35. DATE

---

wasn't intentional, but ended up posting this on the same day it is in the fic! Happy Birthday Jongin

 

“Jongin, where are you taking me?”

Kyungsoo finally asks the question he’s been holding back ever since they’d stepped onto this bus ten minutes ago, and his surroundings had begun to transform through the windows around them - increasingly unfamiliar. Before this, the two had met at a cafe a short walk from school to change out of their uniform and into some warm winter clothes, and Jongin had then led them to a bus stop and onto this bus without even so much as a hint as to their destination.

Jongin laughs now, in his chest, the vibrations thrumming down his arm and reverberating up against Kyungsoo’s own where their sides are pressed together, so Kyungsoo feels Jongin’s laugh more than he hears it.

“It’s still a secret.” Jongin doesn’t budge, his eyes shining in amusement as he looks Kyungsoo’s way. “You’re not very good with surprises, are you?”

“I don’t think I’m used to them, is all...” Kyungsoo explains. In these past couple of days, he’s been granted with more surprises than he’s had in all of the other years of his life put together. He looks around himself now, squinting at his surroundings. “I don’t even know what neighbourhood this bus is taking us to.”

“What,” Jongin hums the word, turning Kyungsoo’s way, “you don’t trust me?”

He’s teasing - if the shining eyes and the amused curl to his lips are anything to go by. Kyungsoo’s own lips tug up at the corners in response.

“What if I don’t?” He ripostes, wriggling his brows.

Jongin erupts in a short but loud laugh, his smile stretching and eyes crinkling in ill-contained amusement. It feels somehow intimate then: the way Jongin looks at him. Open and bright and fixated. Kyungsoo doesn’t think he’s ever felt so pinned by a stare in this way before. The happiness Jongin shows to him then makes Kyungsoo shyer than he would’ve felt had the eyes been heated instead.

He finally breaks beneath it, gaze darting away and head bowing. “Okay,” he admits, exhaling a shaky breath. “Of course, I trust you.”

“You do?” Jongin asks for confirmation, dragging it out. Kyungsoo peaks up at him, and that same smile is still on his face - just muted.

“You don’t have to ask,” he replies honestly, keeping his head down.

He still sees it though when Jongin suddenly and swiftly moves closer, lips hovering by Kyungsoo’s cheek, proximity nonexistent. Kyungsoo stiffens, acutely aware of the few passengers scattered on the bus around them.

“If you really trust me...” Jongin’s voice is a whisper, each word enunciated with care. “Then we have to...” Kyungsoo stays frozen, but his ears are picked and he doesn’t move away. “...have to...” Jongin moves so close that his hot breath sears the skin over Kyungsoo’s cheeks, “... change buses.”

Kyungsoo blinks, and Jongin is on his feet, the bus having drawn to a halt without him realising. He knows the heat on his face isn’t just from Jongin’s breath, and curses internally at the boisterous laugh Jongin releases when he looks back Kyungsoo’s way and sees him still sat in place. Kyungsoo grumbles a bit but he quickly follows.

They make one more bus change before they reach their final stop only a short while after. “It’s a ten-minute walk from here now,” Jongin informs him as they step off and onto the pavement. “’Won’t be long.”

Kyungsoo looks about himself as they set off, trying to see if he recognises anything, but it’s nowhere he’s been before - a part of the city he’s never touched. They walk at first through busier streets, the ones with higher-rise buildings and bustling coffee shops on each corner for the people starting their working day. Eventually though, the streets turn quieter, like the atmosphere is holding its breath. They start to instead walk past closed-up pojangmachas and family-run restaurants - still too early in the day for a lunchtime rush. When they get to being surrounded by houses is when Kyungsoo starts to get confused.

Was their destination one of these houses? He didn’t know what else it could be, and Jongin didn’t seem to be stopping anytime soon.

But before he can ask about it, Jongin finally makes a turning that changes the landscape. Between a few houses, Jongin guides him down a path that he might’ve missed had Jongin not stepped towards it. Flanked at first by houses on either side that cast it in shadows, Kyungsoo stares at what is ahead of them - a stretch of stony pavement and then a long, cobbly staircase, moving up and up to a mirage of greenery at its peak.

