Hello guys~ I’d like to let you know a few things. This chapter will be the last FULL chapter left (there will be one more after this). That means the next time I update, the story will be finished. Along with that update I’ll write my final thoughts to you guys, and also be making an important announcement. I just want you all to know that these final updates have fit together like a puzzle. Every single note that I made from two years ago, up until now, has been crossed out and added. Everything that was supposed to happen, has happened, and the events all ended up fitting together perfectly. I wish I could keep going forever, but it’s time to end their story now.

Thank you so much for staying all this time, and I’ll give you a full thank you next time I update. <3

____

And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through,

how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over.

But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.

-Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore

____

When little pieces of broken and strung-together words escaped from Jihoon’s slightly opened mouth, it startled Seungcheol out of his half-sleep daze. The person he was talking to in his dream must’ve said something funny because his face screwed up in a silly way, and his mouth turned up at the corners.

It was really painful to watch for Seungcheol in the best way possible. His chest was so light and the space between his heart and his ribs felt tight and warm. The light from the large windows created the perfect picture of the pink-haired boy. His eyelashes fluttered from here to there, probably looking at all the wonderful things in that haze of his dream world. It even made Seungcheol laugh a little, maybe with relief, or maybe because he was really happy. Who really cared what it was, it just felt so good.

After all his suffering with his parents, the school, and with all the life being crushed out of him, it was good for once just to lay there next to someone like Jihoon and watch him talk in his sleep. Something so simple made everything melt away.

He found Jihoon’s hand from the tangle of blankets and he threaded their fingers together gently, hoping he wouldn’t wake him up. When he was settled he was pleasantly surprised to find that Jihoon had slowly reciprocated the motion.

With the warmth from Jihoon’s hand making his entire body feel dazed, he drifted away into a dreamless sleep. This time he had no need to dream about things that weren’t there because everything he ever needed was right next to him, muttering in his sleep and smiling as if no harm could ever reach him.

____

The boys huddled around eating ramen and whatever else they could find in Soonyoung’s cupboards. They spent most of their time outside talking on the shore. Since they all woke up late, Jihoon only had a few hours to visit Minseo to comfort her before she fell asleep. She did that a lot lately, he noticed. She slept for hours on end and only had the energy to talk for a little bit before drifting off again. The surgery was tomorrow afternoon.

“Here’s the plan.” Seungcheol clapped his hands together. “We’ll be heading back to Pledis tomorrow morning. Jihoon is going to stay here until his sister’s surgery is finished. Is everyone in agreement?”

“Sounds like a plan,” Hansol said. “I’m not prepared to go back, but we need to some time. I feel like I’ve already missed months of work and we’ve only been gone for a couple days.”

“You’re speaking for all of us,” Chan murmured. “I’ll be drowning when I get back.”

“And we sacrificed it willingly to be here for Jihoon,” Seungkwan reminded everyone. He pinched Jihoon’s cheek, making the other bat his hand away. “But don’t worry, we can all have study group together when we get back.”

“I’m gonna need a lot more than studying to pick up my grades,” Seokmin sighed. “I’m gonna need a miracle.”

Everyone laughed but patted him on the back reassuringly.

They spent the rest of the evening together, making food and playing volleyball on the soft sand. When the weather got bad again they went back inside to sit around the fireplace. Jihoon traveled back and forth from the house to the hospital to visit with his sister. Sometimes the others would tag along, but Minseo got tired so easily that she only talked for a few minutes at a time.

Before nightfall they all huddled in the living room and shared ghost stories. When suddenly, out of nowhere, Chan dragged himself through the back door. Some let out a shout as the door flew open and created a loud boom against the side of the house.

“I got it!” he yelled.

Everyone quieted down and turned to where he was.

“Chan?” Soonyoung asked. “When did you leave?”

He laughed sneakily to himself, and then dragged in a huge bucket of candy half his size. “I found it! The biggest box of candy I could find!”

“Candy?” Seungcheol asked. “That’s not a good idea. You’ve been bouncing off the walls all day without it.”

“Not for me,” he groaned. “I promised to find the biggest box of candy to give Minseo after her surgery, and I got it!”

“How--” Jihoon stuttered. “How did you manage to get that thing here?”

“Well, the nearest store was three miles away, and since we didn’t have a car I decided to sneak out and see if they had some candy. They did! So I bought the last one, tied it to my back, and walked it all the way here!”

