4. BIRDS

"Doctor Zhang?" Kyungsoo breathes aloud.

He blinks.

He blinks again.

He blinks one last time, and then he thinks of slapping himself instead.

It really is him - there is no mistaking that prominent dimple, those deep russet eyes, and the softness of his features.

He is here and he is sat in a space in a circle on a crappy town-hall-sort-of-chair in the middle of a dingy and echoing room, looking so remarkably unlike himself that for a second Kyungsoo is just shocked into stillness.

And then he remembers where he is, and what being here means, and his breath catches in his throat, eyes bulging out.

That makes no sense, he shouldn't be here.

Kyungsoo stands in place dumbly, mouth hanging open as a mutter of voices fills out in the hall around them and a dozen curious gazes are being directed his way; questioning and brooding.

Kyungsoo sees the doctor shoot him a smile and then turn back around, hears his familiar, soothing tone of voice speaking to the group sat there, even though he cannot distinguish between words and it is muted in his mind. The curious heads turn away from him and conversation restarts, though Kyungsoo can feel a few pairs discreetly glancing his way still, including the ones he had met with as he'd first walked in. The doctor and a second man both rise, but the doctor places a gentle hand on the other's shoulder to press him back into his seat, where the frown on his face is ignored and the doctor approaches, alone.

"I'm glad to see you here," are the doctor's first words when he reaches him, a dimpled smile on his face. "I wasn't sure that you would come in the end," he admits, sheepish. "I'm relieved that you did though.”

Kyungsoo gapes for a few long, dragging seconds, and then he really does slap himself, nearly toppling with his crutches if not for the doctor reaching out and holding him steady.

“I really am here,” the doctor chides, though his eyes are swimming with amusement. “Be careful, would you?”

Kyungsoo can't really find it in himself to speak right now, so he doesn't - only nods warily as the doctor lets him go and takes a small step back.

There is something unfathomable stuck in his throat that he can't swallow down, something akin to shock or nonplus or just plain dumbfound. 

He clutches more tightly around the handles of his crutches, edging back just slightly, discreetly, unsure of himself and the situation he has found himself in.

The doctor must see the movement, for he does not prod him to speak, actually moves back himself so Kyungsoo will understand that he is being given space.

"We've only just started," the doctor speaks gently, "so you can come on in and join if you'd like to?"

Kyungsoo is finding it very difficult to breathe right now, and so can only glare holes into the ground, shuffling about where he stands.

He gulps in some air and swipes his tongue over his dry lips, trying to think straight and come up with a proper answer.

He clears his throat.

"Um." is what he says.

"That's okay," the doctor understands immediately, stepping back. "Just come in when you're ready? You don't even have to speak this session. You can just sit and watch if that's what you'd like."

Kyungsoo is silent for another short second, but eventually he nods his head, a curt movement to match the clipped "okay" he mumbles out.

The doctor smiles gently and puts on that face again, where his eyes hold a wisdom that Kyungsoo cannot fathom and his features are calming, even in the current circumstance.

"Okay," the doctor agrees, eyes still gentle. "My name is Yixing, by the way."

Even as the doctor finally turns to leave, Kyungsoo does not move, but still stands there unsurely; indecisive. 

He thinks he's in shock of some sort, or maybe just in a state of bewilder, where he can't make sense of anything even though it might be blatantly clear. 

However, he knows how to handle this, has been in this situation before only in a different setting where his shock was instead prodded by especially harsh shoves against canteen doors and cackling laughs from his ever-present bullies, and it is a system which he has perfected.

Therefore, Kyungsoo thinks, and finds himself coming to a conclusion, even if it only makes this situation infinitely more confusing and takes a fairly long time to do with his thoughts in such a jumble.

What he realises, or what, rather, he acknowledges, is that the doctor, Yixing, has been expecting him. 

Kyungsoo does not know how this can be.

It makes no sense, he himself having only made the decision a mere twenty minutes prior, and, moreover, from a leaflet which had just happened to slip through his door at a time that the doctor could not have possibly known. 

He entertains the idea that the man might be a psychic, but then quickly realises what he’s thinking and gives himself another slap (though internally this time).

Instead of dwelling on these fantastical theories, he takes a moment to look about himself, where all attention should be directed elsewhere and his gaze won't warrant too many stares back. 

