~Sulli~

“You look beautiful,” Victoria complimented me, ‘

“That Hanbok totally suits you, Sulli!” giggled Luna.

“I was standing in front of the full length mirror in the girls’ bathroom, dressed in a bright red, blue, and yellow silk Hanbok with red Unhye. Bejeweled multicolored Dwikkoji adorned my tied up hair, a shimmery blue and red eye shadow painted my eyelids, and my lips and cheeks were tinted a rosy color.

“Ren will like it,” Amber said, winking at me in the mirror.

 Krystal frowned. “How do you know what he likes?” She stuck her tongue out at Amber.

“I think it’s too much. Only the gisaengs wear this much makeup.” I turned around, studying my reflection even more.

“No, you look perfect!” Victoria threw her arms around me. “Don’t you dare think otherwise, alright?”

I laughed. “Okay, if you say so. Thanks.”

“Now it’s my turn! Help me get ready!” Krystal looked at the other four Hanboks that were covered in plastic wrap so they wouldn’t wrinkle or get dirty. “Hmm...Which one should I wear?”

After we finished getting ready, we went down to the city square. It was sunset and other people started coming over and waiting for the festival to begin. Everyone was dressed in their finest party clothes and looked neat and made up.

“Look, look, here they come!” Amber exclaimed beside me.

The male staff members marched towards the center, carrying Headmaster Leeteuk on a sedan chair. He climbed out, wearing a crimson Hongryongpo decorated with patterns of dragons in gold and an Ikseongwan and Gakdae. I spotted Ren standing on the right side, dressed in a dark green Gwanbok, Samo, and Gakdae with green Hwa.

“Hello, everyone!” Headmaster greeted us cheerfully, a bright smile on his face. “Thank you all for coming! The staff has worked very hard preparing for the celebration, so please enjoy it! And now, let the annual lantern festival begin!”

The crowd started cheering and clapping, as the local band began playing traditional Korean instruments. A masked dragon dancer came out, as the Gisaengs lined up and walked into the center, holding large decorated fans. They danced and ushered in the Headmaster with the other high end officials to join them. Masked acrobatic performers also came, doing tricks as they waved around ribbons, streamers, and Korean flags. After awhile, the dancing ended and Headmaster Leeteuk lit the first lantern. He let it float up into the black sky, and then the rest of us followed his lead, lighting up our own lanterns and setting them off. Soon the whole sky was covered in sparkling yellow lights, and the dancing resumed, this time with commoners also joining in with everybody else. I stood alone near the back of the crowd, my friends going out into the center and dancing, but I was mesmerized by the warm glow of the lanterns.

“It’s so beautiful,” a voice said behind me. I turned around to see Ren standing there a few feet away. “The Lantern Festival is actually really fun!” His face broke out into a huge grin, as he held out his hand towards me. “Sulli, you look even more beautiful! Will you dance with me?”

I blushed. “Really?”

Ren nodded. “Come on!”

I accepted his hand in mine and we headed out into the center, blending into the sea of people. He twirled me around under the lanterns that reminded me of twinkling stars, and we stepped side to side and front and back. His hands moved to my waist, holding me tightly to his chest, and I was so close that I could feel the heat radiating from him. There was almost nothing in between our bodies to separate us, no space for air, and his face was only inches away from mine. Suddenly I felt hyperaware of this moment, my heart pounding and blood rushing to my ears. What am I doing…?

We broke away from each other, both of us breathing heavily and exhausted from all the dancing. I glanced back over my shoulder, a flash of orange hair catching my eye. It was V! Ren must have spotted him too, but instead he grabbed my hand.

“Let’s go explore!”

He started running, tugging me along with him, not letting go of my hand for even a second. We slowed to a walk, and he pointed at all the things he wanted to try. There were food stands set up along every corner and performers entertaining people who passed by, so we watched a few performances and tried different snacks.

“Here,” Ren said, handing me a pink Chapssalddeok. “Try some, it’s delicious!”

I took a bite, staring up at him. He seemed so happy, like he was really enjoying tonight, but I realized that even underneath all of that, inside he still wanted to go home, back to Earth and back to his family and friends and his normal life. His desire to go back would never change, just as mine wouldn’t either. Even though I knew all that, why did I feel sad at the thought of us going our separate ways in the human world once we returned? I didn’t want to stop seeing him. I wished we could spend every night together like this, laughing and having fun together, like we didn’t have a care in the world. Maybe we didn’t have to go back, though. Here we had a good stable job, a high title in society, and lived in a palace. What if my human life wasn’t good? What if I didn’t have friends, family, a job or even a place to stay at? Was it really worth it to give up my life here for a life that I had no clue about? It would be much safer to just keep living here. This was the world I knew, the one that was familiar to me, but still a part of me was dying to discover what my human life used to be like. What had I left behind? I needed to know.

