“Are you sure you’re okay?” Junho asked while we made breakfast for the rest of the sleeping dorm. He had been seeing through my lies for the past half an hour and it had become rather annoying.
   “Yes,” I sighed. “I’m absolutely fine, so just leave me alone.”
   I chewed on my lip as he stared at me in suspicion.
   The pressure was almost unbearable. But not more unbearable than the embarrassment of telling the truth.
   “. . . What happened after Taec and I quit the game last night?” He questioned.
   I could feel the panic growing inside me. I didn’t want to face the truth, which was obvious, but Junho was very clever and more than that, he was nosy. After thirty seconds of him giving me his ‘interrogation’ stare, I caved in and mumbled. “I had to let someone kiss me, that’s it. No big deal. It’s over. End of story . . . don’t ever talk about it again.” I looked away shyly, avoiding telling him the part where I locked myself in my room and cried until my chest hurt.
   He jutted his chin out, the way he always did when he was picking apart peoples’ secrets. “So . . . you kissed ‘someone’ . . . Who?”
   “I’m not telling.” I tried to busy myself with cutting up vegetables to go into the soup that was almost ready.
   Junho clung to my arm and whined. “Hyuuuung~ You have to tell me!”
   “No I do not.” I kept my poker face.
   He sighed, giving up. “You are so uptight all the time . . . you really need to get laid.”
   “Tell me about it.” A voice said from behind us, followed by a light chuckle.
   Junho and I looked back and I almost died.
   Changmin yawned as he stepped into the kitchen, scratching his bare chest. “He almost died over a kiss,” He smirked at me. “It was just one kiss, Su . . . just imagine if I’d have done more~” I blinked when I noticed myself staring at his lips while he talked.
   He reached past me and grabbed a glass from the cabinet, filled the glass with water a left without another word.
   My face was going to be a permanent shade of red.  
   “You kissed . . . Changmin hyung?!” He asked in shock when Changmin was gone from the kitchen.
   I quickly covered his mouth. “Yah! Don’t talk about it so loud.” I looked around, wondering if anyone heard us.
   Junho pulled my hand away from his mouth, staring at me before suddenly, he frowned and hit me over the back of the head with his hand. “Babo!” He hissed at me. “Don’t you even think things through at all . . . poor Chansung.” He shook his head and pouted.
   I raised an eyebrow, utterly confused. “Ch-Chansung?” I shook my head. “No, I kissed Changmin.” I corrected him.
   He glared at me. “Exactly.”
   I cocked my head to the side. What?
   He eye rolled dramatically. “Oh come on, don’t tell me you’re that oblivious!”
   What the hell is he talking about? “Dongsaeng . . . what?” I frowned.
   “Chansung,” Junho said as if I should understand simply with one word. When I didn’t get it, he rolled his eyes more. “He likes you . . . god, how the hell do you not see it?! You sleep in the same room every night!”
   My eyes widened and then I just laughed. “Ohmygod . . . Chansung?!” I couldn’t control myself, I just burst into laughter. “Junho-yah . . . I would know if he liked me.” I nodded.
   I definitely would have noticed if Maknae liked me.
   Junho was unconvinced. “Hyung,” He growled. “If you don’t see that he’s liked you since . . . well pretty much forever, then you really are stupid.” Junho wiped his hands off and we finished making breakfast in silence.
   When breakfast was ready, Junho went through the house waking everyone up while I set the table. I stayed quiet, contemplating what Junho had said. Ugh, he’s reading into things too much. I nodded to myself as I sat at the table and waited for everyone. Nichkhun was the first out of his room, then Wooyoung, and then Chansung.
   I looked down at my bowl of rice, pretending to pick at it with my chopsticks and glanced at him when he walked around the almost empty table and sat next to me.
   It’s just coincidence. I told myself.
   Of course it was. Chansung always sat next to me, so it wasn’t anything new . . .
   I frowned internally, realizing that he always sat next to me, so there must be a reason. After gathering up the courage, I risked a glance at him. The second I looked overhis eyes shifted towards me and I looked away, seeing him smirk out of the corner of my eye.
   The breakfast table was noisy, as usual.
   Kwon was busy doing ‘that Jo Kwon thing’ and dominating the conversation with his somewhat one liners and infectious laughter. It was hard to ignore, until Changmin came and sat in the chair on the other side of me. I felt the awkwardness slowly sink in as I became a Junsu sandwich between Chansung and Changmin.
   I sighed and ate in silence.
   Taec and Kwon had gotten into an argument while filling Wooyoung in on what happened after he passed out. “No Taec, you chickened out and then went to bed with Junho, I remember because that was right before I made Changmin kiss Junsu!”
   You know that time in a movie where something so shocking happens that you hear that annoying record scratch and everyone in the movie goes quiet?
   That totally happened and then suddenly, all eyes were on me.
   Junho looked at me sympathetically while Taec, Nichkhun and Seulong made weird faces. Wooyoung and Jinwoon only stared in wonder. I blushed and tried my hardest not to have a panic attack.
   “J-Junsu hyung,” Wooyoung mumbled. “Y-You and Changmin hyung . . . kissed?”
   Nichkhun burst into simultaneous laughter with Taec and he snorted. “Did you like it?!”
