11. HOSTIA?

(Hostia = victim in latin because everyone has a Latin chapter name)

Kyungsoo only wonders about how he looks following what just happened when he's guided carefully through the centre hall's door, and every face which turns his way twists into an instantaneous display of shock.

"Kyungsoo?" Yixing questions, immediately rising from his seat and taking fast steps towards the three who have walked in. Kyungsoo sees, too, how Jongin and Junmyeon stand a second after, Junmyeon lingering for a moment to tell the rest to keep on doing whatever they were doing, and they follow the elder man as he cuts a path through the chairs to reach him faster.

"What happened?" he wastes no time asking, tone hushed but firm as his gaze diverts to the calmest of the three. "Tell me, Tao."

The evidence is too stark. Kyungsoo's hair must be sticking up at all ends, his clothes dishevelled and eyes slightly red and wet from the exchange. When Jongin reaches him, he stretches an arm out as if to touch him, but it falters in the middle, like he's scared Kyungsoo might break from such a small amount of contact, and Kyungsoo refuses to meet his eyes.

He can barely comprehend what Tao is saying, but he watches silently as each person's expression twists and changes with the story, wishing, suddenly, that Tao and Kris had never taken that path. If it were to mean they wouldn't look at him like that, like he's broken, like he's impossibly fragmented, he would prefer to have dealt with the situation alone. It's only when Yixing speaks up - asking Tao a question, the question, for the information which Tao has tried to leave out in his story, the final factor which will make everything so. abundantly. clear. - that Kyungsoo makes himself listen.

"They were-" Tao is saying, and then his mouth falls shut and he darts his eyes Kris' way, like he's asking for an easier way to explain, "I mean, they looked like they were-"

"They weren't," Kyungsoo cuts in, and he means so desperately to be firm, but his voice escapes in a soft rasp - barely even audible if everyone wasn't so intent on Kyungsoo's dishevelled state. He feels all eyes turn their focus to him, but he barely pays it any mind because it has to be true, he needs it to be true, and he repeats again, "they weren't," his voice just barely assertive.

"Kyungsoo." Tao says, and he's giving the boy such a stern but pitying look that Kyungsoo can't take it.

"I know they weren't, Tao. I know they wouldn't." He insists, but the younger boy just shoots him this soft, apologetic look, enough for Kyungsoo to get what he's going to say next, and he turns Yixing's way once more.

"They had him pinned against the wall," Tao says, and Kyungsoo closes his eyes. He never wants to see this. "They looked like they were..." Tao swallows, glancing Kris' way again, searching for strength in the other's eyes, and he thinks enough to say the next words in a hush, - "...taking off his clothes."

The silence which falls upon the six who are stood there together is one that Kyungsoo is certain he'll never forget for the rest of his life; such an obsolete absence of sound that befalls them all as their minds make the connections Tao couldn't speak aloud. Kyungsoo shrinks into himself, knuckles clenched white around his crutches, and he hears, in contradiction, how everyone jolts with restless emotion at the announcement, a heavy silence spilling like water over table-top wood. 

"Kyungsoo." He hears, and it's Yixing's voice, calling out in the gentlest tone Kyungsoo has ever heard him use, and Kyungsoo can't deal with that.

"They weren't," he insists again, because he doesn't want to open his eyes to see their faces, because he can't let them see the doubt in his mind which thinks it could be true, that they could've been wanting to-

"They've never done that and they wouldn't do that," on autopilot now. "They wouldn't. They can't have. I just know, please, I just-"

"Kyungsoo," Jongin interrupts, and then, low and resolute, "It's them - isn't it?"

Kyungsoo's eyes snap open, and he locks gazes with Jongin, unthinking, unthinking, and the boy doesn't need an answer for how Kyungsoo turns still at the question.

"Jongin-" he starts, but he doesn't know how to finish, not now, not anymore, not when the taller looks so dangerous: dark eyes flashing with coal embers, full brows furrowed in a show of torment, and a stance which holds both menace and pain, washed over the form of someone who's only ever been so kind, and shouldn't be looking so vicious.

"It's them. It's them, yes?" Jongin repeats, gaze unwavering and hard set. 

Kyungsoo hesitates. A voice in his head warns him how bad this might be, to tell Jongin the truth when in this state - so restless he is, so frenzied with a soundless barrage of emotion. But then Jongin looks at him in this way that he has never looked at Kyungsoo before, something so desperate, so soundlessly pleading in his big, certain eyes, that Kyungsoo can only find it in himself to nod his head yes.

