5. NEW BOOK SMELL

(everything in italics is a flashback)

When Kyungsoo gets home, he is still on his bed for a long while - soaking everything that has happened in.

He thinks that it wasn't, for the whole of it, too bad.

There was a light-hearted atmosphere for a good half hour of the time, and Kyungsoo used it to learn things about the various characters in his group and the group in general, for all it is and has been.

He knows that it was started by Yixing and, as a lesser leading figure, Junmyeon, and has been going on for a good few years now, aimed at teenagers only. Members have left and joined throughout this time but this is the current group as it stands, minus one who Kyungsoo is told will be lucky to meet within this week, given their selective presence. 

He learns that the nine in the group, not including the two leaders, have ages ranging from 16 and 19, though there have been 14 and 15 year olds in the past - even a single 13 year old a few years back.

When he is told that Tao is the youngest, his eyes bulged wide, even as Jongdae called out a, "don't believe him, he's actually a twenty-three-year-old assassin from China," which Tao just laughed at in a tinkling and childlike way and denied, even showing his ID for further proof - "every assassin knows how to fake an ID!" - which Kyungsoo finally acknowledged.

Within the group, Tao is who he's become fastest friends with.

It may be because the boy seems most understanding of his situation, where the others were slightly rash about how they spoke once he had introduced himself, became more rowdy after he had shown a sign of comfort, and - although it is something which he does not mind necessarily - he was glad for every time the younger boy chided someone (namely Jongdae) for being too blunt, or smoothly changed the subject when Kyungsoo showed any discomfort. 

That isn't to say, however, that Kyungsoo didn't open up, because he did - more than he would have anticipated. He is not sure how, but he has already developed something within this one session, something akin to security or content.

It is a safe environment, as the leaflet had advertised, but more than that it is an environment where each person has a common ground, a common need for help stemming from the same situation, though each one is individual.

In simple terms, there are people within the group who Kyungsoo thinks he can relate to, even though he has not heard their stories in full and has only gathered hints from personal observation and what has been willingly shared. 

They, too, might have learned a little about him today as well, just near the end when he finally spoke up in a discussion, and where Yixing had carried on the bird concept, but turned it serious quicker than he could comprehend.

"I want you to answer the question I asked before," he had said, tone calculated, "only this time I want you to think of the species of bird which best suits the person you fear most in this world."

The proposal had struck Kyungsoo dumb at first. He had only just really relaxed after following the conversation and seeing how light-hearted and easy the sessions appeared to be, but it was a false sense of calm.

It is something he had told himself to prepare for at the beginning - the concept of actually sharing something private even though he might be reluctant - but it had still jolted him. 

However, he thinks, Yixing is a master of conversation, where he did not detect a change in atmosphere until it was already well in and set and people had begun to share.

Not a single answer he heard was the same, and there are none that he can properly understand or make sense of now that he recalls them.

It was in those moments of sharing that he really realised each individual person has a story, and all as worse or even more so than his own. 

Yet, still, there are similarities in it too, where when he mulled over his own answer, and where birds of prey swum behind his lids as he thought of brooding sneers and a resounding crack from his leg, the expression he had worn was mirrored in every face - doused in a muted but unmistakable fear.

Today, Kyungsoo has realised that he is not the only one afraid.

Today, when Kyungsoo spoke up, it was inadvertent, but he knows now that going all in, and wholly so, is the only way to fight back.

"There isn't a particular bird," he had said, startling Tao who had just been about to smooth his way into another topic so Kyungsoo wouldn't have to respond to the few brooding pair of eyes around them.

Kyungsoo his lips, startling slightly when all attention sets on him and patient faces wait for him to continue. 

"There isn't a particular bird, but..." he repeats, eyes glaring into the floorboards, and then he just grimaces and shrugs his shoulders, unable to go on. 

There is a long silence before Tao saves him, and he does not speak the rest of his explanation.