He counts ten heads, though some sit higher than the rest and others duck below in a height much like Kyungsoo's own, but all are upright and directed over to Yixing now as the other voices die out and he speaks aloud, the back of his head turning from side to side – looking like a leader.

The ages must vary from those a couple of years younger than Kyungsoo all the way up to the doctor's own age, but there is a rapture common in everyone, where all attention is focused on the spoken words. 

It is a curious sight, for Kyungsoo has never seen someone granted so much respect, and with such ease too, and he thinks that not even the best teachers in the world could garner a crowd quite like this one.

It is to an extent where, if they are still curious about him and what his presence means, they have masked it so well that they seem almost uncaring, and unfazed.

The only rebellion to this unabridged show of attention is from the boy who Kyungsoo had first laid eyes on, who glances up every few seconds in what he might think to be discreet way, though he does not even appear to be hiding it.

When the boy looks up this time, Kyungsoo has also looked over, and neither drops the gaze until the boy offers a gentle, reassuring smile and Kyungsoo turns away, gulping again.

It is here, and now, that he weighs the situation, for all it is and what it will mean.

He could, if he wanted, leave right now - crutch his way out in amble movements, phone up his sister, and throw away the leaflet the very second he gets home, burying it away where it can be forgotten.

It would be easy that way, where something untried is something which holds no power. 

But there is also a nagging curiosity in the back of his mind that he can't ignore. A part of him wants to figure out what these sessions hold and another wants nothing more or less than to be helped, for once in his life.

One session, he thinks, cannot hurt, and it is a thought which, now formed, cannot be shaken away.

It is why Kyungsoo finds himself slowly, quietly - where his crutches only sound as a dull thud against the wooden hall flooring and each swing forward is minute and languid - edging his way forwards, head ducked down resolutely and still-sore lip tugged between his teeth in a nervous gesture, even as it stings dully every time he gnaws down.

His heart thuds hard in his chest as a couple more voices join the doctor's in turn, switching from muted, to mumbled, to clear as he moves, and he can start to comprehend the words spoken, even though the context is unknown and he does not attempt to understand.

He gulps hard when he reaches a mere few metres away from the coven, and has to stop himself from running (read: hobbling) his way out of the hall.

Along with this though, he feels exhilirated by himself, for he is finally setting the paving slabs down to fight back - so novice yet so vital a thing in recent days, taking a strength Kyungsoo hadn't realised he even had, that he cannot help but to feel that this is something important, something special.

He crutches forward another step, glad that the steady flow of voices haven't wavered once or even faltered in the slightest, though his presence must be known.

Another long breath slips past his lips and he hunches up to keep his bag from falling, unsure of what to do next, when a gentle call shocks his thought process and he looks up instinctively, wide-eyed.

The voice belongs to the boy who he had locked eyes on as he'd first entered. From up close, his features seem almost cat-like and his reassuring smile is back, wider but also shy.

His approach had been silent and Kyungsoo is frozen, watching as the boy rubs sheepish circles at the back of his neck and noticing that he is holding a chair behind himself too, fingers only grazing over the top to keep it upright.

"Um," he starts, whispered as a new voice chimes in to the conversation, "where do you want to sit?"

Kyungsoo stops short and blinks furiously. He clears his throat, awkward, ducking his head once and then glancing up again through his fringe, before repeating the action and mumbling to the boards on the ground, "I don't mind."

His fingers coil more tightly around the handles of his crutches and he sniffs as he looks up, hoping the boy had heard him.

After a short moment, the boy smiles wider than before and lifts the chair up as he turns, not gesturing but not needing to as he walks to the small gap next to his own, vacant seat.

Kyungsoo starts crutching his way forward, head still ducked and fringe covering his eyes as scraping ensues and he sees the backs of chairs before him, where the circle has been widened without verbal instruction.

He hurriedly crutches his way to the vacant seat and shuffles forward to struggle his way down, but he is stopped mid-movement when the boy gestures out.

"Let me take those," he says quietly.

Kyungsoo hesitates for a short second, unsure.

But then he is pulling his arms out of his crutches and letting the boy gather them in one hand, balancing on one leg for only a split moment before an arm stretches out to hold him steady.

Kyungsoo can't stop himself from pinking slightly, embarrassed and mortified by the situation, but the boy does not relinquish his hold until Kyungsoo has finally settled into his seat and can breathe more easily.