The effect is instantaneous - how the last prints of warmth in Jongin's eyes dissipate at once, and the curve of his mouth sets into a straight, impossibly thin line - dangerous. Promising. Kyungsoo regrets it so quickly that it's almost laughable. 

"You know them too?" Tao questions, baffled by the direction that the exchange has taken. "How do you-" but his words die out like a flame being doused in water, and a connection, like a bulb in his head, washes over the doubt in his features.

"Your-" Tao starts, not staring at Jongin's eyes anymore, but at the blazer he wears - the blazer he has always worn -, an adornment which has always been so insignificant, suddenly at the forefront of his thoughts. Whatever new he sees there makes his breath hitch hard, enough for Kris to follow his gaze.

It happens so fast Kyungsoo isn't sure he could've stopped it even if he knew it was coming - how Kris suddenly reels forwards, a furious glint burning fierce in his dark, dark eyes, and, much like he had held the leader mere minutes earlier, a handful of Jongin's shirt is coiled tight into his fist, tugging the boy forward in a sharp, unforgiving motion. Jongin, even in his state, lets a flinch of surprise flicker over his features, Yixing and Junmyeon calling out, stepping forward as if to pull them apart, Kyungsoo just staring, wide-eyed, at the scene, and the rest of the group cutting off conversation in a short clip of a second, watching, confused, as Kris tugs Jongin up and closer to his face.

"You're ing-" He seethes, spitting the words out in a putrid anger, "-you ing go to the same school."

And the penny drops. 

Kyungsoo, too late, stares down at his still-open coat and the uniform he adorns which matches Jongin's to a fault, and Jongin's expression falls so quickly that Kyungsoo could've missed it if he had blinked.

"You go to the same school as him," Kris goes on, no one trying to stop him. "You go to the same damn school and you just sit and watch as all this happens to him? You sit and watch as he gets jeered at and beat up and nearly. ing. .-"

Jongin flinches hard at the word, but Kris doesn't falter

-"and you don't do a damn thing to help?!"

"Kris-" Yixing tries, moving forward as if to lay a hand on the younger boy's shoulder, but Kris just moves Jongin a step back, and growls, into his face like he can't hold himself back.

"ing coward. You're a ing coward, Jongin. How can you do that?"

And Kyungsoo watches Jongin crumble. Guilt, like a deadly epidemic, parades over his features. His eyes turn forlorn, his lips tug down in smallest show of pain, and his face twists into a trembling, defeated whisper of a sigh that Kyungsoo is sure will not be able to leave his head for weeks. Jongin, in that moment, has every right to protect himself - every right to assure all those watching that he does help, as he has, and he will help, like Kyungsoo doesn't doubt -, but Jongin doesn't even try.

"I know," he says, tone distant but so, horribly pained. "I already know Kris."

It's so resigned - the way he says it. Kyungsoo can tell, instantly, that Kris, and everyone else within the group, has never seen Jongin act this way. This Jongin is different. This Jongin is on the verge of breaking, hunched over in a sombre sort of shock, and where every else seems tense with the startling change, Kris turns only more livid.

"You know, and you don't do a ing thing to try to change it?" He fumes, and he looks, in that moment, so close to lashing out and punching Jongin like he had done the leader - a sudden image in Kyungsoo's head, a nightmare image of Jongin instead, with a trickle of blood down the side of his face burning red - that it makes Kyungsoo move faster than his crutches should probably allow of him.

"Kris," he says, stretching a hand out to lay gently over the taller boy's arm. "Kris, stop. You don't know. He has helped me so many times, you don't know." He goes on, letting his hand brush up and down the length of Kris' trembling arm (not realising that he's shaking too, worrying over what might happen if he doesn't play his cards right).

The hard expression on the other boy's face falters like he's trying to gauge the truth in Kyungsoo's words, but then Jongin speaks, and all goes to hell.

"He's exaggerating, God," Jongin says, "I don't, I don't, I'm a ing coward."

Kyungsoo can't react fast enough this time when a low growl sounds in Kris' throat and he tugs a hand back as if to hit, clenching it into a tight fist, so Kyungsoo gasps and Jongin's eyes fall shut, resigned and prepared, and there is this horrible, dragging moment where Kyungsoo knows Jongin is about to get hurt, and he can do absolutely nothing in his power to try to stop it. 