Jihoon laughed loudly, and the rest of them followed. “If I had your determination I think I’d be in space by now,” he said with a huge grin. It was beautiful as he smiled. Everyone noticed it. Even Chan was bewildered by his laugh.

“Jihoon,” Chan said slowly. “Has anyone told you that your laugh is really pretty?”

Seungcheol sighed. “Okay, enough now. Nobody better touch that candy tonight, because we need to get up early tomorrow morning.”

“Yes, sir!” Chan pulled the bucket over to the corner and then collapsed near the fireplace with a gleeful smile on his face.

Eventually everyone settled down for the night, and Jihoon and Seungcheol found themselves sitting together between the living room and the terrace. Their day was short, but packed with eventful things. Jihoon didn’t really want Seungcheol to leave. He knew that if he did, things would be just the same as it had always been between them. A dance that neither of them choreographed, but somehow knew the moves to. An act made up of balance and strength that he wasn’t sure either of them had. He wanted to talk.

They were drifting between sleep and wakefulness, the two moving closer and closer the longer that they sat together. Jihoon fought sleep as hard as he could. He looked at him, and Seungcheol looked back. The way they both gazed at each other was almost heartbreaking.

“I wanna talk about so much,” Jihoon whispered. Seungcheol sighed and moved up so his head was tilted back against the wall. He almost smiled at the words, but didn’t. “I don’t think there’s enough time to say all that I want to.”

“I’ll tell you anything,” Seungcheol murmured. His eyes drifted closed.

“We’ve been through a lot you know. I can’t believe we’ve known each other for years, but I still don’t really know you.”

Jihoon shook himself awake and sat up, straightening himself. Seungcheol didn’t bother moving from his spot. The fatigue was settling in nicely as he sat there next to him. Jihoon watched him curiously, and then a little bit of disappointment ebbed at him.

“Do you...” Jihoon paused and then took a deep breath, “do you want to know me?”

Seungcheol hummed but didn’t really answer. He nudged at his shoulder. “Yeah?” he asked softly.

“Seungcheol.” Jihoon nudged again. “Do you want to know me?” he asked more firmly this time, but the other still didn’t budge. He didn’t even pick up on the change in his tone.

Jihoon’s doubtful thoughts raced, and suddenly he wasn’t so tired anymore. He almost scowled at Seungcheol who was nearly drifting off to sleep.

“Hey.” He faced him and set a hand on his knee. He instructed himself to breathe. They’d been through far too much for him to get angry now. “Can you answer my question?”

“What?” Seungcheol asked blearily. “Yes, of course. I’ve always wanted to know you.”

“Liar,” Jihoon mumbled, upset. “Can’t you be more sincere about this? Do you know how hard it is for me to ask this question?”

Seungcheol finally registered the seriousness of the situation and he shook off his sleep and sat up. “Jihoon?” He rubbed at his eyes. “I didn’t mean to upset you, okay? I was just--”

“You don’t realize how hard this is for me, do you? I lived for months thinking I wasn’t good enough for my best friend. You’re the one who pushed me away!” Jihoon tried his best not to get angry but it bled into his system like it was second nature. He hated that the most about himself. “You can’t even answer a simple question like this. Am I still not good enough--not--not interesting enough, after all this time?”

“That’s not it!” Seungcheol went to grab at Jihoon, but the boy was already up and moving outside.

“Forget it! I’m done chasing after you,” he growled and slammed the terrace door behind him as he headed toward the ocean.

Seungcheol wasn’t done either and he ran as fast as he could after him. “Hey! That’s not fair!” he yelled. Jihoon ignored him and kept walking, kicking up sand and rocks the faster he went. “Just wait a minute!”

Jihoon threw up a middle finger and kept walking, disappearing into the darkness of the night. Seungcheol followed him. “I’ve had it tough too, you know! Don’t you see how much I care about you? I would give anything for you! Anything!”

“Yeah, except a single ! I don’t know why I thought this would turn out okay,” Jihoon spat. Seungcheol could barely hear him over the crash of the waves in the distance. “We can’t even have a simple conversation. We have the most dysfunctional relationship on earth! What kind of guys still talk after all this ?”

“We do! We do because all that happened isn’t enough to end this! It’s hard for me too.” Seungcheol finally caught up to him. He was breathing hard. “I don’t know what to say that will make this end up fine, okay? I’m scared to death about what’ll happen in the future. I was even scared that this would happen, but here I am, yelling in front of a huge ocean in the middle of nowhere, freezing my off because of you!”