They walk the first few short paces soundlessly, stepping into the shadowed alley. It’s bright enough out that the path is still visible, and it’s doesn’t take them long to reach the stairs. Before Jongin takes the first step though, he turns and stops. Kyungsoo follows suit, blinking back at the taller in question, until Jongin finally stretches a hand out for him in invitation to take. Kyungsoo looks to it, then back to Jongin’s face - hesitating in place.

“There’s no one here to see,” Jongin says as the only thing. “Trust me.”

The same word as before. Kyungsoo looks at Jongin’s eyes, and his heart calms. Soundlessly, he reaches out, meeting Jongin’s hand in the middle and intertwining their fingers.

Jongin smiles at the move, and then turns to keep guiding them - this time by their connected hands. He moves up the stairs slowly, Kyungsoo matching his pace. His fingers twitch against Jongin’s own as they move, and it’s the first time he forgets to think about where it is they might be going, relishing instead in their held hands and the wind against his face and the fact that both together makes him feel more normal than he ever dared he and Jongin would be allowed. Holding hands with the person you care for, even as so small an act of affection, is something Kyungsoo never believed he could experience out in the open without a trail of accusing eyes and cries of outrage. But Jongin was right - there was no one around. In this moment, they could be the only two people alive: taking each step onwards without any eyes to judge them for it.

And at the last few steps of the stairs, Kyungsoo starts to see why Jongin has taken him here. He breathes out tersely, awed, hesitating when they finally reach the summit.

Stretched out before them, so wide it has no visible end, is the city of Seoul - their home. In the front are the landscapes of small South Korean neighbourhoods and winding streets like the one they’d just ventured down, but in the back, looming and blurred by a touch of fog, are the skyscrapers of Seoul - tall, uniform things propelling out as beautiful, urban hallmarks of the city. Above it all is the grey sky, tinted with streaks of light orange from the sunlight shielded by the morning fog, and deep blue on the outskirts. Even with the imperfect whether, with the indubitable drabness and normality of the day, something about seeing the sky like that takes Kyungsoo’s breath away - he hadn’t expected it to still look so beautiful, so timeless on a morning this ordinary.

Kyungsoo has lived in South Korea his whole life, but he has never seen it before him in this way - endless, stretching to beyond his vision, a reminder once more of how big the world could be.

“Wow,” he breathes, taking a few more steps forwards to the edge of the landing, (Jongin following by their still-connected hands) and to the short fence running its parameter. “Jongin, this is...” he trails off, unable to find the words.

“I know.”

Kyungsoo tears his gaze away to look at Jongin, eyes searching. “Where is this place?”

Jongin smiles - the softest smile he’s shown all day. “I hate to sound cliché, but this,” he tugs his arm forward, the one where their hands are connected, and looks back to the magnificent view, “is my secret hideout.”

Kyungsoo follows his gaze, staring out at their beautiful city. The wind rushes around them where they stand together, out towards the view - as if inviting them closer. “It’s amazing,” he breathes, eyes darting every which way, trying to take all of it in at once.

“It’s not the biggest secret ever, I guess,” Jongin starts, stepping forward and looking out in the same way as Kyungsoo is. “I actually found it together with my family when we all got lost after attending a wedding here, and we all just... fell in love with the view,” he explains.

“I don’t blame you,” Kyungsoo breathes, a smile stretching across his face as he looks out to the sky.

“It was then, and still is, breathtaking,” Jongin agrees. “And so on that night when we first found it, we stayed here a long time. Just talking...” he trails off, and when Kyungsoo looks to him, the sky and all its vastness is reflected in the orbs of his eyes. “Something about this view, about the sky from here... it invites you to be vulnerable. To be honest.” He huffs out here - a short, disbelieving laugh - and he turns back to Kyungsoo. “I’m not making much sense, am I?”

Kyungsoo smiles back at him, small but genuine, and looks out again. They’re silent for a moment, Kyungsoo mulling over Jongin’s words. “No,” he says eventually. “I can understand what you mean...” he agrees. The sky is truly transfixing from this viewpoint, and Kyungsoo understands what Jongin means by it inviting you - he doesn’t think he’s ever seen the sky look so vast, so big before him. It feels safe somehow: to exist, and to live, shielded beneath something so cosmic.