But Jongin never gets hit.

What Kyungsoo sees first are the hands, working like magic, soft-skinned and long when they clasp gently at Kris' cheeks and cup the taller boys face in a beautifully careful hold that has the punch in the air frozen mid-flight.

"Kris. Breathe."

Tao's voice must do something, must reach out to a place Kyungsoo could not find, because - though Kris trembles a moment or two more, reluctant to let it all just go - his hold, like it's inevitable, loosens, and his eyes fall shut, and his form sags down, and he takes in a shuddery lungful of air, like he's breathing in the warmth of Tao's touch upon his face.

"Let him go." Tao says, and his voice is so intimately gentle - this coaxing tone -, so powerful, so chilling, in how it makes Kris drop his hands immediately, has him stepping back, letting Tao's hands slip from his face to rest in the crooks of his neck, that it's almost terrifying. "Breathe."

He listens (as if he'd do anything else) - slow and steady inhales and exhales, eyes shut, firm and resolute, his neck cradled all the while in Tao's hands.

Kyungsoo's gaze trails left, like its ing magnetised, and he means to look at Jongin, but everything veers right. 

Because Kris' words weren't just words, Kyungsoo realises belatedly. They were a tirade, an outburst, a tone which no one could ignore, and which everyone would be able to grasp, like straws sticking up out of a full, untouched packet, ready to be plucked away. 

Kyungsoo's words stutter on his lips. Something coils, tight, like a serpent, around his ribcage. It's suddenly so, inexplicably difficult to take in air, such a chore to carry out a task which has always been so damn second nature. Five people, two he had to, two he trusted, one he could not turn away; he could accept that.

But the pairs of eyes now fixated to him, like a mark upon his skin - he thinks he might be sick. He thinks he can't handle this. 

"Kyungsoo." Jongin says, and he doesn't realise his chest is heaving, hard and rhythmic, doesn't realise his eyes have filled with new, unshed tears - doesn't see even the sudden flicker of guilt on Kris' face as he hears the mistake he hadn't meant to happen -, because he has always hated looking so weak, and he has never felt weaker than he does now. Drowning in an ocean of sympathy. Sidling through a path of hesitancy. He can see it all, he can feel it all, he has it in his mind now, an imprint of faces, Luhan, Minseok, Jongdae, Sehun, Chanyeol, Baekhyun - poor Kyungsoo, poor, victim, Kyungsoo, weak, weak, weak, weak-

"Strong," Jongin whispers, and it's then that Kyungsoo realises he has been chanting the word aloud, over and over, a constant litany of the wired label, spilling fast from his heart-shaped lips. He wanders how he must look, to explain the way Jongin is staring at him right now, but he can't think anything anymore when Jongin suddenly pulls in close, so warm and so close, and whispers words - "strong, you're so strong," - with a sudden, inexplicable intimacy that has something lurching in Kyungsoo's gut. His gaze pulls upwards, as if Jongin had reached forward and tipped a finger beneath his chin, and he lets it happen when Jongin steers his body around on the spot. Hands clasp over his shaking shoulders, a protective, but gentle movement, and Jongin guides him towards the doors, and Kyungsoo follows even as tears stream down his face, and Yixing calls out to tell them, to tell Jongin, "look after him," so Jongin holds tighter, and Kyungsoo doesn't pause to change his mind.

Kyungsoo crumbles when they've walked only three steps down the corridor, and Jongin catches him when he falls.

-

"I don't want people to look at me like that."

It's the first words Kyungsoo manages to say after he has calmed down, and he feels how Jongin jolts, surprised, at the break of silence. They're still in the support centre building, sat crouched and splayed across the floor in a winding corridor they let themselves get lost in, with their backs pushed against the same stretch of wall. Kyungsoo wanders vaguely if it will become a habit.

Their shoulders are pressed together like this. Kyungsoo feels Jongin by his side, and it grounds him like nothing else has before.

"Promise me you won't do anything." Kyungsoo says, because it's only just occurred to him that Jongin might. 

He closes his eyes when Jongin doesn't respond.

-

Kyungsoo is scared.

It's barely there - a dull ache coiling in his gut and a subtle prickle of hairs at the nape of his neck as he stands outside the school's front gates, peering nervously at the bustling crowd of students from within - but it’s still there; this low hum of fear reverberating like shockwaves through his bones.

