Chapter 1: This is so good asdfghjklñ I was waiting for one of those fics when the bad guy stayed with the principal character but no >u<
The end was so
Chapter 8: Squee! This is really good! Bear with me as I try to critique your work~
There are a few plotholes, those which I hope you are aware of (like from other comments? Didn't check though sorry ><) so you may wanna check those out. Secondly, try to have a clear distinction of character of narration and the actual characters. Some descriptions sounds normal in narration, but a little awkward in character speech, unless you make that their personality. Like the "just let me in Minhyuk" which sounds a little awkward in actual speech as a metaphorical sort of thing, I mean it could sound more appropriate if you're talking about penetration (ahem). Some other language issues like in an earlier chapter, "make his homework" you mean do his homework? :P or maybe it escaped the filters of the proofread?
And uh, maybe this is just me, but I got the feeling that they're disgusted with Jaehyo being gay in the first few chapters. I begin to understand that its just Minhyuk being a little and perhaps even being the gay one, thus tryna combat his own unacceptance of himself by rejecting and estranging himself from Jaehyo. Correct? :P but my point is, you could be a /little/ more clear about the situation. Just a suggestion.
There is something interesting going on with Minhyuk though, other than perhaps liking Jaehyo part. I like that :D
also where is PO ;_; can't wait for him to appear, wonder what character is going to get with a quiet one like Taeil?
Sorry for such a long comment ._.
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