The boxes fell from the shop assistant's hand with a loud clatter. He apologised profusely to the customer as he picked them up, only to drop a couple again because he was moving too fast.

 

Taeheon watched him with a smile. He somehow knew he would see him like this, so flustered and jumbled, probably in need of a hug.

 

The customer had accepted his apology and moved on, so Taeheon stepped up to talk to him. On seeing him, the shop assistant seemed to turn even more flushed from embarrassment. He immediately got on his knees and returned to picking up the shoes that the customer had not bought and putting them back into boxes. Taeheon knelt beside him.

 

"Hey, let me help."

 

"No, my supervisor might see you."

 

"You look like you're having a bad day..."

 

"You have no idea. Why did you come here?"

 

Taeheon laughed softly. "Because I want some new shoes? Why else would I come to shoe shop?"

 

"Alright. What's your size? No, wait, I remember it..."

 

He was about to rush off again, so Taeheon added, "Kevin, I came to see how you were. We haven't caught up in a long time."

 

"You could have called me."

 

"But I wanted to see you."

 

Kevin nodded awkwardly. "Okay... let me get your shoes."

 

###

 

Taeheon waited until Kevin had finished his shift and then joined him for a walk. Now that his stressful work was over, Kevin seemed happier to see him. They walked along the main shopping street where Christmas decorations were hanging. The air was cold, but the chill made everything feel fresh and new.

 

"I don't suppose you'd be interested in going out with me?" Kevin asked. "I mean, I know you coming to see me doesn't necessarily mean you've forgiven me."

 

"What are you talking about? Of course I've forgiven you. What happened was just as much my fault as yours."

 

Kevin shook his head. "It really wasn't."

 

Kevin had been Taeheon's first long term boyfriend. He was kind and easy to get along with, but something had been missing in their relationship and Kevin had had an affair. It had been with a fitness instructor at their gym, whom Taeheon had been sure was straight and Kevin had argued otherwise. Kevin turned out to be right, of course, as Taeheon discovered when he had accidentally walked in on them having an intimate moment in the aerobics room.

 

Taeheon had thought that if Kevin had sought affection from somewhere else, then it must have been a shortcoming on his own part. Kevin had been tormented by guilt and Taeheon had broken up with him because it was the only sensible thing to do.

 

"In case you're wondering," Kevin said, "since we broke up, I haven't seen anyone else."

 

"Why not?"

 

Kevin shrugged. "I wasn't interested in dating. After a while I missed you."

 

Taeheon paused for a moment. He could tell that Kevin was sincere.

 

"Say, what are you doing on Christmas eve?"

 

"Ha, working I suppose. Nothing planned. How about you?"

 

"I'm hoping to spend it home alone with Kevin..."

 

Kevin frowned. "Oh," he said, then "Ohhh..."

 

###

 

On Christmas Eve Taeheon let Kevin take him out to the cinema. He didn't go to the movies often, but Kevin was enthusiastic about making it up to him. He went along with it peacefully and he let Kevin choose the film.

 

"The worst thing about being single is that you can't go the movies," Kevin told him. "I haven't been in a long time."

 

"Why didn't you go with a friend?"

 

Kevin sighed. "It's not the same. I always feel like it has to be a date night."

 

They stopped talking when the film's opening credits came up. Taeheon felt his stomach drop when he saw the actors' names.

 

"Yim Siwan is in this movie." He could feel a rising panic.

 

"Yeah, people say he's good."

 

Taeheon tried to act normal. He should be acting normal anyway, so what if he had to see his ex-lover in a movie? It was inevitable that he would see him again, since Siwan was famous and his face was everywhere. But he still felt raw over the break-up which had happened so suddenly, Siwan telling him matter of factly that their relationship didn't make sense, that they were people from two different worlds. Siwan couldn't belong to him.

 

The first time Siwan's character appeared on the screen, Taeheon looked down. In the dark he tried to find Kevin's hand, and taking it, he rolled it over to the palm. Kevin looked down at their hands and then at Taeheon briefly, smiling, then back to watching the film.

 

Maybe Kevin and him could make sense, if they tried one more time. Taeheon went back to watching the film feeling protected and comforted by Kevin being beside him.

 

After the film Taeheon took Kevin back to his flat. Kevin had been there before, many times, when they had been together in the past. He looked around the kitchen, then at the pile of Heecheol's stuff on the counter.

 

"You still have that housemate, don't you?"

 

"Heecheol, yes."

 

"He's a cute guy, but he needs to clean up after himself."

 

Taeheon chuckled. When Kevin had come over in the past he would always make a habit of tidying everything. Taeheon only just realised that how much he had missed that.

 

"Did you like the film?" Kevin asked.

 

"It was alright."

 

"Do you think Yim Siwan could be gay?"

 

"Huh, why do you ask?"

 

"I just get that impression from him, I don't know... I just have a way of feeling these things."

 

Just like you felt with that fitness instructor, Taeheon almost said, but he stopped himself. He didn't reply.