He feels, suddenly, a strong sense of déjà vu - a younger Kyungsoo, 4 years ago, the day after everything went wrong and everyone fell away. At the time, Kyungsoo had told himself that it was stupid to feel so scared, stupid to feel so consumed by something as fleeting and menial as apprehension, but he hadn't been wrong to worry then, and he fears he won't be wrong to worry now. 

What happened is something Kyungsoo isn't stupid enough to take lightly. If they had been wanting to do something like that (because he still hasn’t said it aloud, still hasn’t been able to set the threat in stone, validate it’s reality) to him, then Kyungsoo has no idea about what that means for him at school, and what more could change with another threat looming over his head. And if they hadn't meant what their actions had suggested, if they'd been there to do something else like Kyungsoo's gut, so weak, hopes to be the case, then Kyungsoo can't think of what it could've been. 

In any case, Kyungsoo is adamant not to run. He's already weak, he already flounders and stalls when anything feels unsure, and to do that now is the last thing Kyungsoo wants. It's why, by the gates, he presses forwards, because he tells himself that forward is the only way to go-

but he realises it's untrue when he finds himself taking a step back.

Because the person he sees first - like a glaring light in a realm of dark and drab normality - is the leader, and when he sees the leader, the leader turns and sees him.

Kyungsoo isn't sure what he expected. Withering eyes, maybe. A lip curled into a despondent smile. For the leader to storm in his direction - hurt him, in front of everyone, just because he can, even if he couldn't yesterday.

What he gets instead is the leader's gaze diverting away from him like he's been struck or stung, shoulders drawing inwards in such a blatant show of dismissal that Kyungsoo can only blink offhandedly at the back of the boy's back for a long moment after. It strikes him suddenly that he's ever seen that image before - the leader, turned away, within his vicinity but not granting Kyungsoo any attention. 

Kyungsoo can see, from here, the remnants of Kris' attack like a scorch on the leader's skin - the faint bruising to the side of his head and the red tinge to the corner of his lip. Its normal for Kyungsoo to look like that, look so tarnished and imperfect and humanly vulnerable, but it's something Kyungsoo has never seen on the leader. The cronies aren't there either, just the boy alone, earphones plugged into his ears (something else Kyungsoo has never seen before, such a foreign concept - that someone like the leader can enjoy something as seemingly menial as music), and he just looks sort of... Frozen. Paused.

Like he's forgotten how being a bully works.

Kyungsoo hasn't the time to dwell on the unnerving image though, because it's then that the morning school bell trills, and he lets himself get swept away in the crowd of students following their unassuming daily routine.

-

Kyungsoo is eating lunch when it happens. 

He doesn't see it - only the aftermath - but he does hear it. A sudden grunt of shock, the clatter of something hitting the ground, and then, just as fast as everything else, the sound of someone rising fast, like they've been startled from their seat.

His head darts around, as does every person's around him, and he balks when he sees what has happened. The leader is stood in the divide between the canteen tables, staring at Jongin stood across from him with dark, unforgiving eyes. Kyungsoo zones in on his shirt, and how it is coated in what looks like ice water, and then he catches sight of the downturned cup curled in Jongin's palm, dripping from the edges, and he lets out a deep, shuddery breath.

"What-the , Jongin," the leader growls, voice fluttery from the cold.

"Oh," Jongin exclaims, though the way he says it isn't like an exclamation. It verges more on a cutting jeer - inappropriately monotonous. "Sorry," he says, not sounding sorry at all, sounding so far from sorry it's almost funny. Taemin's by his side, and he looks somewhat startled by the situation, everyone around mirroring his expression when they catch the clear hard lint to Jongin's tone. "'Didn't see you there."

The leader growls low in his throat, a sound which has Kyungsoo tensing from where he is sat, and he presses forward, into Jongin's space like he's been invited.

"Okay, Kim," the leader spits, locking eyes with Jongin and holding him in a fierce glare. They are similar heights, Jongin perhaps just the slightest bit taller, but it really isn't noticeable by the way the leader pushes his chest out, making his presence hard and known and menacing even from afar. Kyungsoo wonders how Jongin hasn't shrunk back from the other's threatening posture, but to Kyungsoo he seems rather indifferent - the only telling expression on his face one of anger and hatred and disgust rather than of fear. Jongin's lack of response, Kyungsoo can tell, irks the leader. It's almost imperceptible, and Kyungsoo is sure that he must be the only one who notices - the telling twitch in the leader's lips, a show of how unsure he is -, and that realisation, that Kyungsoo is the person who can read the leader best, makes him flinch hard. 