“Yeah, it’s all because of me isn’t it. Like you couldn’t have stayed inside warm, cozy and comfortable like you’ve always been.”

“If I do nothing then we’ll get nowhere!”

“Who ing cares! We’ve been nowhere this whole damn time! This thing we have going on between us is going nowhere!”

“Is that what you really think?” Seungcheol asked. The look on his face was as if the whole world had crumbled in front of him and he was abandoned, alone.

“Yeah, it is.” Jihoon crossed his arms. He tried to look like he didn’t care, but tears were already falling down his face before he could stop them.

“Now who's the liar.” Seungcheol wiped at his own tears. Jihoon rolled his eyes and turned away. He started to move toward the ocean again, this time walking slowly. Seungcheol fell in step beside him.

“What the hell is wrong with us?” Jihoon asked. He went to wipe at his face again but the tears had already dried off by the strong wind.

“We’ve been through a lot,” Seungcheol answered him. “It’s only natural that you’d doubt me after all that happened.”

Jihoon wiped his nose on his sleeve and picked a spot on the shore to sit down. Seungcheol sat closely next to him and grabbed his hand. “I don’t,” he hiccuped, “I don’t want to d-doubt you.”

“I know.” Seungcheol squeezed his hand. “It’s okay. That’s why I ran out here. I want to reassure you every single time. Even if it happens again in the future. I’ll always chase after you so don’t ever worry about that.”

“Th-that’s because you’re an idiot,” Jihoon mumbled. He let go of Seungcheol’s hand and wrapped his arms around his knees. It was freezing. “Anyway, I don’t really think this is going nowhere.”

“I know,” he sighed.

“Still. I hurt you by saying that. So, I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too.”

They shared a comfortable silence together with the gentle song of the waves in front of them. It lapped at the shore where they sat, coming closer and closer to them. Jihoon watched it as it climbed steadily and then fell back once again.

“Let’s fight it out tonight.” Jihoon closed his eyes. “I really don’t want to go back in that house unless we’ve got this figured out.”

“Okay,” Seungcheol agreed. “Let’s fight it out then.”

“Okay.” Jihoon nodded. “I hate looking at you sometimes. So much it makes my skin crawl, but other times I want nothing more than to hold onto you like I need you to breathe. So,” he pushed at him, “ you.”

“I get it.” Seungcheol looked ahead. “I don’t think it’s fair that you always get to choose the music that plays in the practice room.”

Jihoon looked at him, offended. “That’s because I have better taste than you!”

“Well, I don’t think so.”

“Fine.” Jihoon laughed softly. “I don’t like how you’re so understanding. It makes me feel inferior sometimes. I always get angry at you and you always stay silent and take it, but I don’t want you to do that anymore.”

“Alright, I won’t.” Seungcheol thought silently for a moment. “It’s not good how you keep everything bottled up inside. If something upsets you, I want you to share it with me.”

“That’s not a problem.”

Seungcheol shrugged. “The truth is, I’m actually really upset about the way things are going. I have a lot of dissatisfactions with myself and I know I’m not good for you, but I’m too selfish to let you go.”

“You’re not selfish.”

“I feel selfish. I want you to be wanted by someone who hasn’t hurt you.”

“Well, life has a ty way of working sometimes.” Jihoon leaned against Seungcheol. “This is fine with me.”

“I’m scared,” Seungcheol admitted. “I’m really scared that I’m going to mess this up again.”

“And I’m scared to be hurt again but here we are.”

Seungcheol his lips impatiently. “Am I a burden to you?” he asked.

Jihoon shrugged his shoulders with a troubled look on his face. “Sometimes it feels that way.”

“Would it be easier for you if we weren’t together?” Seungcheol wondered.

Jihoon’s ears turned a dark shade of red. “No.” He stopped. “Yes--I mean--no. Wait, are we together?” he realized.

Seungcheol’s mouth dropped open. “You mean you didn’t know,” he pointed between them, “that we were…”

Jihoon’s expression changed drastically. “Wait, are you saying that you thought we were together?”

“You mean we’re not?” Seungcheol asked.

Jihoon stood up immediately. “I thought we were both in agreement that this was just a thing we we’re trying out.”