Head still ducked down, Kyungsoo curls fingers around the bottom of his chair and scrapes their quietly as the boy settles the crutches on the ground between them and seats himself down beside him. 

Discomfort is still there, but what is prevalent is the undeniably stark awkwardness in the air around him, where he feels as if he is intruding on something he ought not to have.

Regardless, he makes an attempt to follow the conversation, where quiet speculation is all he is capable of in his jittery state.

Currently, Yixing is talking.

Kyungsoo follows the conversation for several seconds, not understanding the context or what it is the doctor is even saying, but when he gets the general gist of it he stops short, eyes blinking furiously.

Because really, what Kyungsoo is prepared for is what he's seen in the movies.

He expects mundane introductions and each person in the circle to have their say under the patronising words of the group 'leader', whose voice will be like that one uses to speak to a child: sweetened and overly-gentle. 

People will go through their various issues one after the other, some serious and some foolish whilst some are incoherent hysterical cries, and then, like a system, a chorus of claps will sound and the whole group will call out a "thanks for sharing 'insert name here'" and things will continue from there.

But that is not what is happening right now. The doctor's tone, for one, is not patronising, and not overtly soothing. He is not prodding people to spill their life issues with a gentle, psychiatrist-esque smile - he is not even, at the moment, imploring for people to speak. Instead, of all things, he's talking about birds.

"-I want you to think about this for a second," the doctor says now, "and tell me what your answer is after."

Straightening up in his seat, he continues. "There are many different species of bird in this world, but if I asked you to name them all, none of you would be able to. The majority of you will be able to name around twenty, where a couple may know less and one or two may know far more, but no matter how many you can think of, I can absolutely guarantee you now that there are a few birds which every single one of you will put on your list.

"There's the gull, and the pigeon; the owl; the sparrow; the dove; the eagle - to name a few. And these are species that almost all of you will have heard of." He says, taking a sweeping look around the class. "And what I want to ask you is, why do you think this is?" he speaks to the room, taking another long glance around at everyone's faces. Kyungsoo, without noticing it himself, has raised himself in his chair to listen to the man speak, trying to figure out where this could be going. "Why is it that these species are ones which everyone knows? What is so special about these species? Why do people choose to remember the Falcon and the Robin over the Eider and the Fulmar?"

There is silence.

Kyungsoo ponders his question, but it is a voice a few seats down that sounds first - the speaker being one of the elders of the group, Kyungsoo thinks, though his face is somewhat babyish and his eyes are sparkling and deer-like.

"They have traits which make them memorable," the boy answers. "The owl is known because it is nocturnal, for example."

Yixing nods his head. "Yes, that is true," he agrees, "but only to an extent. There are other birds who are nocturnal like the owl, but what I want to know is why, in particular, the owl is the one everyone seems to know."

A new voice chimes in here - one with a deep sort of tone to it and which, unexpectedly, comes from the gangly giant from across the room, whose legs are bent awkwardly and whose limbs look too big for his body, where even the bottom of his trousers are high enough to reveal an inch-worth's of skin and the hoodie he wears seems slightly tight around his arms and chest.

"These birds are more powerful," he says, shaking tousled, russet brown hair from his eyes. "Not necessarily in a physical way I guess, but they fought harder to be known, which makes the other birds weaker, by default. If the unknown species made themselves known, like the seagull does by stealing your food at the beach or the eagle does by being one of the most skilled predators, then we would remember their names too."

Yixing nods again, but before he can speak this time another person has voiced out.

"I don't think the unknown birds are weak," and it is the boy sat next to Kyungsoo and who had helped him settle down first. "I think the unknown birds are overlooked," he says. "The unknown birds might be more spectacular, but they are not boisterous and they do not make a show of it. Being invisible does not mean you are not worth remembering.”

Kyungsoo wants to scoff aloud at that comment, before he remembers that they're talking about birds.

"I think it's simpler than that," now says the boy a few seats down, whose hair is a golden brown and who smiles wide. "My name is Jongdae, by the way," he adds, sending Kyungsoo a discreet wink and then speaking straight after, before Kyungsoo has even shut his agape mouth. "The known birds are known because we make them known," Jongdae says. "Like Chanyeol said," he looks over to the gangly giant here, "they have power, yes, but, I agree with Tao - it isn't because the unknown birds are weak, it's just because we make the known birds strong. In school we learn about the known birds, and in TV shows they reference to the known birds, so we can't help but know them. If the book was called 'the Gadwall and the Cat' or Pororo was a Curlew instead of a penguin, we would know the unknown species instead."