“Since then it become a tradition of ours to go back here every year,” Jongin says. “But we’ve missed the last couple of years...”

Kyungsoo stares Jongin’s way again, noticing the forlorn tone to his words.

“Why?” He questions, giving the boy’s hand a short squeeze.

Jongin shrugs, not turning to meet his gaze. “Life gets busy. I’ve grown older. I think they think I don’t care about it much anymore.”

“But... that isn’t true?”

“That’s the joy of growing up, I guess,” Jongin’s smile is wry. “People think you grow out of everything... This place has always been great for me, though. I go here a lot to think - whenever I need to. It really... clears my head.”

Kyungsoo hums, eyes intent on Jongin’s face. He looks faraway, lost in his thoughts. Kyungsoo squeezes his hand again.

“You know, I actually went here on the day I came out to the school,” Jongin declares then. “I spent hours just sat down, thinking and looking around whilst I sat.” He turns at last to meet Kyungsoo’s gaze, something bare and open to his expression. “It’s what made me go to the support group session on that day.”

Kyungsoo frowns, “what does that mean?”

“What I mean is,” his eyes are shining again. “It’s the first time I’d been here alone and realised I didn’t actually want to be - alone I mean. I wanted you to see it with me. I wanted to just see you, I guess...” Jongin’s grip on his hand tightens for a moment, and, more than the words, it’s this gesture that makes Kyungsoo smile - a small, quivering smile.

“I’m glad you showed me,” he says in response, eyes falling shut a moment too long to shun away the threat of tears.

It was still so hard sometimes for Kyungsoo to believe that the man before him now could care for him so much, even with all the evidence from their time together has begun to start piling up. Moments like these - where that care is so prevalent - are thus overwhelming beyond words.

If Jongin notices the short display of emotion, he doesn’t say anything about it. Instead, for a long while, they stay like that - still and soundless, staring out together.

“I’ve been here tens of times but it looks different each time.” Jongin says, and when Kyungsoo looks his way, he sees the view reflected in his eyes.

“What does it look like now?”

Jongin fixes him with a look - like molten lava in its intensity. But it isn’t harsh, nor threatening.

“It looks like the world has stopped moving for us.” Jongin evokes, and something about it is immediately and wholly overwhelming in a way Kyungsoo can’t explain. Kyungsoo falters, eyes darting away beneath that stare and what it means, and he tries to process why his heart is pounding.

When he looks back, he sees it: plainer than day, and more fiercely than Jongin has ever shown to him before, is a sincerity Kyungsoo didn’t realise him to be capable of. A dream of longevity. A promise. I will combat the world by your side.

A sudden resolve steals through Kyungsoo’s body.

“I have your birthday present.” he blurts out, taking advantage of the bout of courage that hits him. He feels Jongin turn immediately to stare at him, and he blushes without help.

“You got me a present?” Jongin repeats numbly.

Kyungsoo breathes out, turning his head so he can peak Jongin’s way without meeting his eyes. “It’s... not really perfect but... yes. Of course, I got you a present.” He confirms, tongue darting out to swipe over his suddenly dry lips. The wind clings hungrily to the saliva there.

He digs into his jacket pocket. In the morning rush, he’d tucked the paper with the song into their last-minute - just in case. He didn’t know he would have the strength to actually retrieve it.

When he finds it, he finally releases Jongin’s hand to hold the paper between both of his own, and this time he looks Jongin directly in the eye, “I wanted to do something special for your birthday, so... I wrote you this song.” He reaches out to Jongin’s still open palm, and hands over the paper, lingering until Jongin’s fingers curl up to take it from him. He’s too intent on that move to regard the expression on Jongin’s face, but he feels eyes fixated to him.

“I... finished it last night,” he reveals. It had been a solid couple of hours straight dedication after Jongin’s birthday dinner, but the words had swum out - Kyungsoo doesn’t remembering feeling this proud of one of his songs in a very long time. “I really hope you like it.” He looks up, and meets Jongin’s heavy gaze, granting a tremulous smile his way. “Happy birthday.”

