Jaebum.

Youngjae hasn't seen him since the day he literally broke down in Jaebum's arms.
He didn't go to school, ignored Youngjae's calls and texts.
Youngjae was lost, and hurt. He didn't do anything wrong... Right ?

Youngjae was back at the "Before-Jaebum" days, when he was all alone, and all broken. Before Jaebum even tried to fix his ripped soul.
But it was even worse, actually.

People at his school took advantage of his solitude and started mocking him. Especially girls, who were jealous of his relationship with Jaebum.

"- You're nothing."

And after some time, Youngjae started to believe them. Who was he to even think he deserves someone like Jaebum ?

His teachers could only see the top of his head, but he didn’t care. Sleeping made him forget for a few minutes that he was all alone again.

He didn’t understand Jaebum’s sudden departure. He didn’t understand why he didn’t say anything to him, when all he needed was Jaebum.

Confusion suddenly took a big part of his life.

This week’s big event was his birthday. He didn’t feel like celebrating it, though, but his parents were apparently believing that it’ll lighten up his mood, and show him his parents were still here for him.

He let his parents prepare everything – and for once, they didn’t fight. It took them all the week to invite Youngjae’s ex-friends, his family, and to prepare everything. It was his 18^th birthday, and it had to be perfect.
Or at least, an illusion of perfection.

17^th of September arrived, D-Day as his parents called it. Luckily, it was Saturday, and he didn’t have to spend the day in school.

Well, maybe it would have been better than his parents running all over the house for the party.

It didn’t start until evening, and Youngjae already felt oppressed. He quickly grabbed his keys, promising to his parents that he’ll be back in time.

He didn’t know where to go, though. He just walked, and walked. Breathing flowers’ scent in the park next to his house. Feeling the sun’s warmness on his pale skin while walking in a desert street. Letting his vanilla ice cream melting on his tongue. Quietly touching the pages of an old book in a library.

He’s never felt so alive before – but he was all alone, as always. He slowly sat in a park, and his hand reached his wet cheek.

He was crying.
Why ? He didn’t know. He was feeling alone. Empty. All he wanted was Jaebum to come back. But he knew he wouldn’t. Who would stay by a broken child ?

And suddenly, a shadow.

The same shadow he saw this day in the cemetery.

This tall and thin shadow, offering a whole new world to the younger one.

Jaebum was here.

Youngjae jumped on his feet, and stared at Jaebum’s face.

“- Hyung ?

  -… Hey.”

Jaebum’s eyes were looking at everything but Youngjae’s. A few minutes later, Youngjae walked away. He was shaking.

“- Youngjae ?”

Jaebum’s tone almost made him run in his arms. His strong and protecting arms. But he didn’t.

“- Youngjae !”

One more step. One more.

“- Youngjae ! Jaebum yelled. Why are you ignoring me ?!

  - I don’t want your pity, hyung.”

Jaebum stood there, frozen. He couldn’t believe those words.

“- I never pitied you, Youngjae. I was worried. But you’re not pitiful.

  - Then why did you go and came back uh ? Wasn’t it because you were afraid of all the stupid things I could do ? Wasn’t it because you didn’t want to hang out with a depressed friend ? When in the beginning you only talked to me because you pitied me ?”

Jaebum’s mouth was wide open, trying to say something. Youngjae was shaking and his tears were rolling on his cheeks.

Jaebum slowly made his way to the younger one, and reached him silently. Taking his face between his hands, his lips slowly approached and brushed the younger one’s.

“- I never pitied you.”

Jaebum calmly took Youngjae’s hand in his, ignoring the tears that were slowly coming in his eyes.

A silence suddenly came between them, after the sudden kiss. They both liked it though, and Youngjae said the first thing that crossed his mind. He couldn’t explain why, but he strangely felt like Jaebum would quickly disappear.

« - H-Hyung… it’s my birthday… »

Youngjae’s tears were all over his cheeks. Jaebum sighed. He didn’t want to say those words. Not now. Not to him.

“-I’m sorry Youngjae. Goodbye.”

There were too much things they both wanted to say, but couldn’t.

Jaebum turned away, not wanting Youngjae to see his tears. But the younger one wasn’t ready to let go and took his cold hand.

“-Don’t leave me alone…”

Youngjae rested his head on Jaebum’s shoulder, and realized they were both shaking. The older one turned his head to Youngjae, giving him a reassuring but shaky smile. His eyes were looking at their hands, he didn’t want to let go… but he had to. His fingers slipped between Youngjae’s ones, and the blond little guy just looked like a lost kid. He didn’t want any of this to happen.

It was breaking Jaebum’s heart to let go, but he did. His shadow, his tall and thin shadow, that reassured Youngjae before, was only becoming smaller and smaller at each steps Jaebum took.

And when Youngjae opened his fist, he could recognize Jaebum’s writing in the small letter he gave him.

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HELLOOOO ~ Uh, it's been so long since I updated. 

School restarted, and I literally don't have time. This is one of the last chapters actually, this fanfic will end soon !

Thank you so much for your support. I'll try to update as soon as possible ♥