It’s over. Everything is over the moment she said she hate me. The shock and the fear that was clouding her eyes showed how much she was disgusted by my behaviour. I should be satisfied and happy with the outcome because this was what I wanted to see. I want her to be shocked by me, scared of me, hurt by me, hate me and eventually walked away from me. But… why is my heart feel like sinking in my chest and it was so painful? 

I told her that I hate the curtains she bought because I hate the sunlight that stung into my eyes. I was lying. Without realizing when, I started to like seeing the lights or… I should say being with her, I started to see the lights. I told her that I hate the way she defied me and never listen to me. I was lying. In fact, I was amazed with how she challenged me and fearlessly disobeys everything I said. She was indeed frustrating but at the same time very attracting.

In almost my whole life of living in the dark since my sister left me, I never let anybody including my parents to get into my head or get into my heart. I protect myself by mentally shielding everyone from coming into my life. I was angry, I was sad, I was shattered and devastated the moment Soo Bin died. I was angry with my parents for not being able to protect my sister. I was sad that I was the one who live and she was the one who died. My life was completely shattered and devastated for not being able to change the tragedy and was forced to bear it and to face it no matter how painful it was.       

My life was in a total mess until she came. She changed the way I look at the world, the way I wanted to live my life. She triggered all the emotions and senses inside of me. Is she a good psychiatrist since she could make a change on me? I highly doubt it. She was careless and stupid. She let herself carelessly fall in love with me and stupidly thought I will recover and could bring her happiness. She was wrong, absolutely wrong. I can’t. I can’t be the man she wanted me to be. I couldn’t give her the life that she wanted to have with me.

Our encounter was like a fairy tale; not because it was pretty but because it was fake. I know she was the beautiful and kind-hearted princess that was trying to turn me back to the handsome prince. But it would not be possible because not every love story could turn out to be like Beauty and the Beast. I do not have the enchanted rose, which would bloom until my 21st year. Even if I could learn to love another and earn their love in return by the time the last petal fell, the spell would not be broken. I couldn’t imprison her in my cursed castle and force her to live in the dark world with me. I would always remain as the beast because I do not have a soul and our love story is not a fairy tale.

Park Shin Hye… quickly run away from me when you still can. I’m a beast that was haunted with a dark past. I don’t deserve a beautiful soul like you. I can’t give you a fairy tale. So please run away from me when I’m still in control.

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“I hate you.”

Park Shin Hye bit her trembling lip hard, looking at the man in front of her with a hurt and disappointed gaze. She was shocked and offended with his sudden assault but what hurt her most was how he thinks about her and what he said to her.

“For me, you were hurt, you were injured because of the past. But no matter how serious it was, you are not mentally ill. You just need time to heal and need some courage to stand up again. But why?” She paused and sniffed softly, looking straight at him. “Why do you insist to give up on yourself, hurting yourself and hurting the people around you?”

Lee Min Ho held her gaze and it took him so much strength to put up an unaffected expression on his face although everything she said pained his heart so much.

“I thought I was different to you.” She continued with a sad voice. “We talked, we smiled, we laughed… I thought we were different.” She chuckled sadly. “But I guess I was just being naïve and stupid. I overestimated myself and thought I could ever change you.”

Min Ho inhaled a sharp breath, trying not to let his heart soften by her. He tightened his fists to the point that his fingernails made his palms go numb and trembled.

“I want to help you because I care for you.” Shin Hye’s voice was once again broke through his rational senses. “I kissed you because I want you to know that I like you. But it doesn’t mean you can use those things as my weaknesses and take advantage on me.”

Min Ho forced a smirk on his face as he walked dangerously slow towards Shin Hye. He could see the fear reappeared on her face again as she leaned against the wall, as if he was some kind of predatory animal hunting for its prey.

I’m sorry.

He stopped right in front of her and when she looked away, avoiding his gaze, he moved his hand up to hold her chin, forcing her to look at him. Her body was trembling and she looked very scared. There was a brief second that he wanted to stop all this pretentious acts and pull her into his embrace. Will she be okay if he continues to scare her like this? She used to have a panic disorder.

I’m sorry, please forgive me.

“I take advantage on you?” He mouthed silently as he sneered. “Should I remind you on how you throw yourself to me from the first day we met?”

Shin Hye’s face turned pale, looking at him. What is he talking about? She didn’t throw herself to him.

“You tried to attract my attention with your smart mouth and your childish strawberry candy.” He gritted his teeth as he moved his lips, mouthing some hurtful lies to fool her. “You got sick in front of me, trying to gain my sympathy, make me let my guard down and washed my brain with your pity childhood story. You dragged me to that damn beach, seduced me with your kiss and…” He stopped mid-sentence and held his tongue when he saw tears slowly stream down her cheeks.

