“Ami, no,” Lina says, grabbing my arms as I fumble at the wires in my body. With every tube I remove, a staccato beeping rings through the air. “You can’t- you haven’t even recovered-,”

“Is he alive?” I utter, my voice shaking. When I try to take a step, my body gives out and I nearly collapse to the floor. Preet, Annabelle, and Lina have to dive to catch me.

“Ami, he was shot in the chest,” Preet murmurs. “The doctors tried to save him but-,”

“Why did you say that you don’t know if he’s alive?” I whisper.

    “Well... we haven’t seen the body,” Annabelle tells me nervously. “The upper executives have contained BTS in a restricted wing and have prohibited the release of any information regarding them- we haven’t seen them in 6 days, since you all got here-,”

    “Is he alive?”

    Lina bites her lip. “There have been... rumors. That he didn’t survive surgery. From the medical ward and... leaked reports.”

    My face slackens. A blank look passes over my features. I freeze in the middle of my struggles, and simply stand, rooted to one spot.

    Something shiny catches my eye. I slowly turn my face to the side.

    There is a window across the room. Outside, the moon glows bright in the middle of the velvety black sky.

    But my reflection shines clearly through. I do not realize that I am looking at myself until I make out Preet, Lina, and Annabelle next to me.

    A tall, emaciated girl stands in the middle of the room, her torso limp and her cheeks gouged out. Bruises, wounds, and scratches riddle my skin. Her arms and legs look so thin that you could snap them in half. But her eyes are the most chilling feature of her body. Hollow, empty, void. Eyes are supposed to be the windows to a person’s soul; but these eyes show nothing.

And that’s when I fall to the floor, sobs wracking my body. There is a strange high-pitched sound coming out of my mouth; a desperate keening that rings of grief and agony. Shouts fill the room, and I feel numerous bodies pressed up against me, lift me up by my arms and lead me back to the bed. Someone my hair and someone wraps me up in a hug and someone else wipes away at my tears but I scream for them to go away, I don’t want them, I want Jungkook.

Is this how Jungkook felt when he thought I died? Did agony tear at his insides? Was his heart gripped with anguish? Did he want to die?

I become acutely aware of a needle sliding into my skin, and suddenly, the faces above me become blurry. My eyelids slowly sink down further and further... and then darkness envelops my mind.

It is at that moment- that instant before I sink into complete nothingness- when I promise myself something.

The bucket list.

The list has been impressed upon my brain.

That’s all I need.

My mother comes to see me first thing tomorrow morning.

I don’t scream at her. I don’t spit harsh words out at her.

Maybe it’s because they’re keeping me sedated.

Or maybe it’s because I don’t care anymore.

“Is Jungkook dead?” I ask as soon as she enters the room.

She presses her lips together and, for the first time ever, a contrite look flashes across her face.

“I can’t tell you,” she responds dully.

“Why?”

“What happens to BTS from now on is none of your concern,” she says quietly. “You, Lina, Preet, Annabelle- you need to wipe them from your memory. In the case that anything ever happens in the future- the more you know about them, the more at risk you are-,”

“Like I don’t know everything about them already- please, please, just tell me if he’s alive-,”

“Enough, Aemin!” My mother’s chest is heaving.

We glare at each other for what feels like an eternity.

And then I slump back down in my bed.

My mother looks away.

After a heavy silence, she exhales.

“Congratulations, Aemin,” she tells me in a clipped tone. “It’s all over.”

It’s all over.

Ha.

It’s been 4 years. It can’t be over just like that.

“Unfortunately, you’ll have to live under the name Mihae Park for the rest of your life. Aemin Hwang is, of course, legally deceased. But apart from that... you’re free. You’re under the protection of the United States Federal Government. And of course, your efforts over these years have been integral to our takedown of the 4 Flames. I’m proud.”

I don’t say anything.

My mother clears . “So. What do you want?”

My eyes trail up to her face.

She wouldn’t give me the one thing I asked for.

What do I want? What do I want? I want my childhood back. I want all the time I lost. I want Dad back and I want Marcus back and I want Jungkook. I want to stop having nightmares, Mom, and I want to forget everything that’s ever happened to me! I want to be happy again! I want my life back!

My mother snaps her fingers. “Are you going to say anything?”

I blink.

After a long silence, I clear my throat.

“I... want to see Dad and Mara again.”

“No,” my mother responds immediately. “Your father and stepmother believe that you are dead. You can’t go back to them. You’ll be jeopardizing your safety-,”

“Fine.” I swallow. Desperation rises in my chest and tears threaten to roll down my cheeks but I force myself to keep it all down.

“Here’s what I want, Mother,” I spit venomously.

And it is the beginning of the end.

Fei comes in later that day, accompanied by Kris. When she sees me, she bursts into tears.

“Oh, thank God, thank God, thank God,” she hiccups, wrapping me in a huge hug. “Oh, Mihae- I mean, Ami- I’m so sorry- I- I screwed up- I should’ve double-checked the backlog and I don’t know how I could’ve been so stupid and it wasn’t supposed to take that long and I was so worried-,”

She dissolves into sobs, and Kris gently wraps an arm around her.

“It’s okay, Fei,” I say, squeezing her hands. “It wasn’t your fault. You were the only one who could’ve helped us, and you did a great job.”

“Ami...,” Fei sniffs as she runs her eyes over my weary face. I can see the worry in her eyes. “Are you...,”

“So, are you two okay again?” I say, throwing Kris a small smile. He sighs, giving me a little grin.