“I’ve told people we were dating, Jihoon,” Seungcheol said seriously and stood up after him.

“You told people!” he screeched.

“Yes! I’ve told people! You haven’t?”

“No!” Jihoon ran a cold hand through his messy hair. “Holy , Seungcheol. Why are we so...” He began to laugh. At first softly, and then the peals of laughter slipped from his mouth like water.

His laughter rang loudly, making Seungcheol himself smile in relief. The tension left his shoulders and he gave a short laugh himself. “Now I see what you mean when you say dysfunctional.”

Jihoon continued to laugh, holding his arms over his stomach. “We both must be complete idiots!”

“God, how can we start this mess over?” Seungcheol asked.

“Let’s learn about each other,” Jihoon suggested. “We think we know. But we don’t know a damn thing. Teach me everything about you, and I’ll do the same. But only if you want to.”

“I want to.”

“Then,” Jihoon motioned to a place on the sand once more, “last time we were at a place like this we shared a lot about ourselves. Maybe the ocean will work its magic again.”

They sat down together, facing the ocean. They spent a lot of time staring. The two of them were scared to say anything. The wind offered little courage this time. They both seemed to think deeply about things, having many conversations with themselves inside their heads.

“I think I’m gonna cry.” Seungcheol crumbled from the weight of the stare before him. The weight of all the water, and the heaviness within. They were sitting there together just like in his past. Except this time it was real. That’s what made him feel as if his insides were beginning to sew together, stitch by stitch, being repaired with careful precision.

“The water is clear,” Seungcheol whispered.

Jihoon looked at his profile. Seungcheol had never seen the ocean before. Not in the way that he had.

Seungcheol stood up and walked to the edge of it. The water spilled over his feet. He shivered instantaneously, almost violently.

“I see it,” he said to himself. “It’s not the ocean.” Jihoon joined him at the edge. “It’s not the ocean itself that’s beautiful. It’s because I’m here with you that makes it worthwhile.”

Jihoon’s eyes widened, first in confusion, and then in understanding.

“Your ocean was beautiful because of Minseo. Mine is beautiful because of you.”

He blinked away tears, and then Seungcheol hugged him.

“I--” he took a deep breath. The water still ran over his feet and froze his entire thought process, but the feelings still poured out. They always found a way. “What are people going to say about me? After graduation, when everything moves on? I’ll be the man that disappointed his family. The man who was disowned.” He gave a shuddering breath as the emotions took over him. He wiped his eyes and grit his teeth. “I just can’t understand it Jihoon, even if I tried. All I did was love,” he sobbed. “I’ve hurt so many people. I don’t know how to be a human with a heart anymore.”

“Seungcheol,” Jihoon murmured and took him closer into his arms.

It was completely silent, everything except the lonely calm of the waves on the shore.

“Why would you still accept me?” Seungcheol asked in tears. He covered his face, his vulnerability clearly showing through.

Jihoon shook his head sadly. “I accepted you because of who you are, not what you’ve done. All of this happened to us, and yet we’re still here together. That’s not for nothing.”

“You deserve more,” Seungcheol muttered as he hugged him. They still held onto one another, anchoring each other to the shore.

“We’ll find a way to deserve each other.” His face was buried in Seungcheol’s neck, making his words nearly inaudible. “I’ll take care of you, and you take care of me. Then we’ll find a way out of this hell one day. Even when it feels like everything will crush us, I just want you and I to always be together. No matter what.”

Seungcheol shivered with tremors. “I want to say so much but I think we should go back inside first.” His voice quivered as he spoke. “I might freeze to death before we can even try.”

Jihoon pulled away from him, nodding vigorously. They stood there for a moment under the moonlight, the water dancing around them peacefully.

“I’m going to study you all the way through, from cover to cover,” Seungcheol said jokingly as they walked back to the house. He laced his fingers together with Jihoon’s.

Before they entered, Seungcheol brought his hand up to his lips and kissed it, locking eyes with him.

“We’ll be okay,” he said firmly.

Jihoon stopped where he was and gave a determined smile and a nod. They walked back inside, joining the fireplace and sitting in front of it to warm up. It glowed brightly in front of them, and their words rang true as they looked into it. They resumed their small talk throughout the night. Seungcheol asked him about himself, and Jihoon replied eagerly.

____

When they arrived back to school, Seungcheol was summoned to the headmaster’s office immediately. He walked in there confidently, and stepped onto the woven rug with vigor.