"No matter what bird they are," is what he had nearly said, "They're higher than me. Whilst that bird might soar proudly and be known, I am alone and no one can hear me."

"Why were you late yesterday?"

Kyungsoo looks up, his cereal spoon frozen midway to his mouth and his round glasses halfway down his nose. 

His sister is eyeing him from the kitchen counter with an unreadable expression on her face, waiting for him to answer her question.

The spoon in his grip lowers and he drags his teeth over his lip, not biting down but still feeling an ache brew there when he pushes his glasses back up. 

"Just..." He says finally, and then his voice dies out and he gives a small shrug of his shoulders, poking at his now-soggy pieces of cereal. 

His sister gives him an appraising look and he shrinks in his seat, nibbling at the insides of his gums, waiting for her to turn stern, but instead he sees her expression flicker and change into one more guarded - softer in her eyes too.

"Kyungsoo," she prods gently, voice quiet and lulling, "no one... bothered you yesterday - did they?"

Kyungsoo stops a second, and it takes him a moment to understand the implication. 

Then he harrumphs into his cereal bowl, his fringe bobbing against his forehead, and says a short, "No." feigning petulance to hide the sharp pick in his heartbeat as his last exchange with his bullies flickers in his mind.

"Kyungsoo-" his sister pries, voice slightly firmer, but he clicks his tongue and looks to her with genuine eyes.

"It's okay," he assures, and when she opens to retort he tells her, "that wasn't why I was late anyway. They didn't do anything like that, really."

He makes a vague gesture to his body and the lack of further injury he shows, and Eun-seo sighs, shoulders relaxing slightly.

"Why were you late then?" She asks, brows crinkling.

His mouth falls open into something akin to a splutter as he wracks his brain for a response, but it is not needed when his sister's trilling ringtone suddenly sounds and they both startle. She sends him a long, calculated look, but still answers it, glancing at her watch and gesturing for him to hurry as she talks into the phone and goes out into the hallway to continue the discussion.

Kyungsoo breathes a sigh of relief. 

It is not that he doesn't trust his sister enough to tell him where he was straight out, but it is more that he doesn't know if being there will become routine, or if it may just be a one time thing. He cannot deny that he liked going there, and he must admit that he felt lighter coming out of it, but the idea of sharing is still one he cannot seem to accept, and he is unsure as of what to do next.

If he goes once, it can be called an encounter, but twice is a verge on routine and three times is reason enough to remember names (though he already knows them quite easily after three years of not having to remember any).

He is not sure if, today, he will choose to go, but he does know that doing so will make his life more complex, where he will have to lie to his parents and find a way to tell his sister. 

He is not afraid of either after doing both for so long, but something this big is not that easy to mask and even explain.

"Kyungsoo!" Eun-seo calls out, "come on, we're going to be late!"

The thoughts in his head scatter and he takes a look at the time, startling just slightly, before standing up with his crutches in hand and calling out a response.

His cereal bowl is left soggy and untouched on the table. 

Kyungsoo's eyes sparkle when he fast crutches into the library today, a slip of paper curled tight in his hand as he barrels towards the main desk, ten minutes before first bell is due to ring.

Within the note in his grasp are simple, monotone words typed in a simple, monotone font, to tell him that the book he has requested a month back is finally ready for him and should be picked up within 48 hours, or else he runs the risk of losing his hold on it. 

He finds the limit deft and excessive, where it only takes him five minutes or less to retrieve his requests after he has been informed of their arrival, but then again he might be one of the only few who does so. 

For if there is anything in the world Kyungsoo can fathom excitement for in any state or situation, it is in books.

The desk is in the very middle of the place, and the library itself is not very vast or extravagant being a school's one, where there are no high ceilings and olden day bookcases, no fireplaces and plush armchairs, no antique wooden desks to work upon, and nothing particularly splendorous at all. 

However, it is still Kyungsoo's favourite place in the world, and still the place he feels happiest going to.

