perform in front of many people. He had enough experience already but this time its his finals grades that are at stake.

Beside from his nervous heart, he wasn’t expecting anybody from the audience to particularly cheer for him. Surely there are friends in the crowd but the person he expects the most is not coming. He was really sad but he tried his best to hide it from Kyuhyun. He’s afraid that the other would try to attempt extreme ways just to prolong his exam and go to the recital instead. Kyuhyun can do that if he wanted so he made him promise that he will finish the exam no matter what happens. Kyuhyun obliged and he can only trust his friend right now.

“Ryeowook-ssi,” one of his young music professors call him. "May I have a copy of your music? The dean wants a compilation of everyone's works."

"Sure miss," he said handing her a copy of the paper he currently holds.

"Thanks. Good luck later," and she went around to the other students to complete her mission.

"Why are you here all alone? Where is your bff?" Jinsun appeared from somewhere and he sat down beside Ryeowook.

"He has an important exam today. He wont be coming," Ryeowook said flatly.

"Ohhhh... that explains that long face of yours," Ryeowook stared at him hard. "Hey don't look at me like that..."

"Stop teasing me okay? I'm trying not to be nervous here. Aren't you feeling nervous?"

"I tend to tease anyone when I'm nervous. You are my victim today." There was silence between the two of them before Jinsun started his talk.

"You are not nervous because of the audience. Your mind is just preoccupied with the thoughts of him. That song is inspired by him am I right?" Jinsun asked staring at the paper on Ryeowook's hands.

"You will try to lie on me but its obvious that you wrote it with him in your mind."

Ryeowook cannot disagree because even if Jinsun have not yet heard the song, the lyrics tells about love. Love in which he wrote after spending a day with Kyuhyun.

"Why are you telling me these things?"

"I'm actually tired of seeing you two flirt like that. As one of your friends I see how the two of you interact with each other. When you two are together it seems like everyone is invisible and the only one that matters were both of you. Try asking the other people and I'm sure they have noticed it too. I can see in your eyes and even in his the love that you were both ignoring or rather mistook as friendship.

"Love?"

"I'm not stupid Wook, and you are too. You love him, don't deny it to yourself. Don't be confused by anything. Your friendship is what makes the love between you strong. Believe me when I say that you two will be happier if you got together."

"Jinsun, you are forgetting that I am a man and he is too."

"So what? Do you seriously think that he is not interested in you besides being friends?" Ryeowook fell silent at Jinsun's words. "What are you afraid of?"

"I don't want to lose him. Whatever I feel for him...if its love.." Jinsun rolled his eyes at this. "... Fine, if I tell him I love him and he doesn't feel the same way what do you think will happen? Surely its the end of our friendship or it will never return back to normal."

"But what if he loves you back?"

"I can't be sure about that..."

"Listen to me, I have never seen a best friend act like him. He is too caring and concerned about your welfare than a normal friend."

"He is just clingy."

"Exactly! He is clingy because he likes you... or maybe deeper than that. Wook I'm not just telling this things to tease you or anything. I'm trying to make you realize your feelings for him. If you figure it out then maybe there's great chance that he would figure out his feelings soon."

"I don't know what to say Jinsun..."

"Its okay to be confused for awhile. It is really complicated when you fall in love with a friend more over with your best friend. I hope that you two would soon realize it."

**

Kyuhyun glances once in awhile on the clock hanging on the wall. The time seems to go slowly and he wonders what Ryeowook was doing now at the other side of the university. Surely he is now busy preparing for the recital which will happen in less than an hour. He should be there being his number one supporter but here he is sitting in the middle of the classroom with a fifteen pages exam in front of him.

He scratches his head remembering the promise he made with Ryeowook saying that he will do well for this exam. He needs to pass it if he wants to continue to study next semester. Looking down at the paper again, he decided to focus on it instead. Perhaps if he put Ryeowook in his mind he will be able to answer all the questions and pass it early. Maybe he can still reach him if he work fast.

**

Ryeowook feels numb as he stands behind the curtains that separates the stage and the backstage. He hears the music of love coming from the work of his classmate. His mind is not on the music though.

You love him, don't deny it to yourself.

Jinsun's words lingers in his mind and it continuously plays like a mantra. Did he really love Kyuhyun? Are all his actions to him done out of love?

His heart beats rapidly whenever he comes close to him. He smiles like an idiot just thinking of him. He feels his day is complete when he sees him. He rewinds the past year he had known Kyuhyun. When did they start crosing the line between friendship and love? He can't pinpoint when because maybe love was there from the beginning. Maybe it just grew between the two of them as time goes by.

And so, Ryeowook realizes now that he indeed loves Kyuhyun. He loves him. He just simply loves all of him.

But what if he loves you back?

Now that he realizes his feelings another obstacle is on his way to pure bliss. He is not even sure if Kyuhyun feels the same way for him. What if Kyuhyun was straight? Will he be disgusted by the fact that his best friend was gay and loves him? Even if Jinsun argues that Kyuhyun loves him, there is no basis for that. Its just assumptions from his action which can be interpreted wrongly.