I’m sorry, please don’t cry.   

He clenched his jaw and inhaled deeply. No matter how much it would hurt her, he has to finish what he has started. “Don’t try to fool me with your tears. It won’t work. It will only…” 

“Jerk…” Shin Hye’s soft but audible whisper cut him off. Her eyes were glaring at him but instead of hatred, it looks more like sadness in her gaze.

Yes, I’m a jerk. So please run away from me.

“Jerk?!” Min Ho chuckled. “Stop playing hard-to-get game with me. If I’m really a jerk, you have already lying beneath me in my bed… . But I’m very sorry. I’m not interested in you at all. You are just…” 

*Slap*

Min Ho froze in place when a hard slap landed across his face. It was so hard that his cheek reddened almost instantly. It supposed to feel painful but compared to his heart the slap that was landed across his face felt nothing.

You are doing the right thing. Run… faster run away from me.

“You are hopeless.” Shin Hye said before she harshly pushed him away from her and wiped her tears away. She bit her lower lip and inhaled a deep breath. Looking into his eyes with a painful gaze, she spoke again. “I’m done.” We are done. “It was a mistake. I thought I could make a different but today was a wake up call for me. I’m tired of all this ridiculous therapy that was useless on you.” She paused and continued to look at him sadly. “And I’m tired of you.”

Min Ho moved his hand slightly forward, wanted to hold onto her and begged her don’t… but his mind was fast enough to control his body.

“You were right. You are not healthy. You are insane.” She shook her head softly as tears still flooding her eyes. “And I couldn’t help you.” She took a sharp painful breath before she turned away and walked out of the room, walked out of his life.

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Shin Hye speed up her pace as she nervously took her car key out from her bag, half running to her car in the basement. She quickly locked the door after she climbed into her car. With her legs pulled up on the seat, she wrapped it against her chest, curled herself into a ball. Her body was trembling badly as tears rolling down her cheeks uncontrollably. Beads of sweat begin to form on her forehead and her breathing was heavy and uneven.

“I want to punish you. Punish you will make me feel better.”

She closed her eyes as the scene of her being pinned across the table with him on top of her replayed in her mind. His grip was painfully tight around her wrist. His lips were rough and mercilessly brushed along her skin. No matter how hard she tried to break free from him, he just wouldn’t let go.

“You said you like me, right? You let me kissed you and you even kissed me back. I thought you wouldn’t mind that we have a little bit of fun here.”

in another sharp breath, Shin Hye opened her teary eyes. His expression was scary and his gaze was filled with anger. She was wrong. He doesn’t like her, not even a slight bit. If he does, he wouldn’t have treated her like that. He wouldn’t have said those hurtful things to her. He was just playing with her, toying around with her heart.

“Should I remind you on how you throw yourself to me from the first day we met?”

For him, she was just a woman that trying to get close to him, seduced him and threw herself in his bed. The memory of his hand slipped under her shirt, exploring her body sent a cold shiver straight down her spine. With her hand shaking badly, she reached for her car’s glove compartment and took a box of strawberry candy out from it. She quickly took a piece out and stuck it into , letting the sweetness of the candy slowly creep into her taste buds, calming down her nerves. Her head was spinning dizzily as her breathing is getting shallow by every passing second. She the candy hard, tightening her arms around her legs.

“Appa…” She whispered as she closed her eyes again. “Appa… help me…”

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“You are hopeless.”

“It was a mistake.”

“I’m tired of you.”

“You are not healthy.”

“You are insane.”

“I’m done.”

“And I couldn’t help you.”

“I hate you.”

Min Ho breathed in sharply as he closed his eyes, leaning his back against the chair. Shin Hye’s voice was like some kind of painful spell and it keeps echoed in his mind over and over again even after she was gone for hours now. He opened his eyes again as his hand slowly moved to his right cheek, the place where Shin Hye slapped him just now. He can still strangely felt her warmth on his face and that slap didn’t only land across his face but it also hit hurtfully on his heart.

He looked at his table that was in a mess after what he did earlier to Shin Hye but a tiny box at the corner caught his attention. He slowly reached out for the box and grasped it tightly in his palm. Taking a piece of the strawberry candy from the box and put it inside his mouth, his lips curled into a light smile. The sweetness of the candy slowly spread on his tongue and the sweet taste reminds him of her beautiful smiles, her expressive gazes, her addictive scent, her soft lips… her everything.

“You lied.” He said softly, not mouthing silent words but speaking with his deep voice. “You said candy could help to improve my bad mood, reduce my stress, increase my mental focus and block my pain. But how come my mood still feels so ty, my mind couldn’t focus on a single damn thing and my heart…” He paused and inhaled deeply. “… and my heart is so painful.” He tightened his grip around the candy box and pressed it against his chest. “What have you done to me?”

