In which Jongin expects a child, and instead finds an ageless love.

 

It was a quiet winter day when they first met. It was much too cold for anyone to be outside. Most people were inside their houses, sipping hot chocolate and wrapped up in blankets. For this, Kyungsoo was glad. No one was there to see the little boy crying on the sidewalk. Kyungsoo wished people wouldn’t be stupid. Didn’t they understand? He wanted hot chocolate. He wanted a blanket. He just couldn’t have it. Instead he was forced to live off what old folks fed him out of pity or what he could find in the trash. So when they opportunity arose to be like other kids, he took it.

 

He had no mother telling him to avoid strangers. He had no father to protect him, so why not go with this man? Kyungsoo liked him. He could tell the man was nice by the way he took Kyungsoo’s hand in his own and led him down the sidewalk. The man was beautiful, with tanned, flawless skin in spite of the weather and full lips. He looked young, maybe twenty or so, and was muscled and lean, even through his thick coat. A dancer, Kyungsoo thought.

 

“You’re a ballerina,” he blurted out suddenly. The man chuckled, but his smile never reached his eyes.

 

“I used to be. I’m an author now. My name is Kim Jongin,” he replied.

 

Kyungsoo looked at him thoughtfully. His big doe eyes widened. “Can I call you Appa instead?”

 

Jongin looked startled. “Of course you can.”

 

Kyungsoo beamed and happily skipped ahead of his new appa. “Hey kid!” Jongin yelled after him. “I don’t even know your name!”

 

“It’s Do Kyungsoo!”

 

-------------

 

“Wow! Your house is huge, Appa!” Kyungsoo stared in wonder at the mansion in front of him. Jongin smiled softly and ruffled his new son’s hair. The moment Jongin’s butler, Luhan, opened the door, the little boy ran past him and promptly crashed into a table, his heart-shaped lips curving into a grimace.

 

“Ouchie. Kiss it better, Appa!”

 

Jongin complied with the seven-year-old’s demand. Luhan raised an eyebrow but knew better than to question his master’s actions.

 

“Shall I prepare a bedroom, Sir?” he asked.

 

“Yes, the one next to mine. Please have it done by after dinner.”

 

-------------

 

“Kyungsoo?”

 

Said boy looked up from his rice. “I went ahead and enrolled you in school. You’ll start tomorrow,” Jongin said.

 

“S-school?” Kyungsoo stammered. He had been at Jongin’s house for almost a week now. It was high time he met more kids his age.

 

Jongin raised a curious brow. “Is that a problem?”

 

“It’s just, I’ve never been to school before.”

 

“I figured,” Jongin sighed. “You’ll be alright, Kyungie.”

 

“Kyungie?” Kyungsoo asked, cocking his head to the side.

 

“Do you like it?”

 

The little doe-eyed boy beamed. “I love it!”

 

-------------

 

Jongin was glad when he finally arrived at Kyungsoo’s school. He had been worrying about him all day. Apparently, Kyungsoo felt the same. The moment he saw Jongin’s car, he was bounding away from his classmates and attacking his appa with a hug with a grin plastered on his round face.

 

“Appa! You have to come meet my new friends! This is Sehun and Baekhyun and Chanyeol and Chen! Sehun is really cool and Baekkie is really funny and Channie is really happy and Chen is really weird. But I like him! His real name is actually Jongdae which is funny ‘cause I thought it was Chen but that’s a weird name and I-”

 

“Woah there, slow down, buddy,” Jongin laughed. He knelt down to meet the children’s level. “Hi there. I’m Kyungsoo’s appa.”

 

Sehun looked confused. “But you’re too young to be an appa!” he said pointedly.

 

“Ah, I get that a lot,” Jongin said awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck. He could hear the whispers of the parents behind him, saying things like, “Poor thing. His ex-girlfriend must have dumped their child on him.”

 

Jongin’s eyes flashed with anger and he gritted his teeth. He took a deep breath. Calm down. Now is not the time.

 

He forced a grin and said, “Well, Kyungsoo and I better get home. He has a lot to tell me.”

 

With that, he picked up his young ward and walked away.

 

-------------

 

Kyungsoo was ten when he realized something was different about his appa. All the other boys had appas in their forties. His appa was only twenty. But wasn’t he twenty three years ago? He frowned. Maybe Jongin was a really slow ager.

