If only I’d known . . .
   Life moved on, even though I desperately didn’t want it to. Days passed, sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly, but always tortuously. I even had to erase his number from my phone just to stop myself from calling him out of habit.
   When someone leaves, it doesn’t matter how much being single didn’t use to bother you, you can never go back to the way you were. Love comes and goes is like a shooting star. In the beginning, the whole sky is equally beautiful . . . until one star passes by and you realize that you’ll never see that star again.
   Suddenly the sky isn’t as beautiful anymore.
   “My sky isn’t beautiful anymore.” I mumbled to myself, writing down those words as I sat in front of the keyboard in the studio, trying my hardest to compose something, anything. “All that was bright is lost to the dark . . . please come back to me . . . because your eyes are the stars of my mind, so come back to me.” I threw the pen down on the keyboard, ripping the page from my notebook and crumpling it up. “Aish!” I sighed, laying my face in my hands.
   I looked at the clock; it was just after nine in the morning. . . . I’ve been here for thirteen hours. With a sigh, I turned off the keyboard and gathered my notebooks, heading up to Jin-Young hyung’s office before my walk back to the dorm.
   I stopped around the corner when I heard him talking to his secretary. “Make sure he turns in his company credit card . . . and the keys to the car!” Jin-Young hyung said, he sounded angry.
   “Yes sir.” Miss. I-forgot-her-name said.
   Jin-Young sighed. “I still can’t believe he’s got the nerve to do this. After everything I’ve done for him.”
   I stood in hiding, listening to them talk, warring with myself over who they could be talking about. I pretended to not know, I pretended that they could have been talking about anyone . . . but I knew. I just didn’t want to know.
   “Junsu?” I looked up when I heard Jin-Young hyung next to me. “What are you doing here?”
   “Uhh . . . I just,” I struggled to keep myself from frowning. “I just . . . left the studio.”
   He raised an eyebrow. “You’ve been here all night?”
   I nodded.
   “Yah! Don’t over work yourself,” He complained at me. “I tell you this all the time! Yeesh . . . I really admire your ambition, but you need to know when enough is enou–”
   “Hyung, who were you talking about?” I interrupted him, frowning at myself for being so rude. “Was it Rain hyung?”
   He blinked at me before nodding. “How did you know about that?”
   “We’re . . . friends.” I wished it was the truth. “Hyung, when is he officially leaving?”
   Jin-Young let out a deep sigh, laying his hand on my shoulder. “Yesterday . . . sorry, I didn’t know you guys were friends.”
   Suddenly, it felt like everything had stopped. I stared in front of me, not seeing anything, only feeling my chest get tight, like there was someone crushing my lungs as my mind fully registered what I just heard.
   He was gone.
   No. 
   He couldn’t be. He wouldn’t just leave . . . He wouldn’t really leave and not tell me.
   But after how I treated him, why wouldn’t he?
   I sprinted down the hall to the elevator, holding my thumb on the button even though I knew it wouldn’t do anything. Why was it so ing slow? My body shook with worry, anger, regret and anticipation, all of it mixed together in a blend of emotions. When the doors opened, I pressed the button to close them immediately, waiting the few seconds it took to get to the lobby as if it was hours.
   I ran again the second I could.
   I ran out the doors of the JYP building, down the street, stopping only when I absolutely had to. I ran until my limbs ached and my knees cracked under the pressure, but I didn’t stop. I had somewhere that I needed to be.
   Every part of me ached when I stopped and leaned against a building. I looked around, making sure I was going the right way. I sighed, recognizing the intersection I was at and took a few more deep breaths before taking off in a full sprint again.
   My mind raced every step I took closer to my destination.
   I bit my lip, pushing away the thoughts I didn’t want to have and focusing on running.
   Finally, I turned the corner and slowed down when I saw Rain’s apartment building. I walked up the steps I’d been up so many times before, yet they felt so foreign.
   It hurt to breathe, but I didn’t care. My ears rung with pain as my lungs taxed themselves to catch my breath. I pressed the buzzer for Rain’s apartment, frowning when there wasn’t an answer. “HYUNG!!” I yelled, pressed the button over and over, shaking slightly. “Come on.” I growled, kicking the door, much to my own regret.
   I yelped as pain shot up my leg and nearly fell to the ground. ! Why the are you so stupid?! I looked up, seeing a woman coming from the inside of the lobby.
   She stepped out the front door, walking right past me.
   Before the door closed, I slipped my foot in the way, looking around before discreetly sliding through the now open door.
   In less than a minute, I was walking down the hallway to Rain’s apartment.
   I knocked on the door.
   Nothing.
   Panic. Overwhelming panic spread through me and I knocked again, this time, using my fist to pound on the door, making sure he’d be able to hear me.
   Still nothing.
