I’m so sorry, Seulgi.

I know I promised.

I really tried, Seul.

There are still other comeback performances I can support you in.

Maybe next time? :(

I’m really, really sorry.

I promise I’ll make it up to you. :)

That’s how it was supposed to go, Seulgi thinks to herself. Those were a few of the three million texts supposedly appearing on her phone right now. That’s how apologetic and guilty and downright remorseful her boyfriend was supposed to be feeling. But as she continually repeated the supposed instances in her head, her blank lock screen—other than her wallpaper of a selca the two of them took a few months ago, was starting to look even more blank.

She tossed her phone away towards the other end of the couch, not realizing she was already verbally mouthing her thoughts until Sooyoung scowled next to her. “Ow, god unnie, that was a human being.” She fired, rubbing the part of her arm Seulgi’s phone hit. Seulgi’s head jerked towards Sooyoung’s high pitch of a voice. She was so absorbed in her frustrations; she didn’t even realize the younger one was there. “I’m not Jongin, I don’t deserve to be hit--”

Seulgi raised her fist on reflex, Sooyoung immediately dodging her direction. But she immediately stopped herself. “Sorry.” Seulgi mumbled quietly, sighing and retracting her hand. Yerim and Seunghwan giggled from their seats, getting their make up retouched up front near the mirrors. Joohyun silently shook her head from her own seat, knowing of Seulgi’s anxieties even without having to hear her rant. This has happened way too many times for her not to know. And it wasn’t anything she hasn’t experienced with Junmyeon. (Although, Junmyeon was too clingy to ever not apologize or leave her three million texts regardless of it being a special day or not). 

Seulgi knew she wasn’t supposed to be feeling like this. As she glanced around the audience during rehearsals, scrutinizing the entirety of backstage and maybe even the whole MNet building if she had the time and failing to find any trace of Kim Jongin other than that huge photo of EXO along one of the halls, she knew that what she was feeling was unacceptable. It wasn’t like she wasn’t used to it; Jongin ditching her. Two idols dating in general wasn’t formulated to be easy. Two idols hiding their relationship, per se. But one apology couldn’t hurt. One apology couldn’t have been much of a hassle. It is their first comeback for 2016, it is quite a relevant day. She was there for all his comebacks. She took all the risks. She always tried her best. But she also always apologized whenever she couldn’t be there to support him. Why couldn’t he do the same for her?

She heaved one more sigh. She really isn’t normally this clingy. But Jongin’s been in America for a month, and busy with the rest of their tour for weeks. The last she’s seen of him was a Facetime call from Kuala Lumpur and their surprise V-App broadcast in New York, with EXO’s Kai eating a burrito pre-concert and making little cute, annoying faces at the camera. Who knew eating a burrito could be that adorable? She shoved her face into her hands, groaning. She must be going insane. Insane or utterly bi-polar? Or both? “Save the emotions for the stage,” She felt a hand clap her shoulder, looking up to see Joohyun smiling down at her. “You’re going to ruin your make-up even before we go live.”

---

Seulgi scrolled through the last of the netizen’s comments after watching their performances today a gazillion times each, reviewing all the things she could improve on for the rest of their comeback stages. The comments were all fortunately pretty positive; other than the occasional and inappropriate ‘someone was being a lazy dancer’, or ‘someone’s foundation isn’t of the right shade’ comments, everything else left a grateful smile on her face. Also tonight, she managed to get back to the dorm later than the rest of the girls, but not as late as usual. She was too tired to overwork herself again like she normally does during comeback season. She let out a graceless yawn, not even bothering to cover . Joohyun was fast asleep on her bed at other side of their room already. Seulgi then decided to get some rest of her own as she exited the browser, forgetting that her goddamn wallpaper would appear again.

She paused for a moment, gawking at that boy’s (radiantly beautiful, ethereal, stunning, heaven-made) smile, his arm draped around her. For a second, she felt the hairs on her arm stand on end as she recalled the feeling of his touch. The feeling of his warmth. The feeling of him, with her. She gave her face another smack, locking her phone and not troubling to wait for it to fade to black before throwing it under her pillow.

She dropped down on her back in a rush, closing the lamp next to her bed in the process. The darkness instantly swallowed her up. And all the thoughts returned.

It’s okay if I only see you in my dreams, she thought of their title track’s lyrics. So, let’s meet again one of these nights.

God, she missed him. She missed his scent, his smile, his everything. She missed Jongin more than she could comprehend, more than she’d like to admit. If only, it didn’t have to be this hard. If only, fans wouldn’t throw all the hate for a ro