 

Still, the thought bothered him. It was annoying to see the looks of utter confusion on his friends’ faces when he introduced Jongin as his father. Ignore them, they’re stupid anyway.

 

Jongin wasn’t just different in terms of age, either. He also acted a lot stranger. He kept a lot of secrets from Kyungsoo, even though he denied everything. Kyungsoo knew that Jongin sometimes left in the middle of the night when he thought everyone was sleeping.

 

Kyungsoo swore his appa was a vampire or something. He got really nervous at night and was always drinking cranberry juice. Or at least Kyungsoo hoped it was cranberry juice. Oh god, what if Jongin was secretly an alcoholic?

 

-------------

 

“Appa?”

 

Jongin’s head jerked up from the document he was typing on. He always found it easier to type than write his stories on paper. Kyungsoo’s head peeked into his study. “I need to talk to you.”

 

He offered the boy a small smile and patted the desk, inviting the thirteen-year-old to sit. “What’s wrong, Kyungie?” he asked.

 

“Don’t call me that,” Kyungsoo frowned. “The kids at school already tease me for having an irresponsible father.”

 

“And why would they do that?”

 

“They think you were being stupid and you forgot to use a when you and your girlfriend had ,” Kyungsoo answered rather bluntly.

 

Jongin’s eyebrows shot up. “What makes them think that?”

 

“You’re so young. You look like you’re twenty. It’s not fair, Appa. They’re taking it out on me.”

 

“Tell them I’m not your real father.”

 

Kyungsoo shook his head sullenly. “I can’t do that.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“Because you are my real father.”

 

Jongin sighed, “Kyungsoo, you and I both know that I neither had with your mother nor am I your father.”

 

“But you are! You were the one who fed me and clothed me and played catch in the backyard with me! You tucked me into bed and told me stories and hugged me when I got scared of the thunderstorms! Don’t you see, Kim Jongin? You are the only father I’ve ever had and the only one I’ll ever have!”

 

It was the first time Kyungsoo had ever used Jongin’s name, and Jongin’s heart melted. Tears were streaming down both of their faces when Jongin pulled his son in and embraced him. Jongin his hair and kept a firm hold on the boy, as if he was afraid Kyungsoo would slip away. They sat like that for hours, not even bothering with dinner. Luhan tried to draw them out but left them after seeing the pleading look in Jongin’s eyes. Please, they said. Just this once, let me keep someone.

 

-------------

 

At age sixteen, Kyungsoo started calling Jongin his hyung. In public, at least. At home he was still Appa. Jongin was thankful for those private moments where he and Kyungsoo could talk freely, the only danger being Luhan calling them for dinner.

 

Jongin could sense that Kyungsoo was getting more and more stressed. He seemed to be hiding something. It’s none of your business, Jongin. After all, you’ve been hiding your secret from him for nine years. So he left it. Bad idea.

 

Jongin was returning from one of his midnight trips when he heard a shuffling noise coming from Kyungsoo’s bedroom. No, he panicked. Not this time. Please. Don’t let him be dea-

 

Jongin burst through the door and sighed in relief. Kyungsoo was only packing a suitcase. Wait, what? “What do you think you’re doing?” he shrieked. Kyungsoo looked up, startled, his face masked by obvious guilt.

 

“Leaving,” he muttered. “I can’t stay here any longer.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“You’ll hate me if I tell you.”

 

“Nothing could ever make me hate you, Kyungie.”

 

“This could!” he screamed. There were tears streaming down his face. “Jongin, I, I can’t-”

 

He was cut off by Jongin’s arms around him.

 

“A-appa,” Kyungsoo sobbed.

 

“Kyungie.”
 

“Appa, I’m gay,” he whispered.

 

“I know, baby. I’ve known for years,” Jongin whispered back. “And guess what? I still love you the same.”

 

Kyungsoo just cried harder. “I-I love you, Appa.”

 

“I love you, too.”

 

-------------

 

It wasn’t long before their roles were reversed. Kyungsoo was twenty-one while Jongin remained the same age.

 

“Hyung, do you believe in rebirth?”

 

“Jongin, I told you to stop calling me that. I feel old.”