Maybe it’s in Kyungsoo’s head, but the wind around them seems to still in that moment - Kyungsoo can see it from the paper, and how it stops rustling in Jongin’s grip. Though the clouds are still graphite and ice, and the cold still biting, it feels like Winter holds its breath along with Kyungsoo just then - like the whole world has halted to see this moment through.

Jongin unfurls the paper, and starts to read. Kyungsoo looks with him, tries to follow what line he might be at. His gaze ends up darting between the paper and back up to Jongin’s face, wanting to keep up but also not wanting to miss a single nuance to Jongin’s expression.

Kyungsoo knows he’s done when he hears the slow, shaky breath Jongin takes in and out at the end. In tandem, the paper starts to rustle again.

Even though he’s finished, he doesn’t immediately speak. Instead, he takes more of those trembling, audible breaths, in and out, in and out, in and out a few times more, until Kyungsoo looks closer and sees his eyes beginning to fill with tears.

“Oh- Jongin-“ he starts in a panic, reaching a hand out to turn Jongin’s face his way, but his hand is caught and halted by Jongin’s own - trapped between their forms.

“Kyungsoo- these lyrics are...” Jongin breathes, his pupils flitting every which way over Kyungsoo’s face, as if he can’t bring himself to decide where to settle. “I didn’t know...”

How strongly you felt, Kyungsoo finishes for him in his head, the words going unspoken, hanging in the space between them.

“Yeah,” Kyungsoo agrees, guiding their hands down to rest between their bodies. “It’s... all true though. Of course.” He supplies. “This is how I feel.”

Jongin’s lips curl up at the corners, and his tears are held back even though his eyes are still shining. He looks back to the paper, “it’s amazing, Kyungsoo. I wish I could understand the chords, though. I want to hear it in my head.”

Kyungsoo’s eyes widen, and he blinks a few too many times. “Wait, you can’t read chords?”

Jongin shakes his head no, looking a little sheepish. “Never properly learnt it I guess, but it’s fine - I‘d learn them to hear this any day.”

And it’s that: that is the reason Kyungsoo has fallen so hard for this boy. He’s not pushy about anything, he doesn’t rush anything. Though there was an obvious, glaring solution to his not being able to hear this song, it’s as if it hadn’t even crossed his mind. This- this is why Kyungsoo is so affected by Jongin, why he even could concoct such a song in the first place. He is in love, and if it wasn’t already clear to Jongin, Kyungsoo wanted to tell him in a whole new way.

“Can I see it again?” He asks, gesturing vaguely to the paper.

Jongin’s frowns suspiciously. “Will you give it back?” He questions, moving his hand further back slightly and away from Kyungsoo’s reach.

Kyungsoo laughs, his heart swelling in his chest. “Jongin it’s yours, of course I’ll give it back,” he assures.

It takes a couple more seconds of avid eye contact for Jongin to finally hand the paper over. Kyungsoo retrieves it with a smile, and releases his hand from Jongin’s own (an action met by a disapproving hum) to grip the paper with both, stretching it out before him.

“Close your eyes?”

“Why?”

“You don’t trust me?” Kyungsoo repeats Jongin’s words from earlier, and Jongin can only laugh. After a moment though, he does let his eyes fall shut - a small smile playing on his lips.

Kyungsoo stares a moment longer, making sure he won’t peek, and then he takes a deep, shuddery breath - in and out. His eyes fall shut, lips pursed.

And then, he starts to sing.

His heart is pounding, but he goes through the starting words just fine, and his confidence begins to grow. He practiced just yesterday - not with the purpose of performing it, but simply in his composing process - and it makes things a bit easier. He’d learned the lyrics with ease, and they flow like they’re more practiced than they truly are. He still has to pause here and there as he warbles through it in full for the first time, figuring out his breathing, but he doesn’t stop before he’s done, and when he’s done he keeps his eyes shut.

Silence ensues.

Kyungsoo’s cheeks are so hot. He already knew the song was personal and lovey, but singing it aloud makes him shy, and even with his eyes shut he is sure Jongin is staring intently his way.

