**Highly recommend to read this chapter with this song on replay (on earphones too maybe)**

 

 

 

(Song: Pentatonix - "Run To You")

 

 

 

“A light in the room,

It was you who was standing there.

Tried it was true,

As your glance met my stare.

 

But your heart drifted off,

Like the land split by sea.

I tried to go, to follow,

To kneel down at your feet.”

 

 

 

I look into her eyes and say, “I think…….  There’s someone I should kill.”

 

 

Her orbs tremble as well as her lips, but no words are coming out. Is she scared? I guess she should be.

 

 

“I don’t know if I can do it. I don’t know if I should.” I break the eye contact feeling a lump in my throat.

 

 

I confronted her. I heard her story. I still cannot.

 

 

 

Her voice barely travels to my ears, “I owe you my life.”

 

 

I look up and see her appreciating the portrait with a soft smile on her face.  “There’s someone el-”

 

 

“Thank you, Seungwan…… If it can bring you back, do it.”

 

 

“Does those two years mean something to you too?” I unknowingly raise my voice again and fling my arms in the air. “How can I just “do it”?” And my head just hurts.

 

 

“It does. That’s why I think you should do it.” She gently places the canvas back and holds my hand. “It’s the only thing I can do for you.”

 

 

 

I push her away because it sends a prickling pain from my hand straight to my head. Even I pushed her away, it doesn’t stop.

 

 

It only intensifies. To my heart, my limbs, my every organs. I huddle up on my knees hoping it will ease the pain.

 

 

“Seungwan, are you okay? What just happened? Is it me?” I can feel her kneeling down beside me.

 

 

I wish I know what is happening to me too. I just know there’s someone scrapping inside my brain and drilling inside my body.

 

 

“Should I...... Is there something I can do?” Irene talks fast when she is anxious. She can’t just send me to the hospital. She can’t reach Xavier either.

 

 

 

I try to open my eyes despite the pain and they are all blurred. I cannot hear Irene nor move my limbs.

 

 

And then, I faint.

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

 

“I've been settling scores,

I've been fighting so long.

But I've lost your war,

And our kingdom is gone.

 

How shall I win back,

Your heart which was mine.,

I have broken bones and tattered clothes,

I've run out of time.”

 

 

 

I regain consciousness and I see myself sitting in my office sharpening my charcoal pencils waiting for someone.

 

 

Someone knocks on the the door.

 

 

“Come in.” I call.

 

 

 

It is her. She is wearing jeans and a plain shirt with a loose cardigan. But still ravishing, I have to say.

 

 

“Are you Bae Joohyun?” I read the files and ask.

 

 

“Yes.” She politely answers, followed by a slight bow.

 

 

“I guess you are briefed about our meeting before coming.” I smile seeing her cute yet firm nod. “My name’s Son Seungwan, Wendy. I work with the Police. All you have to do is to describe every details of their faces you remember and I will draw a sketch. I trust you and you can trust me too, okay?”

 

 

She gives another cute nod while looking down on her fingers.

 

 

I put the files away and pick up my pens. “So Miss Bae, let’s start with the first guy.”

 

 

“You can call me Irene by the way.”

 

 

I peek from the drawing board and flash another smile, “Sure. Irene, shall we?”

 

 

 

Now I remember.

 

 

The tape is rewinding a bit more, and more pieces are added to my puzzle.

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

 

I spent nearly the whole day to finish the sketches and I walked her to the bus stop out of courtesy.

 

 

“I’m sorry it took so long.” 

 

 

“It’s okay. It’s pretty interesting.” 

 

 

We stood in silent cold night. 

 

 

 

“And you’re not going home yet?” She suddenly turns and asks.

 

 

“I have some follow-up stuff to do.” 

 

 

“Don’t you need to sleep? So…... Will we meet again, Wendy?”

 

 

“Well, it’s a small world.”

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

 

I walked out of the station to grab a lunch after remodeling a skull the next week. And someone walked up to me.

 

 

“So you need to eat after all.”

 

 

“In fact, I do.” 

 

 

Irene grinned, “Lunch on me?”

 

 

“For what?” 