It has never occurred to him before now how strong his relationship with the leader truly is. Though they are bully and victim, psycho and plaything, the leader is the single person whom he has almost infallibly interacted with on a daily basis during school. Even if they aren't friends, even if they aren't anything close, Kyungsoo knows the leader, and he has no doubt in his mind that the leader knows him too. 

"What's your problem?" The leader enunciates slowly, pressing a finger to Jongin's chest for each word he speaks.

Jongin barely even reacts, only glances down at the leader's hand like he's never seen anything less threatening in his life, and he looks back up to meet the boy's stony glare.

"No problem," Jongin says, even if the false smile on his face tells otherwise. The leader's expression twitches, and Kyungsoo gulps heavily, but Jongin seems to be beyond noticing the signs because he suddenly leans in close, his lips pausing by the leader's ear, and whispers something which makes the tension in the leader's shoulders seep out fast.

Jongin pulls back, something hard in his eyes, and the leader only stares back, as if he's never seen anyone like Jongin before. And it's then, at that moment, too perfectly timed to be casual and too lingering to be anything less than a glance, that the leader looks directly at Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo flinches - hard. His breath catches sharp in his throat, heart beat suddenly thundering and loud in his ears, because, oh, the leader has never looked at him like that. The leader has never looked at him without spite or disgust in his eyes, never looked at him with such a renounced softness washed over his features. Kyungsoo is so stunned by the expression that he doesn't even think to look away until the leader already has.

A moment passes, and the leader's face is hard to see from where Kyungsoo is sat, but he can tell, instantly, that the boy is confused. It's only short-lived though because in the next second Kyungsoo watches the leader's jaw harden, his posture straightening up like it had been before, and it's him this time who leans in close, and whispers something to Jongin.

Kyungsoo is so sure, even from afar, that no one else hears the exchange, because of the group stood near, Jongin is the only one who reacts. 

His expression falters. His shoulders waver, and then sag down. He cringes back almost imperceptibly, like whatever the leader said physically hurt, and though he still maintains something harsh in the way he presents himself, Kyungsoo can tell that the leader has struck a nerve somewhere with whatever he has said. Taemin, he sees, notices too.

Kyungsoo feels glad to see that the leader doesn't seem to catch on, doesn't seem to realise he has struck gold, found a weakness. Kyungsoo's so sure that Jongin is doing this for him, and if Jongin ever became a victim just like Kyungsoo (because that's all the leader needs - a weakness he can warp into hell), Kyungsoo would never forgive himself.

"Is that the best you can do?" Jongin mocks, aloud this time, so everyone can hear. The leader's eyes glint dangerously and he moves forward to get back into Jongin's personal space, but Taemin steps between them at the last minute, his presence making the leader stand still.

"Walk away." Taemin says, voice low.

The leader lingers a moment, expression hard and unreadable. When he finally listens to Taemin's words, his cronies following along after, he must leave thinking he has been defeated, if the dark expression cast over his face means anything, but Kyungsoo feels that it is Jongin who has lost.

Kyungsoo wonders what the leader had said.

-

Kyungsoo can't react fast enough when the leader corners him at the end of the school day. It happens so often, more often than not, but it scares him so much more than any other time before.

"No," he says instantly, blanching white and taking sharp, trembling steps back. "No, please."

Kyungsoo has been unthinkingly on guard today, especially after what happened at lunch, not letting himself be alone for longer than a second. It was last period, and he had been putting away his stuff, when someone had swept past him and knocked his notebook on the ground, all the papers within it sprawling across the hardwood floor.

Kyungsoo had grumbled under his breath, looking up to try to see who had done it, but in the crowd of students filing out of the classroom, he couldn't be sure. He realises now who that it must've been a crony, and in the few minutes it had taken him to sort his papers in the right order again and pack the rest of his stuff, the corridors had turned noticeably sparse enough for him to know that the leader, stood directly outside his classroom, was waiting for him. 

Kyungsoo's pleas go to deaf ears. The leader reels forward, wrapping a hand around the curve of Kyungsoo's arm so he freezes in a sudden, striking fear. 

"I'm not going to hurt you," the leader says, and Kyungsoo doesn't even get the chance to absorb the spoken words before the leader is leading him, soundless and efficient, towards a more secluded area.