Kyungsoo finds himself nodding along to the spoken words, but then the boy suddenly catches his eyes and winks again, a smirk on his face that makes Kyungsoo fluster and look away.

Yixing hums, nodding his own head.  "Let me ask you something else then," he goes on, looking around the circle again. "Pretend for a moment, that you are a species of bird. Think of all your personal characteristics and all that makes you you, and then think of a bird that is similar, and tell me what you'd be."

"Kris would be an angry bird," Jongdae says straight out, where a few laughs scatter around the group and all heads turn towards a tall boy who hisses at Jongdae, looking disgruntled, though Kyungsoo too sees the bushy eyebrows on the boy's face and smiles a little at the comparison.

"I mean serious answers, Jongdae" Yixing says, though his own lips are pulled up in the corners, "what would you guys be?"

A silence ensues, and Kyungsoo takes a moment to ponder the question himself. He thinks of his own characteristics and personality traits, but is slightly fazed when he can't name or label any. 

Kyungsoo doesn't really know how he can describe himself except as weak.

"I think I'm an eagle," Jongdae proclaims, puffing out his chest and smiling wide, making the boy sat next to him scoff loudly and shakes his head.

"Yeah, right," he says, smiling a gummy smile. "If anything you're a peacock - you love talking and you love being centre of attention."

A few chuckles sound here and Jongdae shoves half-heartedly at the boy’s shoulder, pouting just slightly but with amusement in his eyes too.

"Well, then, Minseok is probably a Hawk," chimes in Deer Eyes who had spoken earlier. "A strong leader." He says, eyes sparkling whilst the boy who had spoken smiles bashfully. 

"Shouldn't Yixing be the leader?" pipes up a new voice from across the circle, whose eyes are droopy and whose hair is a dark brown. "Or Junmyeon, maybe?"

Deer Eyes makes a tutting noise and shakes his head, "Yixing is more of an owl, I think - wise but scary as hell too." 

A lot more laughs sound at this, including Kyungsoo's, and Yixing only shrugs slightly, accepting the comment.

"Junmyeon is more like a cassowary or something," Deer Eyes continues. "All flamboyant yet low-key, but then extremely territorial and possessive."

He emphasises the possessive here and more laughs sound, where the man sat next to Yixing grumbles slightly and Kyungsoo only just sees where his hand is discreetly entwined in the doctor's between their chairs.

It is a gesture which is somewhat intimate, and strikes Kyungsoo dumb for a second because he has never seen two people of the same show affection so comfortably, even though the display is minimalistic and almost unnoticeable, but before he can dwell the cat-like boy sat next to him (was it Tao?) speaks up again.

"Well I guess you're kind of like a swan then, Luhan," Tao says, smirking slightly at Deer Eyes. "Such poise. Such grace. Such elegance."

The whole group laughs at this and Luhan grumbles under his breath something which sounds like, "I'm ing manly," as Tao continues.

"I think I'd probably be a crane or something similar," he says, the first to offer a serious answer for themselves, and Kyungsoo agrees silently, even though he barely knows the boy.

"Baekhyun is a nightingale," Chanyeol suddenly says, but he hides his mouth with a big hand straight after, as if he hadn’t meant to speak aloud. He clears his throat, rubbing circles into his neck and casting a furtive look to Droopy Eyes sat a few seats down from himself, whose eyes are now wide and whose cheek is dusted with a pale pink. "Err, justbecauseofhisvoice," Chanyeol expands quickly, staring holes into the wooden flooring and refusing to look back up - embarrassed. 

Kyungsoo smiles at the awkward exchange and a few people laugh quietly in the circle, but it is not spiteful, Kyungsoo can tell. There is a comfortable atmosphere in the group which is starting to strike him too, and he has relaxed slowly, slumped in his seat and no longer rigid in the shoulders as he listens to everyone's opinions and tries to get a grip on the dynamic that is clear here. 