 

 

“The case’s solved?”

 

 

“And you’ going to treat me a meal for that?”

 

 

“Can’t I?”

 

 

“If you insist.”

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

 

I sat down at an empty table. It is a holiday.

 

 

“Hey, you’re early.”  Irene showed her prefect grin again to greet me.

 

 

“Ice cream?” I raised an eyebrow.

 

 

“Problem?”

 

 

“No, just curious about your taste.”

 

 

“Curious about something else?”

 

 

I blocked her intense gaze with a menu, “Hmm….. Which flavor do you like?”

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

 

It was Spring and it rained a lot.

 

 

I stayed home most of the time when I did not have to work. I once considered having a pet since my life was getting boring. Just bad people, dead people, missing people and so on.

 

 

Someone rang my doorbell and I knew who it was.

 

 

“Hello?” I opened the door for her.

 

 

“Are you busy?” She glanced around like a kid.

 

 

“Busy with having nothing to do?” I chuckled.

 

 

“Great.” She ran her fingers through her long hair. 

 

 

“What’re you up to, Miss Bae?”

 

 

“I bought some new DVDs.”

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

 

I yawned approximately the 43th times watching her choice of movie for the night.

 

 

“Why do you always bring DVDs to my house?”

 

 

“Because your TV is bigger?” She batted her long eyelashes handing me the popcorn bowl from the other side of the couch.

 

 

“You’re boring.” I refused it since I had too much in the first half of the movie already due to boredom.

 

 

“No, I am not!” She scooted closer and poked my cheek.

 

 

“Then why can’t you think of something better to do?” 

 

 

 

She did not retort me with her smart quick remarks like she used to. I turned my head and met the unusual strong gaze of hers.

 

 

It had some kind of sparks and I did not have the time to take a closer look of it.

 

 

She closed the gap and kissed me, “Is this something better to do?”

 

 

It was my turn to give a shy nod.

 

 

 

“I like you.”

 

 

“I’ll take my words back. You’re not that boring.” 

 

 

“And?” She looked at me expectantly.

 

 

“I like you too, Joohyun.”

 

 

And she pounced on me, engulfing me into a big warm hug.

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

 

“I like you too, Joohyun.” I repeat the line in the quietest whisper. 

 

 

It is painful to watch.

 

 

 

She laid me down on her lap, while we were hanging out by the sea. She played with my hair while I was enjoying the sound of waves.

 

 

“Earth to Seungwan.”

 

 

“Yes, ma’am?”

 

 

“Our anniversary is approaching.”

 

 

“I know.”

 

 

“Do you…... Do you wanna, would you move in with me?”

 

 

I wanted to get up but her hands stopped me, “You share your apartment with you cousin, don’t you? Did you kick her out?”

 

 

“No.” She giggled. “I ain’t that cruel.” And she tapped on my nose.

 

 

“You…... Do you have your own house now?”

 

 

“Correct.” She pecked my forehead. “You’re so smart.”

 

 

“Silly, I have housing allowance!”

 

 

She poked my puffed cheeks, “Let me. It’s for us.”

 

 

“I can take some of that mortgage.”

 

 

“No, you silly.”

 

 

“But it’s a lot. How can I-”

 

 

She placed her index finger on my lips, “Did I ever tell you ? Yes, everyone loves roses. Only a few would love a leaf. It’s ordinary to love the beautiful, but it’s beautiful to love the ordinary. And you’re a freaking whole jungle for me. Thank you for loving me.”

 

 

“You’re not ordinary, Joohyun.”

 

 

“So it’s a yes?”

 

 

“It’s always a yes.”

 

 

“I love you, Seungwan.”

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

 

I watch we kissed under a sunset. We were so happy, everything was so right.

 

 

“I love you, Seungwan.” Still ringing in my head over and over agin. And her giggles, our laughters.

 

 

We had been fighting for so long against the pressure upon our relationship. And we eventually lost the battle because we turned against ourselves without knowing. I even lost my life.

 

 

Do I have the right to take away her life because of that? Is there really no turning back? How can’t I just go back to those days and start things all over again?