“What’s the first thing you’re going to do when you see your family and friends again?” I asked Ren.

“I’m going to hug everyone and tell them that I love them,” he answered confidently.

I nodded slowly. “Yeah…I want to do that too.”

Ren sighed deeply, smiling, but it didn’t reach his eyes now. “I really miss everyone back home.”

I was lost in his expression. Did I feel something for him? It was stupid of me because he only needed me to return to Earth. Why was I letting my judgment get clouded by this boy who I didn’t even know that well?

“…Sulli?” his voice was hesitant now. “Have you told me everything about the Spirit World now?”

I frowned. “Why? What’s wrong?”

“Why didn’t you tell me about the bond?”

My eyes widened as I sharply drew in my breath. “Did V tell you?”

“Yeah, V told me that when you find someone here, you share a special connection to them- a bond that can’t be broken, and as long as you’re bonded to someone, you’re stuck in the Spirit Word forever.” His words started tumbling out of his mouth, running over each other.

“Oh, Ren…I don’t know what to say…I didn’t tell you because I…I…” I couldn’t tell him I had feelings for him! It was absolutely ridiculous.

“Do you trust me?”

“O-of course I trust you!”

“Then why didn’t you tell me? What if we can’t leave this place?”

I decided to let go of all the words I’d been holding back this whole time. “Do you really want to go back, Ren? Can’t we just stay here? I mean, you seem to like it here, and I like spending time with you! If we leave, we’ll have to go our separate ways in the human world and we might never see each other again!” Heat flushed my cheeks, and anger bubbled up inside of me. “I don’t want to lose you! You’re the one I want! Don’t you like me too?”

Ren narrowed his eyes. “What if it’s only because of the bond?”

I took a step closer to him, needing him to understand. “No! I mean, how could the bond create the feelings I have for you and the feelings you have for me? I don’t like V the same way I like you. I just…I don’t know if I can go back to my life before you, before I found you. Everything’s more fun and special with you around,” I admitted.

He shook his head. “Sulli, I can’t just abandon my family and friends- my life- and sacrifice it all to be with you. Please understand that. Even though I like you too, I have to go back. You have to go back too! You’ve been here for so long…Don’t you want to age and grow up and have children? Have a normal life, surrounded by your own kind?”

I blinked away tears. “Y-yes,” I managed, my voice cracking.

“Then we’ll find a way to break the bond. We’ll do something, okay?”

I nodded, sniffing, tears falling down now. He was right. I was a fool for even thinking we could stay here, or that he would want to stay.

He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close to him, his hands caressing my hair. I buried my face into his shoulder, never wanting to let go of this moment. “Don’t cry,” he whispered in my ear. “You’re too pretty to cry tonight.”

Behind us, someone cleared their throat, causing me to jump and pull away from Ren’s embrace. The Head Gisaeng strode over, as elegant as ever, wearing a Jeonmo (a hat made out of bamboo and paper) over the Binyeo, combs, and pins decorating her hair, the common hairstyle of a Gisaeng when going out somewhere. She was dressed in a translucent Jeogori, and when she walked, everyone made way for her, treating her differently compared to the other gisaengs. After all, she had authority in the Spirit World, arguably one of the strongest after Headmaster Leeteuk. “Excuse me; may I talk to you for a moment, Sulli?”

Ren raised his eyebrows. “Oh, I’ll let you two talk alone.” He headed off to the Ddeukbokki stand.

I bowed to the Head Gisaeng. “I was planning on talking to you.”

“Is that so?” She lifted her Jeonmo a little, showing off her Kohl lined eyes and long, thick eyelashes. The intensity of her gaze was almost unnerving. “How is it that you look exactly like her?”

“Who?”

“Lee Nan Hyang. She was one of the best gisaengs I ever taught.”

I frowned. “I apologize, Head Gisaeng; I have no idea who that is. You claim that I look like her?”

“So much that you could pass for her twin,” she said, and there was something mysterious in her voice that I couldn’t understand. “The same half droopy eyes, full red lips, pale skin, and natural beauty. You look exactly like her, especially while hearing a Hanbok.”

“Can you tell me more about Lee Nan Hyang, if you don’t mind?”