In the library now, there is a queue of one or two people before him when he reaches the desk, and he suppresses the grumble of impatience in his throat and taps his good foot gently, bouncing on his crutches. 

He is slightly out of breath, and pale circles of red burn high in his cheeks from how far he has stumbled to get here, and he is hoping for the queue to go quick before the bell trills and he is sent back, told to come again at break time like he has experienced once or twice before. 

Behind him, he feels a presence as someone steps up, but it is a vague acknowledgement and all he is focused on is crutching forwards a step when someone finally leaves the line.

The next person is gone just as quickly, and he hurries onwards, smiling wide and ing the paper over with a, "I'm here to collect the book I requested!"

The librarian is startled slightly, but only smiles wide when she recognises Kyungsoo beaming down at her.

"Kyungsoo," she chirps. "I haven't seen you for a while!" 

Her gaze drags down and she frowns just slightly, "What happened?"

Kyungsoo follows her look and stops at the crutches in his grip, faltering a bit but then just shrugging his shoulders, still smiling.

"I guess I'm just clumsy..." He chuckles, but when her gaze then darts to his healing lip, he quickly adds, "the book..?"

She pauses for a second as if she might ask something else, but then she just grants a wobbly smile and leans over to grab it from the desk, where it is propped in front just like always, ready to be picked up.

Kyungsoo's expression brightens when he sees it, all crisp and new with a clear, sleek cover, and he has to suppress the urge to squeal aloud at the mere sight of it.

He quickly presses his finger against the scanner by the desktop before being asked, and the librarian laughs, checking the details which appear on her screen and typing up the relevant things.

Kyungsoo is still rather impatient, but then a stamp is pressed to the slip on the first page, marking the return date, and the book is being closed and pressed forwards with a, "all done!" and he really does squeal a little, picking it up and pressing it to his chest.

"Thank you!" He says, heart-shaped lips pulled up in a happy laugh as he bows his head and whips around, hobbling out of the way by a few steps.

His fingers fiddle with the front page, jittery with excitement, and he opens it up, smiling at how crisp the spine feels against his palm. With gentle motions, he presses a finger between two pages halfway through the book, and drags it open to lay across the expanse of his hands.

He lowers his head a little, his dark fringe dipping against his forehead, and then presses his nose between the pages there, hunched over just slightly when he leans in close and takes a long, carrying sniff.

And then a soft sigh slips past his heart shaped lips, spurred by the new book smell that resonates there.

He drags his face down again, taking another whiff, and breathes out happily again, toes practically curling.

If there is any scent in the world which Kyungsoo could never get tired of smelling, the scent which would undoubtedly show through if a love potion were to tempt him, it is of fresh ink across a page, a new assortment of words still unread, and of the crisp aroma of parchment which has turned cold; a new book smell in all it's simplistic beauty.

His eyes shut contently and he smiles at the scent which hangs in the air, losing focus on everything that surrounds him, so that the voice which now calls out his name has him startling and whipping around fast, breath caught in his throat.

It is Jongin who stands behind him, lips pulled up almost indiscernibly and wearing an expression that Kyungsoo cannot understand, but then he realises that he has been there the whole time and has probably just seen him sniffing a book and Jesus ing Christ why must bad things happen to good people?

"Jong-gin," he wheezes out, voice breaking embarrassingly as a blush spreads across his face. "F-fancy seeing you here!"

Jongin looks amused and raises a brow, taking a glance around at their surroundings. "At the school library?" He questions, tilting his head to the side.

Kyungsoo splutters and Jongin only chuckles, a resonating sound that shocks Kyungsoo slightly as he has never heard it before, or at least not from this close and in his own company. 

Kyungsoo blinks furiously and Jongin opens his mouth to say something else, but the bell suddenly trills through the stillness of the library and Kyungsoo startles.

