[CONTENTID1]

Beautiful Liar

Setting: Ordinary adult, angst, broken Keo || Notes: Listen to this while reading

Igeon beautiful lie
Nae majimak geojismal
Jugeul mankeum apado
Neoreul wihae nan
Gamyeon soge nareul gamchune

This is a beautiful lie
My last lie
Even if it hurts to death
I am hiding myself under a mask for you

Taekwoon lied down on the dried sand. The sound of ocean couldn’t calm him like usual it does. His choked tears, dreadful sobs, Taekwoon tried to swallow it back but he had no strength left. Thinking he’s alone and he won’t see this; Taekwoon stopped his fight and let it trickled down his eyes. He placed an arm over his face; tears were running non-stop engaging him into a terrible headache. But that male was careless; his mind was stuck into his memories.

Geoul soge bichin na
Jasinege dasi mureobwa
Naega neoreul bonaejuneun ge
Ne haengbogi majeulkka
Na ttawineun ssak da beoseodeonjigo tto
Neon honjamanui goyohan sigani piryohae
Mamedo eopsneun maldeureul deonjin geon anilkka
Kkeojyeobeoryeora oechideon
Neoui pyojeongdeureul doegameumyeo
Gyesok aesseo areumdawodeon uri chueogeul
Deoreophigo isseo nan
Ajikkkajin neo ppajin salmeul
Sangsanghajin anhatjiman haengbokhae jwo
Nae geojitmarirado bicci nage

I see myself in the mirror and I ask myself
Will it really make you happy if I let you go?
I’ll throw myself away completely because you need quiet time to yourself
Did I say those things without even meaning it?
As I replay your face when you screamed go away
I’m tainting our memories that were beautiful
I haven’t imagined a life without you yet but please be happy
So that at least my lie can shine

Taekwoon POV

I stayed silently on the bed. Watching him standing there with the corner of my eyes, I know he was hesitated. But both of us knew words that thrown won’t ever be taken back and so do the sequence after it. I didn’t spare a glance, keeping my cold front. I’m afraid to look at him, I’m afraid I will break. He came inside at last with steady steps. I knew from his footsteps, he still hesitated but he determined to come. His scent filled the room, covered the stuff air that lingered in this room since the last time he’s here a year ago. I felt my heart clenched. It’s already a year but I felt like yesterday. Just yesterday I spat out those hurtful words to him. I’m the one broke us, I’m the one who stupidly think we’re better off without each other.

“Hey hyung.” I just hummed to him. My face still faced the full body mirror in front of the bed. The one of the things inside the house that he loved, I still remembered. My eyes welled up with tears to that thought but quickly removed it away as I didn’t let the emotion spread more. My eyes caught something was shown near to my face. A card. “Hongbin told me to give to you…I think it’s fine, right?” His voice wasn’t cheery like usual but he was having confident a little bit. I spare a glance at the card. My face remained expressionless even though my heart cried as I read the gold words. Wedding Invitation.

I took it as he was waiting. I don’t want him to know what I was hiding. I want to keep lying. He walked passed me as the card changed hands. “I also come to take my remaining things here. Sorry to come so late, I’m too caught up with my works and Hongbin.” Those words were just like a passing wind. I didn’t really listen or even I don’t want to listen in the first place. Noises behind me indicated he was cleaning up and packed his things. I closed my eyes, looking down as a wash of emotion took its toll. Maybe my ears were lying; I heard a little sniffle from my back. Looking back up, I glanced over him behind me. He was standing back-faced me, still on his feet. I gulped down the bitter lump looking down again.

“Jaehwan ah…” A croak of my voice called his name painfully. I looked up. Our eyes met on the mirror. “We have no turning back, right?” A choked sob came out, surprising me and him. He was staring at me through the mirror. I was torn and unable to keep my emotion at bay. Pulling up my knees, I hugged it as I dipped my face into my hands. At the same time, I felt a weight behind me. From the movement, I knew. Jaehwan broke down as well.

“Why…why now, Taekwoon hyung?” The room filled with tension. Both of us didn’t say anything but choked sobs and painfully tears carried us away in a trance of memory. Our beautiful memory.

(POV ends)

Kkwak jwin du son nohjiman
Nae mameun ttokgata
Hajiman bonaejulge

I’m letting go of your tightly held hands
But my heart is still the same
But I’ll let you go

“I know it. I have been searching for you, hyung.” The painful memory shattered when a familiar voice woke up Taekwoon from his trance. He didn’t need to look up, he knew who it is. Taekwoon stayed silent as he heard the other sat on the sand beside him. “I’m afraid you’re going to do something stupid, hyung.”

“I won’t, Wonsik. I won’t.” Taekwoon’s broken tone mingled with the sound of ocean. Wonsik exhaled as he folded his knees to his chest, resting his hands on it. He looked far to the ocean, remembering the happy moment of Taekwoon he witnessed in the past. Will he able to see Taekwoon’s smiles again? Wonsik was unable to answer that.

Ije du soneul nohjiman
Nae mamdo ttokgata
Neol wihae ijjeumeseo kkeutnaeneun ge majneun geot gata

I’m letting go of your hands
But my heart is still the same
I think it’s best for you if I end it right here

“Jaehwan, let’s break up.” He froze on his feet. Taekwoon was sitting on the couch, looking out to the full view window. Jaehwan turned to his boyfriend.

“Hyung? What are you saying? That’s not funny, hyung.” Jaehwan tried to laugh it away, hoping it was just a joke. But the cold eyes Taekwoon had when he turned to younger made Jaehwan’s laugh died. “Hyung?”

“I don’t think we should continue this, Jaehwan. I’m tired and I want a break.” Jaehwan quickly knelt beside Taekwoon’s legs and reached for his arm, gripping it tightly.

“No, hyung. Please, if it’s about that day…I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I just stressed with my job and I snapped. I’m sorry hyung, please don’t break up with me.” Jaehwan pleaded. Taekwoon exhaled and shook his head.

“No, Jaehwan. I have been thinking about this, about us for quite a time. We won’t able to keep this up. We- just have one choice. To go for a different path. We’re not meant for each other.” Jaehwan stared at the elder.

“Hyung, no please. We can make it work. I know lately we’re drifted apart because of our work. And I- I’m sorry for my behaviour that day. I can’t lose you hyung, I love you.” Taekwoon shook his head and turned to Jaehwan, meeting his eyes.

“But I don’t love you anymore.” Jaehwan’s touch stiffened, Taekwoon felt it on his skins. The grip was still tight on his arm, Taekwoon pulled it off him. “I don’t think that’s love leaves in between us, Jaehwan. It’s not love, we don’t have that anymore. Wake up, Jaehwan. We stayed by each other because we thought we’re doing the right thing, it’s out of loyalty and responsibility. There’s nothing more left for us, Jaehwan. Think on it.” Taekwoon got up as he succeeded to get Jaehwan’s hands off him. “I hope you can find your happiness out there. I can’t give you that.” With those words, Taekwoon left the apartment with the hidden tears he kept still since he told those hurtful words. Jaehwan was left dumbfounded in the middle of living room still confused of what’s happening just now.

Igeon beautiful lie
Nae majimak geojismal
Jugeul mankeum apado
Jigeum I sungan
Gamyeon soge nareul sumgin chae

Neon nareul tteonagado gwaenchanha
Nega haengbokhamyeon johgesseo
Oh nan
I’m a beautiful
I’m a beautiful liar

This is a beautiful lie
My last lie
Even if it hurts to death
I am hiding myself under a mask for you

It’s alright if you leave me
I want you to