Hi, Jongin. It's been a long time. I guess I've just been busy. I've been helping Sehun move into his new apartment with Luhan. Oh yeah, he finally came out the day after, you know. Of course, I already knew. As his father it was pretty easy to tell. He and Luhan got married a few days ago. The ceremony was really nice. Their honeymoon starts tomorrow. I think they're going to America.

 

Speaking of the kids, Baekkie finally asked out that girl he's been eyeing. Taeyeon, I think her name is. They're a really sweet couple. Dara and Channie had their second child five years ago. They named her Bom. Park Bom. It has a nice ring to it, don't you think?

 

It's hard. I'm all over Seoul, helping everyone get settled. It's so different without you. Victoria and Krystal are great, of course, but it's not the same as you. I really miss you.

 

Sometimes I go to your old studio. It's so nice to watch your old students dance. Some of them are almost as good as you. One in particular stood out to me. His name is Yixing. His moves are about as flawless as yours. He's nothing like you, though. For one, he's a lot nicer. He's a foreign exchange student from China but his Korean is pretty good. However, he shares that same sparkle in his eyes that you used to get when you danced.

 

Do you remember how you used to tell me that I smelled like vanilla, the sweetest, most innocent thing ever? And how I used to say you tasted like cinnamon, sweet yet spicy? Luna and her boyfriend Minseok like to bake with me. We always make cinnamon cookies with a dash of vanilla. I still can't taste them. I miss you.

 

Did you know that at night when I'm sleeping, I hug my pillow like it's you? Whenever my feet touch I'm only reminded of our legs tangling together. When I brush my hair out of my face I think of you caressing my cheek like you used to. When I look in the mirror I can feel you staring into my soul again. Everything reminds me of you.

 

Dara's son, Jongdae, is a lot like you. I was singing our song in the shower the other day and when I got out he was waiting for me, just like you used to. He said the same thing you did when you first heard me sing. "Where are your wings?" I asked him what he meant, just like with you. He said, "You have the voice of an angel. Anyone with a voice that pretty needs wings so they can sing for the whole wide world." How he managed to quote you word for word, I may never know.

 

I still don't understand why you called me an angel that day. You're the true angel. I'm sure you're watching me from your place in heaven, laughing at how cheesy I'm being. I know you secretly loved it when I said those things. Before I go, here's one more cheesy thing.

 

Jongin, without you the world doesn't smile anymore. The flowers have lost some of their color. The birds' songs have become mournful. Cinnamon used to taste so good. Now it's lost all flavor. Your cologne is still in the bathroom, but now it makes me want to throw up.

 

I miss you, Kim Jongin, and God was cruel to rip you away from me. You'll never get to play catch with Jongdae. You'll never get to watch Bommie put on a Christmas show every year. You'll never get to see Baekkie propose to Taeyeon. You'll never get to hold Sehun and Luhan's first child. You'll never get to see Yixing win his hundredth dance competition and hold up the trophy with him. You'll never taste Luna and Minseok's cookies. You'll never be able to thank Victoria and Krystal for their help.

 

Most of all, you'll never be able to hold me and kiss me and make love to me ever again. And I resent that. I really do. But you know what? After so long, I think this is the closure I needed all along. I needed to watch the others move on without you. I needed to write this letter for you saying thank you. Thank you for the memories and the love and the heartbreak and the family. Thank you for being the best life-ruiner in the whole entire world. Thank you, Angel.

 

Your faithful beloved,

Do Kyungsoo

 

Kyungsoo carefully folded the letter and slipped it into the envelope. He it and sealed it shut before leaning it against the headstone. He traced the stone lettering delicately.

 

Kim Jongin

January 1st, 1994 - March 21, 2047

Beloved husband, father, dancer, lover

 

Kyungsoo stood up and gazed lovingly at the block of stone and the stark white rectangle at its base. He turned and began the walk out of the cemetery. He didn't notice the flowers brightening just a little. He didn't notice the birds chirping happily. He didn't notice the slight scent of cologne or the taste of cinnamon on his lips. He didn't notice the whisper of the spring breeze, "I miss you, too," but when he turned back to smile once more at his lover's grave, the envelope wasn't there anymore.