"See you then!" he says quickly, and then he's crutching his way out of there before he can be stopped, ignoring the rumbling chuckle which sounds from where he has just left.

Kyungsoo has his nose deep in his new book for the entirety of the short fifteen minute break time, and he is utterly immersed when the bell for next period rings and he is forced to go to class.

His thoughts are spiralling with all he has read and the urge to continue makes him contemplate hiding the book beneath the desk during this period, something he has not done in months. 

However, he plans so much so that he forgets what this class is, and what it really means, until he's through the door and there are already three figures looming over him.

"Hey ," is the greeting he gets, just like always but still enough to make him flinch, shrink back and tighten the grip around his crutches.

"Whatcha reading?" One of them asks, and he blanches when the book in his hand beside the crutch is wrenched out and handed over to the leader, who holds it loosely by the spine and examines it with scanning eyes. He follows the movement, reaching a hand out to take it back, but another pushes him away so he nearly falls, and the leader holds it up higher - out of his reach.

"Is everything you do gay?" One of the boys chortles, clapping a hand down onto the leader's shoulder and laughing loud, obscenely, when he reads the book's title and sees that it is a romance novel.

The leader does not laugh along with the other two, but his eyes are hard and he appears more angered by something rather than amused, and Kyungsoo is proven right when a hand comes up to grip at his collar and he almost tumbles over his own crutches when he is pulled forwards, a few coos from the class sounding to show an audience has grown.

"Why is it that everything you do makes me want to beat you up?" The leader asks, and even the others seem shocked by the venom in his tone, the iciness that spreads a slick of fear through Kyungsoo's body.

"The books you read, the things you do, even the way you breathe," the leader expands, eyes glinting dangerously, and he loosens his grip with a harsh tug down, expression twisted into one of disgust which Kyungsoo is more than accustomed to by now.

The crowd of spectators are stirring on the sidelines, relishing in the tension that soaks them and the prospect of another fight, but Kyungsoo is still, even as the leader leans back slightly after whispers from the two by his side and gestures towards the crutches in his hold, a silent warning, a 'not when he is like this'. 

He thinks they might go easy, but there is a buzz in the class which cannot be muted, and people have begun to shout out for a fight and for something to happen, words vulgar and harsh and stirring so that Kyungsoo can see the leader's neck tense near his jaw, and his eyes glint again - hard.

The leader lifts his arm to Kyungsoo's face and Kyungsoo only now remembers his book, his eyes now widening when he sees how it is being held carelessly by the cover, the other pages fanning out spectacularly as the crowd stirs again.

The hand around the book lifts higher and another comes up to the top, clutching there as if to rip down, and Kyungsoo's eyes widen tenfold, appalled.

"That's a library book." He says suddenly, surprising himself by the slight bristle in his tone and the spectators too, who woo out and bustle with more noise now that Kyungsoo has said something back.

The leader raises a brow, snarling slightly, and his eyes darken at Kyungsoo, who, for once, squints his eyes and stands his ground, even reaches a hand out to snatch at the book again but the leader moves back in time, eyes glinting dangerously as the crowd erupts.

His knuckles tense again, and his grip tightens so that when he drags down, a small tear forms over the cover and Kyungsoo releases a breath, eyes widening exponentially.

"What are you going to do?" The leader asks, and the crowd coos along with the two behind him as he rips all the way down and the cover falls to the ground, where the school slip glares at Kyungsoo and his breathing quickens, hands clenching at his crutches.

"What will you ever do about it?" he continues, tone harsh as he moves his hands and lands a clear tear across several pages, letting the bottom halves scatter to Kyungsoo's feet and crumble there, words shining up at Kyungsoo in a sick taunt, tarnished midway.

"What can you do about it?" He asks then, and Kyungsoo's eyes are watering angrily when he begins to tear down the very middle, breaking through the spine, and the spectators roar in approval as Kyungsoo stands there, numb, with his lip tugged between his bottom teeth.

