(2009)

GD turned the knob and partially opened the door to the dancing studio; the music playing is now audible, and he could see by peeking in, that Dara was still practicing their song. She was all sweaty as she worked hard on dancing and singing to the song even without him. Witnessing this, he stopped lurking in the background. He finally opened the door widely and entered the room as he can't stop brooding over her.

"Meonjeo malgeoreojundamye—" Dara abruptly stopped performing and shrieked at the sight of him observing her. It's been so long since he went to the recording studio and stayed there, but she's still here practicing even though they already wrapped it up. "What are you still doing here?"

"I should be the one asking that," GD responded while taking his bag on the floor. Dara got surprised at seeing it, and it somehow answered her question. She failed to notice it the whole time since she was so engrossed in practicing. He didn't intend to come back here. It just so happened that he forgot to bring his bag along with him when he went to the recording studio after their practice. He spent a few hours there as he was doing some revisions to the tracks for his album before deciding to go home and get his bag back.

GD took out his spare towel and threw it over to her. "What are you still doing here?" he repeated her question which made her pout as she caught the towel successfully and mumbled her thanks meekly.

"I was just practicing the songs that we will be performing the day after tomorrow, and also ours as well," Dara explained while wiping off her sweat. GD took a mental note to sniff it later when he gets home.

"Don't exhaust yourself. CL said you're still practicing day and night even at your dorm." Out of the four, he knew that Dara is the most hardworking and he admired her for that, but he doesn't want to strain herself too much to the point that she would burn herself out every time. Meanwhile, at the mention of CL, Dara smiled from ear to ear, taking interest with what he said as she placed the towel around her neck.

"Speaking of CL, what do you think of her?" she asked while wriggling her eyebrows. These days, she has been watching the two on the sidelines and would notice their highly questionable fondness for each other. They're arguably close. It makes Dara think that they're a perfect match.

"CL?"

Dara nodded eagerly, her heart thudding as she anticipated for his answer. GD's brows furrowed at the question, wondering why she's asking him this, but he still thought for a moment on his reply. "I like her. She's pretty talented and cool. I could see myself in her. She's just like me." Dara gasped, her hand flew over to , and she started giggling not long after.

Confusion etched on GD's face at Dara's reaction. Is there something weird with what he said? "Hey, don't stir this conversation to something else." He demanded.

GD only gave her a quizzical look as he watched her nod, and bite her lip, seeming to stifle another giggle. In order not to make him notice as to why she was acting like that, Dara was about to restart "Hello" and practice to it again, but GD obstructed her from it.

"I'm telling you, you already did well today so no need to practice, and you're doing great with your performances too as a 2NE1 member." he assured her.

Dara looked down to her foot, her voice losing some of its enthusiasm. "I just don't want to keep on making mistakes. You pointed it out last time. I was the only one messing up among us four."

His eyes zeroed at her, recalling the time when they were recording for "Hello." Was that the reason why she's being like this? He inwardly punched himself remembering that. Now that he found out that she's fretting over it, he's immediately regretting what he did. He was only joking around that time! Stupid, Jiyong.

He was so guilt-ridden as he explained, "I was just teasing you. It's only natural to make mistakes, even I always get it messed up." Dara only nodded indifferently and walked over to the stereo.

"Just one last practice," In actuality, she is exerting much effort in practicing this song since she wants to satisfy GD and impress him with her performance. She knew that he is a total perfectionist, but her recording session with him went smoothly. She doesn't know if she really did well, or he's just being considerate towards her, but she's grateful to him since he found ways to make the song suit her, bringing out the freshness of her voice. That's why she wanted to do well in their collaboration, nailing every performance she would have with him. That's the least she could do.

"With me this time," GD chimed in.

"Just the two of us?" She asked, a bit flabbergasted.

"You got a problem with that?" Dara shook her head and happily started the song again. They danced and sung the song together, with no mistakes made this time. Furthermore, they were having fun even without the backup dancers and only just the two of them. They were totally in sync. As the song was coming to an end, GD suddenly came striding towards her which bewildered Dara. He took off his cap, using it to cover the sides of their faces and was leaning in. It made Dara shift backward and look away, getting flustered.

There was a flash of hurt in GD's eyes,  but it went unnoticed by her. "I was thinking of adding that to our upcoming performance in Idol Big Show." he cleared up. "Is that okay with you?"

Dara looked back at him. "A-ah. I-is that so?" she stuttered.

"Sure," she replied while nodding in approval.

"Nice," he muttered. 

She's just caught off guard since you didn't ask her beforehand, that's all. He kept on saying that to himself, but he couldn't mask his disappointment. It felt like a rejection to him. 

No more words were spoken. 

They were enveloped in silence as they made preparations before leaving the room.