 

“You never answered the question,” the younger (older?) whined.

 

Kyungsoo let out a giggle. “No, I’m not sure I do. Why, do you?”

 

“I used to. I guess I gave up after seeing too many people pass me by and never return.”

 

“Spoken like a true writer.”

 

A comfortable silence settled between the two. They lay like that for a few minutes before Kyungsoo spoke, “Jongin?”

 

The other boy grunted in response. “Why don’t you age?”

 

Jongin jolted in surprise. “I don’t what you’re talking about,” he muttered.

 

“Please. You’ve been twenty years old since I met you when I was seven,” Kyungsoo snorted.

 

“Kyungie, leave it. You wouldn’t understand.”

 

“Right. And I also wouldn’t understand why you sneak out in the middle of the night and come back looking like you’re high. I wouldn’t understand why you drink weird red liquids that look suspiciously like wine. Are you an alcoholic? Or is that some weird elixir that keeps you immortal?” he screamed.

 

Jongin just rolled over to face the other way, letting a single tear slip off his cheek and onto the grass below.

 

-------------

 

“Jongin?”

 

No response.

 

“Jongin?”

 

Still nothing.

 

“Kim Jongin! Answer me right now!”

 

That did the trick. An irritable and red-eyed Jongin opened the door. “What do you want?” he snapped.

 

Kyungsoo cast his eyes at the floor. “To apologize. I’m really sorry for yelling at you earlier.”

 

Jongin’s gaze softened. “It’s okay. C’mere.”

 

He drew the shorter man into an embrace. “I guess I was just angry ‘cause you didn’t trust me. I wanted to know what I did wrong. I want you to trust me. I want you to tell me everything. I-” Kyungsoo sniffed. His voice cracked. “I want you to love me like I love you.”

 

Jongin pulled back in surprise. “What do you mean?”

 

“I mean I love you like no son should love his appa, like no friend should love his friend. I love you with all my heart. It’s been killing me for so long. I had to tell you! I needed you to know that I- Mmf!”

 

His doe eyes widened even more (if that was even possible) before relaxing into the kiss. It felt like nothing he had ever experienced before. Jongin’s lips against his were heavenly, and he didn’t want it to end.

 

-------------

 

“I do.”

 

“I do.”

 

-------------

 

“She’s beautiful.”

 

“And she’s our daughter.”

 

------------

 

“I-I think it’s time you knew.”

 

Kyungsoo, now a successful businessman in his late thirties, looked up from his papers. His young husband was standing in the doorway with an excited look on his face.

 

“Where’s Min?”Jongin asked shakily.
 

“At a friend’s. Why?”

 

Jongin was quiet for a minute before suddenly blurting out, “I’m not cheating on you.”

 

Kyungsoo immediately looked away. “And I know you think I am. I would never do that. The reason I sneak out at night isn’t to see someone. Well technically it is. Oh god, I’m just making things worse,” Jongin rambled.

 

Kyungsoo shut him up with a light kiss. "I believe you. Now what did you want to tell me?"

 

"I-" Jongin's voice faltered. "You know how I have a slight, uh, aging problem?"

 

Kyungsoo nodded slowly, biting his lip and moving to embrace the other man. "Well, I was trying to keep it a surprise but my secrecy is bugging you, isn't it?" Jongin asked.

 

"A little," Kyungsoo murmured into his husband's neck. Jongin bit back a moan.

 

"I may have- !" Jongin cried when Kyungsoo bit down on his sensitive spot.

 

"You were saying?" Kyungsoo said seductively, trailing his hands over Jongin's body.

 

"I may have found the cure!" Jongin moaned loudly.

 

Kyungsoo immediately drew back. "You what?"

 

"I've been talking to someone, Yixing. We've been experimenting for years. Those were the weird things you saw me drinking, experimental cures."

 

Kyungsoo gave him a genuine smile. "That's amazing, baby. Is it working?"

 

"I don't know yet, but Yixing is sure that this is the one."

 

Kyungsoo smirked. "To celebrate, why don't we continue what we started?"

 

-------------

 

"Kyungsoo," Jongin whispered. The other man just offered him a sad smile.

 

"We all knew it was coming," he laughed bitterly. His face fell. "I'm going to miss you."

