“Joonie,” Rain said, breaking he gaze from me to look at the boy next to him. I clenched my fist at the soft tone he used to say the other’s name. “Why don’t you go take a walk?”
   Joon pouted. “But I don’t want to.”
   “Go now.” Rain silenced him.
   The younger boy sighed and walked away with an attitude.
   Rain looked back at me when we were alone – well, we weren’t alone but neither one of us seemed to acknowledge the people surrounding us. His eyes shifted up and down my body, like he was taking in the sight of something phenomenal.
   Before ten seconds had passed, I was walking away.
   “Junsu-yah!” I felt his hand on my arm as he stopped me from leaving. “Please . . .”
   I closed my eyes for a moment, opening them to find a few people staring at us. The last thing I wanted was to make a scene in front of people and cameras. I sighed, and looked back at the man silently begging me to stay. “How are you, hyung?” I put on the fakest smile I could muster up.“It’s been a while since we’ve had the chance to talk.”
   He sighed lightly, letting go of my arm. “I’m good . . . how’s your life?”
   I could have laughed, if I wasn’t fighting the urge to punch him. Really? How’s my life?“If you want to know about my life, you could always just google me . . . or check allkpop.com, they’re pretty reliable.”
   “Please don’t be like that.” He said quietly.
   “Like what?” I snorted. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
   “Don’t lie to me. You know what I’m talking about.”
   I looked down. He was right, I did know what he was talking about . . . I didn’t want to, but I knew all the same. “Lee Joon seems . . . nice.” I mumbled.
   When I looked at him, I knew he could see through me, but I didn’t care. “Yeah,” He said after a moment of silence. “He is . . . What about you? Are you dating anyone?”
   I held my head up high. “Actually, I am.”
   His face seemed to get darker, like someone had turned off the light that made his bright smile fade. “I bet he’s nice, too.”
   Chansung’s face came to mind and I couldn’t help but smile.
   It was strange.
   Just seconds ago, I was an emotional wreck, ready to jump off a bridge. And yet the thought of once person made the heaviness that crushed my insides and made me hate the idea of existing go away.
   “I’ll be going now,” I said when things got quiet.
   “Junsu, wait!” He grabbed my arm again, I tried to shake his hand off but he tightened his grip.
   “Please let me go.” I didn’t look at him as I spoke.
   “You’re not being fair!” Rain pleaded with me. “I just want to talk for a minute.”
   “There’s nothing for us to talk about, so just let go.” I said mechanically.
   “But I–”
   “You can let him go now.” I smirked at the heavenly voice that cut Rain of before I even had the chance.
   Rain lookedback at Chansung. “Ah . . . Chansung, how are you?”
   Maknae looked at me and then narrowed his eyes at Rain. “I’ll be a lot better once you let go of my hyung.” He kept a slight smile on his lips, but I’m sure only I saw how pissed off he was.
   Tension.
   It was so thick you would cut it with a knife.
   Rain slowly loosened his grip on my arm and then dropped his hand, deciding not to challenge Chansung. Smart man. 
   The second I was free, Chansung pulled me over to him and wrapped an arm around my shoulder with a bright smile. “It was so great seeing you, we’ll leave first.” He pulled me away before people could notice our confrontation.
   I looked down as we walked, finally letting what just happened register.
   Chansung didn’t stop walking until we were outside on a fairly empty outdoor patio. He let go of me and stepped over to the edge of the balcony, looking out at the street below us.
   “Forget about hi–” Chansung was cut off.
   “Ohmygod Chansung, guess who I just saw?!” Junho ran up to Chansung and then paused when he noticed me standing a little ways away. His face flushed instantly and he fidgeted a little, mumbling something to Chansung.
   I sighed. “Junho, I saw him.”
   The red haired boy’s face fell and he came over to hug me with a pout. “Hyung-nim, are you okay?” He mumbled as he wrapped his arms around me.
   I chuckled a little at the gesture. “I’m fine.” I thought about that and tried to figure out if it was a lie or not.  
   Junho looked at me skeptically. “Are you sure?” He asked. “I mean . . . you remember what happened last time.”
