I Want You... Too

Silent Love
Please Subscribe to read the full chapter

I failed. As a doctor, I failed to comply with my professional ethic and lost to my weak willpower. As a psychiatrist, I failed to control my emotion and lost my self-restraint. As a woman, I failed to resist the temptation of this man and lost to my impulsive desire.

I hate myself for being so weak and useless. After what happened that night, I keep reminding myself that he is my patient and I’m his doctor. I have to be professional and not to mix my personal feeling in my work. My responsibility is to help him, heal him and make him speak again. But… all the reminders, all the self-control just goes into the drain when I looked into his eyes.

The desire and yearning in his eyes almost stop my heart. Although I wasn’t sure what does it mean but I know something is not right between us. In fact, nothing is right between us from the very beginning. We were attracted to each other. I was intimidated by him, he was caught of guard by me, I was shocked by him, he was surprised by me. My heart fluttered when he was around, he was nervous when I was around. The feelings were so intense and terrifying.

I need to push him away. I know what he was trying to do and I know exactly what will happen if I don’t react and stop all this. But… even though my rational mind was screaming, my body just remain unmoved and let him kiss me. Yes, he kissed me. That was my first kiss and I just let a man that I barely know, a man that was supposed to be my patient, a man that was in a mess, a man that was consumed by his dark soul… I just let him kiss me. What was that supposed to mean? I don’t hate that feeling, do I? He leaned forward, I didn’t push him away but I just closed my eyes, waiting for his lips to touch mine. I was caught in dilemma but at the same time I was waiting, I was anticipating… for him.

And after the kiss, and with my mind still dazzled by him, I read something on his lips that shocked me further. Although I couldn’t hear his voice but I was quite sure with what I read on his lips, he said… he need me… he want me.

My god. What have I done? He needs me? For what? To heal his already broken soul? He wants me? For what? To satisfy his possessiveness? This is a mistake. I want to help him, I want him to recover but… but is that really the only thing that I want from him? After everything that happened between us, it seemed like I have gotten greedy and selfish. I want more… but I’m confused. There are no doubts that I was attracted by him but was it because of sympathy, the challenges, the excitements or… I really like him?

 

--------------------------------------------------------------

 

“I need you. I want you.”

Still with his forehead rested against hers, Lee Min Ho gazed intensely into Park Shin Hye’s eyes. The softness of her lips, the sweetness of , the addictive scent of her body, everything about her drove him insane and destroyed his self-control that was already wavered on the first time he met her.

Shin Hye bit her lips. “I’m here to help you... but…” She paused and inhaled deeply. “… but… not like this.”

Min Ho pulled back slightly and stared at her with his narrowed gaze, waiting for her to continue.

“I’m your doctor.” She said in a shaky voice. “And you are my patient. Our relationship… will just be that.” She forced those words out from reluctantly. God know how much strength she needs to push him away. This was wrong.

A harsh breath escaped Min Ho’s mouth as he pulled himself up, pulled himself away from her and sat on the bed with his face buried in his palms. He was trying very hard to steady his uneven breathing and clear his clouded mind. He was confused. After a while, he turned to the bed, took his notepad and pen to write.

“Doctor? Patient? Just that? Are you sure?”

He held the notepad up and looked at Shin Hye who was already sitting on the bed not too far away from him.

Shin Hye looked up from the notepad after she read the words he wrote and took a silent breath. “We… you said we barely know each other… remember?” Her voice was so soft, almost inaudible.

Min Ho chuckled and shook his head in disbelief.

“We barely know each other? Should I remind you about what you said during the night when you were here? We exchanged stories. I told you about my sister and you told me about your father. You said we know each other more now.”

“Like I told you, I’m your doctor.” Shin Hye said, looking into his eyes firmly. “Talking… was a kind of therapy. We are supposed to talk and that was how it supposed to be. It…” She paused and bit her lip again. “It doesn’t mean anything. You… think too much and misunderstood the situation.” Did he?

Clenching his jaws tightly together, his face hardened and darkened at the same time.

“Then what about the kiss just now? If I’m just a patient to you as what you claim, then why didn’t you push me away? I know I was the one who initiated the kiss but you didn’t reject.”

He paused and moved closer to her before he continued to write again.

“You responded to the kiss and were kissing me back. Is that what a doctor will do to her patient?”

Shin Hye gasped nervously the moment he leaned forward, closing the gaps between them again. Her face was flushed and her pink lips parted slightly, looking at him. He was right. She indeed kissed him back. “I… I… it was just a… natural reaction.” She lied.

Min Ho furrowed his brows, perplexed.  

“Natural reaction? Are you saying that you will kiss any man back just because they kiss you?”

Biting her lower lip softly, Shin Hye averted her gaze; dare not to look at him any longer. His eyes are burning into hers and it makes her nervous. “Kissing… is just an action of touching and caressing between two lips and it doesn’t necessary means love or… ual desire. It can means a lot of things… such as… greeting or… hmmm…” Her sentence were cut off when Min Ho suddenly gripped the nape of her head, pulled her in and kissed her hard, effectively immobilizing her.

