Biggest Sacrifice
UnexpectedIt rained hard as you made your way back to your apartment. You didn't bother trying to keep yourself dried when half of you was already wet anyways. This whole situation just made you feel so pitiful. You walk step by step as you recall what happened;
"I'm sorry" was the only thing Hanbin was able to utter out. You look at him who was now looking away from you as you try to figure out what he had meant.
"Sorry?" You repeat his words, as if asking him to confirm what he had said.
Hanbin sighs, "..Ally, Let's just forget this..." he tells you, shoving his hands into his pocket, trying to cover the fact that he was also unsure of what he wanted to do.
"Hanbin, why are you...." You begin to ask but you had no words, you didn't know what words were right for this situation.
"It was an accident" he utters, not meaning it at all, "I'm sorry" he repeats again.
You shake your head back to the present, realising you made it home, heading straight into your room and containing yourself in there.
Hanbin on the other hand headed back to YG, locking himself up in the practice room all night after the incident, continuously going over the choreography again and again until it drove him crazy, forcing any thought of you out of his system. He was as confused and as lost as you were. He danced until his own legs gave in causing him to fall hard onto his knees, taking all the pain as if it was punishment for what he did. He let the silence adjust for a small while before letting out a frustrated moan at his own stupidity as he lays his body flat on the hard, wooden dance floor. Slowly, unknowingly falling asleep like that.
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The next morning you got to YG early, not able to sleep after everything that had happened. He told you to forget about it you reminded yourself, you only had one month left there was no use to sulk. He told you it was an accident and that's all it will be. You chanted his words to yourself over and over again, hoping somehow you'd hypnotise yourself into believing them. You head down the corridor of level two towards the stylist team on the other side before the corner of your eyes catches onto a person in the practice room. He laid still with a cap covering his face.'That's unusual' you thought to yourself as you divert your direction towards the room instead, popping your head inside to check who it was. From where you were standing you still was unable to get a good view so you push yourself forward, heading towards the person.
"Hey, are you okay?" You ask, making sure you were loud enough for him to hear but not enough to startle him. You see him move slightly at your voice causing the hat to slowly slide off his face, revealing who he was. Your eyes widen, not expecting it to be him as you take a step back cautiously.
You watch as Hanbin rises up from his position, looking back at you nonchalantly as if you were a stranger to him before swiftly grabbing his hat off the ground and walking out without a word.
'What was that?' You thought to yourself, unable to understand his actions. Why was he suddenly acting so cold to you?
Hanbin didn't want to be this way either, at least not to you as memories of what happened with him and Miyeon come flooding back, but after all night of being in the silence, consumed with his own thoughts he came to the conclusion that it was best for the both of you to not be so close. He had responsibilities to his team and the company. He knew the hype surrounding him being the next person to lead YG and the years of hardship it took for him to get to where he was. He had to choose work over you....he had no choice.
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You sit spinning around on the office chair inside the styling room, pondering at your own thoughts. You've been coughing all day after stupidly choosing to walk in the rain home. You hit your head twice, grumbling to yourself as punishment before deciding to leave the stuffy room. You needed to escape everything here, especially the people. You grab your phone off the table and shove it into your jeans pocket, placing a scarf around your neck before turning around to head to the exit before the presence of another person stops you from what you were going to do.
"Hey" You turn around to be greeted by Bobby and his trademark smile.
"When did you get here?" You ask, increasing the distance between you two, stepping back a few steps.
"Uh, what's with you?" He asks with one eyebrow lifted, noticing your actions. "Do I smell?" He laughs causing you to also crack a smile out of courtesy.
"Did you eat yet?" He questions you suddenly, seeing as you weren't your usual talkative self.
"I'm actually thinking of leaving" you tell him honestly
"Leaving? To go home?..I'll walk you" he suggests, grabbing a hold of your hand. You don't fight it, he was always touchy-feely with you anyways. Bobby leads you to the elevator, his grip getting tighter when the door opened, motioning for you to follow him in. You oblige silently before your eyes meets with the individual already in the elevator.
Bobby greets Hanbin with a nod, Hanbin returning his greeting with the same actions as if it was something he didn't even have to think about before returning to the phone in his hand again. He doesn't look at you who was staring at him, hoping he had returned to his usual self, still unsure of how Hanbin was going to go about it. You wait the few agonisingly awkward seconds for the elevator to reach the bottom floor, the ding simultaneously bringing you some courage.
"Uh, Bobby" you abruptly utter, loosening your hand from his, "I need to talk to Hanbin about something, do you mind waiting?" You ask. Bobby nods without hesitation,
"Take your time, I don't have anywhere else to go" he reassured you.
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You and Hanbin walk silently to the nearest room, Hanbin locking the door shut behind him.
"What did you want to talk about?" Hanbin asks, turning around to face you as he scratches one of his eyebrows out of impatience. He still carried the same indifferent attitude towards you as that morning, his actions telling you he wasn't up for listening to anything.
"The way you're acting...it's because of what happened yesterday right?" You ask anyways, wanting to confirm the question that had been scratching at your mind for the last 24 hours with him.
Hanbin scoffs, placing both hands into his pockets. "Don't you think you're too confident about that?" He questions you, almost as if challenging you but you don't falter with his mind games, a serious expression taking over your face.
...
"You're having a hard time right?" You ask him another question, this time causing his expression to tense up, his eyebrows furrowing in the middle of his face. You had gotten his full attention.
"A hard time?" He repeats your words as if it was ridiculous, deep down knowing that you're right.
"Why would I be having a hard time? Don't misunderstand, I acted like I did to you because I had to....and that kiss?" He pauses, looking away from you to control his own emotions, knowing what he was about to do was going to make him of a bigger jerk, "It was nothing... you are no different from Miyeon to me" He lets out as he turns to look back at you, waiting for your reaction.
All you could do was nod, accepting his words, biting at your lips to stop the tears from escaping. It took you a while to finally fight it back, turning back to look at him again.
"I'll leave" you finally declare reluctantly. Hanbin's eyes stops at you, frozen at your words, unknowingly his feet leading him forward towards you before he knocks himself out from his own trance, taking control of himself again,
"Ally what do you mean..?" His voice a little shaken, finding it hard to keep up his jerk act.
"Don't be like this anymore..." You tell him, "I'll leave so stop this....all of it" you beg, letting out a few dry coughs you've been holding in which only seemed to cause Hanbin to be more concerned. He reaches for you, his hands hesitating in front of you before roughly pulling it back to his side again, unable to even bring himself to assist you.
You didn't see him trying as you crouch over in an attempt to contain the cough. Your throat felt like it was burning, unable to force it back any longer as you push past him and out the door.
Regret began to consume him the moment you left him alone with his own thoughts, his stupid words clawing at his skin. He closes his eyes in an attempt to stop the hurt he saw on your face from reappearing as his grip on his phone tightens, 'you're an idiot' he told himself for the hundredth time that day not knowing if he'll ever get another chance with you again...
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