   I bit my lip as hard as I could, taking a step back and the door with the bottom on my foot as hard as I could. Despite the numbing pain, I kicked it over and over, hearing the wood crack a little bit more each time, reinforcing my biggest fear. After the twentieth time, the door opened just a little, so I used my shoulder and pushed it open all the way.
   When the door flew open, I stood in the familiar apartment, looking around at the place that once felt like home to me. Safer than home.
   I sank to my knees, closing my eyes to block out the sight of the completely bare apartment.
   There wasn’t a trace of him anywhere.
   Like he’d never even been there at all.
   No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t fight the tears. My body shook with pain both physical and emotional as I choked on the bitter fact that he was truly . . . gone. Out of my life.
   Something inside me told me to get up and leave before someone called the cops on me. I looked around before picking myself up off the floor and running away from the scene of my crime.
   The walk home was a killer.
   My legs had endured way more than their fair share of abuse. I stopped a couple blocks away and decided to take the bus, sparing my aching and bruised body. It wasn’t surprising when my phone rang.
   I looked at the caller ID and sighed. “Chansung-ah?” I answered.
   “Hyung,” Chansung said, relief clear in his voice. “You didn’t come home last night, where are you?”
   “I’m on the bus,” I sighed. “I’ll be home soon.”
   “Are . . . are you okay? You don’t sound too good.”
   I closed my eyes. “I’m fine.”
   “Junsu.”
   “What?”
   He was quiet for a while. “I’ll see you when you get here. Bye.” I closed my phone when I he hung up, running a hand over my face.
   I managed to make it off the bus and stumble my way inside to the front door of the dorm. But that’s where my body stopped. I sat down in front of the door and let my tears take me. There was no amount of pain that could have prepared me for this. It was like every muscle in my body was in complete opposition of each other, aching when I breathed, when I closed my eyes. I knew it was purely mental, but it did damage all the same.
   I could do nothing except let the tears fall, chest shaking from my sobs.
   One thought kept repeating itself over and over.
   If only I’d known . . . I laid my face in my hands, wiping away my tears only to have them replaced with more bitter ones a second later.
   If only I’d known that would be my last time seeing him . . . I would have cherished the sight a lot more.
   If only I’d known that would be my last time speaking to him . . . I would have had something better to say.
   If only I’d known that would be my last time touching him . . . I would have been softer.
   I closed my eyes as more sobs escaped from my chest, crippling me and keeping me lying there on the floor in a chaotic mess. The door to the dorm opened and someone knelt down next to me. I didn’t have to feel his long lanky arms around me to know who it was.
   “Hyung!” Maknae said as he sat next to me, pulling me against him. “I knew you weren’t okay.” I wiped at my eyes. Of course you did . . . you always see me no matter how hard I try and hide.
   “Chansung-ah,” I whispered. “He’s gone.” The sobs started up again the moment I said it. “My star is gone . . . He left me.”
   Chansung stiffened, holding onto me tighter. “Hyung . . . d-don’t cry.” He mumbled. “I’m here, and I’m not gonna leave you alone.” I hid my face in his shoulder. Even though his words weren’t comforting, his intensions were . . . slightly. “I promise you, hyung . . . I’ll always be here . . . I’ll take the pain away.”
   I listened to his quiet murmuring. I wished he could take the pain away. I wished it was that simple, that someone could just come and make everything better. Erase all that had happened. But I knew better than that.
   I knew that once a heart is broken, it takes more than a few sweet words to fix it. And my heart was shattered. It’s a frustrating feeling, not being able to help yourself. Not being able to do anything but accept the pain as what it is.
   All I could do was cry.
 

To be continued . . . 

Well people we've reached the end of part 1. of this story and now it's time for a short (lol) note from the author <33333

I know a lot of you are probably wondering why on earth I decided to make this story take such a sharp turn. I mean, you're most likely thinking "OMG, RAINSU WAS SUCH A GREAT COUPLE, WHY WOULD YOU KILL OFF THEIR LOVE OVER SOMETHING SO SMALL?!?!?!" (or something along those lines)
Well, the truth is....there's a LOT more to this story, including added characters as well as more pairings (kekekeke) and I hope you all keep reading.
I really want this fic to be less like a fantasy and more like a believable story, and we all know how relationships are when we're young...they come and go but they're almost always meaningful. 
That's the point of this story. Young love. Which is why I've finally decided on a name for this story. Sorry about the previous name changes (kekeke) I have a hard time making up my mind! LOL
Anyway. I'm going to work on the next couple chapters, so updating might take a little longer, but that only means I love you all a lot and want to give this story my all. Once again, thank you all for reading and happy new year to you all <333