It's all so fast, all so planned, that Kyungsoo can barely understand what's happening. He only really starts to get it when he grasps where the leader is headed, to an empty classroom off to the side where they can be alone, and that concept - of being alone, with the leader, in a place that people won't look twice at - is enough to make Kyungsoo panic. 

"I-" he starts, his breathing getting inexplicably heavy, tears welling up in his eyes. "L-Let go," Kyungsoo says, and he tries to repeat it, tries to say it louder and gets someone's attention, but the leader knows him, remember, and he clamps a hand over Kyungsoo's mouth before the thought of escape can even properly form, a low hiss of "calm down. Stay quiet," spilling from his lips.

Kyungsoo's breathing worsens, even more so when the leader tugs him inside and whips back around to figure out how to lock the door, and he's sure he's getting dizzy now because he doesn't know a way out, he's too weak for a damn way out - that word again, seeping into his mind like venom - too scared to push through and get away, too terrified to even think of moving.

The lock clicks in place and Kyungsoo's chest starts to burn, a snare erupting out when the leader turns around to face him. Without being able to help himself, Kyungsoo clamps a hand over his chest, hitting there a few times, trying to breathe again because his airway feels so small and constricted, and he wanders suddenly - has breathing always felt this hard?

"Hey," he vaguely hears, a soft call slipping from the leader's lips, but Kyungsoo can barely hear it, can't hear anything over the pounding in his head and the blur in his mind. His mouth opens wide, like he's trying to gulp in the air that he needs so badly, and the leader suddenly isn't the scariest thing right now because Kyungsoo can't breathe, physically and wholly can't breathe, and he doesn't know what to do.

"Hey, stop," the leader says, sounding more urgent even from the back of Kyungsoo's head, but Kyungsoo can't even if he wanted to, can't do anything but succumb to the harsh fear taking over his body. He suddenly looks around himself, and everything seems like it's pushing closer, confining him into a tight space. Harsh tingles tremor in his hands, chest heaving more fiercely for each breath he takes, and Kyungsoo wants, abruptly, but so desperately, to run away from his body.

The thought has only just struck him when the leader seems to realise something simultaneously. He suddenly steps forward, reaching a hand out like he's trying to help, but Kyungsoo's breathing only worsens at the motion, another hit of panic drilling through his body at the thought of the leader moving any closer. 

"Don't- don't touch me," Kyungsoo gasps out, finally falling against the desk to his side and leaning heavily against it, hating that he can't just get out. "Don't touch- don't come near-" he tries, but he's suddenly consumed by whatever is happening, and talking becomes almost as difficult as breathing, his voice trapping itself in the back of his throat. 

He sinks, slowly and painlessly, to the ground, though he's sure that he's hurt his leg, sure that that's supposed to hurt. He wonders if the worst pains can make a hard pain seem insignificant, and as he heaves for air and tries to blink the tears out of his eyes, he wonders if he'll ever be able to ask anyone that question, realises how horribly simple it would be for him to die right now, at the front of a school classroom with only the leader here to witness his last moments. It brings more tears to his eyes, the thought, and he knows that crying won't help this, but he can't stop the fast streaks falling over his cheeks and down his neck.

He hears, vaguely, sounds of movement, like someone is whispering in the back of his head from far, far away. His eyes clench shut, his fingers coil over his chest, and he feels the erratic vibrations of his heart beneath his fingertips like they're the single most powerful rhythm of beats in the world.

Kyungsoo thinks his heartbeat sounds strange all of a sudden, like it doesn't belong to him. He's never taken the time to notice it before, never thought to even feel how it sounds for longer than a moment, but it's abruptly at the forefront of his mind - a pounding beat, reverberating in his ears like a warning bell. He can't not hear it, even if he tries, and it makes him hate the sound - hate how erratic it is in his show of uncontainable fear, hate how weak it makes him feel (and there's that word again - weak - always shunting to the top of his thoughts and raining hate in his still mind), how completely at a loss he is - following without control. 

His hands unthinkingly curl around his good leg, making himself small. He can hear sounds too - moving footsteps, a click and clatter of the door, opening and closing - but they're bare whispers beneath the stampeding buzz of his heart. 

Kyungsoo only really realigns with his surroundings when a gentle hand reaches out to rest on his knee, and he flinches back like he's been stung.

"Kyungsoo." He thinks he hears someone call, but he can't really understand why or who or what or how-

"Kyungsoo," the voice repeats, only they're much closer, so startlingly near that Kyungsoo looks up, and through the tears clumping his lashes together, he sees the blurred back of someone's head, crouched down in front of him so that they're facing away.