The headmaster was smiling. “Good morning,” he greeted.

Seungcheol felt his legs give out, but then he thought about Jihoon who was always holding him up. And he promised himself that if he ever witnessed Jihoon grow weary, they would hold onto each other even if they both fell. He would grow stronger for his sake. There was nothing he feared anymore.

“It is a good morning,” he replied.

“I was so overjoyed to hear that Jihoon’s sister would end up receiving her surgery after all,” he said with a false, imitation smile. It was as if he learned how to only seconds ago.

“Where did you hear that?” Seungcheol asked, taken aback.

“You’ll be leaving this academy in four short months. I have one last request for you.”

Seungcheol gulped, and then nodded for him to go on.

“Inform Lee Jihoon that he’s expelled from Pledis Academy. Find out where he’ll be planning to go, and then intercede all of his future applications.”

Seungcheol exhaled shakily. He became his fourteen-year-old self again in front of the headmaster. He froze and tried desperately to remember what it felt like to be strong again. He pulled the tendrils out of him--though they were thin and brittle--he forced himself to, for Jihoon’s sake.

“Excuse me?” he asked.

“Go on now.”

He opened his mouth and tried to force the words out. He imagined this scene for years, and what it would be like when he finally stood his ground. It was all that he imagined it to be. One word. Barely a whisper. But still there. It was still there, and he still meant it, and it still mattered. “No.”

The headmaster looked like he expected it. He gave a little grin. “No?” he mimicked. “Need I remind you of our deal? Or do you want everyone in the industry to know of your dirty little secret?”

“It’s not dirty. It’s who I am.”

“Is that how you see it? All the dirty work you’ve done for me makes you clean?” he asked with a wry smile. “Then it will be fine, since you’re so pure. After all the hard work you’ve done, and all your accomplishments, they’ll silently go to waste. It will be as if they never happened.”

“Do what you want to me, but I refuse to hurt Jihoon again.”

“So be it.”

Seungcheol’s hands clenched and unclenched, and he swayed a bit with confusion.

“You’re dismissed,” the headmaster said, waving his hand.

He turned to leave. His eyes were wild and completely out of focus. He reached for the door handle.

“Oh, and Seungcheol?” the headmaster called. “Since you two are so close, go ahead and tell him that he can forget going into the music business. I’ll make certain that he never succeeds in that world. He can be sure of it. The boy isn’t good enough, anyhow.”

Seungcheol sneered, clenching his fists once again. “You’re an evil, disgusting man!”

“By the time I’m done with your files, you both will wish you never rejected me. You two will rot under a bridge somewhere, but at least you’ll be together. Isn’t that what you want?”

Seungcheol turned, slamming the door behind him. He stormed down the stairs and ran all the way back to the practice rooms where Seventeen were probably still waiting.

____

Haneul made his way down the hallway. He was clad in practice clothes with a black bag slung across his chest. He was about to enter his class when he noticed Seungcheol storm down the hall and slam Seventeen’s practice door open in anger. He stepped back, surprised. Usually when they crossed paths he would give him a death glare, but he hadn’t even spared a simple look this time. Haneul peered through the little glass window and watched as Seungcheol yelled at everyone, explaining something wildly with his hands. He never seen him so angry.

He snuck over to the door and slowly propped it open, being as silent as he could. Nobody could hear him over Seungcheol’s yelling anyway.

“We’re as good as dead,” Seungcheol spat out. He had his hands balled up as he paced back and forth. “That man is going to drag our names through the mud. What’s going to happen to us?” he asked. “No, forget it! I know what will happen! I’ve known him since I was a kid, why the hell am I trying to convince myself otherwise? It’s over. I know exactly what will happen. It’s all over!”

Hansol did his best to calm him down. “It will be okay. We’ll think of something.”

“Music is everything to me and Jihoon! How could he ever think about touching that? He’s going to mess with our files and up everything we’ve worked for! What are we supposed to do now? He controlled everything from start to finish! And this is how it ended up! Even Jihoon got dragged into this mess. First his sister’s surgery, and now this. I don’t know if he’ll be able to handle it.”

Haneul closed the door softly and hardened his gaze. He left the building in his practice clothes and all, heading to the old office on the hill.

He walked up the stairs without even looking at the front desk, and the woman didn’t try and stop him. He whistled as he made his way down the hallway to the headmaster’s office, shoving his hands in his pockets nonchalantly.