It is not what he'd been expecting, but that's a good thing, he realises. He feels relaxed, even though this environment is new. It also doesn't feel like he's being psychoanalysed, which is what he'd been secretly dreading, and is something he is definitely glad of.

Just then though, the boy sat on his other side suddenly edges forwards, his head to the side, and asks him, "what do you think?" and his thoughts break off, where all attention turns to him. 

Kyungsoo blinks furiously, wide-eyed and startled into stillness, but he is saved the duty of having to respond when Tao presses a finger to the boy's head and pushes it back, clicking his tongue with a, "don't scare him away, Hun."

'Hun' grimaces at Tao and then, maybe as a way of rebellion, straightens his neck and tilts his head so that he can lean in close enough that Kyungsoo freezes, wide-eyed at the sudden proximity.

"Sehun," comes a warning from Tao, tone sharp, but Sehun only inches back a bare millimetre, his eyes still imploring.

Kyungsoo blinks furiously, mouth opening and closing mindlessly, when the boy named Sehun suddenly gasps aloud, cutting him off.

"You're an owl!" The boy proclaims then, wagging his finger at Kyungsoo frantically. "Just look at your eyes!" he says, smiling at himself as if proud whilst Kyungsoo gapes back at him, stunned.

"I knew you looked like something," He says, though this time when he opens his mouth to speak again it is Yixing who speaks a warning 'Sehun', where the rest of the group has fallen silent to watch the exchange.

"What?" The boy asks, and it is only now that Kyungsoo is comprehending what has just been said.

"He really does look like an owl," Sehun continues, face turned slightly towards Yixing but still up-close to Kyungsoo, "even if he-AHH!"

But his words are cut off when Kyungsoo suddenly reaches a hand up and clasps tight around the boy's ear, twisting it slightly and making the (clearly younger) boy whine out. "I don't look like an owl!" Kyungsoo seethes then, sniffing indignantly and twisting the boy's ear some more, unfocused on the gaping mouths around him. It is probably just some form of bad luck for the boy, but he has struck a nerve which Kyungsoo has been teased about from his younger cousins for years, and Kyungsoo is often rash when it is mentioned, bolder in a childlike petulance. "Who says that to their elder?"

"Okayokayokayokay I'm sorry!" Sehun whines out, his neck twisted awkwardly to lessen the pain of the hold. "I take it back! Please let go!"

Kyungsoo's eyes narrow for a short second, and then he releases his hold, lips in a disgruntled pout and arms going automatically to cross over his chest.

“I’m not an owl…” he mutters again, still pouting.

It takes him a while to realise that there is no noise around him, save for the whining of the boy sat next to him, and he looks up at the faces that are there where he suddenly remembers the situation and where he is. His cheeks redden slightly and he blinks fast, only now realising that he has just had a violent outburst in front of a dozen or so strangers and ohmyinggod-

"I like him," proclaims Jongdae and then a chorus of coos break out and a flurry of voices call out agreements all at once, where even the doctor looks amused by the exchange, lips pulled up and dimple showing, and suddenly everything seems so normal, and effortless, because this is laughter and Kyungsoo hasn't heard so much laughter in years.

It is something which strikes him dumb for a short moment because the sound is so peculiar to his ears, so foreign since his bullies had stolen the act from him, and he has not revelled in it for a long while, had forgotten how damn amazing it could sound - and all for such a silly exchange.

"What's your name, newbie?" Luhan asks over the chatter, voice carrying so everyone stops to listen.

Kyungsoo pauses for a second and looks around at the group, at each face directed his way and how there is nothing harsh in their eyes, how each smile is coaxing and welcoming and genuine so that it's all a little too much and Kyungsoo thinks he might do something stupid like start crying or something.

Instead though, he musters up a wobbly, heart-shaped smile.

"Kyungsoo," he says. "My name is Kyungsoo."

A/N

no one guessed it right kehehehehehehe

I hope everyone understands what I was trying to do with this chapter. I rewrote it a bunch of times to try to get it perfect but I think I've done everything I wanted to do.

The dynamic might be kind of difficult to grasp rn, but I'll have Yixing explain it in a later chapter because I love Yixing.

There's a lot of hints in this too so read carefully ;D

on another note, ma exams just started. eurghhfehruehruehruer. heyho, ONE WEEK DONE!

I should probably be revising but NAHHHHH

Hope you like it :D <33333 comment opinions below ^-^