Shin Hye widened her eyes. She was shocked by his action once again. The kiss was different this time. It was so much more aggressive, hungry and forceful. It felt like he was trying to punish her saying something that he doesn’t want to hear. The tension makes her mind blank and her whole body jellied in his arms.

He kissed her and kissed her, then kissed her some more, robbing all her rational senses away and consumed her with his kisses. His hands s to her waist and wrapped around her tightly when he felt her soft body slowly relaxed in his arms. After a long moment, he pressed one last lingering kiss to her lips before breaking it unwillingly. He gently brushed her swollen lips with his thumb and looked at her dazzled face for a moment before he pulled back from her.

Shin Hye slowly opened her eyes and the first thing she saw was the words he wrote on his notepad.

“Is this the way how you greet a man? Is this the way on how you do your therapy with your patient? I don’t believe you. When I kissed you, when you kissed me back, don’t you feel anything?”

“Tell me… tell me what did I misunderstood? Tell me how you feel about us, about me. Tell me you feel something when we kissed.”

Min Ho pushed her further but when he didn’t get an answer from her, Min Ho threw the notepad down on the bed and tilted her chin up, forcing her to look at him. “Tell me.” He mouthed silently. He wasn’t sure how long he could hold himself back before he shouts at her.

Shin Hye looked into his eyes as her hands balled into tight fists. She gulped a sharp breath when his hands moved to her jaw and cupped her face.

“Tell me.” He mouthed the same words, stubbornly insisted for an answer from her.

This was a big improvement, right, Shin Hye asked herself silently. He was angry when she defied him. He was worried when she was sick. He was happy when she agreed to stay for the night. And now, he was nervous, he was impatient for her answer. He started let his emotions in and stop fighting it. Compared to the man that was lifeless and soulless on the first time they met, all those emotions that she successfully provoked in him was an improvement for his recovery process. He changed… and he changed because of her.

As a doctor, she got the positive result that she wanted from her patient. But as a normal woman, as Park Shin Hye, she let herself entangled into his emotions, into his situation. She is not doing the right job because she let herself to become his life buoy. He had used her as dependence for his recovery without realizing it. He thinks that she attracted him now because he never felt something like this in his whole life before. This unfamiliar feeling is new to him. He was locked in his own world all this while and when she appeared, his attention was naturally drawn in by her.

And As his psychiatrist, she also knows this is wrong. But why she couldn’t bring herself to think things through rationally? Why is she so involve into this case? Her heart swell with the same unfamiliar feeling that makes her breathless, confused. She was seduced and tempted by him. By his hot and perfect appearance, his dark and mysterious personalities; everything just pulled her closer and closer to him. And his kiss… it melted her completely. Even though it was wrong, but if the end result could heal him and make him come out from his dark world, makes him speak again, everything is still worth it, right? She asked herself again, being torn between right and wrong within her heart.

She inhaled a deep breath as their eyes were still locking at each other. If no matter how hard she tried she still couldn’t come to a conclusion, then his recovery will be her main priority now.

“Tell you? Tell you what? Tell you… how I feel when you kissed me? Tell you… can I be yours?” She paused and pursed her lips in a thin line. “Then what about you?” She asked.

Min Ho creased his brows in confusion. “What me?” He asked, mouthing the words silently.

“You want me to tell you the answer, right?” She smiled slightly. “Can. I will tell you when you tell me yours.”

A new hope grows in his heart upon hearing what she said. But as she continued, his heaven slowly destroyed and he was once again pulled back down to the hell.

“You told me a story, I told you mine and we were even. And now, if you want to know how I feel about you… I want it to be fair too.” She added

The hands that were holding her face slowly loosened as he slowly pulled away from her, lengthened a safe distance between them. He could sensed that she was trying to exchange it with something and it will not be something that he could be able to give her.

“I will give you my answer and you will need to tell me back what does that kiss means, how you feel about me…” Shin Hye let out another meaningful grin on her face before she continued. “… with your voice.”

 

-------------------------------------------------------------

 

“Eomeonim called me this morning. She invites me to your house for dinner this Saturday.” Yoo Yeon Seok said as he spooned the food into his mouth. When he didn’t get an answer from the person that was sitting in front of him, he put down his spoon and took a sip of his drink.

“Are you listening?” He asked, and this time he tried to increase the volume of his voice to get her attention.

Shin Hye was immediately brought back to the reality from her deep thoughts when she heard his voice. She cleared and smiled embarrassedly. “I-I’m sorry. What were you saying again?” She asked as her fingers were playing with her spoon mindlessly.

Yeon Seok smiled, looking at her. “I was telling you that your mother invited me to your house for dinner this Saturday.”