The leader chuckles harshly and there are clear tears swimming in Kyungsoo's eyes, clumping near the edge of his lashes, whilst the crowd around them roars at the display. Kyungsoo can see the boy revelling in the applaud and the coos that surround, but as he slowly and deliberately rips through the spine, knuckles taut and grip harsh, a hand comes forward and shoves him back - abruptly and with a fair amount of force.

Kyungsoo gapes when someone steps up into the space where the leader had been mere seconds before, and startles when he sees that it is Lee Taemin, Jongin's best friend.

The leader has stumbled back from the fall, dropping the book at the impact, and now fumes forward, only to be cut off by Taemin who speaks aloud - voice resonating and clear.

"Things like this really annoy me," he says, and Kyungsoo has never heard him sound so cold, never seen him look so serious as he rolls his neck around and sets hard eyes on the three before him - livid.

"Stay out of this, Taemin," the leader snarls, standing up straight to try to match the extra couple of inches Taemin has on him. "I don't want to have to fight you too."

Taemin chuckles harshly at this and his head to the side, Kyungsoo noticing when his fists uncurl and then tighten once more - set hard and spreading a white over his knuckles.

"I'd like to see you try," he responds, and when the leader's eyes darken at this Kyungsoo flinches back.

He hastily blinks away the tears in his eyes and pulls out of his crutches so he can lean down to pick up the pieces of his book before the leader grants him his attention once more, keeping his head down and simultaneously trying to avoid aggravating his leg.

He thinks that this situation is far worse than a week back, where a punch in the face is nothing compared to this, nothing compared to wrecking this one thing he actually cares about. He tears up again as he gathers the shredded pages, a frustration brewing from within, along with a sadness and an anger too.

"Taemin-" he hears the leader warn again from above, and he risks a glance up when Taemin interrupts again, expression fierce.

"Don't do this again," he says, a finality in his tone that has Kyungsoo looking down once more, scared of being noticed. "It's such a bore."

Kyungsoo blinks furiously at the ground, and then leans over to pick up another torn piece further off, only to startle back when another hand reaches there before him - larger and more calloused around the knuckles.

He looks up, eyes still teary, and stops breathing when he sees Jongin beside him, crouched down and crowding around him to reach over and collect the torn pages.

The younger boy does not say anything, but gathers everything quickly and efficiently, Kyungsoo frozen in place and shocked - unsure of this situation and how new it feels - to be helped.

When everything has been gathered, he makes to rise, and Jongin's arm is there, supporting him up as the leader speaks up again, his voice a low growl.

"What are you two, his bodyguards?" The leader sneers. "Are you all friends now or something?"

Kyungsoo ducks his head to avoid the leader's eyes, settling back into his crutches and holding the torn book close to his chest, lower lip wobbling when he inspects its state from up close, and all the tears that tarnish it, the beautiful spine ripped near in two.

"I really suggest that you stop speaking to me like that," Taemin ripostes, enunciating each individual word. There is clear bitterness in his tone, and a muted threat there too, and Kyungsoo sees how the leader loses some resolve, his hard set glare faltering when Taemin takes a step closer. "It's really aggravating," he continues, still edging forwards, "to hear you talking in that way." And here he is now looming over the leader, face close and infuriated whilst the crowd around is silent. "You acting as if you are higher than everyone else," he goes on, voice venomous and carrying, "is just one of the many reasons why you are nothing more than scum."

Kyungsoo's mouth falls agape and a tension spreads through the room, a palpable apprehension that suffocates all who are watching.

To Kyungsoo's knowledge, no one has ever stood up to the leader before, though it is clear from observation and whispers in the hallways that he is disliked by the majority of students who reside at this school. 

It makes Kyungsoo's breath hitch in his throat, and a rigid expectancy that something bad is about to happen blossom as an unpleasant truth, and he wants to lean forwards and pull Taemin back, but knows he is far too weak for something like that.