When the quiet drags too long, he peeks an eye open, and then the other follows after when he sees Jongin’s face.

Jongin looks... he looks strange. He’s wearing an expression on his face that Kyungsoo has never seen before, and that he can’t quite decipher. Kyungsoo swallows in his throat, suddenly unsure.

“I-“ he starts, but he’s cut off straightaway by Jongin’s lips pressing against his own, stealing his words and his breath in a kiss. He gasps into it, surprised by the move, but it doesn’t take him long to press back - as gentle yet as hard as Jongin does to him.

When Jongin pulls back, he stays close so that their breath mingles, and his eyes barely open.

“You really are perfect...” he evokes, as if mesmerised.

Kyungsoo is sure his cheeks must be burning by now, even in the cold weather. “Oh- I-“ he trails off, not even sure where to look. He does, however, pull an inch back so he can see Jongin better, clearing his throat - embarrassed, but happy- proud.

“Your voice is beautiful, and I love the song,” Jongin assures, thumb over the skin of Kyungsoo’s own. “Is it the song you’re going to sing for the showcase?”

Kyungsoo blinks, and the question brings him slightly back into reality. He hadn’t even considered it: making this song his showcase song. “I don’t know.” He answers honestly.

“It’s an amazing song,” Jongin says. “I already knew you were a talented singer, but I didn’t realise how talented you were as a songwriter as well.”

Kyungsoo smiles, turning his head to the side. “You... really think so?”

“Yes,” Jongin doesn’t even hesitate. “And I think it would be an amazing song to sing, if you wanted to.”

Kyungsoo ponders over Jongin’s words. He knows it would satisfy Ryeowook - to have a song written. And it’s one of his favourite songs he’s ever composed too. Moreover, it won’t really be set in stone yet, would just be an option for Ryeowook to see - plenty of time to think. Really it... might be a good idea.

“You... really think it’s good for the showcase?” Kyungsoo asks anyway. “The lyrics are so... personal.”

Jongin smiles. He takes his other hand and places it gently over their joined ones, so the folded song paper is held between them both. “I mean... isn’t all music?” He speaks in a quieter voice, like it’s a secret.

Kyungsoo’s features soften, the worry in his brow easing. Of course, Jongin is right. It’s the first thing Ryeowook taught him when he’d been getting into songwriting, and had been nervous about what he could write.

“Sing the things that you can’t say”, is what Ryeowook had said. He never wanted Kyungsoo to stop himself from being personal in his music - in fact, he encouragedthe exact opposite. And it’s this lesson more than any other that has helped Kyungsoo get back into music these past months: as his life has transformed, as he has met more people, as he has fallen in love - all of these instances have driven him into creative spirals like none he could compare with his past. And it’s been making him so happy too: to use this outlet, and hear the music he can make when he has people who inspire him to do it. He doesn’t think he’s ever been prouder of his work of recent, and it isn’t just this song - it’s everything.

Kyungsoo realises it in that moment: singing and writing hasn’t just randomly happened in these months - they’ve come because he has felt. Severely and wholly, without holding back. He has felt sadder than he has ever felt in his life at times, and more frightened too than he ever recalls feeling, but, oh, he’s felt mirth and joy like none other, evoked laughter in new tunes and worn smiles his face has never known, and yes, yes he has loved - loved his first love, his last, with an ardour he never anticipated he could.

If feeling is what has made his passion soar, then all he wants is to feel, and if this song is the portrayal of that want, then he isn’t sure he wants to keep it to himself this time.

He turns to Jongin, chest pounding and heart-shaped lips peeling into a smile. “Okay,” he agrees, “this is the song.” He takes his other hand, and places it gently atop the growing pile - four hands stacked.

Jongin beams back. “This is the song,” he agrees.

-

They eat lunch in one of the small, Japanese udon restaurants in the neighbourhood - no longer holding hands (Kyungsoo tries to pretend that that doesn’t disappoint him). The food is delicious, and it feels nice: spending the day together like this. Kyungsoo wishes they could do it more.