 

Jongin inhaled sharply. "Kyungsoo, no. We'll get through this. I'm not letting some stupid disease take you away from me."

 

"It's not a disease. It's called old age."

 

"Well in case you haven't noticed, I haven't exactly experienced that and I probably never will."

 

Kyungsoo sighed. "I don't wanna think about it," he murmured.

 

"How much longer?" Jongin asked, his tongue barely able to wrap around the words.

 

"Two months. Maybe three."

 

"Kyungie."

 

"Jongin."

 

Said man crawled onto the bed with his lover. He curled up against his chest and held on tightly. A familiar burning sensation was felt behind his eyes. A single tear fell onto Kyungsoo's chest, creating a dark spot on his shirt.  

 

Then another tear. And another. More and more until Jongin couldn't contain himself anymore. He wept openly, not caring who heard him. Even when he ran out of tears to shed, his body was wracked with dry sobs.

 

"Kyungsoo," he whimpered. "Don't leave me, please."

 

-------------

 

"Jongin?"

 

Said man glanced up to meet Kyungsoo's gaze.

 

"It's time."

 

Jongin drew back suddenly. "No," he cried. "Not yet! There's so much left for you, for us!"

 

Kyungsoo shook his head sadly. Even that seemed to be a great effort for him. Jongin reached up and the few remaining grey hairs his husband had.

 

"Jongin, I need you to listen to me."

 

Jongin nodded. "Anything."

 

"Carry on with life. Continue writing your amazing stories. Believe in finding your loved ones  in another life. Keep searching for that cure. Whatever you do, don't ever give up," Kyungsoo said.

 

Jongin shook his head. "No. This is it. Once you're gone, there won't be another chance. Kyungie, stay with me. Please."

 

"I'll hold on as long as I can. Trust me, I hate this too. I wish I could be like you."

 

"No!" Jongin screamed. "You don't want this. You don't know how hard it is to watch everyone you ever loved die right in front of you. My mother, my father, my siblings, my friends, and you. You are the only one I have ever loved. I need you, Do Kyungsoo. I love you."

 

Jongin sobbed into Kyungsoo's shirt. Eventually, he fell quiet and just lay there. The two sat in silence, waiting for the other to speak. Kyungsoo's hand rested in Jongin's hair while his shirt was being clutched by his husband's fists. They both had so much to say, yet neither could bring themselves to say it. So they just sat there, with no sound coming from either.

 

"I love you, too."

 

And with that, the monitor flatlined.

 

-------------

 

Jongin closed the book he was reading. "The end, kids," he said.

 

He watched as the crowd of teenagers filed out of the room, murmuring amongst themselves. The library director walked up to him and smiled. "Thanks for reading to them, Jongin. It's nice to see that these delinquents are getting positive attention."

 

"No problem, Suho," Jongin said, flashing a grin at the older man. Suho smiled back and went back to his office while Jongin turned to pack up his things.

 

"E-excuse me, Sir?" a timid voice called from behind him. Jongin whirled around in surprise. It was just one of the so-called delinquents, one with bright eyes and a leather jacket hugging his small frame, maybe about sixteen years old. I could've sworn... His voice...

 

The boy, strangely shy-looking for his image, bit down on his lip harshly. Jongin smiled warmly at him. "Did you have a question?"

 

"Uh, yeah. What happened to Jongin after Kyungsoo died?"

 

Jongin laughed, actually laughed, for the first time in sixteen years. "Well, no matter how hard he and Yixing tried, they couldn't find a cure. He lived in misery, waiting for his precious Kyungie to come back. Eventually, he gave up and accepted the fact that reincarnation isn't real."

 

The boy's eyes widened. "But that's not a happy ending. They have to be together in the end!"

 

"Kid, not all stories end like some god damn fairy tale. Everyone dies. Well, everyone except Jongin. Any more questions?"

 

"Yeah," the boy said, frowning. "Did you write that story?"

 

Jongin looked startled. "How'd you know?"

 

"They say write what you know. I figured you probably did that."

 

"You're smart, kid, I'll give you that," Jongin smirked. "I'm Kim Jongin."

 

The kid smiled and turned around. "Thanks!" he called before walking away.

 

“Hey kid!” Jongin yelled after him. “I don’t even know your name!”

 

“It’s Do Kyungsoo!”