Why does falling in love so complicated like this? He hates over thinking and it kills him. His heart aches for the posibility of rejection and he feels bad because its his first time falling in love.

He feels his clammy hands tries to erase all the negative thoughts in his head. This might affect his performance and he doesn't want anymore problems to deal with. Thinking of Kyuhyun alone is too much for his heart and mind.

Now that he realizes that he harbours some feelings with Kyuhyun, he wonders if his actions will reveal it. Surely the next time he sees him the evidences of love will be more visible. He prays that the other wouldn't notice the changes or else he wouldn't know how to explain himself.

Ryeowook heard claps from the audience signalling that the current performer was finished. He waited for his name to be mentioned before he stands and walks towards the stage.

He looked briefly at the audience which is a bad idea because it only made him nervous. Settling down the notes in front of the piano, he began playing the love song he wrote with all his heart.

**

Once he scribbled the answer to the last question, Kyuhyun stood up abruptly which made the other students look up in surprise. He grabbed his bag and passed the exam paper to his surprised professor before dashing out to the door.

He ran on the stairs mumbling his apologies whenever he bumps with someone. He reached the grounds and ran across the university just to get to the music department which is a different building from his own. Thankfully the music hall was located at the ground floor so he immediately reached its doorside.

He catches his breathe first before entering the hall. As soon as he steps inside, he heard a voice of an angel. A voice which he was so familiar with. He looked closely to the stage and he smiled seeing the person he wants to see the most.

I believe that I would find that love, this long waiting is a bit uneasy
That slowly you would give me that sweet kiss like it’s the first time
I can’t describe, there’s no way this love would leave my heart
When you’re crying (deep) in my heart I want to wrap you in my arm

In your heart there’s no love for me        
In my long waiting for you for you (I pray for you)
Deep in my heart there’s only love
You’re breathing in my heart (I’m waiting for you)

Kyuhyun feels like he is floating in the sky while listening to Ryeowook's singing. He smiles lovingly at him but he knows that he wouldn't be seen because first, he was far from the stage and second, he was playing the piano at the same time.

He closes his eyes instead and feels the song with his heart. Its amazing how everything about Ryeowook can make him calm and contented like this. He loves being in the company of Ryeowook. He loves teasing him. He loves eating his cooking. He loves playing and doing other silly stuffs with him. In short he just loves to be with him because he loves all of him.

You live in my heart forever I Love U

I’ll always miss you

And lots of memories about those days

I know that I only love you

In your heart there’s no love for me

In my long waiting for you for you (I pray for you)

Deep in my heart there’s only love

You’re breathing in my heart (I’m waiting for you)

Love U More Love U More

Love U More, you’re in my heart

Love U More Love U More

You’re breathing in my heart

Yes, love. There's no denying anymore of his feelings. He loves Ryeowook and that is a fact that everyone around him notices except himself. People around him sees the way he cares about Ryeowook more than himself and he wondered if he was too obvious like that. He didn't even notice himself. Perhaps he was too in love to notice anything but the two of them.

The song comes to an end and he opens his eyes to see the audience claps for Ryeowook. He claps for him too before an idea comes to his mind. He heads towards the backstage door thinking about surprising him. He didn't know that he would be lucky to be able to see even just half of his performance.

**

Ryeowook walks towards the backstage in relief. Finally he was done with his recital and all he could do was to wait for his grades to be encoded. His spring break officially starts now and he needs to start planning about things he wanted to do. Going back to Incheon is one of those and he needs to call his parents now to inform them.

But before he could do anything, a warm pair of hands enclosed his eyes preventing him from seeing anyone. "Who is this?" he asked but his question was answered right away because those hands were so familiar to him. It was the same hands that usually holds him whenever he walks home everyday.

"I'm disappointed you had to ask who I am," the person dropped his hand and Ryeowook turned around to see Kyuhyun looking back at him. His heart instantly beats madly and he needed to step backwards to put a space between them afraid that the close proximity will make the other notice his blushing face.

"I know its your big hands but I'm surprised that you are here," Ryeowook said softly. "Did you do something to skip your exams?"

"Is my reputation this bad? Of course I took it, but I finished it earlier than expected. I had to run as fast as I can to reach here. I'm glad I was just in time to see you performing onstage."

"You saw it?"

Kyuhyun smiled and pulled Ryeowook in a hug instead. The warm embrace made the smaller male giddy. His heart flutters and he wondered if he had felt like this in the hugs they've done before.

"I'm proud of you," Kyuhyun whispers to his ears softly. "I'm proud that I am close with you because you are such an amazing person and musically talented too."

Ryeowook smiles and wraps his arms around Kyuhyun's waist and leaning closely to embrace the person he loves. "And I'm lucky to have you too..."

He wants to reveal his newfound feelings for his friend but he thinks he is not yet ready. He needs more courage... and perhaps if he was lucky then the other would be the one to confess first.

For now he would just enjoy being in love with his best friend.