He gave a loud knock, and then swung open the door.

“Hey there!” he greeted with a bright smile, and then went and plopped himself in a chair. The headmaster watched him, unamused. “Did you know that I have the ability to speak with birds?” he asked in a mystical way, as if he was sharing a dark secret. “Listen.” He whistled. It sounded like the song of a blackbird. He performed the whistle for longer than he had to, just to annoy the headmaster.

“I bet you didn’t know that,” he said, laughing. “Well a little bird has told me that you’re up to no good.” His expression suddenly shifted. And he became deadly serious. He narrowed his eyes intimidatingly, despite his position being overly comfortable. Haneul had a way with making himself shine on stage, no matter the amount of other dancers who joined him. “You’re planning to kill that prey you’ve caught, and it’s going to reek.”

“Mr. Kang,” he said.

“It’s Mr. Kim now,” he interjected. “You do remember that I’m part of the Kim family, right? Because if you don’t it’d be pretty unfortunate if I had to remind you.”

“I remember perfectly fine, Haneul. This situation does not concern you. You may leave now.”

“Ouch,” he muttered. “That hurts.” Haneul stood up and removed the black bag from his body. He approached the headmaster’s desk and gracefully placed his hands on it. “You don’t wanna regret that. Listen to me. Lee Jihoon was a very good friend of mine, and there’s no way I’m gonna let you mess with him or anybody he cares about.”

“Bad students deserve to be punished, Haneul. It’s not personal.”

“You made it personal when you decided to mess with my friends. And don’t think I forgot about when you forced me out of Seventeen. That was very personal, sir,” he mocked.

“Mr. Kim, sit down.”

“Don’t want to. My legs need to be warmed up before class and you’re making me miss out on it. The least you could do is be a little more understanding,” he huffed.

“I’m going to change those files. If you’d like to throw a fit, you can do it outside of my office.”

“You’re going to change them, huh?” Haneul laughed with unwavering resolution. He gave a cunning grin. “Fine, let’s see you try. With every change you make, I can make fifty more in the same amount of time. You don’t want to test me.”

“Mr. Kim,” he warned.

Haneul lowered himself to the headmaster’s level and looked into his eyes. “You’re going to be looking for a new Student Head, right? Tell you what. Leave Jihoon and everyone he cares about alone, and I’ll be it.”

“You’re not what I’m looking for,” the headmaster declined.

“That’s too bad. You may not believe I’m a Kim now, but you will. Change those files, and it’s game over.” He grinned and then patted the oak desk and stood up straight again. “Take some time to think it over.”

He waved behind him, grabbing his bag on the way out.

“I’ve got a lot to say now that my words finally matter. And you’ll realize it soon enough. Whether you change the files, or don’t pick me as Student Head, I’ll still get my way in the end. I’ve got nothing to lose now, and that makes me more dangerous than you know.”

He grinned and then turned, bowing lowly to him.

Haneul closed the door and walked off with a skip in his step, leaving the headmaster speechless behind him.

____

Jihoon held Minseo’s hand as they prepared her for surgery. Her hands were tiny, but he held them tightly just the same. He recited her favorite book as she uneasily looked around the room. He could tell that she was trying to be strong.

“I won’t leave you,” he whispered to her very kindly.

“I won’t either,” she responded.

“People have stars, but they aren’t the same. For travelers, the stars are guides. For other people, they’re nothing but tiny lights. And for still others, for scholars, they’re problems. For my businessman, they were gold. But all those stars are silent stars. You, though, you’ll have stars like nobody else.

When you look up at the sky at night, since I’ll be living on one of them, since I’ll be laughing on one of them, for you it’ll be as if all the stars are laughing. You’ll have stars that can laugh!

And when you’re consoled (everyone is eventually consoled), you’ll be glad you’ve known me. You’ll always be my friend. You’ll feel like laughing with me. And you’ll open your window sometimes just for the fun of it...And your friends will be amazed to see you laughing while looking up at the sky. Then you’ll tell them, ‘Yes, it’s the stars; they always make me laugh!’ And they’ll think you’re crazy. It’ll be a nasty trick I played on you…

And it’ll be as if I had given you, instead of stars, a lot of tiny bells that know how to laugh…”

Jihoon bit his lip. He was terrified. He couldn’t even imagine how she was feeling.

