Taeheon looked forward to Wednesday cautiously. He dreaded it more than anything, since he had come to the decision that he would have to find some way to get money from Siwan, even if that meant their friendship could not continue afterwards.

 

Perhaps it was not meant to be anyway, he thought, but all the same he thought carefully about what he would wear to Siwan's house and what food he would bring. By the time he was at Siwan's apartment, his heart was beating heavily and his body felt hot. He was almost too shy to ring the bell.

 

When Siwan opened the door for him he forgot all the things he had been thinking about. Siwan looked so sweet dressed in an oversize jumper, and Taeheon was already fantasizing what it would be like to see him everyday.

 

"Please come in. Ah, I'm glad you brought stuff." He took Taeheon to his kitchen. "It's been renovated, so it's new, but to tell the truth, I don't know how to cook."

 

"That's alright. We can do it together." Taeheon put his bag on the counter. "I have this recipe that my grandmother taught me. I hope you're not hungry, it takes a while."

 

Siwan watched him fondly. "That's fine."

 

Taeheon found that being focused on the task of making dinner put his mind at rest, at least for the time being. He felt quite relaxed in Siwan's kitchen, with Siwan always at his elbow trying to help or at least understand what was happening. He occasionally rested his hand on Taeheon's back, which gave him a slight shiver but he tried to ignore it.

 

Once he had finished preparing the marinade for the meat, he told Siwan they had to let it rest.

 

"That's okay. I can show you the rest of my house."

 

Siwan's house was simple and unadorned. In the main room he kept a family photo in a frame and next to it a trophy that he had won at some award ceremony. Apart from that he had little decoration. He took Taeheon to his bedroom which was also small and simple.

 

"I'm sorry my house is so boring," he said with a small chuckle.

 

Taeheon felt himself blush slightly. Siwan's house was so much nicer and bigger than his own, but he didn't feel like mentioning it.

 

Siwan motioned for Taeheon to sit next to him on his bed. "How long should we wait?" he asked.

 

"Should be ready in about 40 minutes or so."

 

"That sounds like enough time." He leaned in and kissed Taeheon on the nose, then slowly on the mouth.

 

Taeheon nuzzled his nose into the crook of Siwan's neck as they lay side by side on the bed. It feels just like he's my boyfriend, he thought and almost laughed to himself.

 

"I hope you don't think I'm desperate..." Siwan said softly. He moved his small, white body slightly against Taeheon's and it felt like a caress.

 

"Desperate for me? Who wouldn't be?" Taeheon was feeling confident all of a sudden, but he laughed and added, "I'm joking."

 

Siwan smiled. "But I am desperate for you... Since the first time we met I haven't wanted to see you go. I've never been in love with anyone before but I think I love you."

 

Taeheon didn't know what to say to that, so he responded with a kiss. "I think we should go now, it's probably time to start cooking."

 

Siwan sat up. He chuckled as he pulled his over-sized jumper over his head. "We're like teenagers... lying around and kissing."

 

"If only I had a guy like you when I was a teenager..."

 

Taeheon's head was so full of euphoria that he had forgotten about the operation and the money he needed. What harm was there, if just for this one day he could pretend that he had and Siwan had a normal relationship?

 

They finished cooking together and sat down to eat. They were both in a good mood and Siwan wanted to talk.

 

"You've dated before, right?"

 

"Of course... but nobody like you." He laughed softly. "They've usually been older guys, well, except for the last one. I met him on the internet. A lot of guys my age like to play around, but I just want someone permanent." He realised that he was rambling, so he asked, "is it true you only come to the fight to see me?"

 

"Yes, do I look like someone who likes fights?" Siwan pulled up the sleeves of his jumper to show his skinny arms. "I admit, it was true. I just wanted to see more of you. Are you planning to fight again?"

 

Taeheon shook his head. "I promised my sister I wouldn't do it anymore."

 

"Because it's dangerous?"

 

"Yes, it's dangerous, but I only wanted the prize money. At least I won last time."

 

"Is the prize a lot of money?"

 

Taeheon shrugged. "I guess, but it's not enough for what I wanted it for."

 

"Which was?"

 

As Taeheon answered he felt a tightening of emotion in his chest. "My niece. She needs an operation on her ears since she's going deaf."

 

"Oh..." Siwan eyes shone with concern. "How much do you need? I can probably cover it for you."

 

"No." Taeheon's voice came out forcefully and he was even surprised by his own response. "It's my family's problem, it's none of your business."

 

Siwan was taken aback. "But you need the money, don't you? For your niece."

 

"Yes, I need the money, but... I don't want to use you. That's not what I came here for." That's exactly what I came here for, he thought, but now the very idea of it filled him with disgust. He would rather walk out empty handed than accept Siwan's pity.

 

Siwan pulled back from the table. He looked hurt. "I didn't mean to offend you, I just wanted to help."

 

Taeheon sighed as a sense of guilt came to him. "I know, I'm sorry. I just find it hard to believe that any of this is real. I mean, we're not on the same level, are we? It's not like we can go out together."

 

Siwan went silent and Taeheon suddenly hated himself for having ruined everything. Why did all of his bad thoughts need to come out like this?

 

"I don't know," Siwan finally replied. "I'd like to think we could go out together."

 

"As a couple?"

 

"Yeah, as a couple. I think we match well, don't you? I wasn't lying before when I said I've never met anyone who made me feel like you do." He paused for a moment, then added in a serious tone, "I do sound desperate."

 

Taeheon instinctively went to comfort him. "It's not desperate. You just want what everybody wants, someone to love. I want that too. I want you..."

 

Siwan smiled grimly. "Why are we even arguing then?"