"-Hey, Hyung. It's been a long time since I came to see you. I'm sorry about that. Life has been pretty crazy these days. Well maybe crazy isn't the word... It was as always. But worse."

Youngjae was searching his words, fixing with his emotion-less eyes the grave in front of him.

"-I haven't seen Jaebum since that day. I don't know where he's been. I don't know why he left... I don't know why you left."

His tears, his cold and wet tears, were scrolling on his cheeks, but he didn't care. Biting his bottom lips, he finally could express all the things he wanted to say but couldn't.

"-I didn't know you were that selfish. Why did you think leaving us would be easier ? It made everything worse. Mom cries everyday. I think they'll divorce soon."

He was out of his breathe. He just wanted someone to hold him - but he was alone.

As always.

"- You told me. You ing told me and I didn't believe you. I can't even imagine how you felt. Did you felt alone ? You were, after all. Did you feel as empty as I feel right now ?"

He couldn't move, only his shaking voice was breaking the silence he was in.

"- It was my fault. Only my fault."

Youngjae laid down beside his brother, and fell asleep. He was tired, so tired.

The following days, Youngjae spent his time either at school or at the cemetery. He didn't say anything to his brother again - but he somehow felt relieved. He knew his brother couldn't hear him, but he managed to say those words... Now, he had to tell his parents.

It took him a few weeks to gather the courage to tell them. It was sunday, he had school the next day, so he could escape their accusing looks.
It didn't go as he expected, though. He expected screams, tears.
Well, they all cried. But his mother took him in her arms, telling him she was proud he told them, that it wasn't his fault.

And Youngjae wanted to believe her, of course. But he couldn't.
Everything was his fault.

When he came back in his bedroom, he stared at the letter on his desk. Jaebum's letter. The letter was begging him to open it, but somehow, Youngjae didn't want to know.
But this day, he was suddenly curious. Taking the letter in his thin fingers, he opened it slowly, and his mind was going crazy.

"Hey, Youngjae.
I think it's time for me to tell you everything about me. About the monster living in me.
You already know about my parents' death but you don't know what happened back then right ?

I don't know where to start. This night I... we were in the car. It was raining. Pretty dangerous. The road was slippy. My mom told me to stop playing around and to stop talking to my father who was driving but I didn't listen to her.

If only I did. My father turned his head to me because I wanted to show him something. He only turned his attention off the road for a few seconds. But already, they weren't there anymore.
If only I listened to her. It's all my fault now.
I feel so bad.

My aunt is pretty generous though. But her boyfriend isn't really nice. He always beats me up for nothing. I don't know why.
That's why I always tried to hide my bruises for you.
The day you found one, I told you I fell. That wasn't true.

He found out about us. About you and I. He doesn't know who you are for the moment and I don't want him to find out, or he'll hurt you.
That's why I left.

Forgive me, I beg you. I only want to protect you. But how could I ? You'll be so much better without me.

The world will be so much better, when I'll leave.

Goodbye, Youngjae. I loved you. And even when I won't be there anymore, I'll love you."

His eyes went wet as he read the letter. He jumped out his bedroom, took his keys, and ran out the house.

He knew where Jaebum was, and he had to see him.
In the bus, he read the letter again. He didn't want to believe those words. Jaebum was strong. He couldn't have written this. But a part of Youngjae believed it. He knew it the moment he saw Jaebum's sad expression when they were talking about his parents.

How could he help Youngjae when he couldn't save himself ?

He arrived at the place he was looking for.

The hospital.
He knew the room - instinct maybe.
He found it.

But the moment his hand reached the door's handle, he knew he couldn't open it. If Jaebum wanted to disappear, enough to try it, Youngjae couldn't help him.

The letter was still in his left fist, all crumpled. He ripped off a piece of paper, took the pen in his pocket, wrote something and left it on the chair beside the door. His hand slipped on the handle, and he quietly left the hospital, tears on his cheeks.

He knew he would never see Jaebum anymore.

A few hours later, when Jaebum's aunt came back, she found the little paper on the chair, and gave it to Jaebum. And somehow, Jaebum was relieved to know Youngjae didn't enter the room. But his words came into his heart as painfully as knives would have been.

"You're a monster. Not because of what you did to your parents, but because you left me with nothing but a broken heart."

Jaebum was smiling, because he knew it was the truth.
He just needed someone to tell him it wasn't his fault. And suddenly, he felt lighter.

When Jaebum left the hospital some days after, he found his letter in the bin Youngjae left it in.
He smiled at how innocent he was back then. Before his attempt. His failed attempt.

He could see some spots where his tears fell, the night he wrote this. When he got off the hospital, Jaebum was crying.

He maybe didn't want to disappear now, but he knew he had to leave Youngjae forever, to protect him.
He knew Youngjae wouldn't find the courage to forgive him. And somehow, Jaebum himself couldn't forgive him for hurting the younger one.

They both knew it was the end of their story - right now, at this moment. The moment Jaebum took the blades in his hand, the moment he felt himself going.

The moment he told Youngjae he loved him, the moment he kissed him.
He knew it was over, when he met him in the cemetery.

Their story was impossible. Two broken souls couldn't make a complete one together. They both had too many scars, they both lost their trust in the world.

They were young.

Youngjae was the one nobody talked to. Always wearing black and never acting nice or interested. Some were calling him associable and sadist. But there was someone who never judged him.

Jaebum was the popular kid, acknowledged by everybody (including teachers), loved by everyone, even guys. He was handsome, nice, funny, and intelligent. But there was one secret, only one, that nobody, except him, knew about.

Their road met at some point of their life, but they had to go in different directions to save themselves.

You can say life was pretty cruel with them, but maybe – maybe- they would find happiness after some times.
But, and that was sure… not together.

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AND THIS IS THE END OF MY FANFIC !!! Wow, I had a hard time finishing this.
It's the first fanfic I actually finish. Hope you guys didn't cry :pp

I kinda want to do a "happy" epilogue, but I feel like it would just be out of context. So tell me what you guys want, and I'll maybe write it or not.

This chapter , I know. I'm glad I received so many support omg ♥ That was a beautiful trip ! Thank you for everything !!!

Maybe, I'll write a new fanfic soon :)) But it's kind of difficult with school, so we'll see hehe. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR MAKING THIS STORY LIVE !

Good bye :)) *wipes tears away*