“We’ll be here when you get out,” he whispered and then he let go of her.

Minseo was wheeled into the operating room, clutching her fox plushie to herself as she went. She was so small, he realized, as he watched her go.

She breathed just as he had instructed her to. Her eyes looked at the frightening doctors, when suddenly she began to feel sleepy. She remembered the look on Jihoon’s face as she left him. It was a strong expression. She thought he must have been indestructible with that look. It made her feel indestructible too.

Minseo’s heart skipped a beat. It slowed from the adrenaline-filled, violent rhythm to a gentle knock.

The last face that she pictured in her head faded, vanishing altogether.

Her world went dark, and then the sun appeared.

Jihoon blinked, shielding his eyes as he looked at the sky, and then he took off running.

The two of them played with the sun on their back, and the sand beneath their feet. He knew how it felt as he ran. Completely unbridled, and with all the energy of a fifteen-year-old. Minseo ran ahead of him, tinier than she was before.

“Heads up!” Jihoon laughed, running toward the ocean with his feet kicking up sand and into his little sister’s way. He threw her plushie up in the air as high as it could go, and she caught it as it came down.

“Gotcha!” She held it up victoriously. She was nine years old. They wrestled each other on the shore with the sun watching them warmly. The ground was cold.

He pushed her small body off him and rolled out of her grasp, then ran to the water once more, laughing loudly in lovely peals. “Catch me if you can!” he yelled, his voice loud and screeching. She did her best to try and catch him, but Jihoon was fast as he scooped water up in his palm and flung it straight at her. She shielded her fox, squealing.

“No fair!” Minseo screamed, still laughing crazily. Her hair was wild as Jihoon glanced behind himself. She was beaming, and her eyes were radiant with life. She placed her fox on the shore and then dove into the ocean, using her whole body to fling water at Jihoon. He cowered, considering his next move.

Jihoon pretended like he was walking off, then pivoted sharply and ran full speed toward Minseo, tackling her into the waves. They both emerged, laughing and spitting out saltwater.

“Gross,” she said, breathing heavily. They both crawled out of the water and lay on the ocean. She began to cough, and Jihoon worriedly patted her back.

“Ah, sorry. I went too far again,” he apologized.

She giggled. “You call that too far? I definitely won that. You weren’t even trying!”

Jihoon pulled her into his side playfully, draping his arm over her shoulders. “Next time you better get ready for a fight,” he teased.

“I’m already ready!” She scooped up a handful of sand and poured it over his head. She pushed him down and jumped over his body, sprinting along the shore. The sun began to set behind them as they ran. Jihoon caught Minseo and picked her up, spinning her around.

They collapsed to the sand and laughed as hard as they could.

The whole earth was theirs as they sat there. He could see it in his sister’s expression as she smiled at the scenery. She was in the clouds, flying as she watched the sun. It painted her in many colors, all which suited her perfectly. Minseo was orange, blue, and bright, fiery red. She was the yellows in the sky, and the purple above the water. She was the green in the seaweed that washed up.

“Can’t you feel yourself flying?” she asked, holding her arms out wide and breathing in. She moved like a bird, flowing with the wind as it blew through her hair. “Feel it, Jihoon.” She nudged at him, and even though he felt silly doing it, he opened his arms and bent his head back. He wasn’t as graceful as his sister but he felt free in his soul.

They flew like that until they could feel the rays of the sun die down. Jihoon buried his feet in the sand and frowned, knowing that their day was about to end. Even though that was true, he looked over at Minseo and she was still basking in the dim light. He wondered why. She radiated joy, just happy to be there in that moment. And he was stuck in himself again, thinking about her sickness.

She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. “Don’t hold onto it, Jihoon. Whatever it is you’re thinking. Tomorrow is a new day, and the sun is going to come back again.” She hugged herself and gave a contented sigh. “So just let go!”

The world became different around them, and the sun slowly disappeared as they watched the skyline. It dipped lowly, and then it was completely gone. He found himself staring as it left. It was like it was saying goodbye, and leaving behind the beautiful colors as a promise. All the shades that made up his sister.

They had to let it go, even if there was something to hold on to. Tomorrow, there would be more places to travel. It had to leave so they could start over again and make things new.

Jihoon looked at Minseo. He watched her laugh, and gave in to her joy. He prepared himself for the new same sun to arrive on a completely new day.

And he would stop holding on, and just let go.