Instead, he waits, and watches closely when the leader's eyes fume for a moment, alight with a provoked anger, but then dart one way and back in a flash so that they falter - sheathing the boy in an uncanny plainness.

Kyungsoo is close to leaning in and just asking what's wrong, why isn't anything happening, but in a sudden motion too fast to react to, the leader drops to the ground with a sharp groan, and bunches his left leg to his chest where he rubs there softly and his face contorts into one of pain.

Kyungsoo blinks.

And then he looks to Taemin, brows furrowing, confusion evident in his features. 

Did Taemin hit him? He thinks.

But no, Taemin seems just as shocked, along with the class around and (when Kyungsoo risks a glance) Jongin by his side.

"What the hell are you doing?" Taemin growls, teeth clenched tightly when he takes another step forward. 

The leader, in response, only groans out some more - louder, with a greater ferocity, and wearing an expression twisted more harshly than before.

Taemin frowns at the action, and moves forwards even closer, his feet pressing at the leader's legs, but a sharp shout makes him stop and the whole class whips around to stare at the open door.

"What," is the first word spoken, the teacher's face stern as she sees the scene before her, "is going on?!"

Kyungsoo flinches at the severe tone used, shrinking back and huddling into himself some more.

Taemin, conversely, turns livid, staring back at the leader by his feet in muted understanding, who only grants a split second smirk his way before the pained face reemerges once more and another groan spills out - loud and prolonged.

"Taemin kicked him, Miss!" One of the boy's says, voice urgent and angered and whole role in place when he leans down to help the whining leader up.

The teacher takes clacking steps forwards, dropping the books in her hand upon her desk with a harsh finality before approaching the situation, the leader now propped into standing by his two cronies by his side.

Taemin does not deny it though, even if his eyes are burning holes into the leader's skull as he ducks down again, whining out in false pain. 

The teacher turns stern at this silence and looks Taemin's way, but in that split second turn she catches Kyungsoo's eye and stops, mouth falling agape and worry lines forming in her forehead as she steps past Taemin and towards the other.

Kyungsoo looks like a mess. The collar of his shirt has been tugged out and his uniform messed around his neck, but more than that is the pile of torn pages in his arms and, on his face, his eyes are damp around the edges and still watery now, nose a faint pink colour and cheeks an even darker shade too. 

"Kyungsoo?" The teacher asks, and his jaw hardens by the soft tone he is granted, the subtle sympathy that is always there whenever he stares into the eyes of his closer teachers or is forced to listen to their soothing words of comfort. 

Even if the teachers make no real action, there are only few who do not know of his situation, and even less who attempt to do something about it once they realise - perhaps by keeping him separate from his bullies during class, but never anything more. 

He knows there are some who do not act because they are too lazy, and others because they do not want the hassle, but what is even worse is the ones who try to help, because they are all the same.

For their motive behind helping him stay out of harm's way is to keep one of their top students healthy enough to take an exam, and not to aid a person who needs to be helped.

For the welfare of their students is almost nothing compared with the prospect of a raise.

For, deep down, they do not sincerely care - not at this school, anyway. 

And so Kyungsoo does not like any of them, and has not done so for a long, long while.

"What happened?" She prods, reaching a hand out to rest on Kyungsoo's shoulder, and he has to suppress the urge to pull back or shy away. 

Instead, he lifts his head a little and meets the teacher's eyes for a split second, and then he only drops his own pair to the ground and presses his lips together, silent just like always.

It takes a few moments of hapless coaxing for the teacher to get the message, and when she finally backs away and Kyungsoo looks up again, the leader is giving him a praising look - a pull of his lips at both corners that makes Kyungsoo sick to his stomach.

Good job, the look says. Well done, for keeping quiet - just like you always do.

It is really no surprise when the teacher gives up and sends all six of them to the main office.

A/N

this went too far

Hope you liked et ;D

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