“Eo…” Shin Hye nodded with a slight smile. She didn’t know about it because her mother didn’t tell her. She sighed silently. Her mother is trying to create chances for them again. No matter how many times she tell her that she don’t feel that way for Yeon Seok, her mother still wouldn’t give up. She doesn’t want to understand and refused to understand.

Yeon Seok narrowed his gaze before he spoke again. “You look… troubled. Is there anything that I could help you?”

Shin Hye smiled again as she shook her head. “I… I was just thinking about a case.”

“The SM patient?” He asked again.

“You know about the case?” She raised her brows in surprise. She never thought Professor Kim would tell him.

“Of course I knew. This is one rare and important case in our department. The father of the patient is one of the top influential persons in the nation. Our dean takes this case very seriously. Professor Kim has been seeing him for so many years but the patient’s condition was not positive all these years. There is not much improvement in the patient. We all know the problem is not with Professor Kim but the patient himself. He refused to cooperate and seems very reluctant to get better. To be honest, I was quite worried when Professor Kim passed the case to you when he retired.” Yeon Seok said.

Shin Hye held his gaze and pursed her lips. “You are worried because you think I’m not qualified to handle this case?” She asked. Her pride was slightly hurt by the way he said it.

Yeon Seok shook his head with a smile. “Don’t get me wrong. We all know how good you are and no one will doubt your capability. I just think that Professor Kim should let someone with more experience to handle a case like this one. The patient is too difficult for a newbie.”

Shin Hye looked down on her food and sighed deeply. He was actually right. She was indeed too raw to handle Min Ho’s case. She couldn’t manage to help him and at the same time dragging herself down together with him. This is bad… very bad.

“Facing problems with the patient already?” Yeon Seok asked as he studied her expression. “You shouldn’t give yourself too much of stress. Professor Kim took 16 years trying to help him but he didn’t succeed. It’s understandable that you needed time for this. As I said, this case is rare and difficult.”

She inhaled another deep breath before looking up at him again and nodded. “I think you are right.”

“Have you ever think about using medication on him?” Yeon Seok asked.

“Medication?” Shin Hye looked at him.

“I think Professor Kim was too patient and have wasted a lot of times on this case. If therapy or counselling have no effects on him, why not trying to use medication instead? SM was a kind of anxiety disorders. We can use SSRIs as the first-line treatment for his anxiety disorders problem. We all know that SSRIs work effectively on anxiety and depression. And these medicines are extremely effective with very low side effects.” Yeon Seok said.

 Shin Hye shook her head, disagreed with him. “His SM problem has nothing to do with anxiety.” She paused and heaved a deep sigh. “His condition is different from other SM patients because he don’t select places or people to speak. In fact, he doesn’t speak at all. He was categorized as SM because there is no problem with his brain or his vocal cord. He is not a mute. He just chose not to speak due to his traumatic past. He tried to… punish himself because he felt guilty.”

“Then it’s even more easy. Bring him back to the trauma he fears the most and make him face it. He was trying to run away from the reality. It’s no use to distract him with anything or keep talking to him. Force him to face his fear factor.” Yeon Seok said, looking at her.

“But don’t you think that this way is too extreme?” Shin Hye wasn’t sure that this method could be useful for Min Ho. Of course she thought about this way too and it was the direction she was heading since the beginning of the therapy with Min Ho. But because of an unexpected issue that happened between them, everything became uncontrollable now. And with their unclear feeling towards each other, everything seems to worsen the situation. “If it’s not successful, it will bring negative reaction to his condition. I’m not sure I want to take the risk.”

“To heal a patient effectively, a mutual trust between the psychiatrist and the patient is very important.” Yeon Seok said. “You think it’s risky because you don’t trust your patient and wasn’t sure whether he could handle the pressure that he need to face. On the other hand, the patient might refused to follow the direction you are bringi

Please Subscribe to read the full chapter
Like this story? Give it an Upvote!
Thank you!

Comments

You must be logged in to comment
sindhushree
#1
It's been so long.....it feels lik a dream........miss minshin
bgaspar23 #2
Chapter 8: <span class='smalltext text--lighter'>Comment on <a href='/story/view/967154/8'>I Love You</a></span>
From the bottom of my heart I want to say sorry to our beloved author jassey park something wrong in my comment , deep in my heart my apologize. ilove to read and I follow all your stories I hope you understand me.
Blackswan1118 #3
I normally come back here and try to find other good stories but always end up rereading your stories. When you were still writing this story, I remember how impatiently I was waiting for the updates, logging in several times a day. I feel really sad that you are not writing like you used to. If you have a chance please start writing again.
Blackswan1118 #4
Chapter 7: Rereading again for the nth time
JiLin1998 #5
Chapter 1: Wow the First Chapter is sooo good. I‘m excited to read the Next one.
liltash85
#6
Re Reading one of my fav fanfic of yours.
Saramehar #7
Loved
Amsohappy
#8
Chapter 4: re-reading.....
Priyanjana18
#9
Chapter 13: So good !! I love it !!!