"But then, the plagiarism issue came up. God knows how hard I worked for that album. I was striving so hard for perfection that sometimes I feel like giving up. I'm quite fastidious after all. The release date of the album was even delayed since I wasn't able to finish it on time. However, because of the hard work, continual support and unending determination, I was still able to complete it. I had a lot of sleepless nights, and I felt a lot of pressure as I was working on 'Heartbreaker.' That's why when I was accused of plagiarism, and the public hated me for it, it hurt me really bad. I was depressed; all the attacks hurt me. I didn't do anything wrong, but I ignored the calls from family and friends, and I felt like I had done something wrong." He swallowed hard as if there was a lump in his throat. The distressing memory from the past must've stung him as he reminisced it. Telling me these things, I can't help but feel regretful as I see him in pain.

When the news broke out, I was also one of the many people who immediately tried to contact Jiyong, but just like said, he ignored me. I never got to talk to him or see Jiyong that much. We were busy since we had a lot of promotional activities as 2NE1. After all, we just debuted. I could barely see him. It seemed like he shut himself off from us, actually, to everyone in particular.

"All I ever did was to create good music for the public to listen to, was I wrong to do that? Out of anger and frustration, I even asked myself, 'Is this going the be the product of all the blood, sweat and tears I've poured into this album? Is this how the public is going to repay me for it?' Everything was just so hard for me. It makes me happy to sing and dance in front of other people...but some people seemed to only pay attention to the bad stuff; I thought I was gonna go crazy. In spite of that, I decided to move on." I could see his eyes b with tears. I'd rather want to bring back those smoldering stares of his, not this. Guilt started creeping up inside me, taking its toll by making me feel the pain he's having as if he's imparting it with me.

When I finally got to see Jiyong one time after the plagiarism issue arose, I immediately talked to him and relayed my comfort and encouragement. However, after hearing him say this, I think it wasn't enough. I think I should've known better and I should've done better... like he always did for me back then.

(2009)

After getting her food from the counter, Dara decided to head towards GD's table. He was busy singing in a hushed tone while looking at the piece of paper he was holding, which seemed to have song lyrics printed on it. He must be memorizing one of his songs, Dara thought. With every step she took towards him, her anxiety would amplify, but she did not stop in her tracks. She tried to fight it and her grip on the tray has become tighter when she reached him. She just wants to make sure that he's okay. There's no harm in doing that, she made herself believe.

The bobbing of his head as he was singing was put to a stop when he sensed her presence. He raised his head and directed his eyes on her face.

"Dara," he murmured in surprise.

"Mind if I join you?" She asked sheepishly and GD nodded with a grin. She placed her tray of food on the table and sat down in front of him. Instead of eating right away, she immediately did what she intended to do since it was just the two of them now. The other 2NE1 members were still lining up for food, but they'll likely join soon when they spot them together.

"Are you really okay?" Dara didn't even mention the sensitive topic he was trying to avoid from, but he knew right away what she meant by that.

"I'm perfectly fine." He assured while laughing heartily. An act of deceit.

The corner of her lips curved into a lopsided smile at hearing that, but her eyebrows could still crinkle in worry despite the initial relief. "Don't mind them all right? The truth will prevail. You know yourself that it isn't true... and we believe in you. Don't let them stop you from doing your best in everything, Jiyong." Dara said, hoping that she could somehow lessen the pain within his heart. She reached for his hand and squeezed it. "It's not like they can stop you from soaring high, to begin with. A lot of people loves you and they're much more numerous than those ones who don't."

He was so happy with what she said, he felt like pumping his fist into the air, but he hid the effect she has on him with a chuckle. Expressing her solicitude was already enough for him to be grateful and feel contentment. "Okay, but you don't really have to worry about me, Dara. Those things don't really affect me." He denied what he's actually going through and Dara was oblivious of his lie.

"Hey, you two. You'll just sit here and not invite us?" CL cut in.

"Then, come and join us will you?" As expected, the members came to the table and sat there with them, starting another genial conversation on a different topic. Within a few minutes, they were already laughing and joking together as the discussion turned to the mishaps they have experienced on stage during their performances. GD felt his stress melting away as he enjoyed their company.

"What you have said to me before when we finally met up gave me strength. It made me think that the only way I can take responsibility for my music is through my performances on stage, and there's no way back at that point anyway even if they would intercept. However, the issues still wouldn't subside. It didn't help that I would suppress my feelings for you too. Everything was just suffocating. Everyone kept on hating and it demoralized me, relapsing my depression. I tried to act that I'm okay in front of you guys, but deep inside, I was not. I just didn't want to be a burden." He ran a hand through his hair, getting vexed.

After our talk in the cafeteria, once in awhile, we would meet to promote our collaboration song. During those times, I really thought that he was fine since he's just being his usual self. He would joke around and sometimes poke fun at me, but now that I found the truth that he was still suffering from the controversy, I'm upset at myself for not noticing that he was just pretending.

Why was I too blind to see his pain?

I could hear his ragged breathing as he continued. "Being with you made me feel happy and forget about the controversy, but at the same time,