His heart was beating unevenly fast and each throbs felt like screaming her name inside. He succeeded to push her away but he knows that his self-control couldn’t hold for too long before he goes running back to her. He needs to go. He needs to run away as fast as possible before he does something that he will regret in the future.

Putting the candy box down on the table, he took his phone out and texted So Eun.

Min Ho

I’ll depart to Paris on June 20th. Get my jet ready.

I shall be there for a month.

Make arrangement with the place I usually stay.

So Eun

Noted.

Will get the flight and accommodation ready before your departure.

What about your therapy schedule?

Should I inform Park Shin Hye-sshi for re-schedule?

Does she aware about your trip?

Min Ho

This is my personal matter and it doesn’t concern her.

She doesn’t need to know.

I’ll talk to her when I come back later.

Just inform the hospital that I don’t need the therapy for one month.

It will resume when I come back.

So Eun

Noted. I will make the arrangement.

After he was done texting So Eun, he threw his phone on the table as he opened the side drawer and took something out. It was the seashell that he found at the beach for his sister 16 years ago on the day the accident happened. It was still in his pocket after he was saved from drowning. His gaze slowly turned to the sketch of his sister at the side as his long fingers closed around the seashell.

Montmartre, a place that his sister dreams to go, a place that he promised to bring her there… but now it will forever stay as a dream. He is the beast in the fairy tale. The beast that was punished to live in the cursed castle, in an endless sadness for the rest of his life for being a useless brother.

The most painful and hateful day will come back again after a year has passed. It will keep coming back to him every year and remind him about his survival from the accident was just a punishment. It’s the time for him to return back to the place again where he could feel close to his sister, a place that he could stay far away from Shin Hye.

---------------------------------------------------------------

“Hey.”

Shin Hye turned around when she felt someone patted her arm from behind. She let out a light smile when she saw the man standing behind her.

“Yeon Seok oppa…” She called softly.

Yeon Seok stepped closer as he studied her face carefully. Her face is so pale. He moved his hand to her cheek and caressed it softly, making Shin Hye tensed against his touch. He pulled his hand away when he saw her discomfort.

“Are you okay?” He asked. “You look… tired.”

Shin Hye looked at him with her lips parted slightly. “I… I’m just busy with the cases.”

“The same case, same patient?” He asked, narrowing his gaze.

Her palms immediately balled into fists when she knows he was talking about Min Ho’s case. “Ermmm… no. It’s a different case.” She lied. In fact, she felt troubled the whole morning thinking about the therapy at Min Ho’s house this afternoon. She doesn’t know how to face him after the incident that happened two days ago.

Yeon Seok was not convinced but doesn’t want to push her further. “Do you need to take a day off? If you are so tired, you should go home and rest.”

Shin Hye smiled and shook her head. “Don’t worry about me. I’m okay.” She assured him.

He sighed softly before he nodded. “Good. Since you are okay, you should go to see Professor Jang now. He is looking for you.”

Shin Hye raised her brows in confusion. “Professor Jang is looking for me?”

“Yes. I think he have something to discuss with you about one of your patients.” Yeon Seok said.

“Eo.” Shin Hye tilted her head, still surprised. “I’ll go to see him now then.” She gave him another smile before she walked away.

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“Good morning, Professor Jang.” Shin Hye bowed politely at the old man, the head of Psychiatry Department that replaced Professor Kim. “Doctor Yoo said you are looking for me.”

Professor Jang looked at her and nodded. “Yes. I was thinking to call you if I couldn’t get hold of you.” He smiled. “This is regarding to Lee Min Ho’s case.”

Shin Hye’s face turned pale in an instant. “E-Eo?”

“I know you are having a therapy session with him this afternoon. I just want to inform you that the therapy is cancel and you don’t need to go.” Professor Jang said.

“What? Cancel?” Shin Hye widened her eyes in surprise. He has never cancelled any therapy session before. But if he did, he should at least inform her directly. Was it because of what happened to them the other day?

Professor Jang nodded. “I received a call from his assistant yesterday and informed us that he need to temporary stop the therapy session until further notice. You won’t need to be there for next month.”

“You mean… one whole month?” Shin Hye asked in shock. “But… but why?” One month is a very long period. Why does he have such a decision in a sudden? He must want to end everything with her by cancelling the therapy.

“I’m not too sure with the reason but his assistant said it was personal matter. However, it has nothing against you. All this while the feedback about you from the patient was positive. So don’t worry about it.” Professor Jang assured her.

But that was not what Shin Hye worried about. She knows that what happened that day was… out of contro