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

 

When I open my eyes again, I am lying beside her.  I feel like I just have died once agin.

 

 

She is sitting up leaning on the headboard, eyes closed, breathing steadily. I’m glad that she is asleep. I can’t believe she just told me to kill her so easily.

 

 

So there isn’t anything left to yearn for in her life? And she is willing to give her life as her punishment, her redemption? And she wants me to look into her eyes again while shoving a knife into her hear ?

 

 

I need guidance. I need a break.

 

 

And I vanish into the thin air.

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

 

“So, any idea on what happened to me?” I stand on the rooftop of Marquis’s mansion.

 

 

“I think her touch enkindled your buried memory. Or, the memories of you two.” Xavier fixes his tie.

 

 

“Just a touch?” I doubt. “I touched her before, in that 24 hours. And nothing happened.”

 

 

“It’s before the deal.” He rubs his chin. “Oh, so maybe it has something to do with the deal too.”

 

 

“Other than…... Murdering her?” 

 

 

“Look, this is your life. I am more clueless than you.”

 

 

“Would I just faint out of blue again?” 

 

 

“Irene isn’t here…...”

 

 

I rub my temples, “Fine. Let’s deal with this Marquis first.”

 

 

“Absolutely.”

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

 

Xavier spares a glance at Marquis whom has passed out on his couch, “I think he’s telling the truth.”

 

 

“Frenchman, eh? He called you monsieur.” I take my time checking out his wine collection.

 

 

“Yeah, he’s got nice suits too. Anyway, why the Mayor’s daughter suddenly broke up with him?”

 

 

“Maybe he’s two-timing? Or she was?” 

 

 

He studies my expression before answering, “I don’t think he has hidden something from us anymore though.”

 

 

“So she was then? He did mention she went to clubbing a lot and soon they broke up.”

 

 

“But she broke up with Marquis, why did the other man have to kill her?” 

 

 

I can’t help but laugh, “Perhaps it’s the same case as mine.”

 

 

Xavier glares at me, “It can’t be.”

 

 

“Just joking. Yet, Marquis gave us some new leads.” 

 

 

“The club.” 

 

 

“Sure, I have to find the true culprit here. I don’t want any unjust killings anymore.” 

 

 

“Then how about paying Kwon a visit later?”

 

 

“Sounds good to me.”

 

 

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

 

“I will break down the gates of heaven,

A thousand angels stand waiting for me.

 

Take my heart, and I'll lay down my weapons,

Break my shackles, to set me free…….

 

 

I'll run to you.”

 

 

 

I wake up but Wendy is nowhere to be seen again. I somehow hoped she would be here and continue her unfinished business. To give myself some extrication maybe.

 

 

It could be a way to end all these and to redeem myself from all the wrongs I’ve done.

 

 

I torn a human being apart. The very same one I claimed to love. I can still feel how she collapsed in front of me and how she groaned in pain. I have never seen her suffering like this and I panicked. She had suffered a lot because of me, and I had always failed to see.

 

 

Now I clearly understand that I can’t lose her, she can’t die. There might be a way I can fix this. And I know she won’t do it herself.

 

 

She’s always the kind, docile, merciful kind of girl. She deserves all the love in the world but as her lover I failed miserably.

 

 

Either way, whether it can bring her back or not, there’s nothing left for me to live for. I don’t deserve to live while a good girl like her is killed.

 

 

 

I recall Wendy’s words finally.

 

 

“No one really knows why they live until they know what they’d die for.”

 

 

She told me so when they solved a tragic case after months. Death is such a taboo in societies yet it gives meaning to life, it’s a necessary phrase for everyone.

 

 

Now I know why I live.

 

 

Maybe I should join her.

 

 

 

I break a smile thinking of that. Finally.

 

 

I drag my feet across the house one last time.

 

 

And search for anything suitable.

 

 

 

I’m coming, Wendy. Even if you will come back to life then, I can make things right for at least once, and you will be happy and free again.

 

 

It’s all because of me. I lifted you high and I let you down. You will live better off without me, I believe.

 

 

I’m so sorry I have dragged you into this mess, this wretch life of mine.

 

 

Please remember I love you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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