   He was referring to the last time Rain and I had made contact. Back when JYP hyung ‘surprised’ us by letting us be the backup dancers for Rain at the 2010 JYP Nation concert. I went along with it, said I was fine, put on a smile and danced my off.
   I wasn’t fine though.
   Actually, when we got home from our schedule, I went into my room and cried for an entire day.
   So yes, it was understandable why Junho was now looking at me with one hundred percent doubt. But this time, it was different. I don’t know how, but the pain wasn’t so bad. Maybe I just knew that no matter what, I’d always have Chansung there to help me. I smiled as Junho clung to me. “Nuneo, I swear . . . I’m fine.” I tried to sound reassuring as I lightly patted his hair.
   Junho looked up at me with concerned eyes. “O-Okay hyung.”
   Aish, why is he being so cute? I rolled my eyes and pushed him away. “Yah! Pull yourself together . . . I should be the one freaking out, not you.”
   Chansung cleared his throat. “I’ll . . . go find the others. We should leave.”
   Junho and I both nodded in agreement and watched Chansung head back inside. “So,” Junho said to me, pulling me to sit in at one of the patio tables. “Now that your boyfriend is gone . . . how are you really?” He eyed me.
   Cute . . . and smart. What an annoying combination. “Junho-yaaaah,” I whined and leaned forward, letting my face fall into my hands. “I really do think I’m alright.”
   “And I really do think you’re in denial~” Junho leaned back in chair he was sitting in. “Look at you . . . If I can see how fake your smile is, you can sure as bet that Chansung sees it too.”
   I pouted at him. Why did he have to be so god damned intuitive?
   “Hyung, it’s okay to be upset right now.”
   I groaned. “But I feel like I shouldn’t be . . . like I have no right at all and that being upset over Rain is like me . . . betraying Chansung.”
   “But Maknae knew what he was getting himself into when you guys started dating . . . he’s not stupid, you know.” Junho said, almost as if I was dumb. “And you’re not betraying him.”
   I looked down and sighed. “Why can’t I just hurry up and get over this?” I mumbled, mostly to myself.
   After a while of silence, Junho looked over at me. “Junsu hyung,” I looked at him. “Chansung is good medicine for you . . . He’s just what you need to give you that boost and keep you going, but . . . you have to heal yourself too. Chansung can’t do it all by himself, and it’s not fair to rely on him to do so.” He paused for a moment and then sighed. “Especially since we both know that he’ll try to, even at his own expense.”
   My lips curved down into a serious frown and I blinked at the horrible realization that Junho was absolutely right. If Chansung loved me as much as I loved him – and I had sadly admitted to myself that probably he loved me more – then he would be willing to do anything for me, no matter the cost to himself.
   He would be willing to hurt . . . for me.
   I wondered how often I’d hurt him and then suddenly felt sick to my stomach.
   Without a word, I jumped up from the table and walked away. Where I was going, I had no idea, I just needed to go. The anxiety was taking over and I didn’t want to be at this god forsaken party anymore. On my way to the bathroom, I ran into someone – one of the waiters.
   “Ah, Mr. Kim Junsu-ssi!” The boy said with a smile. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you,” He said as he reached into the pocket on the front of his vest. “I was told to give this to you.”
   I blinked for a moment, taking the folded dinner napkin from the boy and then bowed before he took his leave. I looked at the napkin and saw how it was neatly folded, as if it was protecting something. My curiosity got the better of me and I unfolded the cloth to see a small piece of paper tucked inside.
   When I flipped it around, my heart stopped.
   As much as I tried to will the feeling to go away, I couldn’t fight off that heartbreaking feeling of regret that would often find me, usually when I was alone in the night and no one was there. But even with all these people around, my chest ached and my throat swelled and with much difficulty, I took a deep breath before bolting out of the building as fast as I could, sneaking past the few reporters that now stood outside.
   I clutched the small Polaroid photo the entire time that I walked, staring at the two faces that huddled together to fit in the screen.
   Then the tears finally came.
 

To be continued . . .