   An arm wrapped around my shoulders and I blinked, feeling my heart race as Changmin pulled me closer to him. I looked up at him in horror. “Of course he liked it~” He said, winking at me. “He liked it so much, he ran away to his room.”
   Chansung dropped his chopsticks and got up from the table, pausing when everyone looked at him. “I just remember . . . I have a meeting with JYP before the filming today.” He smiled and left for our bedroom.
   I couldn’t help frowning.
   That smile . . . I’ve never seen him fake a smile like that before. Did anyone else notice, or was it just me? I looked around as everyone continued to laugh at my expense, pushing myself away from Changmin who just kept eating with a big grin.
   I slid my chair back and got up, taking my bowl to the sink before casually slipping down the hallway to my room. I peeked inside and whispered. “Dongsaeng?”
   Chansung was standing by his dresser, changing his shirt. He didn’t look at me as he answered. “What?”
   I chewed my lip, realizing that I hadn’t exactly thought about what I was going to ask him. “Do you . . . do you want a ride to the JYP building? I can drive you.” Why the would you offer that. Clearly, my subconscious wanted today to be nothing but a series of awkward moments.
   “No.” He said, sitting on his bed as he laced up his shoes, still not looking at me.
   “Do you need a ride back then? I can take you straight to the studio and save us some recording time.”
   His head snapped up and he frowned. “What do you want from me?” I could tell that his question had deeper meaning than what he was implying.
   “I just . . . you seemed tense.” I looked around, feeling my nerves starting to get the better of me. “N-Nevermind. I’ll let you get dressed.” I closed the door and stood there for a moment, feeling absolutely horrible.
   He liked me.
   It was suddenly so painfully obvious that I wanted to kick myself in the face ten times for every day I hadn’t noticed it.
   The door opened up and I blinked, looking Chansung in the face as he stood in front of me.
   “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude.” He looked at me apologetically. “I’d love a ride, if you’re still okay with taking me.” He smiled, this time it actually touched his eyes.
   I smiled back and nodded, stepping past him into our room. “I’ll get dressed, then.”
   He closed the door to give me privacy while I changed and my hand reached up to clutch my chest. Why . . . Why did his smile make me feel better? Ugh, Junsu you ing . I put my face in my hands and shook my head for a minute or two before finally going to my closet to change into whatever I could find first.
   When I was dressed, I went out to find Chansung already waiting by the door.
   “Thanks for doing this for me.” He said, opening the front door and waiting for me to leave first.
   “You don’t have to thank me, Chanana.” I chuckled and pulled him out the door with me.
   “It just,” He paused and then laughed. “It feels like a special occasion, or something . . . You never do anything like this. Are you sick?” He teased me, placing his hand over my forehead as we waited for the elevator.
   “Yah! I’m fine.” I pushed his hand away. “You make it seem like I’m grouchy all the time or something. I drive you guys places sometimes, don’t I?”
   He shook his head. “Not really.”
   Maybe he was mistaken? I tried to think back on the last time I give one of my band mates a ride somewhere . . . or the last time I did anything outside of our dorm.
   I couldn’t.
   Chansung nudged me into the elevator and hummed a little while we made our way out to the parking garage.
   “Hyung,” Maknae said as he opened the passenger’s side door and eyed me. “You’re not gonna crash the car, are you?” He smirked when I rolled my eyes.
   “Just get in!”
   The car ride was quiet, but still . . . nice.
   Chansung was always like this, though. Things with him were nice. He never spoke too much or tried to talk me into things I didn’t want to do. Maknae was my definition of calming.
   In a way, it was rather cute.
   What the hell did I just think?! I gripped the steering wheel tight and tried to focus on driving. Why was I just now having these weird thoughts about him?
   It was concern, that’s all. I was concerned because he seemed so hurt that Changmin had kissed me, nothing more. I would act the same way with any of our band mates. I could be a concerned hyung.
   I sighed. No . . . you wouldn’t. I told myself after a few moments.
   Through all my bouts of depression and anti-social behavior, Maknae was always there for me. From the very beginning and even now. All the nights that I’d leave parties early so I could go home and get all my crying done before the rest of the band got home, Chansung was there, cleaning up my face so the other’s didn’t notice.
   And when I’d randomly see him somewhere on TV, Chansung would cover for me and take me some place I could cry safely.
   Even in my most desperate mourning period, when I used alcohol to numb all feeling so I couldn’t have to hurt . . . Chansung would always stop me before I could get too drunk, or carry me home when I was.
   He was like a guardian angel. And for years, I had been forsaking him.
   Before I knew it, I had stopped in front of the JYP building and looked over at Chansung, who’d already fallen asleep curled up in the seat with his headphones on. I smirked.
   “Chansung-ah,” I woke him up.
   He looked around and then wiped his eyes. “Oh . . . Thanks hyung. I’ll be done in an hour.”
   “I’ll be here.” I smiled and watched him get out of the car and walk towards the front doors.
   Half way there, he stopped and looked back at me. The corners of his lips turned up in a smile and he waved happily at me.
   My heart fluttered as I waited for him to be inside the building before laying my head on the steering wheel, sighing to myself.
   Stupid erratic emotions.

 

To be continued . . .