“We’re okay,” he says. “But what’s more important right now is you. Ami, I know... what they did to you at 4 Flames headquarters. I know how it feels. And you need to talk to someone and-,”

“Fei, you should convince Kris to make things right with EXO again,” I laugh. “My mom can be a manipulative , and it’s not fair that EXO had to end up like that. And, oh, by the way, what happened with Kyungsoo? Joshua and I were seriously laughing about that for ages.”

Kris frowns. “Ami-,”

“You know what? I’m really, really hungry! You two should get me something to eat. You know, I’ve been craving baked potato for the past few... a while now. I want 3, with cheese, sour cream, butter- the works. Thanks!”

I shoo the two of them out as they sputter in protest. As soon as I close the door, the breezy smile on my lips slides away.

There is a knock on my door a few hours later.

“Who is it?” I warily call.

“Chanyeol and Baekhyun.”

“Come in.”

When Chanyeol sees me, his body sags, and something seems to leave him. He strides over to me and tightly envelops me in a hug. Baekhyun trails behind. His face is thin, and there are dark circles under his eyes, like he hasn’t slept in days.

“I’m so sorry, Ami,” Chanyeol says in a low murmur. “I knew the plan was insane- I should’ve stopped this. Oh my god...,”

“Stop, Chanyeol,” I say, placing a hand on his arm. “It’s over now. We won. And... your training helped.”

He looks like he is on the verge of tears. “Seriously?”

“Seriously.”

“Marge is sleeping right now,” Baekhyun says in a tired voice, taking a seat next to my bed. Normally cocky and confident, he looks utterly defeated now. “She, Fei, and I were up for a week, trying to crack the system and get you out of there. We... we were useless. If Jungkook hadn’t contacted us-,”

“Baekhyun.” I wrap my hand around his. “Don’t. You were fine. It worked.”

“At what cost?” he whispers, and I try to quell the burning emotions rising up in my throat.

“Well, your hair looks like a mess,” I say, forcing a smile. “It’s usually perfectly gelled up. Have you let yourself go so soon, Baekhyun?”

“Oh, stop,” he groans, and Chanyeol breaks out into soft chuckles.

“Look at you,” Chanyeol sighs. He pushes a strand of hair behind my ear. “4 years ago, I never would have thought you were capable of being so strong and willful. You’re amazing, Ami Hwang.”

I chortle. “Remember the first time we met? When you were all goofy and chirpy and excited?”

Chanyeol groans. “Don’t even remind me. It was so annoying acting excited all the time. I felt like a walking ball of sunshine.”

“You kinda looked like it, too. Baek, do you remember his hair-,”

“The orange mop of frizzy split-ends?” Baekhyun snickers. “Of course I do. I still have pictures.”

“Hey,” Chanyeol protests, running a hand through his tidily combed black locks. “I didn’t look that bad.”

“Yes, you did,” Baekhyun and I say in unison.

I gasp. “And- ooh- remember that ball? The three of us and Marge? That was hilarious.”

“That was one of the best nights of my life,” Baekhyun guffaws. “Marge and I were just standing there, cracking stupid jokes about everyone. And then Chanyeol and I made that plan to set you up with-,”

He quickly catches himself, an expression of remorse on his face.

“Sorry,” he utters, looking down at his hands. Chanyeol winces.

“It’s fine,” I say.

“Anyway.” Baekhyun coughs. “When I first met you, Ami, I was shocked that you had reached the level of coding expertise you were at as a 16 year old. You’re just going to keep getting better and better. Marge and I are going to make you the best hacker in the world.”

“And I will make you into a taekwondo master.” Chanyeol throws his fist up in the air. “It’ll be long, it’ll be tiring, but it’ll definitely happen. Just give me 5 years.”

I force a laugh. “We’ll see.”

Baekhyun and Chanyeol smile.

    “First of all, you two need to make up with Kris. Chanyeol, Baekhyun already knows about this, but Kris didn’t betray-,”

    “I know,” Chanyeol exhales.

    My eyes widen. “Really? How?”

    “Baekhyun told me.”

    “Oh.”

    “Look, Ami. We’re still pretty angry at Kris for just leaving us like that. We’re not going to forgive him that easily.”

    “Yeah, I get you.”

    “But don’t worry, okay?” Chanyeol gives me a crooked smile. “Give it 20 more years.”

    “Chanyeol!”

    “Kidding, kidding!”

    “Oh, god.” I yank Baekhyun and Chanyeol towards me in a bone-crushing hug. “Take care, you two. Now I’m going to get some sleep.”

    “Alright, Ami.” Baekhyun ruffles my hair. “Marge and I are ready to start going through some coding lessons with you whenever you’re ready. Just give us the word.” He throws me a wink as he ambles out of the room.

    “And Ami,” Chanyeol says. He is looking me straight in the eye. “When you’re ready, I’ll be here to talk to you.”

    I look away.

    “Got it. And Chanyeol?”

    “Hmm?”

    “Thanks... for everything.”

    He gives me his signature goofy grin. “No problem, Ami.”

And he walks out the door.

A/N: lol.... this is awful

AND okay this story is almost gonna be over and i think ive decided which story im going to write next (its not the high school story lol thats the last place i want to write about high school i hate this place plus i tried ot write a high school AU last night and it was so dumb i didnt know how to transition and it turned into a oneshot which ill be posting soon under y short stories thig wtf the a/n is so long just like my lol when will i die)