As they stand to pay, the older lady at the counter scans them with her eyes. Kyungsoo stiffens under the stare, at his lips, but then the lady smiles brightly, and her little beetle eyes shine with joy.

“You two are a sweet couple,” she offers as she takes the money. Both Kyungsoo and Jongin, by his side, fluster at the complement, and the suddenness of it.

“Oh- thank you,” Jongin manages as the lady shuffles change into his hand and smiles even wider.

As they leave to wander around after, Kyungsoo thinks of the exchange - cheeks now less red - and finds himself smiling.

“I never expected people could react like that,” he says to Jongin. He’s only ever really seen and expected bad reactions from strangers. “It felt... really nice.”

“I know,” Jongin agrees, “though I still don’t understand how she sussed us out”.

Kyungsoo hadn’t even thought of that: they hadn’t been holding hands, and hadn’t done anything too outwardly couple-y - that they’d thought anyway.

He thinks there might have been a time that that realisation would have scared him, but it doesn’t today: maybe it’s because they’re a fair amount away from their homes, where no one will know them, or maybe it’s because Yixing has talked extensively about how things might be changing, and about how people around the world are become more accepting of them. Kyungsoo isn’t sure he truly believed it before now, but seeing it has lifted his spirits even more today than they already were.

"I'm glad she did," Kyungsoo decides then, his smile turned teasing. "And I'm glad she found us sweet."

---

They take a bus back home to get them back for the support group (though just marginally late), and it’s when they’re walking through the centre hallways that Kyungsoo thinks of the group members, and the last time that they were all gathered.

“They’re going to be so curious about what’s happened with us...” he voices aloud.

Jongin smiles at the words, directly Kyungsoo’s way, and his face turns thoughtful. He halts abruptly, Kyungsoo following suit in surprise. He stares blankly Jongin’s way, his big eyes wide and wondering, but then Jongin reaches out and grabs a hold of Kyungsoo’s hand - loose at first, like a suggestion, and then firm and real straight after.

“I don’t want them to be,” he responds as the only thing, so plain and forthright that Kyungsoo can’t help but to fluster. “If... that’s okay with you?”

Kyungsoo can’t muster a response other than an embarrassingly jagged nod and a flash of a heart from his lips.

Walking into the support group session ten minutes late and hand-in-hand, garners the reaction they’d both been expecting.

“Oh ho, PAY UP ERS!”

“Took you long enough.”

“How do you always guess right-“

“Eurgh-“

“Finally.”

“You need to stop placing bets on our love life,” Jongin says as the group members bicker amongst themselves. Kyungsoo would say something smart back, but he’s too busy digesting the use of the word ‘love’ in Jongin’s description of them, and how it makes him glow.

Jongdae is standing now, bumbling about the circle to collect money from his various defeated victims.

“You’re a crook, a crook, that’s all you are, Jongdae,” Luhan grunts, handing over some notes.

“Don’t forget my bet for you, Pretty Lu,” Jongdae’s voice is melodious and teasing. Kyungsoo had learnt the boy could also sing in one of their very first support group sessions, and now he can’t hear Jongdae speak without tying his words to notes.

“Yep, that’s never going to happen.” Luhan deadpans, “and call me pretty, one more time!”- but Jongdae has already pranced off to Chanyeol.

“You bet on us?” Kyungsoo can’t help but to ask, brows raised as he and Jongin’s hands finally detach (he tries not to show his disappointment on his face) and they move forward to bring chairs over to the circle.

“I bet that it would take longer than just two days for you to actually call it official,” Chanyeol grumbles, shuffling coins into Jongdae’s hand. “I mean, you are official right?”

“We are official,” Jongin is the one to confirm it, settling his chair next to where Kyungsoo has chosen with an ease that makes Kyungsoo smile. “Day 2.”

Hearing Jongin say it like that has Kyungsoo blushing for reasons he doesn’t fully understand, but it’s definitely not helped by the group members’ coos and awhs at the words.

“I bet a month,” Minseok shrugs, the last in the circle to be giving any money away. “You worked faster now than you’ve been working before, I feel a bit betrayed.”