Kyungsoo heaves another breath of air, the terror in his body still making him squirm, but the boy before him reaches out again, his voice so quiet and calm and new that Kyungsoo can't figure out who it is.

"Kyungsoo, listen to me." The defaced voice calls out, hypnotically still and steady. "I need you to concentrate on your breathing."

Kyungsoo blinks rapidly, fingers twitching around his kneecap, and he tries to process the words, tries to form a response because he's sure that's what he has to do, but his breaths are still harsh, too forceful to control, and it makes him panic even more - not being able to voice something as simple as an 'okay'. His shoulders push forward again with how hard he tries to take in air, but his eyes trail up when he sees the hand stretched out in front of him, still and patient, and the hazy voice which says, "Let's do this together. What you're feeling is scary, but it isn't dangerous. Let me help you."

The hand twitches just slightly, a clear invitation, and Kyungsoo's vision fogs around the edges as he stares down at it, trying to think straight enough to speak aloud. His head swings, like it can't be stable anymore, and he hears the voice again, repeating the same words - "let me help you. Kyungsoo. Let me help you, please," - asking like it’s his choice, so pliant for any response.

Kyungsoo's hand shakes when he moves it, he can see that much in the state he is in, and when he reaches out to clasp the boy's hand, the boy's thumb twists, at the last second, around in its position. Kyungsoo's breath hitches, because the boy's thumb starts rubbing long, slow circles into the palm of his hand, smooth and hauntingly soft, and that small contact heaves Kyungsoo back into his surroundings so fast it's almost terrifying. 

"Let's count; breathe in together." The voice says, and Kyungsoo thinks he nods his head.

"1."

The thumb pads softly into his skin, a coaxing reminder to focus on the task, and Kyungsoo takes a deep, shuddering breath in, holding it, instinctively, until the pressure on the skin of hand loosens in an accepting gesture.

"2." The boy counts, and Kyungsoo the air in, lets his chest push out and eyes fall shut to focus, and he's still trembling uncontrollably, but he's breathing, and that's suddenly so important. 

"That's good, Kyungsoo," the boy praises, voice still out of reach. "Stay in the present, come on - 3."

The hand squeezes again, and Kyungsoo can feel the fear in his thoughts ebbing away, focus so completely enraptured by this task - to breathe whilst purposefully thinking about it.

At 8, Kyungsoo's vision starts to clear, his skin tingling like it has never tingled before, and then the voice says, "close your eyes. Focus with these last ones," and Kyungsoo does it unquestioningly, letting the gentle presses on his hand lull him into steady breaths.

He feels the hand pull away, and the voice again calming him down when he jolts at the movement. "One more time," they say, and Kyungsoo listens to his countdown this time, foggy but gaining clarity for each breath of air which comes easier. Kyungsoo's heart, pounding before, starts to settle down. The fear which had sunk so fast and suddenly through his bloodstream starts to dissipate. He breathes, easily, unlike before, the sound of the room building itself up from the still quiet.

When Kyungsoo opens his eyes, the boy is gone.

-

A/N

So this could've gone two ways

1. I could've explained something which you guys have been wondering about
2. I could've made Kyungsoo have a panic attack, (and thrown in another mystery whilst I’m at it)

Naturally, I went for the second one. (heh heh)

So, who helped Kyungsoo? *smirky winky thing*

ANYWAY

I came to the realisation that the amount of subscribers I have for this fic is around the same as the amount of students that make up my year group and that's ing terrifying. I'll try my best to keep all of you guys happy. I'll update as often as I possibly can too, <3

ALSO

I have a FIC cover ^~^ (again)

I made it myself. It's kind of eh. If anyone wants to make me one (*winks disgustingly*) than I would be very very very happy.

LOVE YOU ALL - please comment your beautiful thoughts below ^~^ (Comments are my fundamental source of oxygen. You guys keep me alive. Wish I could say the same for Kyungsoo... I'M KIDDING. No character deaths. Character deaths ing .)

<^•^>

ALSO THE LADIES' CODE COMEBACK AND THE TAEMIN COMEBACK WERE ING BOMB. *-* <3333333 

ALSO, ALSO, I rewrote part of my first chapter. Again. If you want to check it out, just reread the last scene in the first chapter – some dialogue changes in there which might be important later on ;D