“She was extremely talented- an exceptional artist, loved to paint, write poetry, and dance. When she joined the Gisaeng House a s a gisaeng in training, she was already so gifted in the arts that she didn’t need much training. In fact, her period of training was the shortest out all of the gisaengs, including myself.”

“Wow,” I breathed, “What happened to her?”

Something flashed in the Head Gisaeng’s eyes- a look of pain, a memory from the past… “Lee Nan Hyang fell ill and died when she was only 21. That was long ago, during the Joseon Dynasty. I don’t know how you can look just like her,” she repeated.

“How come you never noticed me before? I’ve been working as part of the Headmaster’s staff for a long time.”

“I saw you a few times before…but I thought my mind was only playing tricks on me. Now, I know that can’t be the truth. You…You’re her, aren’t you? Are you her spirit?”

My eyes widened, and I quickly shook my head. “No! I don’t even remember any of that. I’m not Lee Nan Hyang. You must be mistaken.” I turned to leave and find Ren.

“Wait!” she called after me. “What’s your real name? Do you remember?”

“N-no,” I stuttered, uncomfortable and not wanting to talk to her any longer.

“For so many decades, I tried communicating with her spirit,” the Head Gisaeng whispered. “I gathered all the shamans that I could find in hopes of reaching her. But it never worked. Finally, I assumed that her soul was lost and could never be touched again.”

“Oh…” I scanned the streets for Ren- he’d been at the Ddeukbokki stand earlier, but now he was gone.

“Lee Nan Hyang had a small crescent shaped birthmark on her left shoulder.” She grabbed my left arm and with a yank, she tore open my Hanbok, ripping the seams right out. Bits of fabric fluttered to the ground, and I realized with a pang of dread in my stomach that I was exposed to everyone, here out in the open. How could she humiliate me like this?

“There it is- the birthmark!” she exclaimed, her sharp nails digging into my left shoulder.

Horrified, I glanced down at my own skin. I’d seen the crescent shaped birthmark a billion times, but I’d never even imagined that it would be the mark to classify me as someone else, to strip away my identity in such a degrading way as this. “Get off me!” I shrieked.

“You are her,” the Head Gisaeng breathed. “It’s fascinating. After so long…”

A chill ran down my spine. “No way…I can’t be her. I can’t be dead.”

“After all, you’re in the Spirit World. It’s not a big deal if you’re dead. Did you think you were just another human who accidentally stumbled here?”

“I’m not her,” I whispered. How could I be dead? If I was a spirit, I couldn’t return to the human world. My dream of going back was forever crushed. I thought back to earlier this evening when I was having second thoughts about leaving. No. I take it all back! In that moment, I wanted more than anything to be alive and living and breathing- to be human.

“Guards! Take this girl!”

I collapsed to my feet in shock, hands grabbing at me, pulling me up and dragging me away down the streets. I fought back, kicking and screaming for them to let me go. I met Ren’s terrified gaze in the crowd of people looking on, and he ran towards me.

“Sulli!” he shouted. “What are you doing to Sulli? Let her go right now! Stop!”

The Head Gisaeng walked calmly beside me and the guards. “You need to claim your place,” she said. “I don’t know how you’ve stayed hidden and concealed yourself for this long, for so many decades. Step up to your name now, child. You were a famous and well praised gisaeng of the royal palace, serving only the king and the other high end and wealthy officials. You will do the same now too.”

“Why?! Why can’t you just let me live as I am? I’m happy being a staff member!”

“You can’t pretend to be somebody else. Being a gisaeng has always been your fate, Lee Nan Hyang. I’ve been searching for you all this time! We need more gisaengs, and you would be the perfect addition. If you got back in the routine, I’m sure you would enjoy it. Your passion was being an artist. Besides, this is who you are. Don’t you want to be yourself instead of living a lie? Don’t you want to remember your past life, as a human, living on Earth? Many spirits here want so desperately to remember their past life, but they can’t, and that’s why they roam around here as lost souls if they don’t work. Sprits that remember who they were and still refuse to carry on their duties properly of staying as the same person they used to be…they fade and disappear forever. You have no choice but to come with me to the Gisaeng House. You need to remember.”

What was she saying? If I didn’t recall my memories, I would disappear from the Spirit World forever? But I was already dead…

Suddenly I felt dizzy and sick to my stomach. Black spots dotted my vision, like black holes trying to swallow me whole. The last thing I heard was Ren’s voice, still shouting at the guards to let me go, and then everything faded away.