“Yixing, we’ve raised a pack of gamblers.” Junmyeon grouches, eyes pinched Jongdae’s way, but the younger only sits back down with a flourish, a pleased, cat-like curl to his lips, and a small pile of money bundled into his hands.

“I’d say that part was all you,” Yixing jokes, dimples on show as he peers at Kyungsoo and Jongin from across the circle and Junmyeon gasps faux-dramatic by his side. “Come on guys, back to the session,” he speaks louder, quickly regaining his audience.

Later, when the session ends, Yixing sidles up to Kyungsoo and fixes him with his gentle, soothing eyes. “I’m happy for you,” he says, as honest and plain as ever. “You two seem great together.”

Kyungsoo smiles, and he feels something within his chest clench at the way Yixing is looking at him: a mix of care and understanding, of oneness. The happiness in Kyungsoo’s eyes are mirrored perfectly in Yixing’s own, as if Kyungsoo’s happiness is truly Yixing’s too. It’s the first time he’s seen them there, and Kyungsoo wonders then if it’s the first time his own happiness has been enough to show through in his eyes.

Really, Kyungsoo forgets sometimes: the power of Yixing, of his countenance and his words. He forgets that he wouldn’t even be here without the man, wouldn’t be so changed and grown from the person he was a few months ago if not for this group and the people he’s met here, and that this could all be attributed to Yixing - brilliant, patient Yixing - and the time he has given up to them all.

“Thank you, Yixing,” he utters back, unable to keep tremble from his voice, lips warbling as his heart swells with sentiment. The words are short, but he means them as more than just a show of gratitude for the approval of his relationship, and Yixing is smart enough to know it.

Yixing doesn’t respond, but he does pull Kyungsoo into a short, one-armed side hug - hand patting once, twice, three times on Kyungsoo’s back before he pulls away. He keeps a loose hold on Kyungsoo’s shoulder for a moment, and stares at him with a make of care shown by parents and parents alone. The look is one Kyungsoo doesn’t think he’s seen in anyone for years, and he marvels at how easy it is to recognise still. It makes him wonder how long he’s stopped looking at his parents at all, and the thought makes his eyes prick with impending tears.

Yixing’s hand drops. “You don’t have to thank me for this.”

-

A/N:

For those who want to know, the song Kyungsoo sings is Cosmic Dust, originally sung by ChungHa.

 

Here is an audio of it, the male version (unfortunately, Kyungsoo has never covered it, but I’d die happy if he did):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ct-4Ohni3BY

 

Here are the lyrics in English:

Everything has frozen

Wherever the cold wind passes

I’m running out of breath

With the big hills and the air

 

If I didn’t know you

If I just passed you by

 

In your hand

If I didn’t hold that hand

Life would be hard

Filled with thick darkness

It would’ve been space dust, space dust

If you weren’t by my side

I wouldn’t be able to take one step

Into the world outside your embrace

I would’ve gotten lost

I wouldn’t have believed in love

I would’ve been lost

Looking for paths with my eyes closed

If it wasn’t for you

 

All the moments I wanted to erase

Remained as scars in my life

 

In your hand

If I didn’t hold that hand

Life would be hard

Filled with thick darkness

It would’ve been space dust, space dust

If you weren’t by my side

I wouldn’t be able to take one step

Into the world outside your embrace

I would’ve gotten lost

I wouldn’t have believed in love

I would’ve been lost

Looking for paths with my eyes closed

If it wasn’t for you

 

I want to be remembered

I want to remember, only one person

 

In your eyes

When I’m looking into your eyes

I can’t think of anything else

I only think of good things

That’s life, we are meant to be

Because we met like this

I wouldn’t have been able to look up

To see the starry sky

I would’ve put my head low and

Only look at the ground with sighs

When I look in the mirror

If you weren’t by my side

If it wasn’t for you

 

Credits to: popgasa...

 

Here is some album artwork I made because I was bored haha:

Hope you guys liked the chapter

For those who are curious about why my chapters have been getting later and later, I’m training to be part of the NHS, and with this pandemic it’s been a very busy few months. Hopefully the updates will get faster, and the pandemic will pass soon.

 

Love you all. Don’t be afraid to leave comments - I love to hear from you x