I'm starting to think that you really did descend from heaven.I mean,when people purchase toys,they go crazy over it for around a month,then dump it aside afterwards to make space for new ones when they get bored,but you,unlike the norm,didn't.Its been Six months now and yet,you're still beside me as promised.I know it's funny how I compare myself to toys but hey,I guess even toys are more valuable than me since they bring children joy whereas I,myself am I burden to everyone.My life now?I'm not sure too.Sae Yeon's popularity had risen to the point where there would be guys drooling over her everywhere or dying to hold her hand.My Foster parents,after finding out that you,Kim Taehyung was my friend,had made me work twice as hard as usual.Apparently,They had considered you as one of the finest options for Sae Yeon if she had ever intended to get married.I guess Sae Yeon too wasn't over the fact that you chose to be around me yet.Whenever I wasn't home,she would go through the things in my room,leaving them sprawled on the ground.There would be tons of trash on my bed which I had to clear along with the mess on the floor before I go to bed every night.No matter how much I wanted to voice out my thoughts,I couldn't.Even if I did,No one would hear me regardless of how loud I attempt to scream.Maybe I was wrong about the part where I mentioned Sae Yeon wasn't over you around me... ...Recently,there was a transfer student from Hong Kong.His name is Jackson and just like the other guys,he fell for Sae Yeon in a day or two.Jackson was different from the other guys that had tried to get close to Sae Yeon. He was different in terms of the fact that Sae Yeon too had taken notice of him.Was it because of his looks?Or was it because of his personality?To be completely honest,I don't know.I had only encountered Jackson once in school ever since he transferred.He's kinda nice actually,but that,I guess,was before he knew Sae Yeon. Ever since he got acquainted with sae yeon,he wouldn't even acknowledge me if we happen to meet on the way to class.No,to be completely truthful ,he wouldn't even spare me a glance and even if he did,his brown eyes were cold and full of mockery unlike the past where those eyes would curve up  instantly into sincere crescents.Anyways,school had just ended and once again,you were walking me home.I looked at you as you went on about your day and the sums you did in your mathematics class.I wondered if your eyes were ever this bright when you talked to the other girls,or if you'd  get this excited when you're around other girls.I guess I'm thinking too much again.Being an enthusiastic boy was probably your thing.You're most likely to be hyped up regardless of your location or whose around you.Who am I to excite you?I can't even get an ant to be excited.What was I even thinking when I said that you were happier than usual when you're with me?Do I even posses the abilities to make someone happy?No.The only things I do are break,burn and crash someone.I can never put a smile on someones face and needless to say its impossible for someone like you.

"So... ... are you going for the 2 days 1 night MT((learning journey/field trip))to Jejudo?"
There wasn't a reply since I was too busy spacing out.You tapped me gently on the shoulders as creases of worry threatened to form on your forehead.I noticed.Were you worried about me?
"Hye Rin,are you okay?"
I was then shaken back to reality as soon as you placed the back of your hand on my forehead to check if I had a fever.
It couldn't be.No one has ever cared for me.....
"Yeah I'm fine."
I watched as the lines on your forehead subsided.Assurance... ...Did my words assure you that I was okay?I guess it did.A smile graced your face as you repeated your question.
"Are you going for the MT? "
Right...the MT to jejudo.The school thought it wasn't that bad of an idea to send the entire cohort to jejudo for a two days one night stay since the principal thought that the students weren't bonded enough.I've been skipping this sort of activities ever since they existed.I mean I would go,but the thing is,Id never have enough money for the trips since the allowance my foster parents had given me was already  less than enough to cover the most basic three meals a day.I wouldn't dare request for more since I guess the fact that they're already giving me allowance is already considered a privilege.
"Um,no.I don't think so.You?"
I watched as all the excitement in you died Down.Did I say something wrong?

"My parents would never let me skip something like a school trip since they think it's needed for me to learn to be independent and all so I guess I am going."
At that moment, I felt my heart prompting me.Still,I wondered how you we're capable of shaking me up time after time like that.Didn't I mention that I would try to erase those ridiculous feelings of mine?I mean forget.Forgetting is all I have to do right?I thought I'd be done in a month or two but I was proved wrong when you came along and strummed on my heartstrings again.
The air was still and i've never heard silence quite this loud.Why was it getting awkward?
"Why aren't you going?"You looked at me as you shoved your hands in your pockets.Hope.I could see hope glistening in your eyes.But hope?What exactly we're you hoping for?
"Um,I just don't like them."That wasn't the hundred percent  truthful but I guess I had to let something out before you'd find out about my background.After six months,I found it amusing how you'd never ask me about my family.Don't friends ask about things of this sort?I'm not sure since I've never had any but still......
"Are you sure you aren't going?you're gonna be missing out on a lot you know?"You probed again.
"Yeah I don't think so.There's nothing much interesting and plus,there aren't any reasons for me to go anyway."I held the books in my arms closer to my chest as we arrived at the bus stop.The  defeaning silence had made it's entrance once again and I myself too didn't know why.In a split second,my bus had arrived.
"I'll be leaving first then.Goodbye Taehyung."
I waited.
There wasn't a reply and it was rather impossible for me to tell how you we're feeling then as the expression on your face was completely unreadable...

.Maybe this was the start of you setting aside your old toys for the new incoming ones....I knew it...Everyone gets tired of me after awhile..Everyone leaves in the end...
I let out a sigh as I boarded the bus with the heaviest heart.
So this is how it ends between us ,huh?
Resting my head against the window,I waited for the bus to start moving again.However,the door bursted open and little did I know,you too boarded the bus,panting.
I watched.
I watched as you approached me  nervously yet firmly.
"Lee Hye Rin."
I held my breath.You were probably going to go on about how we should go our separate ways and as much as I knew this was coming,I hated the fact that it had to be so soon.I bit my lips as tears threatened to slide down my face  however... ...
"The reason you needed to go to the MT "
My eyes widened.The MT? 
"Cant I be it?"

authors note :

havent updated for so long rn gosh