III.

A month passed but Chanyeol’s heart did not seize to let go of his seemingly hopeless love; instead it grew. There was something in Kyungsoo’s sighs, his laugh, his words and expressions. The more and the longer Chanyeol’s eyes drifted the harder he fell; over and over again. He was giving up on giving up.

The doe eyed boy was reaching a new level of discomfort. His hidden away desires could only stay hidden for so long after all. They were floating just below the surface; shuddering whenever a droplet landed. His coveting echoed within his ribcage and squeezed his heart while making it hammer harshly. He tired to evade his gaze from the danger zones; from Chanyeol’s buttocks only covered by a pair of tight and ill fitted boxer briefs; Sehun’s veined forearms; Jongin’s bobbing adam’s apple. Everywhere he looked there was something to provoke him; something that made his stomach swirl with want. He was wearing out.

Chanyeol too struggled for as his trespassing had increased vastly. He no longer denied his hands the pleasure of stealing touches; sweeping across the younger’s back, hair and thighs. Sometimes as a joke, sometimes concealed by a fabricated oblivion. Kyungsoo would always stiffen and try to shake him off. His forehead would crease yet he would refrain from wording his discomfort; or rather utter comfort. For each faint touch the surface of the darkening sea would break and shudder; slowly turning into bigger waves.

The refrigerator was buzzing; a low humming that coated the lazy scene of two bodies laying on the floor; each on ones stomach. Kyungsoo and Chanyeol were making a brave attempt on finishing the towering pile of homework their carelessness had created. It was warm outside and they were seeking refugee in the low shadows. All around them were scattered clothes, books and papers. A teenage mess.

The younger was wearing his glasses, too; something he refrained from doing most of the time due to foul comments made by his girlfriend. But hidden away in the comfort of his home away from home with only Chanyeol as witness he dared putting them on. The lanky teen had smiled when seeing the thick bows resting on his nose; after all it was not something common. 

”It’s so warm today.” Kyungsoo complained with a low voice. He shifted uncomfortably and reached for the water bottle only to heave down the cold liquid in large gulps. Droplets trailed down his pale throat and Chanyeol blinked slow. 

Their working spirit soon lost it’s spark and all that was left was pointless conversing on the floor. It started out calm and slow about the nothings surrounding their everyday life but later, as so many other times, escalated into an argument. It wasn’t harmful by any means but resulted in the two of them stumbling into dangerous territories.

Trespassing Chanyeol was trying to push the boundaries even further but with little success considering Kyungsoo’s evading personality traits kicked in. He sighed and later even got up to escape the whole scene. It was an impossibility to even let Chanyeol muse about him being nothing else than straight as a ruler. Not now. Not ever.

It was still somewhat awkward when they went to bed that night and Kyungsoo couldn’t help but to notice the way Chanyeol’s eyes drifted for a bit too long. He must have been imagining things considering the older a few days prior had asked him about relationship advices. Chanyeol had apparently found interest in someone; someone who was very special. Yes, he was imagining things. 

But no matter how much Kyungsoo tried to cover up for his roommates small gestures he couldn’t help but to notice a sweetness lingering in the air; a certain gleam in Chanyeol’s eyes, the way his breathing would shift into something else; something new, as if his heart rate had increased. Kyungsoo was fumbling around in the thick darkness with nothing to grasp; assuming his interpretations of Chanyeol most probably just were projections of his needy soul. The only thing that had changed was the ignited flame in his abdomen; forever stubborn and vicious. 

***

They ran into each other on the campus; Kyungsoo was deeply emerged in typing on his phone by the time Chanyeol spotted him sitting alone in the corner of the crowded cafeteria. The young was surprised but offered a sincere smile once the taller sat down to accompany him. They exchanged wonders of what each part was up to and reached the conclusion of both having cancelled lectures.

Trespassing Chanyeol couldn’t help but to ask about Kyungsoo’s frantic typing. It turned out Minah demanded them spending more time together whereas Kyungsoo found it inconvenient considering she had now moved to her own place even further away from theirs. Chanyeol couldn’t help the smile that stretched across his lips upon hearing that Kyungsoo in fact denied Minah time. He couldn’t help but to feel at peace with the somewhat exhausted tone in the younger’s voice either.

After school they messaged each other and shared bus on the way back home. Kyungsoo was quiet; seemingly more tired than before. Chanyeol tried to joke around to lighten him up but with no greater success. Once they got home Kyungsoo went straight to the shower and then for bed. He put on the fan and hid under the blanket with earphones soothing his darkened mood. Minah was onto him. He felt nauseous. 

Kyungsoo’s bad mood kept overlapping the atmosphere of their shared space the coming days too and eventually Chanyeol had to ask him. Kyungsoo was evading but upon seeing the gleam of worry in Chanyeol’s eyes he couldn’t help but to spill it out of guilt. He said it was Minah, he said it was school.

Chanyeol nodded and scuffed closer; placing a warm hand between his shoulder blades while frowning ever so softly. Kyungsoo kept his words short and fleeting but Chanyeol didn’t demand any further explanations; as if he understood that it was all concealing-talk anyway. Kyungsoo felt thankful and while sharing silence he leaned against his friend for the warmth his heart coveted so dearly. Chanyeol wrapped his long arms around the smaller’s frame and Kyungsoo felt like melting and vaporizing into thin air. Closing his eyes he felt Chanyeol’s heart hammer against his back; again, he was imagining things. Again he was wearing thinner than ice. Again he was the big fraud.